#whatcha doing robin

[coffeshops-and-notes]

Tomorrow I start my masters in my new university and :

1. I cant get documentation from my psychologist about my dyslexia diagnosis which I need to access certain services.

2. Laptop wont work. I'm stuck for money for a new one.

3. My parents are being the guarantor on my loan but they still havent completed the form. I hate asking them for help for anything and was so guilty asking them for even this.

I can feel myself already panicking and the year hasn't even started yet... I wish I prepared more sooner.

[coffeshops-and-notes]

The amount of older people at work who've have congratulated me on doing a masters but also expressed that they wish they did it younger is actually crazy !! I was kind of curious on what was really stopping them. They explain how the amount of responsibility they had at the moment makes it a very difficult task to achieve. It's kinda funny cause I've so many of my younger friends who think I'm crazy paying for masters myself and think it's a waste at this time of my life.

[coffeshops-and-notes]

So looks like I'm going back to university in September. I'm so excited to do a masters !! And bring this study blog back to life. I was in such a bad mental place because of work and the pandemic but now for the first time in months I'm getting excited again.

[coffeshops-and-notes]

Me at this point of the semester

[coffeshops-and-notes]

I’ve been so productive over the last few year. Like I worked my ass off 24/7. Every hour of the day I was working towards something & the thing is I felt so good about myself when doing it. Like I was stressed a lot of the time but I was proud of myself and it did wonders for my mental health. But now even when i get a tonne done during the week, I don’t get that feeling of pride anymore. I except that of myself & if i’m not working towards something then & feel so guilty. 

This isn’t healthy.

I think I need a long break. Sometimes I just think of when I was in secondary school & I used to read & watch so many shows. I spent so much time doodling & daydreaming. These things didn’t help me get anywhere but I enjoyed doing them so much. I haven't actually done anything like that in so long. Just do something to enjoy it. Last night I tried to find a new TV show to watch to realized that i didn’t even know what i liked anymore. I used to be a huge book worm but haven't read a novel in so long. I wouldn’t be able to even tell you when I drew a picture last. 

[coffeshops-and-notes]

So I moved home back to my parents farm during isolation and i’m so happy I did. I’ve a habit of overthinking things & putting myself in a bad head space when things go wrong. Actually even when thing are going well I tend to it too now looking back. 

But being in the Country has helped so much, I think it because there so much stuff to be done or worked on.

In the morning I have breakfast which is normally a slice of mum homemade & an egg from one of our chickens. Then I open my laptop & start working till somewhere between 4-6 in the evening. 

Then I else help out with the house which would include making dinner form scratch for everyone, help paint the house, do some gardening & cleaning the house too.

Or I’ll be on the farm where I’ll help with the cows & calves or preparing the fields. Dad is also teaching me how to drive a tractor & car.

Our neighbors we talk to to over the walk, getting updates on how ever one is doing or if they need anything. 

Honesty I’m kind of treating it like a game of animal crossing. 

[coffeshops-and-notes]

I’ve taken a bit of a break from my old mind set which was to be productive 24/7 & always working on my self. Don’t get me wrong it was this mind set that got me through college & helped me get my degree but I think I just needed a break. So I just did what I felt like for the month of June & if I didn’t feel like do anything I didn’t. 

During this time I dyed my hair pastel pink, I got roller skates, cooked, slept alot & just took it easy in general. I feel so mentally refresh after this that i think i’m ready to go back at being productive. I’m looking at course to do & getting excited again about doing them. I’m looking at work & coming up with plans on how to improved and i’m getting a kick out of it again. 

Thanks to everyone here who told me to take it easy & have a break! It was exactly what I needed. I think it just took me so long to do because I felt guilty at the idea of it but after doing it I felt no guilt at all. 

[coffeshops-and-notes]

People confused me when they roll their eyes and say  “It just a phase”.

This is because nearly everything with me is just a phase in a sense. 

I was obsesses with different fashions sense over the years, I get bored with one or sometime seeing other people experimenting with different inspire me I like trying new thing.

It’s the same with food, sometimes I get introduced to a new dishes and I become obsessed with it. Especially when I moved to a city for college & was exposed to so much new cuisine.

The time of music I listen to is constantly changing because i’m introducing to new artist or sometime a whole new genre. 

I never really start hating my old phases either when I change it simply doesn't as much joy as it use to & I love exploring new things.

This is something I wish I knew as a teenager, looking back i feel like I let myself missed out on a lot because I thought people would look down on me for be a fake fan of something.

I’m 100% making up for it in my twenty