#weight trigger

[jinv]

a whole monologue about seokjin’s shoulder its giving whipped behavior | for @gukqi​

[enhypenpal]

yang jungwon. · 10:11 pm.

angst & fluff !

warning talks about weight, anxiety, self-conscious thoughts, & loss of confidence / motivation.

it was late. you were wrapped in your blankets, trying your best to calm your shaky breathe. today had been difficult, to say the least. your mom had been obsessed with diets recently, to a point where she stopped buying everything you liked. cookies, small snacks, sugary sweets or drinks.

she was a sweet mom. you appreciated her efforts but at the same time, you felt exhausted. of course you wished to have a certain type of body and feel comfortable in it. you wished to look at yourself in the mirror and smile at what you saw.. but how could you? your mom, dad, you repeated the problems with your weight constantly.

it was something that affected your mental health. you wished to feel comfortable in your own body, yet sometimes it became hard. what was harder was the fear of losing your boyfriend, jungwon.

he was an idol. a leader of a famous group, with tons of beautiful fans. people with eccentric and captivating features that you lacked, or so you thought. he, on the other hand, was perfect in every way possible. anyone could be lucky to have him. someone prettier, more talented, more.

before you knew it, your thoughts had gotten the best of you again. tears streamed down your crismon cheeks, as you covered your face in frustration. your small moment had blocked out all noise, even the one of the opening door as jungwon entered your bedroom.

every weekend, he went to your house to see you, as he had more time available to do so. he had told you he couldn’t visit you today because he was busy. in reality, he had gone to get your favorite snacks and one of his sweaters to give you.

you had told him about the diets. comments that you saw as normal worried him, how you saw yourself made his heart ache heavily. therefore, he had made it his duty you ate well and took care of yourself, even if you weren’t with him. as soon as he saw you in such a vulnerable state, he left the bags he had brought on the side of your bed, running to your side. worry was evident in his face, but he tried his best to control it.

“baby, please take deep breathes, yeah? i’m here, you’re okay,” he said, just as his hyungs had taught him to. when he found out about your anixety, he talked to heesung and sunghoon about it. they found ways for him to help you and so he did.

you did as he said, taking deep breathes, focusing on his eyes that followed your every move. he was so delicate. the way he held your hand, stroke your baby hairs out of your puffy face. jungwon was a literal angel.

“want to talk about it? if not, i brought snacks and—”

“do you like me? even if i don’t look like those idols you see in award shows these days or, instagram models. do you still want to be with me, jungie?” you spoke, feeling your voice break slightly. you had called by his nickname, because this time you weren’t mad at him. you wanted him to know you weren’t mad at him, you were mad at yourself.

right then and there, he felt his heart break. no, not because you had questioned what he felt. but because you had hurt yourself to a point where you believed those things to be true.

“princess. y/n, i love you. and no number on a scale, no curves, no looks could change the way i feel about you. i know you feel.. scared to lose me, sometimes. but my feelings for you are real. you are real, we are real. and i love that about you. your dumb jokes, your silly laugh. your fascination for animals, and nature. how excited you get when you see something you like. i would never trade that for a superficial relationship, love. never,” he spoke.

his words felt so safe. you were lost in the way he stroke your cheek while speaking, smiling at the mere mention of his love for you.

“don’t question how i feel about you ever again, or i’ll have to bite you,” he said, this time taking your hand in his and gently nibbling on one of your fingers, making you stiffle a giggle.

then, he accommodated his body to be beside you, your body on his chest as he kissed your head. he reached for the bag of snacks he brought, along with his hoodie.

“this is for you. don’t worry, your mom knows i brought all these, we’ll share them,” you smiled at his words, taking a pack of oreos before pecking his cheek.

“thank you, jungie.”

“no problem, baby.”

[nuclear-clusterhug]

it's sad hours here on nuclear clusterfuck, yall

[noescaperoute]

the reason why I actively combat “happy weight” is because of fear of abandonment. Once upon a time I was beyond my weight and I didn’t recognize myself. I was in a relationship and of course we were enabling each other but it got out of hand FOR ME. I had never been that weight in my life and I didn’t really see it until I SAW it yknow. The ex partner wouldn’t mention anything about it but whenever I would try something on and ask that dreaded question “babe does this make me look fat?” They would simply shake their head and say “noo baby not at all”.

I heard every voice inflection, I felt the space between us, I felt the attraction wearing off and yes maybe it was a slew of other things that caused the relationship to go downhill but the thought of that being on sent me into a spiral.

It’s 6 yrs later… and I will not allow myself to put on the weight like that ever again. Maybe it’s mental illness, it’s irrational, maybe I’ve hardwired my brain and body. But I just can’t.

fast forward to the last partner that I was with, I gained it again because of covid and the relationship. This time not so bad but I hated it. I didn’t it want to be a factor, issue. So end of 2022, beginning of 23 I stopped eating. Stressing about life, moving, things happening were contributing factors but along with that It went from intermittent fasting, to not eating a meal at all. Drinking supplements for nutrients, determined to keep what I had left. I yelled and screamed “it’s my body, I know how it works, I’m fine”. Knowing I’ve been doing this to myself since 15 to fit the modern figure. Knowing that they cared so much about me and my mental and how I felt.

I never told her the reason why I lost the weight that fast. It doesn’t matter anymore though, she left too.

[immtrash]

Tumblr please stop advertising weight loss to me. I’m pregnant, I shouldn’t be losing any weight. Also that’s kinda fucked up these ads can be very hurtful.

[mashupofmylife]

re: self-weighing; i know it's not ideal but the treatment center has to have some way of keeping track of our progress/weight/stability and i assume they have to report it for insurance purposes too.

I totally get them needing to track it, but geez, it seems like there’s got to be a better way than telling you guys that you need to weigh yourselves and send it to them. Blind weights by family members would even be better, but as I say that I know that I live alone and would have been mortified to ask a friend to weigh me and send it in to treatment for me. I also don’t have a scale at home and it would be so so so bad for me to have one. As it is, there’s a fairly high tech scale at one firehouse and it is a struggle to not hop on it every single time I’m there. 

[wandering-system-of-a-time-lord]

Long day or night

So it's been a day since I ran and walked. I did tried to workout but I don't know. I am still feeling sore and I'm sure that Kiara was feeling it too. She probably not too happy about it but I know that she will be better off when July comes. Hopefully we'll have our weight lower than what it is currently. We just don't like where our weight is at so this is what I am trying to do, exercise.

Other than that, Kiara has been still struggling with depression. She is having a hard time lately but she is getting back into studying. I am hoping that she'll continue to study so she can be ready for the next SAT exam in June.

For now I'm going take a nap and check on her and the others. I'm going to try draw or something. Laters.

- Alex

[snorlax-and-co]

Hey it’s C. Thank you so much for replying. Yes we have been on numerous anti psychotics over the years as well. Our psychiatrist says they didn’t have anything to do with us getting diabetes, but I don’t believe him. We were always a “normal” size before those meds. I could rant about this for ages. Sorry. Gosh it would be so nice to meet you guys for real. It’s great to be able to talk about things and you guys understand because you’ve experienced stuff yourselves that’s similar 1/2

2/2 anyway, I will talk to our GP on Monday and hopefully our psychiatrist again later in the week. I hate having to choose between physical health and mental health. Because it does feel like that’s the choice. I miss olanzapine. It really helped calm things down, but it played with our appetite/weight/blood sugars a lot. Ugh. I’ll shut up. Thank you so much for caring. We send you good thoughts and safe hugs too (if wanted). Thank you for being there. We really appreciate it. So so much

Hey lovely, no problem at all. 

It’s hard to say for sure I guess but if meds make you put on weight then that in itself makes someone more at risk for developing diabetes. I think the endocrinologist we saw agreed meds could have been a catalyst but they believe our diabetes has a genetic basis so it was only a matter of time kind of thing, which seems more in line with us having several autoimmune issues.

It’s a crap choice isn’t it.. I try and focus on one thing and it feels like I’m making progress but then a different physcial/mental symptom will pop up. I wish meds were more straightforward and just did what they’re meant to with no side effects and no interactions but hey, we’ve got to do the best with what we have. I guess you’ve already had Monday there so I hope it went well with your GP lovely and with the psychiatrist later in the week. 

You don’t need to shut up, I’m always happy to listen! Take care lovely, sending some more safe hugs to any who would like some 💜