realising you probably have devastating harm ocd will have you thinking things like 'youd think if i obsessed over not causing harm as much as i do id be better at not causing harm. im not even good at it' before realising that that is the obsession speaking
SHOW: My Hero Academia
CHARACTERS: Izuku Midoriya and Shouto Todoroki
RATING: G? PG? I donât know how to rate these things. Itâs SFW.
SUMMARY: Something is wrong with Izuku, and has been for awhile now. Shouto is determined to get to the bottom of it.
This was written for @milkyykun and her wonderful AU.
âYou carry everyone elseâs burdens like theyâre your own. Donât your shoulders ever get tired from all that weight?â Shouto didnât look at Izuku as he said it, instead choosing to focus on his fingernails and how he really needed to get them cut before he took someoneâs eye out with one of them. âItâs like you spend so much time worrying about other people, that you canât possibly have time to worry about yourself.â At last, he looked up from his hands, his eyes fixing instead on his classmate.
âIsnât that right, Midoriya?â
The silence was so complete after those words that a pin drop would have sounded like a nuclear bomb. Izuku had stilled, Shouto noticed, and his constantly-fidgeting fingers were laying eerily motionless in his lap. âWhat makes you say that, Todoroki?â he asked, his voice hesitant.
Shouto could only shrug. âJust an observation,â he replied with faux-casualty. âItâs true, isnât it?â
Feeling unnerved by his friendâs intense scrutiny, Izuku waved a hand. âIâm going to be the worldâs greatest heroâand even if I wasnât, helping people with their problems is literally in the job description. I can handle it.â
A deflection. Shouto should have expected as much.
âWho helps you?â
âH-Huh?â
Shouto leaned forward ever-so-slightly, his eyes trained on Izukuâs face, at his nervous smile and wandering eyes. âWho helps you?â he repeated. âYouâre surrounded by heroes every second of the day. Do any of them stop to help you?â
âOh! Well, of courseâ"
âDo you let them?â
Izuku shifted uncomfortably. âDid I do something to make you worry?â he asked. Another deflection. âIs that what this is about? Because IâIâm fine! Really. So, there, um⊠thereâs no need for you to interrogate me like thisâŠâ
At that, Shouto cocked his head to the side. He stared at his friend, his face giving nothing away, while he continued to wiggle and squirm. âYou think Iâm interrogating you?â Shouto asked. The echo of an emotion flashed in his eyes and even though his voice was steady, the question still sounded like a challenge. âWhy?â
âWell,â Izuku began, his eyes turned toward anything that wasnât Shoutoâs expectant frown, âIâve seen plenty of crime TV shows.â
âWhat do those have to do withââ
Izuku went on, undeterred. âPrograms like that always have a certain type of character, one who helps the others wheedle answers out of the bad guys. You know, an interrogator.â Finally, he met Shoutoâs eye and offered him a half-hearted shrug. âWeâre not in a crime TV show, but right now, you sound like that kind of character to me. So, um⊠if itâs all right, Iâd like to ask what I did wrong?â
A kicked puppy. Thatâs what Izuku looked like right now. A kicked puppy that had been left out on the street overnight and refused dinner.
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Shouto took a deep breath. His eyes were closed now, but whether that was because he couldnât bear to look at Izuku or for some other reason had yet to be determined. âThatâs the problem,â he said suddenly, earning a jolt from Izuku. âYou havenât done anything wrong. Not to me, or anyone elseâat least, not as far as I know.â He opened his eyes and looked his friend square in the face. âWhat Iâm trying to figure out if the same can be said for yourself.â
Shouto barely suppressed a wince when Izukuâs hurt look grew more intense. âThe same for⊠Todoroki, are youâdo you think Iâm hurting myself? B-Because Iâm not! Not on purpose, anywayâŠâ Izukuâs eyes fell back to the floor, and he rubbed his neck. âThe only time I end up hurting myself is when I fail to use my quirk properly.â
âThatâs not what Iâm talking about, though.â Gingerly, Shouto set his right hand on Izukuâs shoulder. âThereâs something about you thatâs different now than it was at the beginning of the year. Itâs not the scars on your hand, or anything else like thatâitâs not as obvious. ButâŠâ His grip on Izukuâs shoulder tightened, just a little bit. âYou donât want to be having this conversation with me right now, right? You keep deflecting my questions. You wouldnât do that if there was nothing wrongâbecause there is something wrong.â
Izuku opened his mouth to say something, but Shouto beat him to it. âYou donât let anyone help you,â he was saying now, as bluntly as if he was stating a well-known fact, âeven though you make sure to help everyone. Itâs wearing on you, isnât it? It has to be. I can see itâwhen I first met you, you looked different. Happy. Carefree. But nowâŠâ
Now, you look kind of like me.
Shouto sighed. âYouâve done so much for our classmates, and for me. Not to mention everyone else whoâs come to you with their problems.â His hand fell away from Izukuâs shoulder. âAnd I know you wonât stop helping people. I donât expect you to. I wouldnât want you to. ButâŠâ
Even though he had been thinking about how he was going to say this all day, it was still difficult to get the words out properly. (The desperation shining through the cracks on his face didnât help either.)
âYou have a good heart, Midoriya. Let me help you take care of it. Please.â
Tears started falling from Izukuâs eyes before Shouto had even finished speaking. Big, fat, wet tears slid down his flushed cheeks like a waterfall and he sniffled, his throat thick with emotion. âRight,â he said, his voice quiet. âI should haveâof course it was gonna be you who n-noticed. Iâm sorry, Todoroki. Iâm reallyââ
Shoutoâs hand was back on his shoulder, but this time it was his left instead of his right. âDonât apologize,â he said, and it looked like it hurt him somehow to say that, like seeing Izuku weeping openly because of this conversation was painful to look at. âIf anything, I should be the one whoâs saying sorry.â
âWhat? Butâbut whyââ
âBecause it took me this long to have this talk with you,â he replied simply. His face betrayed the simplicity of his tone however, with how much of a mess it looked. Expressionsâguilt, regret, and anger directed at no one but himselfâflashed across his face faster than even Shouto himself could process.
âA better hero would have done it sooner,â he added matter-of-factly.
Then, he thought back to the Sports Festival. âYou pulled my problems to the forefront not even an hour after hearing about them, Midoriya. You didnât waste any time at all. But I did, even though I already had your example to go off of.â
Wiping furiously at his face, Izuku tried to smile, but failed, his mouth twisting weirdly at the edges. âDonât be silly. I said it before, donât you remember?â He swallowed thickly before looking up, his eyes shining. âIt doesnât matter how long it took you, because you noticed. You. And when I tried so hard to hide it, tooâŠâ Shaking his head, he finally managed a real smile. âGive yourself some credit for that.â
Shouto looked like he wanted to say something more, but then decided against it. He was unsure what to do now that he had already said all that he had planned on saying. Luckily, Izuku took care of that, too, when he stood up, stepped forward, and pulled him into a full-body hug, his still-wet face pressed into Shoutoâs shoulder. âThanks,â he breathed, his voice shaky from crying. âYouâre a good person, you know?â
Hesitantly, Shouto returned the hug, his handsâboth of themâraising to rest lightly on Izukuâs back. âYouâve told me that far too many times for me not to know, I think.â This earned a snort from Izuku, which encouraged Shouto to keep talking. âSo, what do you say? I know you wonât put it down any time soon, so will you let me help you shoulder some of that burden youâre determined to lug around?â
Will you let me help you, like youâve helped me?
Izuku sniffed again, his arms tightening briefly around Shouto before letting go and taking a step back. He was grinning broadly now, looking relieved, and more like he did at the beginning of the year than he had in a long while.
Shouto had never been so relieved to see his friend nod before.
