Was he that... innocent? No... So why did he believe in that guy? Why did he expect that his love was returned in the same way? Why did he expect that this guy would understand? Why did he open himself to him? Oh... right... love. The last shred of hope, hope that he was worth something, of anything other than for his looks and body.
As he watches the guy walk away, he sits down on his couch, hands in his face as he takes a deep breath, reality is... He would never be enough... He would never be worthy of anything other than his look and body. Wasn't that what daddy said? That the only reason he was caught in the street was because he looked too good and was worth being used?
So... He remembers Bianchi sending another text about her going to Japan and that he should go there, at least she could provide a house and a place for him to stay, better than staying around Italy in that shit place. So he did, booking the flight, packing his things, and going. What he would do? What he was gonna change? Does he want to change? Yes...
No more love.
Be a whore, since his body is all that is worth... Be a complete and totally a whore, use it, work with it.
But most important... No more telling his past... That was disgusting after all, with Shamal's help changing his name, erasing his whole past, changing everything was easy. Watching the sky change colors in the plane he couldn't help other than feel the tight squeeze in his heart.
Happy birthday...
When he landed it was easy with the small connections of Bianchi and Shamal for him to settle down, find a small apartment, and then start working as a prostitute. His only requirement other than payment? Always use condoms. What happened to him? He was okay with anything and everything.
The price was different from what you wanted, yes sex was one, but if you actually wanted to have more sadistic pleasure, then it was another. For a while, Hayato even accepted to be sexually tortured, as far as it wasn't dismembering or permanent damage and you paid very well. That is how he ended up being on the dark side of the prostitute workers.
Did he regret it? No.
Was his self esteem fixed? Far away from it, but he was winning money, he was able to actually keep his mind clean and calm. He was enjoying sex, and that is honestly all that mattered. His clients were satisfied, he could keep living...
So why after having sex with one specific client it felt so... wrong? Why he felt that squeeze again? Why his heart was pounding loudly in his chest? Why was he... No... No love.
Hayato took that as a sign for him to work more, for him to actually fall more, he shouldn't, he wouldn't let himself fall in love again. He wouldn't let himself attach himself to anyone again. Every minute, every second... he would sleep with anyone who paid him, no rest, no time to stop.
But Hibari Kyoya kept returning... Hibari Kyoya kept... slowly... With his awkward kindness and coldness, breaking those walls. Hibari Kyoya...
Fuck... I fell... Fell so hard... In love with him... Mumbling the words as tears fell down.
He wasn't ready... So... he did what he does best. Drown himself in work, avoid Hibari... Because everything would be fine right? Hibari was cold, Hibari didn't have feelings for him. So it would be okay to avoid him. Also, Hibari Kyoya the Tenth Cloud Guardian of Vongola, could have anyone, so why... He was just a sex worker, there was no reason for Hibari to look for him again.
Be happy.
He may not know Hibari's past, but he knows one thing... There was no way, no fucking way, that Hibari Kyoya would want someone as disgusting as him. Who was only worth it for his look and body. There was no way.
