#wh crack

[magnetictapedatastorage]

decided to draw brother Globius since he doesn't look too good in photos... he's well behaved but melancholy since losing his hand, and won't say what happened to it. would love to find him a new home, especially one with younger ultramarines.

[brontemusings]

WH characters in a gif

Nelly

Mr Lockwood

Cathy

Heathcliff

Edgar

Isabella

[magnetictapedatastorage]

giant demon perturabo still making minis but now they're just the size of normal military equipment so sometimes there's a very unfortunate mix up and either his diorama explodes or a squad gets solid slabs with greebles instead of functional bolters. and if anyone even thinks about blaming him for having the most disorganized workshop in the galaxy and a completely incomprehensible supply chain, they become the main ingredient in a paint color called "stupid dumb idiot complainer maroon"

[magnetictapedatastorage]

tech marines, unlike librarians, don't really have an in-built limit the number of them. instead its like whoever dual-booted their combead as a scout gets a complimentary wrench and a backlog of everyone who has ever lost a limb the minute they're in the big leagues

[alwayscryingoverdannyb]

fuck it, here's warhammer legions as fruit:

🍓🍎🍉🍊🍍🍌🍏🫐🥥

1. Dark Angels - elderberry

2. x

3. Emperor's Children - strawberries

4. Iron Warriors - grapefruit

5. White Scars - nashi

6. Space Wolves - mulberry

7. Imperial Fists - banana

8. Night Lords - black currant

9. Blood Angels - blood orange

10. Iron Hands - coconut

11. x

12. World Eaters - pineapple

13. Ultramarines - blueberries

14. Death Guard - durian

15. Thousand Sons - dates

16a. Luna Wolves - watermelon

16b. Sons of Horus - cantaloupe melon

17. Word Bearers - figs

18. Salamanders - dragon fruit

19. Raven Guard - blackberries

20. Alpha Legion - apple

(explanations under read more)

1. Dark Angels - elderberry (black elderberry is easy to mix up with a different kind of elderberry that's inedible. also, parts of it are toxic.)

2. x

3. Emperor's Children - strawberries (arguably the most posh fruit)

4. Iron Warriors - grapefruit (well they're bitter aren't they)

5. White Scars - nashi (japanese pear native to japan, china and korea)

6. Space Wolves - mulberry (the most resilient fruit in terms of temperature and generally harsh conditions)

7. Imperial Fists - banana (extremely uncomplicated and practical go-to snack)

8. Night Lords - black currant (this one is vibes based)

9. Blood Angels - blood orange (self-explanatory)

10. Iron Hands - coconut (very, very hard shell.)

11. x

12. World Eaters - pineapple (bc it's a fruit that eats //you//)

13. Ultramarines - blueberries (no need to explain)

14. Death Guard - durian (stinkyyy)

15. Thousand Sons - dates (egyptian-coded. I feel like they would snack on dates on Prospero)

16a. Luna Wolves - watermelon (the superior melon)

16b. Sons of Horus - cantaloupe melon (the inferior melon)

17. Word Bearers - figs (one of the most mentioned fruit in the bible and a thing that was in its rotten state flung at transgressors before we pivoted to tomatoes)

18. Salamanders - dragon fruit (also

19. Raven Guard - blackberries (underappreciated for being raspberries' dark, tougher cousins)

20. Alpha Legion - apple (looks inconspicuous but who read the bible or snow white.... knows better.)

[magnetictapedatastorage]

"the tsons aren't egyptian" they literally bear the mummy's curse......

[magnetictapedatastorage]

i am counting both emotional and physical mutilation, but it must have been done to them on purpose. some of these might seem out of order or scale but please. think about the level of insane you would be as a 200 year old blind fax machine. now think about how insane you'd have to be to want to do a good job at it.

[magnetictapedatastorage]

Younger neophytes making up deranged nonsense sports... basketball but using a bowling ball, etc