#weight issue

[axelwolf8109]

I hate when I get in my own head about my weight

[nobodyshame]

I am embarrassed about this post. Losing weight is hard ;on the left is me after losing 90 pounds in seven months. I did MyFitnessPal pal and ate 1700 cal and went to the gym usually three days a week. I felt good about myself. On the right is me two years later gaining back the 90 I had lost plus an extra 12 pounds. I started a second job only went to the gym once a week and stopped counting calories. My bf hated me losing the weight and thought it made me less attractive and I really let it fuck with me. I started a fitness journal today and I keep looking at this photo for inspiration. Everything is really a lifestyle change and I didn’t commit to that and paid the price. I still love myself, but I miss the girl on the left. I will never be thin but I felt a lot more healthy and I want to have that again and keep it this time.

[darcy137]

One of the rare times I’m sharing something related to Kpop but not related to my idols. I initally thought of posting this on my Facebook, but decided against it since some of the most severe perpetrators of this are people in my friendlist and I don’t feel good (I’m afraid I would unintentionally hurt their feelings) nor safe there. I debated between letting it go and saying this, but in the end I decided to vent to help me let it go.

So I was reading a summary of netizen’s reaction to Pristin’s Kyla, who committed the grave sin of not having the perfect, slim body like that of other idols. She is in no way obese or showing any indication of health complications due to her weight, but of course how dare she to do what she likes - performing - when she doesn’t look as thin as the one next to her?

What prompt this rant, though, are the predominant top comments on that article, which go along the line of “To be frank, she looks overweight. She just need to lose a few kilograms and she would be so pretty”.

Now, as someone who struggled with weight issue:

1. Why is beauty standard limited to “thin”? And why must you be “thin” to be healthy? Different people have different metabolism, and some people can be perfectly healthy while not being size 0-4. And saying “You would look prettier if you lose weight” means that not-so-thin people do not deserve to feel pretty or good about themselves, because somehow there must be a “prettier” version of them out there, and damn it if you try to feel good about yourself now you are just being lazy in attaining this version of you that must be somewhere within reach (regardless of whether it’s true or not).

2. It is not easy to lose weight. Like I said, different bodies have different metabolism - just because something works for someone doesn’t mean it works for others. I have friends who eat a ton and still never manage to gain weight, and then I have myself who can cycle 4 days a week, each day for two hours under tropical sun as well as do pilate every day, and diet hard for a month to lose like 1kg, and then gain it back right away in less than a week when I travel and thus could no longer continue my diet. Point is, losing weight comes easy for some people - heck, some never really have to worry about it - and for some others, it’s a constant struggle. So it angers me when people say “oh you just need to lose weight”, as if it’s such an easy thing like a stroll in the park. Or when people implies that those who can’t lose weight or can’t control their weigbt gain must be lazy and “unaware of their problem”. It trivializes the struggles of people who have a hard time losing weight, sometimes not due to laziness but due to their metabolism. And how about people who have legit medical conditions that makes them unable to lose weight?

Moreover, in the case of the girl in this article, even if she is an idol, she is still going through puberty. It is stressful enough when you lose control of your body due to all weird physical and hormonal changes, and you have to go and add mental pressure as well? And while some argue that she must look good because it is her job description to be beautiful as an idol, I would like to argue that 1. Look at my first point. Does she has to be size 0 to be pretty? and 2. It is exactly because she is an idol and a figure many young people would look up to, isn’t it equally important that she promotes being healthy and positive about your appearance, and be comfortable in your own skin?

It is truly devastating as an “overweight” person to keep hearing that you should lose weight to be prettier, or that you simply just need to try harder to lose weight and be pretty. It literally took me years to be comfortable with my body, and I am truly grateful to my college for being such a supportive environment to do so. But every summer I see myself crumbling to the ground, my new found confidence vanishing and my mental health deteriorating when I return home and face the plethora of “Oh you need to try harder to lose weight, you would look pretty then”. So please, even if you have good intention, saying that just instill a crippling sense of inferiority and self-loath and distorted view of beauty that, even after the person somehow achieve the “thin”, “perfect” body everyone keeps telling them to have, will continue to damage that person for life.

[nobodyshame]

Body shaming

I wore shorts for the first time in a year and my mom looked at me and said wow your legs got really heavy. You shouldn't wear shorts. Thanks mom, thanks for making me feel like I need to be covered up even though it's 80 degrees outside so no one has to endure my fat legs.

[magickiingdom]

so i’ve been trying to get healthy. like i try to eat better and i go to the gym

i’m not necessarily trying to lose weight. i want to get back into shape and tone myself up so i feel better about myself when i look at myself in the mirror and see this sexy ass strong lady in the reflection. granted i would like to slim my stomach down a bit but is there anyone out there who wouldn’t?

lets back track a little: my weight gain started when i went abroad. gained about 30 pounds in a year. i didn’t really have much of an opinion about my weight back then. i was enjoying life on my own. i came home and went to college. my weight maintained a bit but i still ate a bunch (but the constant walking around campus helped a bit). I didn’t lose any weight until I went down to Disney for my first college program in 2015. I dropped like 15 pounds because of the heat, me not eating balanced meals, and the constant movement in disney (both work and play).

over the years since then, i’ve gradually put back on the weight--i went back to college, did another program with not as much movement, and tried to be comfortable with myself. 

i’m the heaviest i’ve been since my exchange program in 2011--the kicker is i think a lot of the weight is from my muscles because i’ve been doing a lot of strength training and my inches have decreased a little. i know weight doesn’t really matter but it’s still hard to see.

A bunch of my family members judge me for my weight and i used to hearing comments about how i could lose a little bit or i won’t find a boyfriend because of it. i don’t listen to them not only because i found a man who loves me, curves and all, but because i’m learning to love myself.

last night, i went to see my grandmother who has dementia and goes in and out of herself. she looked at me and said: “you look healthy and i’m happy for you.” that honestly blew me away. she didn’t criticize my appearance or tell me what i should or shouldn’t do with my body. she was happy that i’m happy.

fast forward to this morning and my mom, who doesn’t exactly have the best views on food or body image, tells me about how she was talking to my cousin (who recently lost about twenty pounds on nutrisystem) and wanted to know if i wanted to try it because she wants to see me reach my goals on weight loss. 

while i am curious to try it because i know people who have done this and programs like weight watchers, it almost hurts me because my grandmother accepts me for who i am and how i look while my mom is still pushing me towards losing weight.

i know she’s proud of me but i’d like her to be happy for me as well and not feel like either of us are defined by how we look. i’ll keep working towards a better, happier me. I hope she can too.

[babygirlmeeks]

✨Been feeling really down lately and bad about my weight and stuff even though I know it’s something I could change if I worked at it I don’t do anything about it and then I feel worse✨