These were all from my recent trip to Kansas, which has the absolute best antique malls. But, as with all antique joints, they are still full to the brim with frights beyond our comprehension. Here are just a few quick glimpses of Hell.
First up... clowns! Everyone loves clowns:
Don't worry, I did in fact buy those vintage clown masks just in case a bank robbery is in our future. Yes, "ours," like... you and me, partner.
Okay, taking a break to let you know about this scary fella (the one on the right, that is, ho ho).
There was a shop I'd never visited before - They had one bathroom. This was it.
This room had two sit-down toilet stalls, and neither of them had doors. So this fucking sasquatch just stared at you, right in the genitals, the entire time... making you question if it was indeed an evil mannequin inside or if this was just a creeper in a suit waiting to pounce on you.
Fastest sideways piss I've ever taken. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
I don't know why we had to add a butler stricken with Eldritch madness to the handle of this little broom, but here we are!
...
Hey, all you folks that made it past the clowns - I'm so proud of you! So proud of you, that I'd like to invite you to round two! Not, not another round of clowns. This time, demonic dolls:
Their eyes. THEIR EYES. Their special eyes. MY BRAND!
Either Santa here is packing one hell of a package to put under your tree, or more likely, Santa was facing the opposite direction until just a second ago, when his head swiveled around to look down at you and scream the loudest "OHHHHHHHH" until your skull started rattling.
I'll let you pick.
Why? Why would you ever trust smiles like these? Don't. Don't you ever.
I can not describe in words just how massive and utterly dirty this fucking thing was. Even if it was crystal clean, would it not still be unsettling? It was so big, you could have stuffed at least two children in it. Scott Cawthon, eat your heart out. Literally.
...
Ooh! It's time for another collection! This one's fun, and I wish I would have taken more pictures. I could have sworn I did, but I couldn't find more...
I don't think I've ever seen one of these before, but I saw at least one in every single antique mall we went into (7) on the trip. It was like some sort of Stephen King-style omen or some shit.
I like to call them the "soul-hungry bears:"
I love how the last one has the most numb, world-weary eyes I've ever seen in my life, losing his fur in patches due to stress, and is getting hella drunk.
THE MONKEYS WOULD ALSO LIKE TO PLAY.
YYEEEEAAAAUAUUUGGHHHH!!!
This Pinnochio is not fucking around. He looks like he's possessed with power from the One Ring, holding a Dragon Ball in one hand and a submachine gun in the other. How could this ever have looked friendly?!
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Okay, I'm going to have my favorite little guy I found play this post out. His name's Toe Joe. And as you can see, he needs help:
And now I need help.
And so do you.
Thanks for coming on this horrific journey with me! <3
My partner came home with this caterpillar with bag from thrift.
I pull him out if the bag and inside, unknown to my partner, is a bunch of onion skins 🤣🤣
Theyre cut up in a way I think a child did this on purpose and was "feeding" the lil guy 🥺🥺
It is so absurd and so hilarious to me, especially cause the caterpillar looks so silly and guilty at the same time. Like "hehe, I was eating an onion in there, oops!"
