#whatiwish

[danszpara]

A preview of my upcoming book with @penguinrandom. More at https://www.instagram.com/caution_cones/

[theshotgunsailor]

Dreams

Sometimes, I like to imagine that people will make OCs based on my universes.

[forward-marsh-go]

If things are not as you wish, wish them as they are.

Yiddish Proverb

[forward-marsh-go]

Million Dollar Question

Is a wish always a want that one presumes is out of reach?

Example: I wish I had a million dollars. I don't presently have one million dollars, and I don't perceive how I might acquire it immediately. In simply wishing it, it feels like the energy behind my wish boils down to resigned futility.

Ew.

Or, is a wish an invitation to dig deeper into a want?

Why do I wish to have a million dollars?

To do things without worrying about the financial constraints (I first wrote  consequences - ha): make art, decorate my home, donate to charities, family, friends. I wish I had limitless money to enable myself and others to feel bold in our aspirations: in fact, to grant others' wishes.

Want to make that movie? Don't let money stop you.

Want to build and maintain a no-kill animal shelter and outreach programs? Lack of money will not be in your way.

Want to build that custom motorcycle? Here's the dough. Do it.

Want to set up a conservation easement for that parcel? This will cover the legal fees. Pursue it.

I guess I equate a million dollars with no limits and no excuses. You can't give in to fear of trying or fear of failure, because money is not a factor either way.

As I sit here, I realize I don't need one million dollars to face my fears and excuses (in fact, the group of us are pretty tight day in and day out). Wishing for limitless funds is my way of wishing to bypass my hangups.

So, does that mean that I secretly believe that growing through and beyond my hangups is ultimately out of reach? Am I doomed to always feel lost in my aspirations due to fears and excuses?

I don't accept that. Some of my inner drama has been cyclical my whole life, yes; but, I have moved beyond other demons.

Maybe a wish isn't a want in disguise. Maybe it's a signal of a desired feeling without attachment to a specific outcome.

I wish to feel limitless in my creativity. I wish to inspire others to tap into into their own aspirations. I wish to feel connected to others through stories and art.

And, if a million dollars or more comes with any of those wishes, I'm cool with that.

[forward-marsh-go]

This is the manner of noble souls: they do not want to have anything for nothing; least of all, life. Whoever is of the mob wants to live for nothing; we others, however, to whom life gave itself, we always think about what we might best give in return... One should not wish to enjoy where one does not give joy.

Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)

[forward-marsh-go]

My Own Gollum Inner Dialogue

I wish that I could always tell the difference between the knowing of my inner Observer and the voice of my ego.

My ego, my psyche, chatters constantly with worries, doubts, ideas and demands (although, I do appreciate my brain for its abilities to organize, plan, dream, and communicate ideas).

But, when is an idea an inspiration, a clue from my soul, versus a rabbit hole of mental busyness?

Case in point: I've spent about 20 years determined to manifest a career as a narrative filmmaker. I've felt willed my way toward a sustainable career.

I don't have it.

Lord knows, I've had IDEAS. And, I've acted on them. But, I still feel an inordinate struggle. It's been like 20 years of trying to get a fussy car to start. All it's done is sputter.

Have I not wished clearly enough? Have I not worked hard enough, or smartly enough to manifest my wishes? Or, maybe, has too much of my Ego driven my efforts? 

After so long, I fear I'm blind to the obvious; or a masochist (I've looked at it as being relentlessly optimistic and determined, though).

In any case, I feel the need to grow into something more fulfilling.

Here's the hard part: into what?

How do I know, going forward, whether an idea I get that feels like, 'WHOA, WHAT?!' is a lightning jolt of "...yeah, Lorie, THAT," from my soul, or just a shiny distraction my Ego is throwing at me because it demands action, any action?

I wish I knew for sure.

[forward-marsh-go]

Mortals always want something more - they wish for money, but what they're really after is to be carefree. Power when what they really want is control. Beauty when they want love. Sometimes they know it, sometimes they don't.”

Jackson Pearce, As You Wish

[forward-marsh-go]

Retroactive Wishing

I wish I had a Do Nothing Day.

Guess what?

I did! Today, I had a Do Nothing Day. Yay for me! Wish come true.

Psst. I didn't start off wishing that today. I actually could not get my busy mind to land on anything truly productive for most of the day.

But, see? If I make it a retroactive wish -- especially during my Month of What I Wish -- now I can convince myself it was intentional AND check it off like I've accomplished something today.

Clever, huh?