Here I am again. Lost in the confusion you leave me in. I felt like it was going to be ok. That I had found what I thought was gone. The feeling of completion. The safety of knowing you were there. Knowing you loved me. All the warmth I felt in my entire body when you held me. The shocks of electricity when you touched me. Everything was going well. Everything felt like it was going in the right direction. Like you actually meant what you were saying. And that for once we were going to take the time to fix the things we had trouble with. That story seems to be changing again. You say you don't want it to be the way it was, but then this happens. The feelings of pain and loss. The ones that make me hate everyday I wake up without you. The feeling I get knowing I'm not the person you want. It all comes rushing back. The sickness this brings out of me destroys me every time I breathe in. I fall into you and you step aside and let me hit the ground. Am I not deserving of your love? Do I not do everything you ask and give everything I have? Have I not caught you every time you've fallen? I don't understand how this could be. I never have seen it coming. The surprise of it makes me dizzy. It causes my head to throb with confusion. When will I be loved? The unconditional, I can't live a day without at least talking to you kind of love. My heart yearns for her love and embrace. I can't live without her. I don't want to feel broken any more. I want to feel like I did 3 days ago. She held me like I meant something to her. Like I was all she needed. Now I know it was simply an illusion. I don't mean anything.