also this is kind of awkward. cause ive been using like a support character whose also riddle. anyway im pretty sure this is the support card lmfao (since they're literally the same card though, they both have like a buddy thing with azul. which, duo magic finally made me realize that buddies actually do things, you just gotta have the character on the team? i feel like an idiot.)
anyway i passed the level lmfao finally
i started fighting it myself (even though i dont understand the side bar that i think gives you an idea of what the boss might use? but honestly i dont remember) instead of being on auto cause i think i actually do better that way. although im more relying on when i notice duo magic icon, and the little up and down arrows to signify which is more powerful to use at the moment n stuff
(you can probably get an idea of who this is by the background, but if you dont then im not saying.
but oh my god that triple attack has to be illegal i keep dying so many times because im like SO close to finishing it and then pulls this three attack outta nowhere and destroys me sob)
(on queue because im not going to be available for an unknown amount of time on sunday)
honestly? it doesnt even fucking matter how many gd warnings i put on any of my dark fiction. like it really doesn’t.
I can have RATED M and VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED and a whole ass LIST of CONTENT WARNINGS about the specifics of what will be in the piece of writing I am presenting and i will ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS get that ONE DUMBASS who thinks that my random fucking fanfiction from like 2+ years ago is equal to whatever fuck sorta dark fiction shit I am trying to write about.
Me writing dark fiction doesn’t mean I need help. It doesn’t connect to my mental health at all. When I want to write dark fiction and am in the mood to do so, I do so because either I am venting and finding control of my own situation through the safe haven of fiction... or you know I just feel like writing some dark shit. It’s fun. Writing conflict is fun. It’s interesting. and it’s what you’re supposed to do. Not EVERY GD THING has GOTTA be some rotting tooth shitty ass coffee shop au.
and who are you, a random person, to judge me. You, who has never met me and who never will, who is reading writing that is dated 2+ years. Like really. Who do you think you are? And do you really think that I am gonna delete anything? Hell no dude. Never. Especially since all that old writing isn’t backed up anywhere anymore.
and furthermore.... if you READ the OBVIOUS CONTENT WARNINGS and SEE EXACTLY what I am writing about... why the fuck would you continue to read it?? If you consume media that will trigger you or that you dislike, that is your problem, my friend, and not mine.
I can write abt whatever the FUCK i want. It’s freedom of expression. If I wanna write some dark ass fiction where everyone dies or becomes a slave or with heavy torture elements and insanity... well, I will. Simple as that.
And I am ALL FOR people giving me criticism based on what I write. If I write something and use factually wrong terms or don’t get information right or if its just not written WELL, then that’s one thing. But automatically assuming I condone what I write is just. It’s fucking stupid my dudes. It’s real dumb. It’s so dumb I can hardly believe it but welp this is the internet so I expect nothing less.
And tbh? It wouldn’t bother me too much... call me sick or a freak or weird or whatever all you like. But as soon as you start assuming my morals based on fucking fiction I write for fun and start assuming who I am as a person based on one piece of old writing... well, my friend, you’re a god damn fucking pussybitch. And also an idiot. And clearly, you’re the one who needs help, not me, if you’re getting offended over fictional characters.
After serving out a year of hard labor in the salt mines of Endovier for her crimes, 18-year-old assassin Celaena Sardothien is dragged before the Crown Prince. Prince Dorian offers her her freedom on one condition: she must act as his champion in a competition to find a new royal assassin.
Her opponents are men-thieves and assassins and warriors from across the empire, each sponsored by a member of the king's council. If she beats her opponents in a series of eliminations, she'll serve the kingdom for four years and then be granted her freedom. Celaena finds her training sessions with the captain of the guard, Westfall, challenging and exhilarating. But she's bored stiff by court life. Things get a little more interesting when the prince starts to show interest in her ... but it's the gruff Captain Westfall who seems to understand her best.
Then one of the other contestants turns up dead ... quickly followed by another. Can Celaena figure out who the killer is before she becomes a victim? As the young assassin investigates, her search leads her to discover a greater destiny than she could possibly have imagined.
Throne of Glass isn’t the worst book I’ve ever read, but it certainly was one of the most infuriating, which is why I was only able to read about 50% of it.
Since I didn’t finish it, I am only going to review the issues and things I disliked within the first half I read of it.
I also wanna note that I did read spoilers for the ending to confirm some thoughts I had and will be touching upon those.
Since this is my first DNF Review, I am gonna discuss why I picked up this book in the first place, the writing style (which is something that, for the most part, doesn’t really change from beginning to end), the premise (rather than the plot since I didn’t finish the book), the things I liked about the book, what I disliked about this book, and finally why I put it down.
Why I Picked Throne of Glass Up
So. A year or two ago I wanted to get back into reading. Due to a lot of issues and things in my personal life, I completely stopped reading for pleasure during my Sophomore year of high school, which meant I had stopped reading for... about 4 years? Which made me really upset as I had always been an avid reader! And since I was getting really passionate about writing, I figured I should get back into reading.
So I made a post on tumblr asking what YA books people recommended. I had been reading YA when I stopped reading (well... a mix of YA and MG, but mainly YA) so I figured that’d be the best place to start.
Numerous people recommended me different things, but one anon recced Throne of Glass to me. It was a fantasy (a genre I mentioned liking in my post) and they told me that though they hadn’t read it themselves, they had a friend who adored the series and that it was really popular so it was probably pretty good.
The. Really popular bit made me nervous, but nevertheless, I went onto Amazon. Bless me, actually, because I decided I’d try and read the little promo Amazon gives you before buying it.
I DNF’d it after half a page. I had never DNF’d a book so fast and so hard. The first time, what made me DNF this book was Celaena complaining about her looks while being in a prison. Like... girl...... priorities....
Months later, I started seeing people talking about this book a little as I got back into reading. Getting curious, I read some reviews, both bad and good, and decided to give this book another shot.
It was as bad as I thought it would be, if not worse.
The Premise (What was this?)
Honestly, I still don’t really know what I read. What even is Throne of Glass? What is life, in fact? What is the universe? I don’t know, but I feel like I’d figure out the latter two questions before I figured out the first.
So. The premise, or basic story idea of ToG is basically... Cinderella... mixed with Assassin’s Creed... mixed with the Hunger Games.... I dunno about anyone else but when people describe a piece of media to me as a mix of two or more random-ass things, I start getting nervous.
But honestly I have no idea how else to describe Throne of Glass. I couldn’t tell what this book wanted to be! And that was really what fucked me up. It wanted to be a big epic fantasy. It wanted to be a mystery. It wanted to be about girls in pretty dresses kissing pretty boys and having to choose between them. It wanted a princess aesthetic but with a character that has to be nasty to be an assassin. ToG, to me, is a long book of wants that didn’t deliver.
But said that, nothing was as poorly thought out as the plot. The plot is what confused me most, ground me to a halt, and said, “wait, what?”
Okay, the plot is basically Celaena joining this competition to win her freedom to become the king’s champion. Only issue is... a king’s champion is a real thing. And is something for mainly knights if I recall.
Back in the olden days of yore, when kings needed to fight against one another, or if someone wanted to challenge the king to a duel, they would have a champion to fight in their stead. If you’re a king, you don’t wanna fight your own duels, that’d be nuts! What if you died?! Then what would happen to your kingdom? That’s what a champion was for.
The champion is basically chosen/hired by the king. The thing is, what Celaena is... describing is well. Not a champion. Not really. I mean... I guess it’s kinda champion-like? It’s really vague in the book and it boils down to “you do dirty work for the king” so basically a hitman?
Thing is... the king is a king... why doesn’t he just hire an assassin? One who hasn’t been caught (looking at you, Celaena!). I mean, in the long run, that would be a lot cheaper than hosting a giant competition with a bunch of criminals who aren’t loyal to you, who will turn on you at any moment, and can’t be trusted? I mean, just ‘cause he has them swear to be loyal to him don’t mean jack shit, c’mon.
The entire plot of this novel falls directly apart as soon as you know what a king’s champion is! And honestly, the fix to this would be so easy. You could still have the competition, but instead make it between knights or wannabe knights or something. Have Celaena be a knight instead. She acts like it anyways; being all brash all the time and desiring the center of attention 24/7. Or if you really want her to be an assassin, fix her fugly personality and have her be an assassin pretending to be a knight.
And the king being “”crazy”” isn’t an excuse. Using crazy as an excuse is... one kinda insulting and gross and two, lazy. It means nothing and is a cop out at this point. Also, he did nothing in this book to seem crazy to me, really. He’s an asshole and abuses his kid but... besides that he’s basically nothing. He’s an evil king. He doesn’t even have an actual name. That’s how bland he is. There was no thought put into him at all. And again, this too could have had an easy fix. Rather than saying he’s crazy to excuse his nonsensical actions, all that had to be said was: he and his court want entertainment. That’s it. That would have given the competition the perfect excuse to exist in the first place. Sure, it’s not the most interesting of reasons or anything, but it’s better than the book being completely silent of why there’s a competition in the first place. Why does a king need a competition? Why between criminals who will stab him in the back? It’s never explained and it’s dumb.
God. There are SO many ways where ToG could’ve been better. Just. Better in general. There is so much lost potential here with the plot, which is where half my frustrations come from.
So. The premise falls apart after thinking about it for over .2 seconds. The second part of the actual plot of the novel (well, at least what’s described on the back of the book, not what I actually got) is a mystery. But... this mystery is really cliche. Someone taking out the competition. Wow. Never seen that before.
Also, I did spoil myself the ending to see if my guess of who it was was correct and welp. Winner winner, chicken dinner! It was indeed Cain. As soon as he swaggered on stage, and the narration hated him, and Celaena hated AND was a lil racist towards him, I knew it was him. His detailed magic ring and the fact he kept getting bigger apparently every time we saw him also clued us in. There was less foreshadowing in this book and more “beating you over the head with a Cain.”
Also, none of the other members of the competition really got... anything? Most were unnamed or Celaena dismissed them right away. Why even have these characters in the book if they aren’t even gonna be named? I get it’s a big cast, but still. Hunger Games was able to do the bare minimum of this, I mean at least all the tributes had names. Big casts are hard to write, so why not shrink it down a little? It won’t affect the story, in any case.
So instead of a cool mystery and badass competition, the premise of the competition fell apart, was mainly summarized and not seen from what I read, and in general the tasks were boring. No real fighting, nothing with a lot of tension or excitement. Just boredom. The mystery wasn’t even lukewarm. It was ice cold. I don’t even really know what the pages were filled up with... random bantering that told us nothing more about the characters than we already did. Celaena not knowing what guy to choose. Her wearing pretty dresses. Her reading and playing the piano. Her shittalking about girls with this other chick. Just. the most random stuff. It was fluff. Which is fine. I like fluff! I like pretty dresses and romance and all that!! But not in a book that promised me a MURDER MYSTERY and ACTION.
Maybe the action would’ve picked up if I kept reading. But something tells me... not so much. If excitement doesn’t happen before the rough halfway point of your book, something is wrong. At least, to me it is.
The Writing
A lot of people thought the writing was pretty it seemed. Numerous negative reviews praised the writing. I admit, there were some pretty quotes in there. But most of it was clunky and reminded me of Eragon (not good) or just. Laundry list. I can’t pull up the quote right now, I don’t have the book, but I remember when the library was shown to us, the narration just listed everything inside in a sentence with commas. The same was done in the king’s chamber besides a little extra detail on the fireplace. None of the descriptions of the settings were any good.... and neither were the pretty dresses! It was just “this dress is cut bad” “the fabric is ugly and feels bad” and such. What was the fabric made out of? What cut was the dress? There were so many little things like this that bothered me throughout the writing.
Lots of filler paragraphs that led to nothing were everywhere too. Sentences that danced around world building were common too. Again, don’t have the book, but at one point Chaol and Celaena were discussing books they liked and instead of name dropping some titles, giving us an idea of what sort of books these two like to read, it was just “Chaol listed some titles to Celaena. Celaena nodded approvingly” or something like that. Lazy. Boring. Pointless. Filler.
There was so much filler writing in this. And so much... passive writing. Especially when Celaena was traveling to the castle and beyond. “Celaena felt” was used so often that I nearly started counting how many sentences began with that. Sometimes, yes, telling is alright. But SHOW us how she feels! Don’t tell us she finds the castle breathtaking but daunting or whatever! Show us! What’s her expression look like? Her body language? What is she thinking? The moment she saw the castle was supposed to be powerful and tense but it wasn’t because the writing was passive when it shouldn’t have been. Passive writing isn’t the worst thing ever, but where the writing would’ve benefited from being active, it was passive instead, which also made the book a kinda bland read on a technical level. The writing stayed the same throughout. Sentence length wasn’t played around with much, sentence type didn’t change much. The only stand-out pieces were mainly dialogue.
I like active writing. I like an active writing style. Throne of Glass was passive. And you know what? I get it. I write in third person too. It’s hard.
But writing is hard. Publishing is even harder. This is a published book and I expected better, especially with how popular it is.
And yes, this is a debut novel. I kept telling myself that when I was reading this. But... I’ve read better debuts. I’ve read better fanfictions online. This is a New York Times best seller and a favorite of many. It should’ve been better.
The (little) Things I Liked
Gonna bullet point all this, hope none of you guys mind~
Celaena being feminine and proud of it. Haven’t really read a character like this yet and as someone who is writing several proud feminine characters, it was nice to see
Chaol. Just him in general. Best character and I loved him.
SOME of the banter was pretty fun.
That one scene with Celaena working out in her room was A Good TM
Some of the one-liner descriptions were pretty good and I enjoyed them.
I actually liked some of the traveling bits in the beginning. I thought it would skip straight to the castle but we got to savor a little in the journey there. It was nice (tho it went on too long and got annoying and boring to read)
The (many) Things I Disliked
A longer bullet point list, hope you all are ready! I’ll try and go in a somewhat chronological order
The plot made no fucking sense
Dorian. The only Dorian in my heart is Dorian Pavus and also he was so one-note that I almost cried.
The world building? The little world building that was like. Actually present was so bland... it read like Typical Fantasy. Listen. If I wanted Typical Fantasy I’d go play one of the many re-releases of Skyrim, okay??
Celaena was just unlikeable and her entire character was contradictory. She acted more like a mercenary for hire or a thug than an assassin. Assassins wouldn’t wanna be in the center of attention, people!
Also Celaena acted really dumb in parts and it made me cringe.
Chaol as the captain of the guard made no sense. He’s too young!
In fact, Celaena as the best assassin made no sense. She is also too young. Also, if she got captured and is KNOWN, she is hardly the best. The point of being an assassin is...... being unknown... c’mon.....
The tests. The back of the book made them sound really cool but they were just? Running around a track? Some softcore parkour? The archery contest actually made sense I guess but it would’ve been cooler if they were hitting like. Actual moving targets rather than just. Bulls-eyes.
Also most the tests were just kinda brushed over? At least The Hunger Games was.... well most the book took place DURING the Hunger Games so like.
The king had no fucking name what the shit who doesn’t name their fucking VILLAIN?!
Cain. Like. He was so stereotypical. I looked up to see if he would end up as the villain at the end and I was right, how disappointing. Also, naming your villain Cain is like.... idk... literally is there a single protagonist named Cain? Genuine question
The girl hate. Like, I get that girls are people and not all girls are gonna get along or anything but like. There were throwaway lines that just made me roll my eyes and scrunch up my nose.
THE FUCKING GLASS CASTLE MADE ME SO MAD OH MY GOD WHY WAS IT THERE. And if the castle looks the exact same on the inside in the glass part as the stone part, what’s the point then? How is this nation, which is at war, have a glass castle? That thing is gonna shatter. How did they make it? Why did the king make it? The most we get is the implication is that he’s crazy but that’s.... gross for one and two, lazy. You know what would’ve been cool tho? If the king was just a zealot who worshipped his human gods to the point where he wanted them to always see his victories and be able to see him wherever he went, so he created the glass portions of the castle so he could be seen by his gods the entire time. I thought of that idea in the span of 10 seconds. Sigh.
AND I AM STILL ON THE GLASS CASTLE SHIT listen. If this was a whimsical fantasy and everyone went with it, I wouldn’t have SUCH a huge problem with it, tho it would still be kinda dumb (mattering on context...) but legit. Having your characters point it out doesn’t make them look smart, it makes the author look silly. “It’s a dumb idea, I know it’s a dumb idea, but I am going to write it anyways. For The Aesthetic” listen. We’re past the age of aestheticism. Let’s get our heads outta the 1800s, k?
Honestly there were descriptions but I couldn’t ever get a good image on what was going on, which is weird. All the descriptions were for like. More finer details? But the overall look of the entire world was just blank in my mind. I dunno how else to explain it.
So. Much. Filler. Celaena! Get outta your room and let us explore some! I can sit alone in my room myself irl, I don’t wanna read some chick do the same!
Same with the book shit. Like we could’ve gotten some amazing world building just based on the books Celaena read but whatever that was brushed over too??
Honestly a lot of reading ToG was like reading a textbook where words go through my eyes and their meaning seeps from my ears and I find myself 20 pages in but no idea how I got there and don’t remember a single word of what I read.
The writing style for the fighting. When you write fight scenes or tense scenes, you want your writing to become choppier usually and sharp. It changes the mood and tone of the scene. The author just used the same flowing prose she had for the rest of the book, which was kinda dull.
I wish we had seen the murders. I mean, the book is in third person and does switch POV at times! I wanna read some good blood, guts, n gore!
L O V E T R I A N G L E O F H E L L
I thought Celaena was supposed to be sickly?? But like after a few chapters in the book that’s like, forgotten, besides her throwing up after running? Why only after running? Why doesn’t she worry about this or her health much? Seriously her physiology makes no sense.
Celaena’s mental health is also questionable. She’s completely fine after being tortured for a year and in a death camp and only has bad nightmares every once in a while?? That ain’t how PTSD works. Seriously what was going on in her head? What was the author trying to portray? You don’t do this shit half-assed. Either throw yourself into the research or go the Harry Potter route.
There is one character who is fat and he is ofc, a terrible person (I am talking about Dorian’s younger brother, ofc. Sigh. And yikes)
Celaena sometimes talked and acted like she was younger than what she actually was?? I think being childish was supposed to be part of her personality but it doesn’t mesh with her being an assassin. Unless she was doing it on purpose as an act. But she obv wasn’t so......
Yulemas. Honestly, I put the book down around when it was mentioned. It’s a dumb name and I can imagine what sort of celebration it is.
The timing and pacing of this book is weird. The king needs to learn what an itinerary is. I think it’d help him out.
Why I Put Throne of Glass Down
Mainly for two reasons: one I had just bought some books at the library and wanted to read those instead. I just wanted to read a good book again. The second reason is just as simple: I was incredibly bored.
There was just so much filler for me. Characters talking about random stuff, walking around, trying to figure out a mystery I figured out as soon as the first murder actually happened. It was all so boring to me.
And then... Celaena started suspecting Nehemia. Her only friend in the castle.
I dunno why that did it in for me. I think it’s because I didn’t wanna sit through at the very least 50 pages of one of the poorest red herrings I have ever stumbled across. I can (somewhat) deal with a book that promised me action and gave me bad romance with pretty girls and boys. I’ll complain a lot, give it a bad rating most likely, but I can finish books like those. What I can’t deal with is a clear waste of my fucking time. At that point, I was already 99.99% sure Cain was the bad guy. I was already tired of Celaena in general since she is such an unpleasant character for me to read. I did not wanna sit through a plot point that just insulted my intelligence and made the book all the more longer than it has to be. I have no idea how someone can make a book this bland and boring so long. I honestly cannot understand how I got pretty much 50% of the way in, and feel like I have moved nowhere when it comes to the characters and the plot. I don’t know how I could be pretty much halfway through this book and feel like not a SINGLE action scene has happened. (Yes, I know there have been actions scenes, but I didn’t like them or the way they were written. They weren’t exciting for me.)
All this realization just kinda came crashing down on me with Celaena suspecting Nehemia. And I was quite done with all of it.
Maybe the book would’ve picked up. Maybe the entire premise, story, characters, and writing style could’ve changed in a single page flip. But I seriously doubt that.
I’m tired of wasting my time with books I am not enjoying. If I’m gonna read a bad book, I at the very least want it to be entertaining.
And Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas wasn’t even that.
