#weird roommates

[shawsimmer]

life lately

[fearotica]

I just wanted to relax

I feel like I should open up a pillowfort or something just for the weird suggestions my roommate gives me. I was drawing @salandersan 's oc Dahlia (I asked nicely) and Lawrence since I'm home sick today. Problem is, my roommate is home sick too. Sat behind me the entire time I was sketching making suggestions. Some of her suggestions include: "Move the arm a little there needs to be a nip slip", "You should draw him sucking on her nipple", "You should draw her sucking on his nipple", "Next draw Ren with six nipples". I don't understand what her fascination is with nipples.

There's a 50% chance I'll actually finish this thing. I regret taking an art break and not being productive instead.

[radiantresplendence]

Another snippet

In the meantime, Thomas had been keeping up appearances. In this case, it meant regular meals.

Romanas insisted that Thomas was welcome to anything in the fridge, so long as he restocked it. Naturally this meant that the fridge quickly became segregated between Romanas’s supplementary take-out and Thomas’s actual food.

Thomas was sure that the restaurants in Prominence, which Romanas frequented only to box their contents, were lovely, but something about Romanas’s flippant disregard for dietary concepts made Thomas want to cook for himself regardless.

Eggs, scrambled, on hearty and slightly overdone toast was about as much of a Lafinian breakfast staple as you could get. It was quick, easy and substantive. Romanas didn’t keep any greens in the kitchen, so his options were fairly limited in the first place though.

At least Romanas kept some pots, pans and assorted cutlery around.

[robotsaremyfriends]

A summary of my evening

My evening: a summary.

I was covering one housemate’s face in duct tape while she yelled at our other housemate, “I wanna touch your face! I can hear you breathing! Get in here! I wanna touch your face!”

The housemate came in wearing half of a Matt Holt cosplay. Mask included. The first was very disappointed, and dare I say, distressed at the lack of face touching.

[green-nightmare]

[smileynerd256]

My Roommate is a Vampire (But Not the Kind You Think)

    My roommate Sue seemed pretty nice. A little odd, but she took out the garbage, bought her share of toilet paper and cleaning supplies, and cleaned up after herself. A gem, really. When I asked how old she was, she frowned for a moment before answering. She looked younger that 25, but somehow seemed older. Maybe she just had an old soul.

    My camera never seemed to work when we took selfies. I would show up in the picture, but for some reason Sue never did. She didn’t have a mirror or wear makeup either, but honestly she didn’t need to. She had one of those faces where people probably asked what grade she was in well into adulthood.

    She worked nights and slept during the day, so most of the time we exchanged pleasantries when I was on my way to work and she was on her way to bed (or vice versa). I assumed she ate out; the only thing she put in the fridge and her side of the pantry was Costco-sized bottles of ketchup. I just figured she liked french fries...until one night.

    I woke up at 3am and couldn’t go back to sleep. A cup of chamomile tea sounded nice, so I stumbled out of bed into the kitchen.

    There, perched on the counter top, backlit by the dim light above the stove was Sue, sucking ketchup straight from the bottle like it was a freaking smoothie.

    My jaw hit the hardwood floor. “Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhh…”

    Sue turned around. Well, her head turned around. The rest of her stayed put. “Oh, hey Melissa,” she said casually, like her head wasn’t turned 180 degrees and her teeth weren’t stained with what...may or may not have been ketchup.

    “Uuuuuuhhhhhh....” I repeated with all the eloquence of a communications grad student.

    Sue turned her neck back to normal human range and chuckled as she slid off the counter. “Okay, I know this looks weird, but it would be weirder if I didn’t tell you my secret, because I know you’ll be wondering about it now.”

    I pinched myself hard enough to leave a bruise. Definitely felt that.

    “I’m a ketchup vampire.”

    I laughed. It was too ridiculous. Of all the things I could have hallucinated in the wee hours of the morning, this is what my brain came up with?

    Sue shrugged. “Sounds crazy, right?”

    I stopped laughing. She was smiling, but... “You’re serious.”

    Sue nodded. “Come on, why did you think all my food is ketchup and literally nothing else?”

    “I just...thought you either really liked fries or went to a lot of barbecues?”

    Sue chuckled. “Well, secret’s out now.” She tipped up the bottle.

    I stared as my roommate guzzled down what had to be half a gallon of ketchup in less than a minute, squeezing the last bits into her mouth while the bottle made fart noises. “Sooo...how did this happen?”

    Sue licked a drop of ketchup off her lip. “I ate a radioactive tomato.”

    “What.”

    She screwed off the cap and wiped a finger in the ketchup that wouldn’t squeeze out. “I studied biology and dated this guy who became a radiologist. One night we x-rayed a tomato and he dared me to eat it.”

    “And...that made you a ketchup vampire.”

    She licked her finger and stuck it back in the bottle. “Yup! It sucked at first, but I’m used to it now.”

    “That doesn’t make any sense.”

    She shrugged as she licked more ketchup off her finger. “Weird, right?”

    I blink. “So, that’s why you don’t show up in selfies?”

    She tossed the bottle in the trash can. “You got it. Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t figure it out sooner.”

    “I--just--you--I...didn’t think vampires were real!” I ran my hands through my already rumpled hair. There was no way I could sleep after this.

    “Well, you know now. Just do me favor?”

    “Uh…”

    “Don’t tell anyone, all right? I mean I don’t have much of a social life anyway, but the less people that know, the better.”

    “Why did you tell me?”

    “Because I live with you. It was only a matter of time before you found out. And you’re a pretty cool roommate, I’ll be honest.”

    “Um, yeah, okay. I’ll keep your secret.”

    She grinned. “Thanks! You’re the best. I’ve gotta go back to work, but have a good night!” She grabbed her keys. “Or, well, day. Kind of. See ya!” She shut the door behind her. The deadbolt clicked shut. Her hurried footsteps pounded down the stairs and faded into the early-morning traffic noise.

    I went back to my bedroom and flopped on my mattress, chamomile tea forgotten.

    Welp, at least she wasn’t a blood vampire.

[bisexualstonerchick]

"Has anyone ever told you you're really smart....like a goldfish"

My roommates at 1am while trying on suits

[cassismydivisionanddesign]

So apparently @mypapapaperheart and I both changed our phone backgrounds to the same picture from Mamamoo’s Starry Night MV without telling the other. I think we’ve lived together for too long.