me: man I have no motivation to write :\
me, sees this post by @welcome-under-the-table: wow I have the worst idea known to man.
anyway I wrote a really cracky technically nsfw fic, there's nothing explicit but I'm still kindly requesting minors stay away. All but like I think 2 states are mentioned? Have fun, I wrote this in an hour and a half.
(also shant if you want me to untag you or even delete this all together just let me know haha)
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The all state meetings were a bit more rare than region, belt, or any other assorted states meeting. By consequence they usually had afterparties, they started off normal enough but always spiraled into something ridiculous. This time it was playing ‘never-have-I-ever’, it started tame enough, most states targeting others with specific instances; but once the floodgates opened there was no stopping it.
With so many people playing it took awhile to get around the circle, but everyone was on their third never-have-I-ever and it had come back around to North Dakota. “Never have I everrr…um” they stopped looking around the room trying to figure out something that hadn’t been said yet, targeting specific states wasn’t really fun anymore, far more fun was saying the most outlandish things and by proxy getting states to admit to things they wouldn’t otherwise. Their eyes settled on Virginia just long enough to come up with one, “Oh! Never have I ever slept with all of the original thirteen”
Most questions like this were met with plenty of laughter, a state or two trying to discreetly take the shot to stay unnoticed, this one however was a long silence, most of the laughter coming from the thirteen.
No one had taken one yet when Oregon raised his hand, “Like all in one night or different instances”
North Dakota thought about it for a second, “Either works”
Despite the clarification question there was another long silence, they would have moved on if the thirteen weren’t still trying to stifle laughter, like they knew something no one else did and didn’t want anyone to know.
“God, you’re all so bad at this” Nevada was the first to take a shot, she grinned widely “Massachusetts ego IS compensating by the way” then mouthed something, her fingers pinched together. This finally spurred more laughter from everyone, except Mass, whose face was quickly turning an unhealthy shade of red.
Florida threw a shot back, before adding loudly “So is Jerseys!”
Another wave of laughter, halfway through it California took the next one, but promptly launched into a lecture: “The obsession with size is really silly. I mean, at the very least it's an unfair standard–”
“Who was the best fuck Cal?” someone–no one really paid attention to who–interrupted.
California answered the question without pause, “New York, but as I was saying–”
The assortment of laughter, whistles, and jokes that followed drowned out whatever he was going to say next. New York wouldn’t have heard anyway, too busy being smug towards Massachusetts and New Jersey. Once most of the chatter died down, and California accepted he wasn’t going to be able to finish his speech everyone seemed ready to move onto the next question, some quite anxiously.
“Now hold on,” North Carolina interrupted before South Dakota was even able to come up with a new question, “I don’t think we’re done with that one yet”
It got quiet again, no one else willing yet to admit it. Not before someone else did. “C’mon y’all,” South Carolina added, “Game ain’t no fun if you don’t answer truthfully”
Texas made sure to find each of the thirteen and look them in the eyes personally before declaring “All y’all are whores” and taking a shot.
“Fuck it” Washington took the next one, Montana shrugging and falling in line taking the next as well as handing one to Wyoming, who dropped his head shaking it for a moment before downing it. At the very least guilty by omission.
“Seven?!” North Dakota seemed overly excited, “what's the most out with one question so far?”
“Oh we aren’t done yet” Pennsylvania was the next of the thirteen to speak.
Now at least that the ball was rolling it was easier for people to come out with it, Ohio sticking his tongue out at Pennsylvania before taking his, Illinois did as well, then the most surprising–at least yet–Indiana added to the conversation; “I don’t like that we all didn’t just do this when the question was asked and instead are doing this individual humiliation thing” then took his.
Tennessee held his up to Kentucky to cheers, except Kentucky put his hands up; “Be a cold day in hell before you get me in bed with Virginia”
This unfortunately was overheard by Mississippi who was mid-admission-of-guilt-drink and laughed hard enough to get it up his nose.
Alabama did his best to stifle his laughter when asking, “You alright?”
Mississippi was leaned over, trying to hide from everyone watching him and also combat the absolutely horrid burning sensation; “I just admitted to getting gangbanged and have vodka up my nose, I’m just dandy”
Alabama rolled his eyes at the sarcasm, and took a drink hoping Mississippi’s unfortunate predicament would distract everyone from him. There was a clink as Michigan, Wisconsin and Minnesota cheered before all drinking. Little did anyone know they had prepared for this exact scenario while on one of their fishing trips, you run out of stuff to talk about eventually, and they had decided they would go down together if it ever came up.
North Dakota did another count, “That’s 17… how many states have you all slept with?”
“Thirty-Two” New Hampshire answered casually, “And I think the better statement would be ‘how many states have slept with all of us?’”
Vermont was sitting snuggled up next to New Hampshire, having been the actual first to drink, no one was watching though so only Hamp had noticed; “I don’t think the wording matters too much”
“It absolutely does V”
Nebraska took the next drink, sitting not far from the two “Now is certainly a time to act like an old married couple. We’re talking about your husbands affairs Vermont,”
“It’s not an affair if I know about them” Vermont winked, making New Hampshire’s blush harder to hide and enticing a couple laughs from people close enough to hear.
Speaking of affairs, “It was before I met Illithiya” Utah felt the need to announce before taking a drink… it wasn’t even alcohol, Utah was still sitting on this funny line where he would break some rules but not others. So he was just drinking soda water, and instead of ‘play until you're too drunk’ he had ten then was out.
Colorado raised his hand, “What if you don’t entirely remember you have, like you’re pretty sure but also–”
“You have” all of the thirteen answered in sync, giving each other looks over having all answered at once.
“Oh! Sick” Colorado took a shot. New Mexico tried not to roll his eyes too hard, he had spent the last ten minutes watching Coco try to count to thirteen and fail miserably, it was almost sad regardless of how drunk one was. He and Arizona had been so entranced by it they had to be reminded there was still a question to answer. Of course like everyone before they both took a shot.
Oklahoma tried to discreetly take a drink, Texas noticed and started laughing. “Oh hush! Y’ain’t no better than me!”
“Sure I am,” Texas answered, “I topped more than you did”
“Oh bless your heart” Georgia smiled pitifully at Texas, “I think your memories are goin’ bad”
Texas went red all the way to his ears, while Oklahoma fell off the couch from laughing so hard.
Florida had been having fun watching the chaos unfold as everyone admitted to it, he had a sneaking feeling it was way more than anyone could have guessed but this was wonderful.
“C’mon Loui, everyone else is going your turn I know you’ve–”
“Not Mass” Louisiana countered, “That’s my brothers brother, couldn’t do that to Maine”
“Thanks?” Maine asked, though he sounded confused, honestly he had never really thought about if he would mind Loui and Mass being romantically or… he shivered, otherly, involved with each other. He appreciated the sentiment though.
Oregon despite being the one to have asked the question that finally spurred people answering hadn’t drank yet himself. All his neighbors had except for the one whos opinion he cared about most;
“Have you done it?” Idaho asked, looking over the thirteen in the same way most states had in the past couple minutes.
“Have you?” Oregon asked without answering. They both just looked at each other for a long moment, then laughed and both drank.
“This is crazy!” North Dakota said to South, “I didn’t think this many people would have to drink over this one”
“Yeah… crazy,” South answered, looking at his drink. He didn’t really care if North knew about it, what he did care about was the fact that North hadn’t and in drinking he was technically admitting defeat. It wouldn’t be as bad if anyone else had asked the question. He was faced with a horrible decision, cheat or admit defeat to his twin… yeah he was going to cheat. “Good thing I’ve never done it”
“Like you could dream of getting that many people to like you!” North joked, South looked him directly in the eyes and drank.
“Welp, I feel left out” Iowa stated watching almost all his neighbors admit to it, right after he took not one, but two shots, mumbling about how he wasn’t going to admit to it but now that everyone else was he felt like he had to.
Missouri, Arkansas, and Kansas were the only three left; everyone else had either denied it or drank. They were the holdout. Missouri was the first of the three to cave, admitting to have slept with all of them but heavily noting it was not in one night.
Maryland tried not the laugh, “Y’all everyone knows the number, and you two are the only ones left”
Both seemed to realize this at the same time and both sheepishly took a shot; “I kept my dignity longest though” Arkansas looked for some sort of victory, counting the fact that he set his glass down after Kansas as a win.
“I guess I’m the only one left” Everyone jumped a bit having entirely forgotten Alaska was there, he took a swig out of a flask, no one was entirely sure what was in it but he had been using it the whole game so far. “That’s 32”
North Dakota just sat there in absolute shock, they had expected to get two or three out with this question, not over half the states. “What is up with this anyway?”
Virginia smiled, joking “Didn’t you hear? Ain’t a real state til you’ve slept with all the thirteen”
