it feels like there is a weighted silence where your name belongs, where I don’t speak it
it feels like I am skirting around the topic of you, but I still feel the presence of the name I dare not speak,
it’s as if I am carefully stepping around a hole in the earth
something that I’ll fall into too easily and may not find a way to crawl out of
and when I finally breathe the syllables of you out,
I feel cut open, like I am a live wire unprotected,
like my heart is beating in open air
like I am exposed and vulnerable and I am not ready to see the change in others
I am not ready to face the conversation of you
because the truth is I am still sensitive to your existence
to the thought of you and the feeling of your name on my tongue
I am carefully avoiding the elephant in the room
the elephant that stands to remind me that I will probably always love you
- your name; it holds more weight than it should