#what a butt

[vicsagesux69]

Actually he was so funny for this

[anneimaginesundertale]

Getting lost in a corn maze, how about with Red? I feel like he'd take a chance for a prank XD

Today was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to be a fun date with your skeleton boyfriend. You’d walked into the maze hand in hand and taken a few turns. You’d read the goofy signs about “beware the walking scarecrow” and “don’t get lost; we only check once a week” and “eat the corn at your own risk”. Then you’d gotten to a fork in the path and Red had decided to be a jerk.

“You wait here and I’ll go check out that path,” he said, pointing to the left fork. “If it’s the right way, I’ll come back for ya.”

“No,” you protested. “Let’s go together!”

“Nah. You’re lookin’ tired. Take a rest. I’ll be back in a minute.”

“I’m fine. Let’s just go together.”

“It’ll be faster this way.”

“Red, I don’t—”

Your skeleton boyfriend vanished before you could finish your sentence.

“Red,” you shouted, stamping your foot. “Red, I swear to God—get back here!”

The only answer you got was the wind rustling through the corn stalks. You huffed and sat down on a bale of hay. “Fine!” you called. “I’ll stay here, but you better be back in two minutes, or I’m going on without you!”

Still no answer. You sat on the hay and tried to ignore how itchy your legs were getting, and the weird noises coming from between the stalks, and the memories of that stupid Children of the Corn movie you’d watched when you were twelve. “Red,” you called after a minute. “Red, this isn’t funny! Get back here!”

You stood up again. “Red Osseus!” you screamed. “If you don’t come back right now, I swear I’m breaking up with you! You ass!”

A pop behind you made you squeak in fright. Red stood there, grinning, with a big box of popcorn in hand. “Got you a treat,” he said.

“I’ll give you a treat in a minute,” you grumbled. “That was mean.”

Red put away the popcorn in his inventory. “Aww, sweetheart,” he said. “I’m sorry. I thought it’d be funny to come back with popcorn, to show the corn maze what’ll happen if it messes with us.”

“You’re a jerk.”

“I also figured out how to get out.”

“Then take me. Quick. I’m not having fun anymore.”

Red wrapped his arms around you and you felt the pull of a shortcut. When the world resolved around you, you were on the far side of the maze. Red looked up at you with his usual cheeky grin. “Popcorn?” he asked, pulling the box out again.

There was only one thing to do. You took the box and dumped it over his head.

[reigningmax]

Max Verstappen, 2022 French Grand Prix winner

By Dan Mullan/Getty Images

[professor-walnut]

Me: GOSH I cannot wait to take a nice cozy nap with my favourite 6ft tall carrot body pillow.

Mr Sir, who has six thousand pillows of his own: First come first serve, bitch.

[ofgodsandllamas]

When Dashiel returns from work, snow is falling, and he’s gotta say - he hates it. 

[alvadee]

me, watching anything with Victor where he bends over and you get a good look at his butt

[ombraventi]

“I will never comprehend how some people prefer this sort of weather. It’s disgusting. And look at all that..... positivity. Just gross.”

[teadoodlesandoddends-blog]

I dug up this old thing while excavating the Northern Wastes.

It's from the late Median Period and depicts the poorly understood deity @mothwick . They are often portrayed as an intermediary between shark and human despite being found heavily associated with forest imagery.