Preference - After He Breaks Up With You to Keep You Safe
Sam - You tell Sam when he leaves you that he better mean it, that if he’s walking out that door he better not come back. It’s the second time he’s ever heard those words and they sting just like when his dad told him the same thing; each word a slap, making him feel young and lost. He wants nothing more than to call you up the following day and tell you he made a mistake, that you’re better together than alone and that you can face anything side by side. But he remembers your words and how broken you looked when he left, and he stays away like you want, as much as it hurts. He tells himself it's the right thing. He buries himself in his work, in hunting and research. He takes runs that are too long, pushing himself to exhaustion until he can’t think of you anymore and the way your hand felt in his, the way it felt to hold you. He can’t keep the thoughts out completely, but he keeps them at bay until nighttime when he’s forced to stop and rest, and in the quiet and the dark, he sees your face. He dreams of you every single night, waking to an empty bed beside him. He starts each new and torturous day determined to push himself a little harder. Maybe today will be the one when he can finally forget.
Dean - Dean drinks his way into oblivion when the two of you have split up. He believes so deeply that you’re better off without him in your life that he’s determined to keep himself out of it, even if it’s literally killing him. It was only a matter of time until he self-destructed and he believes he did a thorough job to make sure he didn't take you down with him; saying things he never actually meant in order to make you hate him. He takes a shot of whiskey for every remembered smile, touch, every kiss. Each one is a knife to his heart and he uses the ammunition to remind himself that you can be happy without him, that you can have a normal life; hell, have any kind of life at all without the risk of being killed at every turn knowing that a Winchester is keeping you in his heart. Hearts are dangerous things, Dean thinks as he takes another shot, hearing your laugh resonate deep within himself. Hearts can do great things; make you feel alive and real and wanted. But they can be carved out, too, and so that’s what Dean does with his own in order to protect yours.
Cas - Cas disappears the minute your door slams shut behind him. He cringes with the sound of it, flinches slightly, and then he's gone in a rustle of wings. Any sign that he’d been to see you at all, or shared his life with you for so long is gone in an instant. He no longer cares about his vessel, or his mission, or even helping Sam and Dean the way he used to. It’s strange, the way things have become duller for him without you around. He never noticed the sharpness, the brightness, you brought to his world until it disappeared. He takes to heaven and becomes that same wavelength of celestial intent he was so long ago. It’s hard for him to discern his purpose anymore; everything feels scattered and disorienting with nothing and no one to ground him. He tries not to listen in to your prayers too often, but can't stop himself from checking in every once in awhile to make sure you’re ok, always careful that you don’t know he’s around. It’s a fine line he walks, but he never sticks around long. Time loses meaning; a lot of things lose meaning. Cas doesn’t ever want to return to earth, though. Not really; and not to do any of the human things that used to make him happy. Maybe, he thinks, as he clutches at his chest that hasn’t seemed to stop aching since he last saw you, maybe being human simply hurts too much.
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