National Day for Truth and Reconciliation has always been something that doesn't sit right with me, but this year I find myself being especially bothered.
From the jump, Canada has decided to hold itself accountable for what it's done to us by giving itself the day off. Meanwhile Indigenous folks are forced to:
Perform our indigeneity and trauma for a largely non-Indigenous audience.
Be constantly reminded of our traumas - and non-Indigenous people's ignorance or performative sympathy - every time we open up our e-mails, social media, and more.
Provide support to our friends, family, and community to make up for the programs and services that are shut down.
Still do homework, go to school/work, pay rent and more on October 1st.
IRL I'm a counsellor, one of two specifically hired to serve a particular Indigenous population at a large institution that I don't feel safe enough to name. While this used to be a day of healing and community, this year I have noticed a significant shift in the way that my clients are experiencing this event. In the weeks leading up to this day, and likely the week after, many of my clients have come to me mid-breakdown and talked about how this day has become more painful, more burdensome, and more effort for them as it has continued.
I'll just be honest. I would have had the day off today. I probably should have kept that boundary but when another Indigenous person, not a counsellor, in my workplace asked me to provide counselling supports during an event on this day I felt like I couldn't say no. It was like pulling teeth to get my leaders to ask a second counsellor to work the event with me. I'm getting lieu time, but I think the second counsellor is not.
The event I'm providing counselling at today is for the general public, or in other words, for non-Indigenous people. My clients won't be there because they don't want to perform. My clients will be struggling and healing with their own families, communities and ceremonies on this day. I won't be with my own family because of this event, and I won't be working for my clients - who are also my community- because our services are closed.
So yes, it's my responsibility as an Indigenous person to learn how to say no to these things. Last year I had an Indigenous supervisor who fielded this request and helped me to maintain my boundaries. She retired and has been replaced by a non-indigenous person who doesn't have the contextual knowledge to understand the conflictual relationship Indigenous people have with the asks that come related to this day.
But, beyond my individual responsibility to protect myself and my clients - why is my institution holding this event in the first place? Why not host an event that actually benefits Indigenous clients and staff - or pay the extra stat pay to keep services open so Indigenous clients still have access to the things that help them through such a difficult day?
I'm tired and angry already and it isn't even 11:00am.
P.S.
For those who aren't aware there is a difference between the national holiday and "Orange Shirt Day" despite the Canadian government's effort to bulldoze over the one created by an Indigenous woman in favour of their white-washed day off.