Is it weird to not necessarily mind being queerbaited?
When I think of romance in fiction, the stories that most quickly spring to mind are those that are not explicitly romantic in the text. For example, I feel like ORV is a deeply Romantic story despite it not being a 'romance genre' story and despite the fact that romantic and sexual attraction are not put front and center like in 'romance genre' stories. I also think of several relationships in fiction their either toe the line between subtext and baiting or blatantly use a subtextually queer dynamic for marketing purposes and to no end in the actual story.
I think of people believing they are chasing after each other while only ever coming full circle. I think of bridal carries and whispered comfort. I think of characters who would die for each other over and over again because love is equal parts self-sacrifice and selfishness in the face of loss.
But 'romance genre' so often lack the things that feel romantic. Instead it's petty drama and shoehorned sex scenes and rushed marriage proposals. Things I do not desire.
So I don't necessarily mind queerbaiting as long as it suits the characters more than the audience. Is this bad or weird?
(context: I'm an autistic asexual so I don't always understand certain things others do)
ok if we're going by the pedantic definition, I think there is a distinction between 'queerbait' and 'heavily subtextual OR not intentionally present in the source material but easy to analyze/extrapolate/impose', and I'd argue that what you're picking up on is the overlap of that rather than queerbaiting itself. and I am making this distinction because I am pretty sure there is a difference for you between what you're drawn to and, say, whatever the hell was going on with t33n wolf with the weird... actor promo vids? instagram? I don't actually know. also it was like 10 years ago (lol). I am also making that distinction because I believe there CAN be unintentional and/or subtextual same gender relationships without queerbaiting, e.g. I'd say infinity train s4, and back before bubblegum/marceline and ruby/sapphire were able to be canonically confirmed.
that being said: yea it's pretty common. there's a reason the romance genre has a bad reputation. part of it is misogyny. but the OTHER part of it is that if you are looking at the romance genre AS A WHOLE, without going more specific in subgenres/plots/authors/etc., you are looking at a genre that is not only influenced by but contingent on societal bullshit in regards to gender roles, amatonormativity, and shortcuts--he was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it any more obvious, etc.
I do want to make it clear that listen. listen. if you look at ANY GENRE globally, you're gonna see the worst of it first. 'horror has a lot of ableism and misogyny' 'sci-fi has a lot of colonialist narratives' 'fantasy has racism built into how species are framed' so as a romance lover and hater I do have to raise that objection. the elements you're talking about--the intimacy building, the meaningful development, etc.--are present in the romance genre. just like with everything, you gotta dig to find what you like and what's good.
I am going to make an assumption here based on the shared experience of asexuality, and I would guess neurodivergence also plays a role in this: since romance, even beyond the genre, is heavily based on social scripts, assumptions, and shortcuts, when romances are written with these preset standards there is less room for deviation and therefore less... relateability? resonance? for people who fall outside those societal standards. the ideas of romance tells you this: giving someone a bouquet of roses is romantic. symbolic representation. it's clear cut. it's simple. now, if you read a good romance, the focus is on intention, mutual meaning-making, and how people fit into each other's lives. what makes mxtx's romances so successful, in my opinion, is that there aren't really shortcuts. there are obvious romantic gestures with varying degrees of sincerity (or awareness), but the intimacy building is convoluted because of plot, internal conflicts, external conflicts, so the characters AND the readers have more freedom to extrapolate complexity within the relationship than something that uses a shortcut.
here's the thing. in shoujo. in transmigration romance. it is SUPER easy for a main character to have significant chemistry with a same gender side character, whether unintentionally or significantly queerbaity (b/o/t/v beloathed, detested, blight of my life). this is because for the former, amateur writers have so many shortcuts to fall back on for the ROMANTIC relationship, but friendships don't have as strict or standard of a script, so intimacy-building (or portrayal) happens in a way that doesn't use shortcuts, so it feels more in-depth, convincing, etc. and the EXACT same could be said for shonen that includes romance (romance is A Standard Expectation so OBVIOUSLY the m/f relationship doesn't need to be elaborated on because she's cute and he's the main character so of course there's a crush going on. MEANWHILE the rivalry has plot significance and buildup and narrative parallels and heated drama).
I got way off topic. anyway I wouldn't qualify anything as 'bad' or 'weird' as long as you don't make something bad or weird. if you're asking me to interpret you, I'd say that subtextual relationships often have more significance to character/plot and also have the type of ambiguity that allows for meaningful interpretation that goes beyond rigid romantic standards which aren't as applicable to ace folks (and again, I do believe neurodivergency also plays a role, but again I don't want to sound like a presumptuous asshole by saying for sure based on your lived experiences which I don't know shit about). depends on framing. and also it depends on who you're talking to. for example, in this context, I am going to air some beef. I'm still very pissed off at c/q/l fans who go like 'oh actually the censored version is better and the novel sucks yum yum I love erasure' fuck off and go look at your real live men. fans of both novel and drama you're fine but you're on thin fucking ice.
