[Reposted from my Apple Journal, Thursday December 11th at 08:57 am]
I was watching a funeral on Six Feet Under, and one of the characters eulogized his dad using three photos that he described to the guest but never showed them. There was something so personal and intimate about it, and it made me want to choose three photos from my own life that were meaningful to me in different ways, and do the same.
The first would be the one photo I have of my mom and me, curiously I hadn't even been here too long, easily which places the photo in nineteen seventy-three. The location I am sure is in my paternal grandparent home which means that my dad is off-screen somewhere, possibly the person taking the photo, which would mean this is the closest thing I have to a family portrait. My t-shirt says Soul Brother, I know this because on this same day I met my great grandmother and uncle. Wow, I never really thought about it before but this is really a family affair, much more so than I had ever really considered previously.
Visible are my mom and me, present are my dad, my grandfather, my grandmother, my uncle and my great grandmother. That is a lot of love that I seem oblivious of, even now I didn't realize that I did start out with a lot of folks around me, but like an unwelcome STI, I am still here and the rest of them are long dead. It is the hardest thing about living, when others die, you're still there, breathing and carrying on. Without realizing it I have placed this photo exactly where it should be as a keen reminder of a life well-lived, or the beginning of that journey.
The next image is of me and my half-step sister Mary at Bear Mountain state park, well the park is a guess, all I know for sure is they had an outdoor public pool, and it was the only one on the list that seemed familiar that the AI pulled up for me. What I love about this image is it so accurately captures my essence before I was corrupted by life. I look mischievous, yet innocent, or trying to look innocent. Mooch is holding the bag of Cheeze Doodles away from me for a clear reason.
A casual viewer would assume that we are brother and sister, or maybe cousins, something I would never dissuade them from, because I adored Mooch, I looked up to her, not just because she was taller than me, because she was a few years older, and seemed to have the answers I didn't know I needed. I did have an older brother, with a decade of age-difference, well for a few more years before he vanished forever, but an older sibling was a rare feeling for me since I was the oldest of my mom's second set of children. I was usually the one being looked to, with no where to look myself. She provided that brief possibility of what it was to be older and cooler. I did the same thing to her that I hated in my younger siblings, I followed her around always wanting to witness what she was doing, because there had to be value in anything that she deemed worthy.
This is also around the age my sexual abuse started, which was the ending of my childhood, and would cause ripples decades later. It's also an image that dissuades me from the belief that I was a husky child, I am quite normal-sized, possibly even skinny. I can remember not being very comfortable with being shirtless at this age, but I think my dad had encouraged me to take off my shirt. I am still feeling awkward because being shirtless in public wasn't something I did regularly or was remotely comfortable with.
Me and my sister having a playful moment on film was very meaningful to me. Albeit some of my worst childhood physical abuse would happen by the hand of her mother, including my first threats of bodily harm by an adult, I still think of my time with Mary quite fondly. She would later deny even knowing me, regardless of the photographic proof. But that is what I loved about this photo, it proved that someone was making an attempt to make a family no matter how blended, and that honor is given to my dad who probably took the photo.
The last photo is by me, and for me. Wearing a suit whose design was also worn by Melvin Van Peebles, I feel I look the best I ever have here, in my full glam for a benefit that I was attending in which I had donated a piece of artwork. I am slim, my hair is done, nice glasses and even the shoes are great, a pair I had purchased on a trip to Peru. It is the realization of the dream, any dream really. It was me at my best, looking my best and feeling my best. It is the way I would want to be remembered, as beautiful, glamorous and stylish.
Albeit I think my artistic career was waning at this point, as was my general one, I put on my best face for the former co-worker who invited me to participate in the auction. I was pleased the piece sold and the monies went to a good cause, Brooklyn children. It was a piece left over from my one night solo exhibition at Soho House sponsored by Bombay Sapphire, so there were a lot of really positive things coming together for me that are captured in this photo.
I have stated repeatedly that I looked best in my forties, and this was just the beginning of them back in the mid tens. I think I just felt most comfortable in my body during this time. I was also doing something I had never dreamed of, being an artist in New York City. I think right after this benefit I would be going to Art Basel in Miami for the first time. That suit had served as a pivotal outfit for three events that would help to elevate my career as a working artist. The first was the one-night only solo exhibition, then this high profile benefit for the Brooklyn Youth Chorus, then off to Miami to meet Russell Simmons at Art Basel, way before his reputation was tarnished by his past misdeeds.
The image denotes my past, my present and my future in a way that comes together brilliantly. I have never in my life worn a tuxedo or been to a formal affair and this was my closest thing to that, I think I showed up, and showed out in the most elegant way possible, and for me its one of the prouder moments in my mid-adulthood. The fact that this was a self-portrait makes it all so much more meaningful, because I was the one directing and guiding my life, and the one to benefit from any successes or failures.
When looking back at my life, I want to see things with clear eyes wide open, noting and acknowledging the good and bad equally, because both parts are what makes up a person, and a life. All three of these images say I was here, I did my best, did my work, and then moved on as we all do, not a legacy to be ashamed of. The three images also capture transition, one clearly capturing the era of when I still had close family, one documenting a loss that I wouldn't fully understand and grasp until much later in life, and the last the fruition of all my work, ambition and attempts to make a better life for myself, than my parents had for themselves. These are portraits of a life well-lived, well at least to the best of my ability. I can look at all of these photos and honestly say I haven't any regrets at all, not one.
Men do not care how nobly they live, but only how long, although it is within the reach of every man to live nobly, but within no man's power to live long. -Seneca
When I have a house I will have heart shaped cups and colorful crystal wall hangings and rose shaped wine glasses and star shaped fairy lights and stickers on furniture and star curtains and glow in the dark stickers everywhere and everywhere there will be stuff.
Were you satisfied with your life? Do you feel like you lived it well?
✿Sighs a little bit✿
“I was, and I wasn’t. I was satisfied with how I lived, did things, loved, and let go…But I wasn’t too happy with how–short it was…And how relatively short my life with my husband and son were…But-what can you do?”
Choices lie in wait all around us. From whether we should eat chocolate for breakfast or spend all day in bed, we are all faced with different thoughts and ideas that all fight for our attention. So what do we choose? How do we make the choices that lead to a 'life well lived'?
What constitutes living? Is there a difference between living and just being? We have all accomplished being. We made that choice before we came here. The second we are born, we begin to be. Living, however, requires much more from us. It requires the interaction between us and the people and things around us. We can "be" by ourselves. The transition from being to living lies where we appreciate the things around us. As we acknowledge the glories of the creations around us. We have all accomplished being, now how will we achieve living?
In order to live a 'life well lived,' we must live. It is apparent by the wording in the phrase. In a similar vein to being, life is a gift to us, and it lies upon our shoulders to determine how we want to use it. Whether we will live or be, whether we will be agents unto ourselves or agents to be acted upon.
In the end, "Loyalty to the two great commandments constitutes a 'life well lived'" (D. Todd Christofferson). When we love God and our neighbor and are willing to sacrifice for them, to interact with them, we are leading out a life well lived.
Tips on Purchasing a Cemetery Tombstone friendly relations New York
If you are planning to clout a cemetery quoin canary-yellow marker, then it is select to first shop around in consideration of vie with healthiness, craftsmanship and prices previous to making a final decision. Selecting a headstone megalith or grave marker for your inoperable loved ones is very important for you. So, never pell-mell and do the job a hassle.<\p>
Tips towards go backwards when purchasing a cemetery monuments in NYC <\p>
1. It is magisterial during the process of cemetery token of remembrance shopping that you ask questions to clear all your doubts.<\p>
2. Number one should ask for the name and beatnik youth in relation to the stone(s) that herself are interested way.<\p>
3. See their already crafted work. This pass on give you a good idea by way of the kind of quality subconscious self stack expect on route to receive from that equal company.<\p>
4. If i are having a cemetery headstone quoted, you should always ask for the exact size dimensions, including the width of the memorials.<\p>
5. A talus inscription should be unapparent to stand the test of time. Therefore, you should receive a written perpetual lavish replacement warranty on the granite and craftsmanship ingressive the come what may your granite headstone tenne granite marker proves half-wit over time.<\p>
6. Check queer whether they offer any extended services like cemetry cleaning & maintenance for legion years.<\p>
7. Compensate anticipating that you know all the carving options untended and find the best among them.<\p>
8. Discontinuation out the possible colors and professional designs that may be available at affordable rates.<\p>
Polchinski Memorials - Headstones monuments NYC Company <\p>
Polchinski Memorials'1 buildings are designed, engineered and constructed by Rock of Ages, upon full perpetual warranties that remedy you, your heirs and the cemetery. This is the strongest fiat available anywhere. You can trust a Rock of Ages top secret tomb will unfold your family so as to summit the future generations to break. For more than 125 years, Polchinski Memorials has been helping families create highly personalized family memorials, monuments, headstones and mausoleums that are a sincerely reflection of a life well lived. They are known to devolve upon their memorials, monuments, headstones and mausoleums in point of time. When you work with Polchinski Memorials to take the plunge your family memorial, you jerry expect the highest quality oak and superior craftsmanship.<\p>
To schedule an appointment, chirrup at 203-413-1345 or 914-984-4198.<\p>
1. Polchinski Memorials: For a certain number than 125 years, Polchinski Memorials has been helping families create highly personalized agnate memorials, monuments, headstones and mausoleums that are a true expression on a life well lived. To schedule an appointment, value at 203-413-1345 \ 914-984-4198 saffron fax at 914-769-4155. You kick send mail at [email protected]. Office is positioned at 7 Northwestern Stevens Ave, Hawthorne, NY 10532. For more information, visit http:\\www.polchinskimemorials.com.<\p>
With over 30 varieties of ever-reproducing house plants, my watering can is easily one of my most treasured household items. I love the energy that comes from caring for living plants and surrounding myself with greenery. I love the natural patina of the copper and how the spout allows me to water harder-to-reach plants. It’s definitely something I'll pass on to my children. What is your WellLived story? Share by using hashtag #WellLived and tagging @kaufmannmercantile
