Hey so who wants to hear a story about the time I unconsciously warped reality to fit with a lie I told my little brother?
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Too bad, I’m telling you anyway.
So this all happened around late 2013, I was 14, and my brother was 7. Now, I should preface this by saying he was a picky eater (like most children), and we didn’t have much cereal in the cupboard he liked. The only thing he would eat in the morning was Weet Bix, and he’d only eat whole, undamaged ones, with no crumbs. Of course, as anyone who’s ever eaten those damned things knows, ‘undamaged’ and ‘Weet Bix’ have no business being in the same sentence, so I was already used to sifting through the packet to find only the choicest of wheat slabs for my lord.
So one morning, I’m making breakfast for his highness, and I realise the packet is empty, save for some shards sitting amongst the rubble. As this was a school day and I wasn’t putting up with this shit, I decided to put the shards in the bowl anyway. I presented it to him and, surprise, he didn’t want it. I still don’t exactly know where I got the idea, but I decided to tell him they were a new cereal called ‘Weet Bix Bites’, and somehow, my half-arsed bullshit artistry actually worked. He ate them, liked them, and the day was saved.
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A few months later, I’m sitting on the couch watching TV, and an ad comes on. They were advertising a product they’d recently come out with, a smaller version of the popular ‘Weet Bix’... Weet Bix Bites, they called it...
Picture this abomination just casually popping into existence because a 7 year-old was a picky eater.
To this day, I still have no idea how that happened. Was it a coincidence? The cruel folly of some malevolent trickster god? Or did I exercise some untapped psychic power lying dormant within my think-meat? Is Mandela up to this? Who the fuck knows. All I know is that I sure as hell don’t want to find out.
