As much as I despise vegetables, I would still love to have a garden, even if it's small. Going out, checking around the tomato bushes to see if I can catch any red, picking tiny snails off my lettuce, getting to see what the carrots look like once it's finally time to pull em up. Like it just seems nice. Kind of stressful, but nice.
It just kind of sucks because I know I won't get to live a life like that. I've pretty much lived my whole life in a shitty roach infested apartment. I've seen the barriers and I've climbed the walls but even I know I can't run that far. I know I won't get farther than my dozen Aloe Vera and maybe some succulents, some potted flowers.
I know there will be no compost piles,
No tomato flowers.
No bags of soil.
No funky potatoes.
No mutant strawberries.
No green beans.
No kale.
No humming bird feeders.
No special gloves.
No spades.
No rakes.
And I know there will be no pay off, no salads to make or stews to simmer.
And I feel like that's what I mean when I want a better future, not just for me but also for my peers, and their kids, and those kid's kids. I just, I want to do my best to get there. I don't care how many protests I need to go to, or how many speeches I have to write. I want that future. I want to make the bread that 'brings all the boys to the yard'. I want that comfortable life. And it doesn't matter whether I myself reach that, because I know if I reached that when others couldn't I would end up being hellbent over pulling them up with me. Because what is the point if there ARE no boys to bring to the yard?What is the point of making those salads and making those stews if you're just going to eat it alone in the living room? It would be nice making things for myself but I wouldn't want that all the time. Damn, sure, it'd be a lot better than top ramen & 75 cent condensed chicken noodle, but it's still not the same. I want to move forward but I don't want to leave everybody I know behind.
And it scares me. Oh god, does it scare me. There are people still much worse off than I am. There are still people starving and dying out there. What happens if I end up on the streets? It's not FAIR that we can't have stability. It's not FAIR that there is no easy way. It's. just. Not. Fair. I don't know how else to put it. And so many people seem to just be okay with this. I don't understand. And know it's not just me, and I know that, I really do, but sometimes it just feels like me against the world. I'm going to stop rambling now, and hopefully some of these messages resonate with you, lovely reader, but that's all I got. Thanks for coming to my ted talk, lmao.
