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Ahh, let's stop the small talk. How about you seduce me into listening to the playlist you made for us? How about you invite me over to your place and tell me everything about your book collection, letting me drown in your vast knowledge of the fictional world? And how about you take me to that wonderful, quiet place where you’ve always wanted to feel loved and adored?
Yearning;
Yearning, an intense feeling, like standing in the shadow of her memory that hasn’t yet been made. It’s also the weight of her absence in my life which is pressing against my chest eager to feel her presence. A phantom ache where her laughter echos in my mind, her tears flows through my heart and her love is felt deep in my soul. It's very glance at the empty chair beside me, every word spoken into silence, every dream where her face is vivid and real, only to dissolve at dawn. It is the bittersweet torment of wanting what your soul already recognizes as its missing piece, and the quiet, unshakable hope that the universe might one day bring them near and closer to me to cherish that love and give an end to this yearning.
How miserable. You're innocent and wild? You're touch starved and touch repulsed? You're a beautiful piece of art and yet never been mesmerized by an artist? You are a free soul and yet trapped in your own cage of thoughts?
What are you, sweetheart? Written by Dostoevsky?
Yes, tell me about your favorite film or series and I'll fill our movie nights with them. Yes, also tell me what's your favorite songs, and I'll make a playlist out of them for us. Yes, tell me what random things happened today, I'd love to hear you yap about your day. Yes, you can send me photo without context, maybe I'll turn them into a birthday album for you. Yes, you can send me these random weird, cute, reels and yes, you've told me this story twice but I will listen again.
I fell in love with writing, quotes, poetry, stories and art at a very young age. I guess it was interesting to me that someone in me was able to unknowingly express my thoughts on a piece of paper when I'm at a loss for words; well it was love that made me write all of it. It had me wasting hours on the simple thought that included someone to fall in love with, roaming around, holding hands, give flowers, going on dates to quiet restaurant or cafes, waking up to them, cuddling in winters, cooking together and specially reading books together and somehow on the way, it also made me beleive that our minds must have soulmates too but it's been years, am I a fool to believe in a single thought for years and years?
If we date, I wish to take care of you, keep that smile and blush glowing over your face everytime. Take you out for dinners and walk around the city or town, cook delicious food for you, might make you do the dishes (I hate it to a certain level, but yea, if you are there, I am there with you), love you and make love to you in the nicest way ever, so that you wake up cuddling with me, every morning.
I wish for a ' wanna go watch the stars tonight? ' kind of love. A just one more hour, one more touch, one more hug, one more kiss kind of love. Let's walk back home together kind of love. 'Here's a flower for you' kind of love. Cuddles and sweet talk before sleeping kind of love. Cooking dinner together and a 'don't worry, I'll do the dishes, tonight' kind of love. When it's the middle of the night and my mind if full of thoughts i wish for a 'I can't sleep, want to go on a late night drive?' kind of love. When we get married and have our own children and a beautiful home, I wish for a 'We will build a big library for us and our children in this house' kind of love.
Maybe, its silly and cliche and almost too good to be true bookish kind of love.
But, that's what I wish for.
"My lips and fingers were pens on her flesh. I kissed and memorized her in every alphabet and all I ever ended up with was, I love you so damn much".
