Little brotherly anxceit idea I had that I might write out.
So like, basically I was thinking that Janus could be the eldest by a couple of years. I don't know how many, don't ask, but when his parents told him that he'd be an older brother he was like!!!!!!!! So excited!!!!! Like!!! Ecstatic!
Little baby Virgil was born, and Janus was kinda just. Stricken with how s m a l l he was. And like this was real, this was his brother, he was an older brother now, what, this was crazy! But he quietly promised Virgil that he would love him forever. Things were great at first, they were basically the perfect family. Virgil and Janus were practically joint at the hip, and would do everything together.
And then came the fighting. Their parents began getting into some real nasty fights, and when it got very bad Janus would hold Virgil tight and promised that everything would be okay. Hed hug his younger brot close till he fell asleep, hiding and bottling up his own fear. For Virgil, because Virgil needed a strong older brother.
Their mom left without a goodbye, and their dad sorta p a n i c k e d. Because like. He didn't rely on their mom, he worked just as hard as her, but it was no secret that she got payed just a bit (a lot) more, and it was their paychecks combined that helped them stay afloat. But now they were only living off of his paycheck, and he wasn't even ready to raise these two kids on his own.
But he'd be damned if he didn't give it his best. He worked extra shifts, and picked up another part time job to do on his days off. And he was exhausted, but he'd do anything for his boys, anything to guarantee that they could live comfortably.
And he was succeeding really, he was making plenty of mone, although he failed to realize that Janus could not live in comfort while he worked himself to the bone.
So Janus started doing all the housework. Like. All of it. He taught himself how to cook (which only startled his dad a little bit) and how to clean properly, and all that stuff. Then, when he was of age, he got a proper job. So he was juggling school, work, housework, worrying about how much money he had to make, worrying about his dad, and worrying about Virgil all at once.It was stressful, and he and Virgil found themselves spending less and less time together.
And they got into a few fights, but it wa nothing major. At least, that's what Janus told himself. And when his dad seemed to be getting even more tired and sore and unable to work as much, Janus picked up another job. And then, Virgil became like a stranger.
Janus knew this, he saw this, he hated it so much, so he worked hard to get stuff done so he could have a day off that he could spend with Virgil (and dad if he was lucky).
The day had come, he was totally and completely free for the next 24 hours. Janus excitedly told Virgil the news, and he expected him to be happy! But instead, Virgil shrugged and told him he was going out with friends for the day.
And Janus was mad! Because he had worked so hard to get this day off! For Virgil, so that they could spend some time together! But he was just gonna leave to hang out with friends????? Which would make everything pointless?????? And also Virgil was seriously choosing his friends over him??????????
Things escalated vv quickly and it turned into a very nasty fight. They kinda mostly avoid each other after the Incident.
So y'know. Janus grows up, as one does, and decides it's time to move out.
They lived in a small town, and he wanted to have opportunities, wanted to carve out a path for himself, wanted to do something with himself. He was most definitely not running away from the Bad Stuff, What're you talking about.
Moving day comes, and he had thought he and Virgil could set their differences aside to have a tearful goodbye. But nope! Virgil is vv upset. Because well, first Janus is abscent throughout the years (nevermind that he did it all for him) and now he's actually just leaving him and their dad behind?????????????? How Dare He.
So Janus leaves on a sour note, and never looks back.
A few years pass, and Janus’ life isn't looking good. Because well, old habits die hard, and he's still working vv hard to sustain himself in The City, and he's as emotionally repressed as ever. (Y’know, because he's just a big hypocrite)
And then, at a bar, he meets Remus who immediately starts flirting with him. And well. Janus is not having Any of It.
So Remus backs off on the flirting, and instead settles on just having a conversation. And well, it's surprisingly. Pleasant.
They become good friends and maybe Janus has a crush on him, but well repression is a bitch.
One day he meets Remus’ brother Roman, and they're just. So close. And suddenly, after avoiding and fighting back the thoughts for so long, he's thinking about Virgil. And then he's crying. And then he's running away. And then Remus is running after him.
Janus refuses to talk about it, but Remus is concerned and recommends him to pay a visit to his therapist. Janus thinks “"absolutely not” but says he'll think about it just to appease Remus.
But the thought just keeps bugging him so he ends up going. And Dr. Picani is so????? Great?????? He ends up going to more sessions after that, and it slowly learning to take care of himself.
After a few sessions he talks about what happened with Virgil. And Dr. Picani recommends he write a letter addressed to him with everything he wants to say to him, just to get it off his chest. His first thought is what is it with therapists and letters?????? And his second thought is Absolutely Not.
Picani says he doesn't have to, of course, but that it might be good for him.
And Janus ends up writing it out at like. 3 am because the thought wouldn't let him sleep.
He ends up sending the letter, and it basically follows Janus slowly rebuilding his relationship with Virgil whole learning that he needs to take care of himself and how to handle all of his icky feelings.
