For everyone who can't see the original post! Here is chapter 11 of Better or Worse...
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Cassian
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I hate late flights but it was all Nesta and I could book last minute. I’m already tired, due to lack of sleep, now that I’m back on the couch. After getting cockblocked by Eris last week, and seeing that intimacy isn’t as important to my wife as it apparently is to me, I decided that sleeping on the couch would be best.
She hasn’t seemed to mind.
Not once has she asked me to come back to bed. Although, she has stayed true to her word and has been working nonstop since we decided we’d be going on vacation. I haven’t been ignoring her completely. When we’re in the same room, we’ve indulged in that same small talk that we indulged in weeks ago. Then, things started to change and get better.
Now I don’t know what to think. I’m not sure where we are now.
I debated on calling our little getaway off, but being on the beach right now sounds good, therapeutic, so here we are. Even though there’s a wall back between us, we’re taking Gwyn’s advice and going to paradise for a few days.
Once we make it past security and to our gate, Nesta’s already pulling out her laptop. I mumble that I’m going to find coffee and leave her there to work. I feel a little better, a little less grumpy, once I get caffeine in me. I even feel nice enough to bring Nesta a latte.
The flight is three hours long, and I sleep for most of it. Surprisingly, the plane seat is just as comfortable as the couch.
Maybe we should get a new couch.
I only wake up when we land, as the plane jolts once it makes contact with the tarmac. Nesta’s laptop is put away, although I think it’s because they ask you to when landing, not because she chose to. Either way, she gives me a little smile and nods out the window. “We made it.”
It’s hard to see anything because it’s already dark, but I know the airport is close to the ocean. I can see city lights through the window, but I’m too tired to try and brace myself for the nightlife of Adriata tonight.
I yawn as we pull up to our gate and the seatbelt signs are turned off. “I think our hotel is pretty close to here.”
It wasn’t what she was expecting me to respond with. Her smile falters, but she nods. “That’s good.”
I’m not in the mood for the small talk right now. I don’t have patience for it. Swiping my phone out of my pocket, I see that it’s nearly midnight. I turn it off of airplane mode and a barrage of texts and emails come through. I ignore the texts from my employees until tomorrow and skim over my email, deciding the contents of it can wait until the sun rises, too.
I open the group chat between my brothers and I, sending off a short text letting them know we’d landed. Azriel replies almost immediately, telling us to have fun, while Rhys is all radio silence. Seeing as it’s almost two in the morning in Velaris, I’m not surprised.
It’s taking forever for the people ahead of us to disembark, so I open my text thread with just Az, not wanting to wake up a likely sleeping Rhys or worse — Feyre.
You’re up late, I text. Everything okay?
Again, his reply is almost instantaneous. It’s all good. Elain woke up from a dream craving butter crunch ice cream. I’m at my third grocery store looking for it.
Chuckling, I respond, You know she’ll be fast asleep by the time you get home.
Yeah, but her smile in the morning will make it worth it.
I hate the jealousy that shoots through me reading my brother’s words.
Gwyn is still the only person we’ve told about Nesta’s miscarriages. They have no idea how badly I want what they both have.
Still, I reply, Take care of your woman. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.
I hit send as soon as we finally get moving, then we’re making our way to baggage claim. Half an hour later, with my bag tossed over my shoulder and wheeling Nesta’s suitcase behind me, we’re finding a cab to take us down to the beach, where our hotel is.
Nesta booked the flight, but I chose the hotel. With a weight room bigger than the one at my gym and walking distance to the shore, I didn’t even have to think twice about spending the ridiculous amount of money to book us a suite.
Nesta doesn’t seem to mind either as we make our way into the lobby and she looks around, impressed. The thought occurs to me then that maybe I should’ve picked a shitty hotel. If she likes it too much, it will be that much more tempting to stay in our room and work as she overlooks the endless blue waters beyond our balcony.
Nonetheless, I check in and we make our way up to the ninth floor where our suite lies at the end of the hall.
The room is big, clean, with a giant bathroom that has a jacuzzi and a little living room with a mini kitchen.
The only issue is that the couch in the living room is nothing more than a loveseat, which means that it will be me and Nesta in the same bed, yet again.
At least it’s a king size.
Apparently I’m staring disappointedly at the bed because Nesta asks, “Something wrong?”
Surely she knows. One look at her and I can tell she does. “Nope.”
I toss our bags on the loveseat and open mine up, finding my toothbrush and all my other toiletries before making my way to the bathroom and closing the door behind me.
I take longer in the bathroom than I usually would, but I also admit that I’m being a bit of a coward. I’m hoping that when I come out, Nesta will be in bed, already asleep, and I can curl up on the uncomfortable loveseat for what I can only imagine will be one of the worst night’s sleep of my life. I want to skip the fight that I feel is inevitable. I’m too tired to fight, too tired to explain to her why I can’t sleep in the bed with her.
But what I want doesn’t matter, because when I exit the bathroom, Nesta isn’t in bed. She isn’t even in the room.
The sliding door leading the balcony is open, sheer, white curtains fluttering in the warm breeze and I know that’s where I’ll find her.
She doesn’t notice me immediately, her eyes closed as she takes in the ocean air. Her hair hangs long and loose down her back, freed from the braid she usually wears it in, and she’s changed out of her leggings and t-shirt. I don’t recognize the pale, lace night gown she’s wearing.
But she looks absolutely ethereal standing in the moonlight.
I’m breathless.
Even when I’m pissed, frustrated with this woman, she has the power to take my breath away.
Which is why I’m still here, why I didn’t leave for good. I need that reminder as I step onto the balcony.
Her eyes open as I lean against the railing next to her but she doesn’t look at me. For a moment, neither of us say a word, but then she says, “You can’t sleep on that couch.”
The sound of the waves crashing against the shore relax me. “I know.”
“Does that mean you’re okay sleeping with me tonight?” she asks, and her voice is quiet which is strange for Nesta. It’s strange to hear fear lacing her tone, even if it’s subtle.
“I did debate on creating a pillow blockade between us,” I say, and I say it as a joke even though it’s something I considered while getting ready for bed.
Nesta huffs a laugh but there’s hardly any humor in it. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did. Cassian—”
“It’s late,” I say, and finally look at her. She’s still looking at the water, but her body is relaxed as if she’s come to terms with the conversation we’re about to have. “We can do this tomorrow—”
“No, we can’t.” She turns toward me then and looks up. Her eyes are pleading. “I don’t want this vacation to start off on the wrong foot. This is supposed to be good for us and it can’t be good for us if we’re not communicating. You’re pissed.” I open my mouth, but she shakes her head before I can say anything. “And don’t say you’re not. I’m not stupid, Cassian. I messed up, and I’ve been pretending like I didn’t do anything wrong but I did. I know I did, and I feel foolish. The other night… I’ve been wanting you to touch me like that for so long. It wasn’t that I wanted you to stop, because I didn’t, but when I saw Eris was calling me, my stubborn, workaholic nature took over and I had to answer. If I hadn’t answered, it would have been all I was thinking about, instead of what we were doing. And that’s not an excuse, because I know I hurt you when I answered the damn phone, and you’re right. I shouldn’t have.”
You’re right. Those are not words that leave my wife’s mouth often.
“But I meant what I said, what I promised you. This weekend is about us. I’m going to wake up every morning, respond to emails, mark a couple of little things off my checklist, and that’s it. And if you feel like I’m taking too long, then tell me. But I got a lot done in the last week, just so I can spend this time with you, uninterrupted. I want you to know that I’m all in, with you. You’re more important than my job, and if you’re feeling like you’re not, I need you to be vocal about it so I can be more aware.”
Last time I was vocal about it, she answered the phone anyways, but I don’t tell her that now. She’s trying. She’s communicating. She’s being honest. So, I nod. “It’s late,” I repeat, although more gentle than before. “Let’s get to bed so we can have a good day tomorrow.”
The fear in her eyes fades and she looks relieved as she takes my hand. I let her pull me inside, toward the bed, where we lay down together beneath the blankets.
Nothing more is said as we drift off to sleep, but she lays her head against my chest and I hold on to her through the night.
…………..
Nesta
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I haven’t had such a good night’s sleep since the last time I had Cass in bed with me, and the only reason I wake up now is because the newly awoken sun is streaming through the thin curtains and my husband’s cock is burying itself painfully into my backside.
All night, he never let me go. My back is pressed up against his front, his arm slung lazily across my waist as he breathes steadily into the silence. I can feel his chest rise and fall against my back. It calms me.
I know that he’s sleeping better now than he has in days, too, and I don’t want to wake him so I stay perfectly still, even though I’m tempted, even if all I can think about is the feel of him up against me.
All I’ve been able to think of since that night is how I could be so stupid. We’ve been making so much progress. We’ve both opened up and talked about things we didn’t want to. I’ve acknowledged that I work too much and that it’s not only one of my character flaws but the main reason I nearly lost my husband.
And the first opportunity I have to prove that he means more to me than any job ever will? I fuck it up.
For a moment, I let myself consider how that night could have ended if I didn’t answer the phone.
Likely with me bent over the kitchen counter, one of my knees propped up on one of the bar stools, as Cassian gripped my hips, pounding into me—
Cassian’s arm tightened around my waist as he shifted in his sleep and I tensed, not sure if he was awake. He murmured something, a sure sign that he was still dreaming, and settled into his pillows, not loosening his grip on me.
His thick erection, nestled into the cleft of my ass, was all I could think about. It made the throbbing between my legs all the more insistent and for a second I thought about touching myself.
What a hell of a way to wake my husband up on the first morning of our vacation.
But then I had a better idea.
I listened closely to the sound of his breathing, ensuring he was still well and truly asleep and then carefully turned over in his arms. It was a slow process, considering the hold he had on me, but after a minute, I found myself gazing into his sleeping face.
Even fast asleep, he’s ridiculously handsome, although that cocky tilt of his lips is gone when he’s out like this. I lay there for a minute, admiring his beauty, and then he stirs and I freeze. The hand that’s slung around me moves lower, his hand cupping my ass with a content sigh before he starts snoring, softly.
I force myself not to laugh, even if it’s adorable, until he shifts again and I can feel every inch of him perfectly against the thin fabric of my nightgown. Mother damn me, I want him inside of me. It takes everything within me not to grind against him, not to take control and give myself pleasure, but this wouldn’t be about me.
It would be about him.
I reach up and brush his hair back with teasingly soft fingertips. His lips, in perfect calm, form the softest of smiles.
With my hands still tucked in close to me, I press my lips to the center of his chest. It's a soft kiss, my mouth meeting his warm, toned skin, but I let it linger. I let my tongue brush over his skin, and then I move my lips to a new spot and do the same. As I pepper his chest with lingering kisses, I run a hand up his abdomen. His body jumps a little beneath my touch, almost like it tickles, and his hand on my ass tightens. My leg is drawn up over him, and now that I can feel his erection against my throbbing clit, I can’t stop myself from rocking my hips against him, just to ease the torturous feeling, if only a little. Cassian groans quietly, and I know that he’s now awake, even though his eyes are still closed, when his hips rock back into me.
I used to wake him up like this all the time, and he would do the same to me. Waking one another with little, teasing kisses until it escalated into something far more. I miss waking up like this, with him, starting off my day in pure bliss, with a euphoric high.
He breathes my name, and the second it falls from his tongue, I can’t control myself any longer. My mouth trails up the side of his neck until it finds that spot he loves, just beneath his jaw, just below his ear and sucks vigorously as my hand slides back down his hard abdomen. My fingers tease the waistband of his sweatpants, but he’s not having it.
“Nesta,” he pleads, yet again, and I nip at his skin, causing him to moan quietly above his deep, heavy breaths. His hips can’t stay still, as if his cock has a mind of its own. But he shouldn’t have to chase it, shouldn’t have to be the one to guide pleasure. My hand slips into his sweats and I take him into my hand.
The second my fingers wrap around his length, he curses.
I lean back, and his eyes are open, his lips parted. The look full of lust and love and need that he gives me makes me want to mount him right here and now, but this morning is about him. Instead, I pump him a few times, slowly, before pulling my hand out of his pants and just when he’s about to protest, I straddle his thighs and yank his sweats down until he’s free.
Everything about my husband is magnificent. His face, his hair, his body. And most definitely is cock.
Beautiful, and hard, and absolutely enormous. My mouth is watering as I look at him, at his body I’ve scarcely seen over the past year, at his cock, staring and already dripping precum and practically begging for me to touch it.
Gripping him at the base, I lean in, ready to swirl my tongue around the swollen head, just how I know drives him wild, and—
His hands grab my shoulders, stopping me. “Nesta, you don’t have to—”
“No, I don’t have to,” I agree, rubbing the head of his cock over my lips. “But I want to.”
He makes a choking sound, but doesn’t try to stop me any further.
After almost ten years together, I know his body as well as my own. I know what makes him go crazy and what will unleash him. I know every spot that tickles, what to do that will make him moan and groan and lose control. This morning, I’m pretending I don’t. I take my time exploring him, slowly dragging fingers up and down his length, over the ridge of the swollen head, teasing a vein that runs along the side.
Gazing up at him, I grip him tightly at the base and flick my tongue over the head once. As soon as my tongue glides over his skin, his hand is in my hair and he curses violently.
Our eyes are locked as I do it again, and his jaw ticks as he swallows harshly. The fingers in my hair tighten which makes me moan, a sound that drives my husband wild. I slowly work him, my mouth and hand working in tandem. It isn’t until his head is back on the pillow, his eyes closed, his breathing quick that I take the entirety of him into my mouth.
That foul language of his greets me once more, and his filthy mouth does things to me that I have no control of. I keep still for a moment, my tongue running wild before I release him and repeat the motion, again and again, taking him into my mouth, a little quicker each time. His fingers are still tangled into my hair, gripping each strand hard enough to bring on a pleasant tinge of pain. I relish in it, in that pain, in this moment. I don’t even realize I’m touching myself until I’m moaning, the sound muffled as I take him in, as I cup his balls with my free hand and give them a squeeze.
Unable to keep still any longer, Cassian’s hips began to writhe beneath me. With one quick buck, I have him fully in my mouth yet again, and I grab his ass to encourage him to repeat the motion.
His other hand joins the one in my hair, but this one smooths it back off my face, making sure he can see everything I’m doing. Gazing up at him, I can tell the second he notices my hand moving frantically, my own orgasm building quicker than I expected it. His eyes grow impossibly darker, fingers massaging my scalp before pulling on the strands of my hair again. “Are you close?”
I nod, loving the gravely tone of his voice, rough with sleep and lust. My mouth is too full to answer directly, so I bob my head in time with the fingers plunging in and out of my center.
Cassian tugs my hair, once again. “Let me watch you come.”
My entire body feels like it’s on fire as my toes curl, that sensation that I haven’t felt in so long starting to flow its way through my body. My mouth, my movements, become less fluid and Cassian tugs at my hair again, this time pulling my mouth free of his cock.
Dragging me up his body, his lips crash against mine as his fingers replace mine. I gasp at the feeling of his fingers sliding through my folds, unable to stop the moan as he circles my clit.
Reaching between us, I grip his cock, still slick and wet from my mouth and squeeze as I stroke him from base to tip.
“You’re so wet,” he groans, pumping his hips into my hand, fucking it like he had my mouth moments before. I’m just as desperate for release as he is. I’m grinding into his hand as he expertly works me, thumb circling my clit in time with the finger he has plunged inside me, knowing it’ll have me on the edge in a matter of seconds. He bites down on my neck and I moan. “So wet and so needy.”
And then he lowers his head to my breasts.
The blunt edge of his teeth on my nipple sends me falling into utter bliss. I cry out as my entire body tenses, my pussy clenching around his fingers.
Cassian groans low and then I can feel a warm wetness on my lower belly and my hand. Still lost in the orgasm crashing through me, I barely notice as Cassian curses softly, his voice laced with ecstasy.
Then his mouth is on mine again and he’s kissing me like I’m the air he needs to breathe, like a man who’s been starving being presented a feast.
My mind can’t form a single thought. All I can focus on are his hands around my waist, his mouth on mine, the hunger and desperate need radiating off of him, even though we’ve both found our releases. There’s something far deeper that just happened between us than helping one another orgasm and feel good. A wall has broken down, a barrier has crumbled that has been up for far too long. I feel lighter as he kisses me, as his tongue brushes mine, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And when I break our kiss to meet his gaze, I know, without a doubt, that he feels it, too.
"I swear to god Cassian, if she vomits, you're cleaning it up"
A/N: This was meant to be answered in 500 words or less...I think I failed. Anyway...please enjoy this angsty, hot mess! x
Ship: Nesta x Cassian, modern au
Warnings: liquor, language, self loathing.
"I'll be just a minute. Don't move."
Rhysand sighed dramatically as Cassian let himself out of the backseat and ran toward the entrance of the club. It was boy's night out, and he was ruining it, but he didn't care. The second he opened the drunken selfie Nesta had sent him, he knew she shouldn't be alone. The club she was at had a reputation, and Cassian would be damned if he let Nesta drink herself into a poor situation that she'd be regretting in the morning.
Once he was inside, he couldn't see a damn thing. The house lights were off and colorful lights were flashing all around him, instantly giving him a headache and making him nauseous. He much preferred a bar to this hellhole. Nonetheless, he started making his rounds, scoping his way through the chaos. After a few minutes, he made his way to the bar and flagged down the bartender.
"I'm looking for my friend!" he hollered over the pounding music. "Short blue dress, golden-brown hair, way too much to drink!"
The bartender chuckled. "Sorry, I've seen a lot of those tonight!"
Cassian frowned and looked around, rubbing the back of his neck before setting back out to find her. It took about fifteen minutes, but he finally found Nesta on the second floor overlooking the dance floor, sitting on some guy's lap and giggling uncontrollably, a drink in her hand.
She didn't notice Cassian until he was standing in front of her and her new companion with his arms crossed. Her eyes widened. "Cassian? Cassian! This is my friend...um..."
"Eri-"
"I don't care," Cassian said, shortly, and held out his hand. "Come on."
Nesta frowned, her brows furrowed. "Why? I'm having fun."
"Your words are slurred and your eyes are practically closed. Come on."
"Is this your boyfriend?" the guy asked, his arms tightening around Nesta.
She snorted. "Fuck no. This is...my...this is Cassian."
Cassian's jaw locked. That response pissed him off far more than it should have. But really, was it to hard to even admit that they were friends?
"Rhys and Az are waiting outside. We're going to take you home," Cassian explained, trying to keep his frustration in check. "I'll toss you over my shoulder if I have to. Come on."
"No," Nesta answered, sipping from her fruity drink with her tiny straw. "Go home, Ca-AHHH!"
True to his word, Cassian wouldn't take no for an answer. He had pulled Nesta out of the stranger's grasp, spilling her drink in the process, and pulled her away. "Where's your shit?" he asked, ignoring her new friend's curses being yelled over the music behind them.
Nesta was trying to squirm out of his grasp but she couldn't even walk a straight line, so it wasn't much of a fight. When she didn't answer him, he stopped and looked down at her with a raised brow.
By the Mother, she was drunk. Swaying on her feet, her eyelids were heavy, her lips parted, her cheeks red and blotchy. Her hair was a mess and her mascara was running, as if she'd been sweating her ass off on the dance floor. The lipstick she had been wearing in her selfie had been kissed off.
"What?" she snapped.
Cassian still held onto her hand. "I asked where your stuff was. Unless you can't remember."
Her eyes narrowed. "Of course, I remember. It's..." Her words trailed off as she looked around the club. "Um. Oh! The bar!"
Cassian was trying to be patient, but considering it took them another fifteen minutes to find her stuff, his patience was running thin. The moment they were walking outside, Nesta remembered that she did not, in fact, want to be saved.
As soon as they were out in the cool night air, Nesta snatched her hand out of Cassian's. This time, he let her.
"I'm going back inside."
"No, you're not."
Rhysand honked his horn and rolled down the window. "Will you two hurry up? We have places to be, Cass!"
"See? You have places to be," Nesta snapped, but she swayed on her heels and Cassian reached out to steady her. She closed her eyes and groaned, surely trying to control her need to vomit.
"I'm taking you home," Cassian said, and his tone left no room for argument.
"You're not my father," Nesta snapped, "and you're not my boyfriend so I don't know what the hell you think you're doing here, coming to ruin my fun."
Cassian's shoulders tensed. "I'm trying to protect you." His voice was low, his fists clenched. "I'm trying to get you home safely so that you don't end up in some asshole's bed, not able to remember a damn thing in the morning."
"Some asshole's bed?" Nesta asked, stepping toward him until their chests were practically touching. "Is that jealousy? Is it your bed you wish I was in? Do you want to fuck me, Cassian?"
Her breath smelled horrid but Cassian fought the urge to spit that fact in her face as his jaw locked. Even if he had spent plenty of nights wishing that Nesta was in his bed, he wasn't about to admit that to her now. "Know what? Fuck you for making me out to be the bad guy right now."
"That's it, isn't it?" her eyes were bright as she looked up at him beneath her lashes. "You want me, and you hate that someone else was about to take me home, so here you are."
She was drunk. He knew she wouldn't remember any of this in the morning. He tried to remind himself of that as his temper rose. "Come on," he snapped, and went to take her hand, but she shook her head.
"You want me, Cass?" she breathed, and ran her hands up his chest. "Then take me."
"Stop," he said, but the word was weak. He didn't feel like doing this, not now. A sudden exhaustion swept over him as he wrapped his hands around her wrists. "I'm taking you home. Now."
"Why wait?" she said, and kissed his jaw. Cassian pulled her back so that the contact broke, even though the feel of her lips set his skin on fire. "Fuck me here. There's a perfectly good brick wall right there."
She gestured to the side of the building behind her and nearly fell over. Cassian reached out to steady her, once more, but as he grabbed her hands she took them and placed them sloppily over her breasts. "Come on, Cass. Fuck me."
He snatched his hands away with a curse before tossing her over his shoulder. She hit his back and bit his shoulder, which hurt like hell, but he didn't budge until he was opening the backdoor of Rhys's car and dropping her inside. He rounded to the other side quickly before dropping down beside her and telling him to drive.
"I swear to god Cassian, if she vomits, you're cleaning it up," he muttered, glaring at his friend in the mirror as he put the car back into drive.
Azriel gave Cassian a sympathetic look from the passenger seat before glancing at Nesta. "Maybe crack the window. She doesn't look so good."
Cassian leaned over and rolled it down a few inches before buckling Nesta in, just as they pulled onto the main road.
"Just go to my apartment, it's closer," Cassian said, when Nesta groaned. Her face paled and she truly did look like she was about to get sick. He hoped she waited until they were back out of the car, or Rhys would never let him forget it. He was anal about his precious Camaro.
They drove in silence for all of five minutes before they pulled into the parking garage of Cassian's apartment complex. He had just gotten Nesta out of the backseat before she puked on his shoes.
Rhysand swore, and Azriel's sympathetic eyes lingered on them as Cassian sighed. "Go have fun. I'll call you tomorrow."
They reluctantly agreed and Cassian knew the moment they drove off that Rhysand was swearing up a storm. He knew how Rhysand felt about his relationship with Nesta, if what they had between them could even be called a relationship. Nonetheless, Cassian held onto her until her stomach was empty before gathering her into his arms and carrying her up the stairs to the second floor. Nesta groaned as her eyes closed, and a few minutes later, they were crossing the threshold of Cassian's studio apartment.
"You smell like shit," Nesta muttered.
"That would be my shoes," Cassian replied, shutting the door behind them with his ass. He kicked them off by the door before carrying Nesta further inside and dropped her on his bed. Once he was sure that she wouldn't roll off, he went to see just how bad the damage was to his favorite boots. He cringed at the sight of them before pushing open the sliding glass door to the balcony and setting them outside. He'd get to them later. They needed some serious attention.
Right now, no matter how much she wanted to deny it, Nesta needed him.
He slipped off his jeans and tossed them on top of his boots before making his way to his dresser and tugging on a pair of clean sweats, happy to be freed of all vomit. When he turned toward Nesta, she was slowly sitting up with a groan. Cassian ran to get the trashcan from the kitchen and had just made it in front of her when she started heaving again.
"Fuck," he muttered, taking her hair in his free hand and holding it back. "How much did you drink?"
She lifted her middle finger in the air as she hurled again. Cassian sighed and waited it out before setting the trashcan aside and holding out his hands.
She blinked, swaying where she sat. "What?"
"I'm cleaning you up. Come on."
She stared at his hands for another second before taking them, fully resigned to her fate. "Go out with Rhys and Az. I'll be fine."
Cassian pulled her to her feet and when she swayed again, he gathered her back into his arms and made the short trek to the bathroom. "I had a long day, anyway. We'd already been out for a few hours. I was ready to come home."
If she knew that was a lie, she didn't call him out on it. He sat her carefully on the vanity and started taking off her heels, setting them aside. He handed her a bottle of mouthwash before turning to fill the tub.
"You don't have to do all this," she said, quietly, and now that her stomach was empty, her head was surely starting to clear a little bit. "I can take care of myself-"
"Yeah, you've proved that," he snapped, then took a deep breath. When he turned back to Nesta, he sighed. "You could at least go out with your sisters so that you're not endangering yourself by drinking so fucking much alone. Guys are dicks, Nesta, you have no idea-"
"I'm not stupid, I know," she snapped back, and Cassian's mouth snapped shut. "Maybe I don't want protecting, and maybe I don't want saving, Cassian. Maybe I want to go do reckless shit and put myself in bad situations."
Cassian shook his head and turned back toward the tub, turning off the faucet. "Get in the tub, you smell like puke and smoke."
Her jaw set stubbornly. "Stop telling me what to do."
"I'm trying to help you!" All of Cassian's calm demeanor left him. It evaporated, and pure frustration consumed him. "Just drop the act for ten fucking minutes and let me help!"
Nesta didn't flinch. She hardly reacted at all. "I didn't ask for your help." The venom in her words sent chills down his spine. "You showed up, uninvited, and ruined everything!"
She pushed Cassian away, hands flat against his chest, but he didn't care, it didn't bother him. This wasn't the first time she pushed him away, both physically or metaphorically, and it wouldn't be the last. "Get in the bath."
They stared at each other for a long time, and when Cassian reached for her, she slipped herself off the counter and angrily started slipping out of her dress. Her breasts were freed in front of him, like she didn't even care, and Cassian's eyes drifted away the moment he saw them. He turned his back to her and started towards the bathroom door. Nesta barked a laugh that held no humor, no light.
"What? You can be the knight in shining armor but you can't see me naked? Surely you've seen a naked woman before, Cass. Surely this is what you wanted, coming to save me. Don't tell me you were doing it out of the goodness of your heart, you-"
Cassian stepped out of the bathroom and slammed the door before she could finish her spiteful rant. Her words fell flat once the sound of the door echoed throughout the small space, and he hated himself for lingering outside of the door to listen, to make sure she was okay.
The water sloshed in the porcelain tub as Nesta sank herself within. She sighed, and then the softest of sobs filled the space. She thought he couldn't hear, thought he wasn't paying attention, thought she had pushed him away enough to have this private moment, but it hadn't worked. He was still right there, as he always was.
He knew Nesta. He knew Nesta more than he knew most people, with the exception of Rhys and Azriel. He knew her, and it didn't matter how much she pushed him away. They were two halves of the same coin, their souls shared a space, and one day she would realize that he was not the villain. And he would wait for that day, because he was a fucking dumbass. Because when that day came, when she forgave herself for her faults and found peace with herself, with her past, she would be his, as she was always destined to be.
He knew that she knew it, knew that she was fighting it because she didn't feel like she deserved an ounce of happiness.
Cassian sighed as he fell back on his bed and ran his hands down his face. He stayed like that for a long time, waiting for Nesta to come out of the bathroom. Ten minutes passed, then twenty, and when half an hour came and went, Cassian grew worried.
Having found his calm, he stood from his bed and knocked on the bathroom door. When no answer came, he started to panic, but when his hand fell on the knob, the quietest of voices came from within. "Yes?"
Cassian swallowed, his chest heavy. "Just checking in. You've been in there a while."
Another few seconds of silence passed. "I, um....I need a towel."
Cassian took one from his little closet and brought it to the bathroom door. "Can I come in?"
"Yes."
Cassian turned the knob and entered the bathroom. Nesta laid in the tub, her head the only thing above the water. Dark circles drowned her eyes and she looked exhausted, as if she had used every last ounce of energy on her tears. Cassian didn't let his eyes wander her body. His eyes stayed connected to hers. Her hair was still dry.
"You didn't wash your hair."
She shrugged.
"Did you wash your body?"
She shrugged, again.
Cassian sighed, dropping the towel. He grabbed a washrag off the counter and sat down next to the tub.
"It's hard to wash hair in a tub," Nessta said, quietly, emptily.
"Yeah, well," Cassian sighed, "the shower head is broken. I have to get a new one. At least wash your body." He took the washrag in his hand and drowned it in soap. "Here."
Nesta took the rag and ran it down her body until Cassian deemed her acceptable.
"Sit up."
She had no fight left in her. She did as she was told.
He grabbed the cup he'd been using to rinse his hair with and filled it with water before dumping it over Nesta's head. It was cold. She didn't seem to care. She didn't seem to notice. She didn't even glare at him. She hardly moved.
"Here," he said, holding open the shampoo.
Nesta didn't move. "My hair is fine."
"There's puke on the ends."
She shrugged.
Cassian's jaw locked as he poured the shampoo into his hands and ran it through her hair. He massaged it into her scalp and ran it through to the tips of her golden-brown locks. Her eyes closed and she let out a long breath. He rinsed her hair until it ran clear, then pulled the plug and stood, grabbing the towel and holding it up.
It seemed to take all of Nesta's energy to stand and step out of the tub. Cassian wrapped the towel around her, then left the room to let her dry herself off.
In the meantime, he went to the kitchen and filled a glass with water before finding a bottle of Ibuprofen to put on the nightstand for the morning. Then, he went to his dresser and pulled out an old t-shirt and a pair of his boxers. Both would be way too big, but they would be comfortable.
"Here," he said, coming back to the bathroom. Nesta took them, her eyes empty as Cassian went back into the bedroom and laid himself down on his bed. He listened as Nesta dressed, as she used his brush to brush out her hair. He was surprised she managed to do that, despite her current state.
She came into the room a few minutes later, exhausted and dressed in his clothes. He pulled the blankets back and she didn't hesitate before she fell into bed beside him, wrapping herself up in his blankets. Cassian stayed quiet, on top of the blankets, his legs crossed.
"Sleep it off," he murmured. "I'll head to the couch once you-"
"Don't," Nesta whispered, staring at the wall. "Stay. Please."
Please. It was a word that Nesta rarely spoke, one that he was convinced was only reserved for him during her greatest time of need. It was a selfish request, they both knew it, but they also both knew that Cassian would do just that. He would stay.
Every time.
He would stay.
Minutes passed in utter silence before Nesta reached behind her and took his hand. His fingers clasped around hers and neither of them said a word as Nesta's breathing evened out. Cassian's body lost its tension and he found himself slipping under the blankets, but keeping to his side. He continued to hold her hand, though. He never let go.
Even when morning came, their hands remained together, clinging to one another as if nothing else mattered.
you and i came from the same high school but i haven’t seen you on campus at all except for yesterday… when i waved hi and you didn’t wave hi back AU
“i would rather die than take this exam.” “same.” AU
you’re looking for people to be club officials with you. i think you’re cute and say yes AU
we’re part of a study group but everyone bailed so i guess it’s just the two of us AU
i can hear you when you sing in the shower… i can also hear when you, well, you know, in the shower AU
“there’s a harry potter marathon on.” “why would you tell me that when i’m studying for a midterm?!” AU
the only class i hate is the only class i’m doing beyond well in. you’re the t.a. for this class AU
“you need to shower/eat/sleep (take care of yourself).” “after studying.” “no. now.” AU
i’ve never ridden the buses here and you offer to teach me the systems AU
+ bonus if at the end of the day person a rests their head on b’s shoulder
you’re waiting in my dorm room for my roommate to come back from class and you end up helping me on my lab work AU
this is the third time i’ve been locked outside of my dorm bc i left my student card inside. this is also the third time you’ve had to let me in AU
i’m sick with a cold and so i ask you to take notes for me in a lecture. you do more than just that AU
you’re my crush and you came over to my dorm with your friend. in the middle of the visit, i realize you’re flirting with me. at the end of the visit, i realize you were only flirting with me to make your crush jealous AU
i’ve never gotten high/drunk before and you decide you’ll let me get high/drunk with you AU
my roommate and i aren’t getting along. now i need a new dorm and fast. “can i move into your dorm?” AU
“we can’t go back to my dorm… i have a top bunk.” “wait, i have a top bunk too.” “how the hell are we going to sleep with each other then?” AU
based on the 5sos song! it just screamed nessian to me and also s/o to @verryberriess for all the help! she is a genius ;)
Cassian had to pinch himself. She was here. After 6 months, seeing Nesta Archeron was like seeing a ghost. She still haunted his dreams, but it would never compare to seeing her in person. What were the odds that the one night Rhysand had asked him to cover a shift at his bar, Nesta would be there? He tried not to gawk, but it was practically impossible.
She looked like a brand new person. Her once long, golden-brown hair was now shoulder length with purple and pink multicolored streaks. It almost reminded him of a college sorority girl going through a punk phase, but she pulled it off nonetheless. The skin-tight black dress that she would’ve never been caught dead in a year ago accentuated her curves perfectly and red heels made her absolutely devastating. He wasn’t the only one who noticed. He even saw a small tattoo behind her ear, a tattoo she was showing off to a very average looking man.
Summary: Elide Lochan thought she had met the love of her life only to find out that he was not the man she thought he was. After her world starts falling down around her, she makes a move back to her childhood home in hopes of starting over. Although it’s the last thing she expected, she meets a man the exact opposite of her ex. With his help and that of her best friend, Aelin, she learns how to stand on her own two feet and take control of her life.
Starting Over Masterlist
The first thing Elide realized when she woke up was how rested she felt, how great she’d slept, for the first time in almost a month.
The second thing she realized was that something was tickling her face.
Opening her eyes, Elide was greeted by a mass of messy dark hair strewn across the pillow beside her.
Lorcan.
Memories of their night before crashed through her, just as the soreness hit her between her legs.
He had promised that he would make her feel good. He made good on that promise.
Careful not to wake him, Elide reached out, brushing his hair off of his forehead, revealing his sleeping face. He was one of the most handsome men she’d ever seen, she had no doubt of that, but there was something charming to his features when he was asleep, something that softened the harsh, rugged lines of his face.
The scar that cut through his eyebrow was longer than she realized, able to see the faint edges of it reaching almost to his hairline. She wondered what had caused the wound, something that caused such a scar years later. The answer likely lied in his past, with his father, but Elide wouldn’t pry. She wouldn’t want anyone digging through her past without offering the information to them.
She couldn’t stop her fingers as they trailed the scar then down the sharp line of his jaw. She’d kissed that jaw last night, those lips and everything else. The thought alone, the rush of the memory, had her longing to relive it again.
He stirred beside her and Elide stilled. It was his day off, she didn’t want to wake him, yet there he was, dark eyes fluttering open. He took a deep, heavy breath as he yawned and blinked a few times before meeting Elide’s tender gaze.
He gave her a sleepy grin as he reached over and draped his arm over her abdomen. She could feel his hard, naked body up against her side and it caught her breath.
“Good morning,” he whispered, and she liked the way he sounded first thing in the morning.
“Good morning,” she said, unable to stop a smile of her own.
“How’d you sleep?” He asked, eyes still glazed with the exhaustion he was certainly feeling.
“Really good,” she said, and laughed quietly as she rolled onto her side to face him head on.
He pulled her in closer. Elide draped her leg over his.
“Good,” he said, brushing his thumb over her bottom lip. “Me too. Better than I’ve slept in a long time. I think you wore me out.”
“Me?” She laughed, laying her hand against his chest. Not to push him away, but because she just…needed to touch him. “I think you wore yourself out.”
He leaned in, pressing the softest of kisses to her mouth. It was sweet and tender and so different from what they’d done last night that Elide reveled in it.
“We can call it a joint effort,” he murmured against her lips, rolling on top of her.
She sucked in a breath, her legs falling apart as he settled between them. It was so sore between her legs, thanks to Lorcan wearing himself out, that she wasn’t sure she could even stand to have his fingers or mouth on her.
His kisses stayed slow and sweet and soft and he eventually pulled away. “Breakfast?”
Her stomach picked that exact moment to make the most gods awful growling noise. Burying her face in his neck, her voice was muffled when she replied. “Yes, please.”
Lorcan chuckled, deep and rough, and kissed the side of her head before climbing off of her and off the bed.
Elide told herself she tried not to look, she really did, but her eyes were drawn to his very strong, very powerful, very, very naked body. His muscled back expanded as he stretched and yawned, walking towards his dresser. His abs flexed in the mirror as he pulled open a drawer, pulling out a pair of boxer-briefs. And his ass, good gods, that ass… Every inch of him was perfection, and she meant every single inch.
Even though she knew it was likely thanks to regular old morning wood, Elide imagined that the reason his cock was so hard, straining against the black boxer-briefs he’d just put on, was because she was still lying naked in his bed.
“I’ll be back in ten minutes,” he promised, as he turned to face her. As he grinned, she knew that he was fully aware of where her eyes lingered. “Get some fresh clothes out of the dresser. Make yourself at home.”
He left and once he was gone, Elide sat up. She walked across the hall to the bathroom and took care of her business before lifting an arm and smelling herself. Gods. She smelled like she had just worked out, and she supposed she had the night before. She took a washcloth out of the closet and washed her face, then did a quick wash of her body, before running her fingers through her tangled hair. She looked in the mirror once more and deemed herself appropriate before walking back across the hall to his bedroom.
She opened his drawers and eventually found a pile of t-shirts. She took one out that looked like it represented his high school days and pulled it on before picking up the scattered, discarded clothing strung across the floor from the night before. She put them into his hamper before crawling back onto his bed and waiting.
Her phone vibrated on his night stand and she hadn’t even realized she had brought it up with her the night before. She was surprised she had, remembering that she had been thinking of one thing and one thing alone when she ascended the stairs.
She grabbed it now and looked at the screen. Aelin had texted her.
Just went to tell you good morning. You’re not there. I have chocolate muffins. Where are you?? Are you okay??
Chocolate muffins sounded delicious. She always got them from a bakery just down the street that Elide swore was gifted to them by the gods.
She typed back, I’m good. Be home soon. Tell you everything then.
After adding a smiley face she sent the text away and Lorcan came back in, still in nothing but his underwear, holding a tray of food.
It smelled glorious.
“I could certainly get used to seeing you in my clothes,” he said, setting the tray on the edge of the bed and sitting next to her.
Elide yelped as he pulled her into his lap and reached for the tray, tugging it closer to them.
“What are you doing?” Her voice was full of laughter.
“I want to eat breakfast, but I also really want you in my arms,” he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, “so I’m doing both.” He held up a plate for her. “Bacon?”
She shook her head. “You’re…”
“Ridiculous?” He finished for her, pressing a kiss to the side of her neck as he loosened his grip on her. “You’ve told me a few times.”
She was still in his lap, but was able to reach for one of the two cups of coffee on the tray. Thanks to their many talks over smoothies, he knew exactly how she drank her coffee. She took a long drink and moaned quietly. When she opened her eyes, she felt his gaze on her and turned to look at him. His eyes were glazed, so dark Elide could hardly tell where his pupil ended and the iris began. “What?”
“Careful, or you’re going to end up being breakfast.”
Her cheeks warmed as she sipped from her mug. Gods, she wished she was so she could feel his tongue exploring every inch of her body again. His eyes brightened as if he knew exactly what she was thinking.
Nonetheless, he took a piece of bacon off the plate and ate it before grabbing a piece of avocado toast to follow it with. Elide did the same and she had to admit that Lorcan was pretty damn good in the kitchen.
They ate and they talked and they laughed, and then they kissed for a while until Elide felt like a muddled mess. He didn’t go any further and she was certain that it was because he knew how sore she was, knew how vigorously he had pleasured her the night before.
“You’re more than welcome to wear that home,” he said, gesturing to his shirt that was on her body about an hour later. “Although, you may want to wear some pants.”
Elide chuckled. No matter what she wore home, when Lorcan dropped her off, Aelin and Rowan would surely know exactly what had happened. Elide didn’t care, though. She watched Lorcan as he dressed, pulling on his jeans and a sweatshirt, and realized that she was just a little bit crazy about the guy.
Even before last night, he had consumed her thoughts and brought her undoubtful happiness.
Elide opted to put her dress back on, as much as she longed to keep the worn, well-loved shirt, but knew there was no way she’d be able to keep the baggy shorts from last night on, no matter how tightly she tied the drawstring.
It was almost ten by the time Lorcan was locking the kitchen door behind them as they stepped out into the garage. Halfway to the car, she froze.
Ever the vigilant officer, Lorcan noticed immediately. “What?”
“My car,” she said, dropping her forehead to her palm. “It’s at the bar, not at home.”
Shrugging, he stepped around her and opened the passenger door for her. “We’ll get it tonight.”
“Tonight?” She asked, as she got into the car.
“Yeah.” He grinned and leaned down, capturing her lips with his. “When I take you out tonight.”
Twenty minutes later, they were parked in Elide’s usual spot at the apartment and were walking up the stairs. She paused in front of the door, waiting.
Raising an eyebrow, Lorcan asked, “What are you doing?”
“Listening,” Elide whispered back. “Making sure they aren’t having sex in the living room or the kitchen.”
Lorcan couldn’t fault her for that. Regardless of the fact that they got engaged the night before, he knew what kind of sexual appetite those two had. He’d innocently walked into their dorm room on numerous occasions and found the two of them going at it on Rowan’s desk or on the floor or anywhere they could get their hands, lips, teeth, tongues on each other more times than he could count. And Aelin hadn’t even lived with them. He could only imagine what it was like sharing a two bedroom apartment with them both.
“I think the coast is clear,” he said, after they’d listened for a couple more seconds. “I don’t hear anything.”
“Maybe they're not home,” Elide said, unlocking the door and heading in.
They were home and they were, surprisingly, both completely dressed.
Or at least one of them was.
Rowan was sitting on the couch in the living room when they stepped inside, watching highlights of the hockey game the night before. His green eyes went wide as he took in the two of them.
Lorcan shut the door behind them and turned to face Rowan, smiling as he crossed his arms. “Good morning.”
Rowan blinked, eyes darting from Lorcan to Elide, then back to Lorcan. With thinned lips, he said, “Morning.”
Elide cleared her throat. “Aelin?”
“Bedroom,” Rowan replied, simply, his narrowed eyes never leaving Lorcan.
Elide dismissed herself, hurrying down the hall and back towards the bedrooms. When she was in the hall, she gave one last look over her shoulder and smiled. Lorcan was watching her. He winked, and she disappeared.
Aelin was in her bedroom, putting away clean laundry when Elide rounded the corner. The second she appeared, Aelin dropped the pile of Rowan’s shorts she was holding and took in Elide’s apparel.
She knew she probably still looked like a mess, her dress wrinkled and her makeup still lingering from the night before. Aelin hopped up onto her bed and patted the mattress next to her before saying, “Spill, starting with why I hear Lorcan in my living room.”
Elide heard him, too, his voice lingering as he and Rowan spoke, although she couldn’t decipher any of the words being exchanged.
“He brought me home,” Elide said, unable to stop her spreading grin as she sat on the edge of Aelin’s bed.
“Because?” Aelin asked, dragging the word out.
Elide knew that Aelin knew exactly why, but she still didn’t tell her outright. “Because we had a sleepover.”
“A sleepover,” she repeated, her lips pursed. Elide could tell she was trying not to smile. “And what, pray tell, took place at this sleepover?”
“Well, we watched a movie,” Elide said, tucking her legs underneath herself.
“What movie?” Aelin interjected.
“The Princess Bride.” She didn’t bother telling Aelin that neither of them watched more than fifteen minutes total.
She nodded. “Oh, he’s good. What else?”
“He made me breakfast this morning,” Elide said, smiling down at the comforter as she played with an errant loose thread. “It was delicious. He makes a mean avocado toast.”
“Okay, anyone can make avocado toast, it’s not that hard, but that’s not the point.” Aelin was eyeing Elide. “Did something happen between the movie and breakfast?”
Gods, Elide was enjoying this far too much. “A few things happened,” she admitted, shrugging one shoulder. “You’ll have to be a little more specific.”
Turquoise and gold eyes narrowed on her. “Did you or did you not hook up with my fiancé’s best friend?”
Apparently, Aelin was done with the vague answers. And was wanting to flash her new title.
Biting her lip, Elide glanced up at Aelin and nodded.
Aelin was up in a flash, slamming the door, jumping back onto the bed next to Elide and taking her hand. “You have to tell me everything.”
“Everything?” Elide chuckled.
“Okay, not everything, I don’t want to know how big his cock is or anything,” she said, rolling her eyes and shuddering, “but I need to know how it was.”
“It was…amazing,” Elide breathed. The door was shut and Rowan and Lorcan were having their own conversation downstairs, but she still spoke quietly, not wanting him to know she was talking about him. “He fucks like a god.”
Aelin’s brows shot up. “Really? Scale of one to ten.”
Elide shook her head. “Sixteen. I’ve never experienced anything like it,” she confessed. “I had more orgasms than I could count and, gods, he took his time with me.” She felt that heat flood her veins. “It was….it was perfect.”
When she looked back up at Aelin, her eyes were soft. “And?” She pushed. “After? How’d you feel?”
How did she feel? There weren’t words to describe it, but she did the best she could, even though it didn’t do him justice. “I had never felt more safe, or cherished.”
“Good,” Aelin said, then smiled wickedly. “If he wasn’t a gentleman, I would cut his dick off myself.”
“Please don’t,” Elide said, before she could think better of it. Aelin laughed. “He was kind. You know…until it was appropriate for the gentleman in him to go out the window.”
“You’re smitten,” Aelin said, shoving her friend in the arm. “You’re happy?”
“Very,” Elide promised.
“Are you two, like, dating now? Or was it just a one time thing?” Aelin asked, needing those little details, unable to control herself.
“He’s taking me to dinner tonight,” Elide beamed, then looked down at herself. “You know, after I bathe and make myself presentable.”
“You make the walk of shame look good,” Aelin smirked, looking at Elide’s rumpled dress.
“Shut up,” she laughed, covering her face and falling back onto the mattress.
And then she jumped up like something had bitten her.
“What?” Aelin asked, jumping to her feet as well, turning to look for an attacker on the bed.
“I do not want to lay in, on, or around your bed after last night,” Elide said, pretending to shudder.
“Oh, you shut up,” Aelin laughed, shoving her. Elide laughed, too, and they sat back down on the bed, despite Elide’s protests. She wrapped an arm around Elide’s shoulders, resting her cheek on top of her head. “Besides, the bed is the only place we didn’t have sex last night.” Elide groaned and fell back against the bed again. “The couch, the kitchen, the counter in the bathroom, even against the door to your bed—”
“I get it!” Aelin was laughing so hard that Elide had to as well. “Lots of sex. A lot of sex was had last night.”
“A lot,” Aelin emphasized, and Elide rolled her eyes in the most loving of ways. She looked down at the gorgeous ring that sat on her friend’s finger.
“I’m so happy for you, Ace,” she said, taking her hand. “You and Rowan deserve the world.”
“It’s finally happening.” Aelin’s grin was breathtaking, utter joy and happiness written all over her. “I can’t believe it.”
“I guess it’s time I start looking for my own place,” Elide said, with a sad smile.
“You know you don’t have to, Elide,” Aelin said, squeezing her hand. “Just because we’re engaged, you don’t have to go. We haven’t even talked about a date for the wedding yet, so there’s no rush.”
“It’s okay,” Elide said, and she meant it. “You guys need your own space and so do I.”
Arlin smirked and said, “You’re right, I’m not ready to start having breakfast with Lorcan every morning.”
Elide’s cheeks heated.
She was going to tell Aelin that that may not be the case, but Elide really hoped it was. She loved that Lorcan brought her breakfast in bed, loved the night they had shared together. If she could do it again, she would, just to feel that rush of euphoria that went with it.
She wondered if every time would be like that.
All she knew for sure is that there sure as hell would be a next time.
She would make sure of that.
——————————-
“I told you not to get involved with her.”
The second that Elide left the room, Lorcan knew that the conversation with Rowan was going to take a turn.
“Yeah, and I didn’t give a fuck,” Lorcan said, and he knew it was petty but a rush of sudden anger swept over him. He knew of Elide’s past and he hadn’t planned for what happened to have happened, but there were no regrets. Being with Elide last night felt right, felt natural, felt perfect, and he would not feel bad about it.
“Aelin is going to be so pissed,” Rowan replied, standing from the couch.
“And again,” Lorcan replied, his hands in his pockets, shrugging his shoulders, “I don’t give a fuck. What happened between Elide and I is between us, not you and me and not Elide and Aelin.”
Rowan shook his head. “You two weren’t drunk, were you?”
“No, but why would that matter,” he shot back. “Drunk thoughts are sober truths or whatever the saying is.”
“Because you make bad decisions when you’re drunk, and because Elide is fucking healing and vulnerable—”
“Are you accusing me of forcing myself on her?” Icy rage froze the blood in his veins and he’d never wanted to punch his best friend as badly as he did in that moment.
“Of course not, I know you would never do that,” Rowan said, holding up his hands as if he knew Lorcan’s thoughts had turned near violent, “but like I said, she’s been through some shit—”
“Just to set the record straight, even though it’s none of your fucking business, I offered to sleep on the couch, she went upstairs to sleep in my bed, alone, and then came and sought me out,” Lorcan said, unwilling to apologize for what they’d done. He also didn’t mention that he was on the way up the stairs to beg her to let him touch her, however she’d let him.
Rowan had started to pace at some point and he asked, “Why was she even at your place anyways?”
“Because she knew that you two were most likely coming back here to fuck on every surface in the apartment, and I offered her somewhere she could get a good night’s rest without having to go to therapy.”
He paused where he had made it to the middle of the room and looked at Lorcan. He wasn’t able to hide the smirk that appeared on his face. “Alright, that’s fair.”
And that quickly, the tension in the room was gone.
Rowan sighed, dragging a hand through his cropped silver hair. “Just…promise me you’re doing this for the right reason, Lor. She’s a good girl, who’s been through way too much shit in her life. And don’t even start,” he said, holding a hand out when he saw Lorcan open his mouth to jump in, “because I know the shit you went through because I was there. But everyone heals differently, and I don’t think Elide is a one-night stand kind of girl.”
Lorcan was quiet for a moment as he rounded the couch and sat. He leaned back and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t want it to be a one night stand,” he said, jaw flexing. “I care about her. I mean, I really care about her. I’ve gotten to know her and I…I can’t get her out of my head.”
Rowan nodded, sitting on the chair opposite of him and crossing his arms. For a moment, he said nothing. He watched Lorcan and Lorcan hated it, hated it because he could tell that Rowan was examining him. Rowan had known him longer than anyone. He knew Lorcan’s mannerisms, his expressions. “I can tell,” he said, at last. “I’ve seen you go through a lot of women, Lor.”
Lorcan blinked and waited for him to go on. When he didn’t, he asked, “But?”
“But I’ve never seen you look like that when talking about one of them,” Rowan finished, simply.
Lorcan had never felt what he did for Elide for any other woman - at least, not so quickly. Being with Elide felt right, and there was no other way for him to explain it. Even before he slept with her, he felt a pull towards her, like being simply in her presence wasn’t enough. He did not believe in fate, nor did he believe in love at first sight, but what he felt for Elide since the day she hit him with her car bordered both ideologies.
“It’s not just a one night stand,” Lorcan said, reassuring him, “not for me, at least.”
Rowan nodded at last. “If you’re happy, man, then I’m happy. Just…be careful.”
Lorcan gave him a curt nod and that was that, the conversation in the past. Rowan cared for Elide, Lorcan knew that, knew that it was the reason he had acted the way he had. He liked that, too, loved that Elide had people in her life like Rowan and Aelin who cared so much for her and her well-being. But, Lorcan cared, too, and he didn’t want that going unnoticed.
Aelin came out a minute later and gave Lorcan a mischievous grin that didn’t quite sit well with him as she plopped herself down next to Rowan. Ten minutes later, Elide appeared with wet hair and far more comfortable clothes on than the rumpled dress she had slipped on from the night before. She sat next to Lorcan on the couch without any hesitation and his arm went around her as she laid her head against his shoulder.
Natural.
It all felt so damn natural, so right, and that was all Lorcan could think about as they flipped through the channels together, the four of them.
Everything was falling into place and Lorcan thought that he could sure as hell get used to it.
——————————-
Elide was absolutely positive that she had never been this happy. For the first time in her life, everything was going right. She spent her days doing what she loved, helping people better themselves and spent her nights with Lorcan, experiencing pleasure she never thought was possible. They spent almost all of their time together when they weren’t working, though Lorcan stopped in to see her almost every day. Being together had started to feel not just natural, but normal. Rowan and Aelin had even stopped staring at them every time they were around.
Which was often, as they stayed at Elide’s almost as often as they stayed at Lorcan’s, for one reason or another. Some days, Lorcan had to be up before the sun and some days, it was Elide, but no matter what, they were together.
They took advantage of their privacy when they stayed at Lorcan’s, which is how Elide had ended up bent over the arm of the couch one evening after they returned home from the gym. Thirty minutes later, she was lying on his chest on the couch, reveling in the feeling of his fingers on the bare skin of her back. Her eyes were closed and she listened to the steady beat of his heart as he dragged his fingers up and down her back.
“Elide…”
“Mmm.” She was seconds away from falling asleep if he kept doing that and then he’d have to carry her up to bed. Naked.
His fingers stilled. “I’ve been thinking.”
Elide’s eyes flew open. She hated those words. They were almost as bad as we need to talk, but thankfully, he hadn’t said that.
She sat up, her palms flat on his chest, and looked down at him. “About what?”
He lifted a dark brow as his fingers went around her wrists then up her arms before cupping her face. “Lay back down,” he whispered, brushing a thumb along her jaw. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”
Elide gave him a suspicious look before lowering herself back down, cheek against his chest. She looked up at him, though, to find him already watching her, eyes bright. “I’ve been thinking,” he said, again, “about us.”
Elide still felt no comfort, even when his fingers brushed along her back, once more.
“What about us?” Elide pressed.
Lorcan was quiet for a moment, but then he said, “I really care about you, Elide. Everytime I’m with you, I…” His words trailed off and he shook his head. “I hope you know how important you are to me.”
Elide’s body had gone still. She wasn’t sure what he was going to say, but with the way he began the conversation, she didn’t think that those would be the next words coming out of his mouth. “I know,” she promised, and she did. She felt how important she was to him every time she was in his presence. “I feel the same for you.”
He smiled, and it was one of those rare smiles that had Elide’s heartbeat quickening. “You’re freaking me out,” she muttered, and he chuckled.
“I just…” he began, but then thought better of it and let out an exasperated huff. “Look, I want you to be my girlfriend, alright? I feel like I should have asked you a while ago but I wasn’t sure how to. And, to be honest, I had a nice, romantic little speech planned, but now it sounds stupid, so…there it is. Please say you’ll be my girlfriend because, if not, I am already incredibly uncomfortable.”
The words rushed out of him so quickly that Elide barely had time to process them before she laughed, quietly, her hand coming up to cover that bubbling laughter.
Lorcan’s face immediately fell. “You’re laughing.”
“I’m not, I’m not.” Except she was still giggling. Outright giggling. When she composed herself, Elide realized it was her turn to dissuade his worries. She sat up, looking down at him, and pushed his messy hair back off his face. “I’m not laughing at you, Lorcan, it’s just that…I thought I already was your girlfriend.”
She was starting to chuckle again as she finished what she was saying and his eyebrows knit together. “What?”
“I’ve had, like, three people ask about us and I’ve told them you were my boyfriend.” Her cheeks were heating, but she didn’t care. “I assumed, with all the dates and all the time we spend together, that we were sort of just…together.”
It was Lorcan’s turn to laugh and he cupped the back of her head, pulling her mouth to his.
She kissed him slowly, a sense of peace overpowering her body as she melted into him. When she pulled back, she said, “That’s a yes, by the way, in case that wasn’t clear.”
Lorcan’s arms around her tightened as he clicked his tongue. “I don’t know,” he teased. “That’s not very convincing.”
Elide rolled her eyes and shoved against him before falling right back down onto his chest. “What we just did didn’t convince you!?” She asked, running her hands down his abdomen. “I can always try to convince you again.”
He dragged her mouth to his, kissing her deeply, and breathed, “I think you should.”
Summary: Elide Lochan thought she had met the love of her life only to find out that he was not the man she thought he was. After her world starts falling down around her, she makes a move back to her childhood home in hopes of starting over. Although it’s the last thing she expected, she meets a man the exact opposite of her ex. With his help and that of her best friend, Aelin, she learns how to stand on her own two feet and take control of her life.
Starting Over Masterlist
Note: This chapter is NSFW. 18+.
•••
The ride to Lorcan’s was filled with easy conversation and Elide’s stomach was hurting from how hard she was laughing as Lorcan regaled her with stories from his youth.
“How did you even end up naked?” She asked, wiping tears from the corners of her eyes after a particular hilarious story of a camping trip that ended with poison ivy in a very personal area.
“We were sixteen and had three cases of beer,” Lorcan laughed, pulling into his driveway and raising the garage door. “There’s no telling how or why I was naked, I was plastered before the sun went down.”
Elide had been so focused on him that she hadn’t noticed they’d left the hustle and bustle of the city. The streets were lined with trees and there were flowers out front. She wondered if he had planted them himself and once again thought of him on his hands and knees in the dirt, planting the flowers so lovingly into the ground. The thought made her smile. “The true crime of underage drinking,” Elide agreed.
His laughter continued as he pulled into his garage and cut the engine. She liked his deep laughter. It did things to her mind, her body, her heart that were purely unfathomable.
Lorcan pushed open his door and hopped out only to come around to Elide’s and open hers. He held out his hand and she took it, the gesture so pure and gentlemanly that it had her cheeks turning the softest shade of pink.
He led her inside and she wasn’t sure what she had been expecting but it certainly hadn’t been the clean, modern home she entered. It was simple, but she could tell that he took good care of and put thought into his space.
From the garage, they entered the kitchen and it was massive. An island sat in the middle of it, the white countertops immaculate and bright under the hanging lights. The hardwood floors felt cool beneath her feet when she kicked off her heels. Lorcan kicked his boots off beside her shoes and they were the only things that looked out of place, as much as she could see.
“You’re very…” Elide began, and Lorcan looked at her with a raised brow as he locked the garage door behind them. “Clean,” she finished, at last.
Lorcan let out a loose laugh as he said, “Yeah, I suppose I am. Why do I have a feeling that that surprises you?”
“I…don’t know,” she laughed, leaning against the counter as he crossed to the fridge and pulled out a beer. “I guess the hair? It can be pretty messy somedays.”
He popped the top and took a drink, running a hand through the waving strands. “At least I brushed it today,” he chuckled. “Rowan should be honored.”
Elide shook her head, laughing softly as she walked around the kitchen, looking around. “It’s also probably that you’re a bachelor. Bachelors are perpetually dirty.”
“Bachelor?” He nearly choked on his drink. “I’ve never been referred to as a bachelor in my entire life.”
“You’re single, right?” She asked, stopping to turn and look at him.
He raised an eyebrow, setting his beer down and giving her his undivided attention. “Yeah.”
“And you’ve never been married?”
The question was not what Lorcan had expected. “Definitely not.”
Elide came back around the island, leaning back against it. “Then, by definition, you’re a bachelor.”
“Can’t argue with that logic,” he said and Elide could hear the humor in his words. “Can I get you a drink? I think I’ve got a box of wine in the back of the fridge.”
“I’ll have a beer,” she replied, nodding towards the can in his hand.
Lorcan stared at her. “Whiskey and beer? You’re perfect.”
Shaking her head, Elide blushed. “No, I’m not, you’re ridiculous.”
He turned and retrieved a beer for her from the fridge. “If you tell me that you like your steak medium-rare, I swear I’m getting on one knee right now.”
Elide sucked in her bottom lip to keep from laughing. Yes, it was how she liked her steak, and he knew it from the moment he turned around, cold beer in hand. He took one look at her and shook his head as he repeated, “Perfect.”
“I can assure you I’m far from it,” she said, but her voice had gone quiet as her heart beat just a little bit faster than it had before. He popped the top off her bottle before sliding it across the island. Elide wrapped her trembling fingers around the cool glass. “I swear too much, overthink everything, and I’m pretty sure I snore.”
Lorcan grinned as he took off his jacket and dropped it on the island beside him. “A filthy mouth only adds to your beauty.” Elide laughed as she took a drink. “And overthinking makes you human,” he added. “As for snoring…yeah, that’s unfortunate.”
She walked around the island just to nudge him in the shoulder with a poorly made fist, but Lorcan took the opportunity to grab her by the waist and meet her mouth with his.
She tasted the bitterness of his drink on his tongue as it swept between her lips. She was right back in that garden getting lost in him, once again.
When he broke that kiss apart, she wished he hadn’t, but then he asked, “Tired?”
Elide shook her head.
He chuckled. “Wanna watch a movie?”
“Sure,” she breathed, although her thoughts were running wild with all the things she would rather be doing with him.
His hands fell from her body and she instantly wished he’d left them where they had been. “I’m going to change. Want something a little more comfortable to wear for the night?”
The thought of putting on his clothes made a wild sensation form in the pit of her stomach. “Please.”
“Alright,” he said, leading her into the living room. He dropped her hand as he backed up towards the stairs. “I’ll be right back. Pick a movie, make yourself at home, just don’t go anywhere.”
Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, Elide nodded. No way in hell was she going anywhere. “I’ll be right here.”
“Good.” He paused at the bottom of the stairs, watching her. He swallowed and then repeated, “Be right back.”
She watched as he jogged up the stairs and then let her eyes take in the rest of his home. The living room was comfortable, a large, black sectional taking up nearly half the space of the room, facing the largest television she’d ever seen outside of a sports bar. She could imagine Lorcan, Rowan and their cadre of friends posted up here on Sunday afternoons, watching football and drinking beer. The thought made her smile a little more than she wanted to admit. Along the walls, she found pictures from what seemed to be dozens of misadventures. She paused when she saw one of a poorly constructed tent and two young men, who she couldn’t mistake for anyone but Lorcan and Rowan. As she looked at the photo, she idly wondered if that was the camping trip with the unfortunate poison ivy incident, or if it was just one of many. Camping was one of the many normal things she’d never had a chance to do as a teenager. Her leash had been far too short for those kinds of adventures.
Forcing her thoughts from her past, she kept going, finding pictures from sporting events and parties and graduations. Rowan was present in all of them, as were two young women Elide didn’t recognize from the party earlier. She doubted she would’ve, since there were photos where Lorcan or Rowan had a protective arm around their shoulders or a casual grip on their hand.
There was a bookshelf next to the window that caught Elide’s eye and she glanced through the books, impressed by the sheer variety he had. One snagged her attention though, tall and skinny, with no author or title. Just a name and a year.
Doranelle Prep, 2009
Grinning like a fool, Elide reached for the yearbook, flipping it open. It took her a minute, doing some mental math based on how old she knew Lorcan was, but she was able to locate the freshman easily.
There he was, the same surly expression on his face then that he’d perfected now. His hair was shorter, but just as messy, and Elide couldn’t get over how…adorable he looked.
“You better at least make fun of Rowan’s braces if you're going to snoop through old yearbooks.”
There hadn’t been any noise in the stairs and Elide jumped as Lorcan was suddenly next to her, a bundle of clothes in his hands. She snapped the yearbook shut, clearing her throat, knowing her cheeks were on fire. “I wasn’t snooping, you told me to make myself at home.”
“Has anyone ever told you how cute you are when you’re embarrassed?” Lorcan asked, one side of his mouth lifting in a dangerous smirk.
“You’re ridiculous,” Elide chuckled, repeating her words from earlier, looking down at the yearbook clutched in her arms.
Lorcan tilted her chin up, forcing her to look up into his eyes. He leaned down, his lips a hair's breadth from hers. “I’ve been called worse.”
She wanted him, gods, she’d never wanted anyone more than she wanted Lorcan, but she’d rushed into bed with Roland and that decision had led to the one that had nearly destroyed her. Lorcan wouldn't hurt her, she knew that, but it was hard to convince her head of that.
As if he could sense the turmoil in her head, he stepped back, offering her the clothes he’d been holding. “Here. You go get changed while I turn a movie on. I’m sure the shorts will be too big, but you might be able to tighten the drawstring.”
After telling her where to find the bathroom on the first floor, Lorcan was flipping through streaming services and Elide slipped off to change. He was right about the shorts, the hem nearly reaching her calves and even tied as tightly as possible, they still hung low and loose on her hips. Fortunately, the shirt swallowed her and the shorts, so she didn’t have to worry about it.
She looked in the mirror and laughed quietly at her reflection. She was comfortable, though, and she had a feeling that Lorcan just wanted to see her in his clothes.
When she made her way back into the living room, Lorcan was sprawled out on the couch and the screen was paused on the opening sequence of The Princess Bride.
“A fan of the classics?” Elide asked, rounding the couch.
He took one look at her, drowning in his shirt, and smiled, eyes lit with humor. “Cute.” Elide had never blushed so much in her life. “And, hell yeah, one of the best movies ever.”
Elide had to agree. There was something about the humor in The Princess Bride that she never tired of.
She sat next to Lorcan on the couch and he held out his hand to her.
A silent question.
She took it and he pulled her closer to him, between his legs as one arm went behind his head and the other took the remote and pressed play. Elide leaned back against his chest and felt wholly comfortable, perfectly at home.
He set the remote down and his arm went around her waist. Her hand slid into his, their fingers intertwining.
They sat for a moment in comfortable silence as the movie began. Elide knew every scene, knew every word, and perhaps that’s why she was paying more attention to the feeling of Lorcan’s heart thumping inside of his chest. She could feel it against her shoulder and it mesmerized her.
She wondered if he could sense how her own heartbeat reacted.
When his thumb started brushing up and down over her ribs, it took everything in her to keep from fidgeting, from arching into the light touch. She became very aware of how his thighs pressed around her and how close that thumb was to her chest. His hand spread out over her abdomen, that thumb still languidly stroking, and pulled her tighter against his chest.
Elide could feel the heat of his breath against her ear and she let her head fall back against his shoulder, looking up into his face.
His dark eyes were somehow impossibly darker, his lips parted as he looked down at her. Elide’s gaze lingered on his lips for all of a second before she sat up on her knees, turned and crashed her mouth against his.
Lorcan pulled her down until she was lying on top of him, one of his hands diving into her hair, the other going to the curve of her ass. There was no hesitation in this kiss and Elide was ready for it, for him to kiss her like he should have the moment they met. She wanted it all, wanted him to show her everything those skilled hands and rugged mouth could do.
He groaned into the kiss and Elide opened for him, his tongue sweeping into her mouth, dancing with hers. Pressing a hand to his chest, not daring to break the kiss, Elide adjusted how she was sitting until she straddled his lap. She needed to get as close to him as possible, needed him to be all she could feel, taste, smell—
She gasped, her lips just barely pulling away from his as he shifted his hips, as she felt his hard length between her legs. He hesitated for a moment but Elide didn’t want him thinking he had done anything wrong. No, he wasn’t doing anything wrong, it was the opposite. He was doing everything so right that she was nearly a pool of mesmerized emotion at his feet. She shifted back onto him, making herself comfortable, feeling that ridiculous length of him beneath his sweatpants.
Lorcan took her flushed cheeks into his hands and searched her face for any hint that he should stop. Elide showed none, and it was her that leaned back in, taking his bottom lip between her teeth. Lorcan’s arms wrapped around her slim frame and the kiss was anything but gentle.
There was something different about this kiss, something more desperate in the way their lips moved against each other’s. Elide could almost see Lorcan’s restraint growing thin, could feel it in the way he touched her, grabbing and squeezing and taking full possession of her. His hand tightened in her hair, tugging her head back and then his mouth was on her throat. She moaned softly and the sound only urged him on, his teeth dragging down to where her neck met her shoulder.
Elide’s fingers dug into his chest, feeling the hard muscle beneath his shirt, and she was powerless to stop herself as her hips jerked in response to his. The groan he made had heat radiating from her core.
She wanted him.
No, she needed him.
Leaning back, Elide gripped the hem of the shirt she wore, his shirt, and started to lift it over her head.
Lorcan’s hand caught her arm.
She looked down at him, both of them panting slightly, pausing.
He swallowed roughly, rubbing his thumb along the inside of her wrist. “We should stop.”
His tone told her that wasn’t at all what he wanted, but she could see the conflict in his eyes.
“Why?” She breathed, unable to stop the question from coming out of her mouth.
He hesitated, his palm running up her arm and cupping her cheek. “The last thing I want to do is rush you.”
It was chivalrous. He was being a gentleman. Elide appreciated the sentiment.
Even if it was the last thing she wanted.
They stared at one another for a moment, and she wanted to tell him that she didn’t want to stop. She wanted him. She wanted him so desperately that it was physically causing her pain.
But he was being polite.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to take things slow.
Elide nodded, but remained on his lap for another minute. It took everything in her not to rock back and forth, not to regain that friction that had her seeing stars.
Lorcan must’ve sensed that thought because his chest rose and fell just a little bit quicker. His palm still rested against her cheek, its warmth steadying. She couldn’t move, couldn’t convince herself to get off of him, couldn’t stop thinking about how magnificent it had felt to have his mouth exploring her body. Gods, she wanted to know what it felt like when he filled her.
She couldn’t be around him any longer and not beg for him to fuck her senseless.
“Maybe I should go to bed,” she said, still breathless, and Lorcan’s hand fell from her cheek. He looked a little disappointed, but it quickly vanished. It was hard not to be disappointed. Elide felt it heavily in every inch of her body.
“You can sleep in my bed,” he said, as Elide slowly inched off of him. She tried not to look down, tried not to see the evidence of how she’d affected, but failed. She looked and had to quickly look away as heat flooded her core, yet again. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“Are you sure?” She hesitated to ask, because she wasn’t sure she could be in a bed with him without peeling her clothes off.
“Yeah.” His voice was rough. The sound of it made Elide’s breasts tighten and she had to resist the urge to rub her thighs together. She wondered what that deep groan of his would feel like between her legs. He reached out, grasping her fingers in his. “But trust me, it’s not because I don’t want to.”
Elide had zero doubt of that, the evidence right in front of her. Long and thick and so, so hard—
She had to go upstairs, right now, or she was going to break, and he was right. They probably needed to slow down.
“Okay,” she whispered, her fingers curling in his. “Goodnight.”
She stepped away, letting his hand fall away from hers and backed up towards the stairs.
Lorcan didn’t move, just watched her. His breathing was still uneven. “Goodnight.”
Elide was halfway up the stairs, when she turned. “I have no idea where your bedroom is.”
He laughed, dragging a hand through his unruly hair. Elide wanted to do the same. “First door on the left.”
She nodded, ascending the stairs and followed his instructions. His bedroom door was open, and Elide took in the room.
Dark bedding, dark furniture, dark carpet. Only the light grey walls and decorations had splashes of color here and there, in red art work, pictures, and touches. The bed was massive, unmade, but still inviting. She wanted to get lost in it, get lost in him in it.
With the lights off, Elide climbed up into his bed. At any other time, she would want to snoop. You found out a lot about a person when it came to their bedroom, and Elide wanted to know everything about Lorcan. Right now, though, she could only think about one thing and it’s what consumed her as she curled up on top of his sheets and laid her head against his pillow. She pulled his comforter up to her chin and breathed in deeply.
It smelled of him.
And damn, he smelled good.
She closed her eyes.
One floor was not enough distance.
She saw him, felt him, longed for him to be in the bed beside her. She could still taste him on her tongue. She wanted to cry out, ask him to come to her, but she fought the urge.
In the quiet, she heard the tv from the living room below turn off. She heard him groan as he fell back onto the couch.
Her eyes opened and she tossed and turned, landing on her back and staring up at the ceiling. The throbbing between her thighs remained and her heart was still beating at an alarming speed. It was ridiculous. It was torturous, the wanting him and not having him.
To hell with being responsible.
Throwing back the covers, Elide shimmied out of the far too big shorts, leaving them on the floor by the bed and hurried out into the hall. She met Lorcan on the stairs, his chest heaving as quickly as hers was. She saw his eyes widen as he took in her bare legs, at her wearing nothing but his t-shirt.
“Elide—”
She grabbed him by the shirt and hauled his mouth to hers, opening up to him, every sense, every fiber of her being, her very soul.
As soon as her lips met his, she knew there was no going back. Could feel the change in Lorcan’s kiss, the urgency and desperation and need.
His hands ran down her back and over her ass, before he suddenly lifted her. The kiss never broke, not as Elide wrapped her legs around his waist and he started back up the stairs.
When he entered his bedroom, he set her down on her feet at the edge of the bed, surprising Elide. She would have thought he was going to drop her onto the mattress and, well, ravish her.
He stared down at her, those dark eyes far more intense than she’d ever seen them, and it sent a shiver of anticipation down her spine.
“Are we picking up where we left off?” He asked, trailing his fingertip over the bare skin of her arm.
Elide nodded, forgetting how to speak as she imagined what would come next.
His smirk was dangerous and sexy and she knew she would never be the same after a night in his bed. “And where exactly was that?” He toyed with the hem of the shirt she wore. “You were just about to take this off, weren’t you?”
Elide’s eyes remained locked on his as she lifted her arms. Lorcan’s jaw twitched and there was no more hesitation as he took the hem of the shirt between his fingers and lifted it up until it was pulled over her hair and hanging limply in his hand. His eyes left hers, at last, and trailed down her body.
She never felt more beautiful under his stare, in nothing but the black bra and simple thong she had been wearing underneath her dress. He swallowed, reaching out to brush his thumb along the swells of her breasts, along the seam of her bra. Elide shuddered beneath his touch.
When he reached out with his other hand, Elide said, “You.”
She had been planning to say something more, something sexier, but she could hardly form words, could hardly think straight when he touched her. Instead, that smirk of his deepend as his eyes shot to hers with a raised brow.
“Shirt off,” Elide breathed, stepping closer to him. Her hands swept beneath the thin fabric, feeling the hard muscles of his abdomen beneath.
Lorcan grabbed the hem and pulled it up over his head, shaking his hair out of his face when it was absentmindedly discarded.
All the times she’d seen him working out with Rowan, she’d never once seen him with his shirt off. His body was utter perfection, something you’d see crafted out of marble in a museum, and Elide was unable to stop herself as she reached out and ran her fingers down his powerful chest and over his abs. It was his turn for a shiver of pleasure as Elide didn’t stop there, hooking her fingers in the front of his sweatpants and tugging him closer. He obliged, conceding one step before he covered her mouth with his again.
Those deft fingers continued on, over the waistband, palming him through the fabric. Lorcan groaned into her mouth and the heat between Elide’s legs throbbed at the sound.
He pushed her back then, laying her against his mattress and the blankets and sheets that Elide had left in a jumbled mess. He pushed her back until she laid against his pillows and carefully covered her body with his. One hand was cradling her head while his other explored, pulling at the strap of her bra.
In a moment of feeling daring and beautiful and free, Elide pushed Lorcan back until he rolled onto his back and she climbed on top of him, straddling his waist. He looked up at her, chest heaving as his hands found her thighs.
Elide gathered her hair and tossed it behind her back before reaching behind her and unclasping her bra. On her thighs, Lorcan’s hands froze and he watched intently, giving her every ounce of his attention, as she slid her bra down her arms and threw it on the bed beside them.
Lorcan’s hands were moving, sliding up her thighs and her sides until he met her breasts with his palms. Elide gasped when he squeezed and sat up, one hand falling away but quickly being replaced with his lips as his other hand played with a sensitive, peaked nipple.
Her mouth parted as his mouth closed around the taut bud and she moaned softly, threading her fingers in his hair. His teeth bit down on her nipple and she ground her hips down, needing the friction, needing something, anything, to take away the ache between her thighs.
His free hand found her hips, rocking her to repeat the motion, urging her on, again and again. Elide could feel it, her body becoming both too light and too heavy at the same time. She reached up, palming her breast, covering his hand with hers, as she threw her head back. Lorcan’s hand was still resting on her hips, but she was guiding herself at this point, and he watched in awe as she fell over the edge, lips parted as she moaned, hips bucking and grinding erratically, until they slowed and came to a stop.
Letting her head fall forward, Elide was a quivering mess above him, her eyes still closed. After a moment, he pushed her hair back, needing to see her face. Her eyes opened and settled on him, glazed and lust addled. Lorcan cupped her cheek and brushed a thumb over her lips. “Beautiful.”
He leaned up, capturing her lips in a kiss, and said onto her lips, “Hold on to me.”
In her orgasm-fogged brain, Elide registered that he was speaking, but the words could have very well been in a different language. Lorcan could tell, laughing against her skin as he rolled them, once again pinning her to the mattress.
He pressed a kiss to her throat, drawing a soft gasp from her, and then was gazing down at her. “Watching you cum is the most erotic thing I’ve ever seen.”
The words brought heat to her cheeks, but there was no shame in the pleasure she knew this man would drag from her.
His kisses alone flooded her body with pleasure she had never known. He trailed them from her throat, across her breasts and down her abdomen until he was pulling her panties down and admiring every inch of her perfect pussy. Elide had spread her legs wide for him, preparing herself for every ounce of bliss he would pull out of her. He stared at her for a moment, as if he was trying to memorize the appearance of her most prized part. Then he ran a finger down her center, between her folds, and the slow movement had Elide’s knees jerking.
He huffed a laugh, quietly, his breath warm against her sensitive skin. She wanted so desperately to push herself up, thrust herself against his mouth but she waited, patiently, waited as his finger made a pass through her center again, and again.
His thumb soon found that sensitive nub that craved his touch and he circled it, slowly.
Elide’s fingers dug into his bedsheets, desperate to hold onto anything that would keep her grounded. Those fingers tightened as Lorcan’s tongue replaced his finger and flicked her clit once, twice, before he took it between his lips.
Elide gasped, eyes opening wide as she glanced down at him and nearly combusted at the sight of his mouth on her. He looked up at her through dark, thick lashes and she swore he grinned.
Lifting his head, Lorcan slowly pushed a long finger inside her, watching as her chest rose and fell. “So wet.”
Then his mouth was back on her, his tongue flicking over her clit at the same time he added a second finger.
“Lorcan…”
His eyes found her again, the sound of his name on a breathy moan snapping one of the last few tethers that was holding Lorcan back.
Her bottom lip was caught between her teeth, swollen from their kisses and she was kneading her right breast in her hand. She ran her other hand down her body, slipping it into his hair. “Please.”
Lorcan devoured her. After pulling out his fingers, his tongue delved into her hot center. His thumb slipped over her clit, circling it until her hips were lifting off the bed and he was holding her down, with an arm over her stomach. She moaned his name as she came, tugging on his hair far harder than she meant to, though it seemed Lorcan wasn’t complaining.
He groaned, kissing up her body, pausing to nip and suck at her breasts, aching and heavy after so many orgasms, before capturing her lips in a bruising kiss. She could taste herself on his tongue. It turned her on in a way she’d never expected.
“Are you ready for me?” He breathed, not taking his lips from hers.
She answered by pushing the waistband of his sweatpants down, tugging them down as far as she could without breaking the kiss. Lorcan made quick work of them and then it was skin on hot skin and all of his hard lining up with all of her soft. He had one hand planted on the bed by her head and the other on his cock, sliding it between her wet folds.
At the first nudge of his broad head at her entrance, Elide sighed.
Lorcan dropped his forehead to hers. “I’m going to make you feel so good.”
It took all of her effort to keep her body still beneath his as the entirety of her being ached for him. He had already made her feel so, so good, had already brought her to places she had no idea existed. The waiting, the imagining of what he would feel like was about to become reality and her patience was wearing thin. She leaned up and kissed him softly before looking down between them, where their bodies met.
The sight of his size alone was enough to set her aflame.
With a gentle slowness, Lorcan’s hips flexed and the head of his cock disappeared within her. Elide gasped, eyes snapping back to his. He was already watching her with parted lips and wild eyes. She had all of his attention and she loved every bit of it. Right now, she was the only person in his universe, and he was hers.
Lorcan slid into her with an aching slowness until there was nothing left to give. His eyes stayed on hers, watching every emotion that flashed through them as he filled her: surprise, thrill, satisfaction, utter lust.
He slowly pulled himself back out until nothing but his swollen head remained hidden, and it was the last gentle act he granted her. One hand still remained close to her head but his other hand found its way to her ass as he snapped his hips into hers, pushing himself in to the hilt in one smooth motion.
“Gods,” she gasped, chest heaving as Lorcan caught her bottom lip between his teeth. She ran her fingers through his hair as she pulled him nearer, her tongue finding its way back into his mouth.
He set a relentless pace, swallowing every moan and scream of pleasure as he filled her, gripping her ass, pounding into her. Elide’s hands were all over him, in his hair, on his back, his arms, his ass, his face. She cupped his cheek as they stared into each other’s eyes, panting.
There was something charged in the air between them, something that had Elide gasping, had her pleasure increasing, her nipples tightening and a familiar ache forming low in her belly. She resisted the urge to let her eyes roll back in her head. She wanted to see everything as Lorcan thoroughly fucked her, wanted to watch as his thick cock slid in and out of her, wanted to know what he looked like when he spilled inside of her.
Lorcan’s fingers tightened on her ass, coming dangerously close to a sensitive place Elide had never let anyone near, and she wasn’t able to stop the surprised moan that tumbled from her lips. Slowing his thrusts, Lorcan’s eyes glowed with lust as his eyes left her face and traveled down her body, snagging on her spread legs. Elide didn’t have the same viewpoint that he did, but she know what he saw. His thick, hard cock buried in her soaked, glistening pussy. He squeezed again, finger running directly over that forbidden entrance, glancing up to watch her reaction. She gasped again and he smiled wickedly. “Ever tried it?’
“No.” Her voice was deep and rough, like she’d been screaming his name. She probably had.
He put the slightest amount of pressure there and her eyes fluttered shut as she tensed slightly.
“Not tonight,” he breathed, his lips at her ear, tugging on her earlobe with his teeth. “But if you ever feel like exploring, let me know.”
His words shot straight to her core. Her eyes fluttered open and she nodded. She had never been remotely interested in that, no idea if she’d ever be ready for it, if she’d even like it, but Lorcan seemed to think she would.
One of Lorcan’s hands found her breast, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the nipple while he slowly began thrusting into her again. She felt like she was going to combust from his slow torturous pace, had an orgasm building and needed to cum.
Her nails raked along his skin as she pleaded, “Faster.”
He leaned down and nipped at her lip before he grinned, wickedly, his thrusts growing even slower. She groaned, and when he was fully in her he stopped, grabbed her hips, and pushed her up into him. It was impossible for them to be any closer, but she wanted him closer. She wanted him as close as he could be, and she never wanted it to be any other way.
His eyes were dark, and she knew he was enjoying this tease he so torturously was displaying.
Lorcan pushed himself up on his knees, every inch of him still inside of her as his grip on her hips tightened. His breathing was ragged, chest heaving, sweat glistening across his skin and dampening his hair. “Ready to cum again for me?” He asked, his low voice only adding to that need.
“Yes,” she said, one hand gripping the pillow in preparation for what was about to come, the other on his knee, nails digging into his skin. “Please.”
His eyes flashed at that one, simple word, and then he was pounding into her with relentless, reckless thrusts. His muscles flexed as he worked, and Elide made herself focus, made herself watch his face as utter euphoria consumed him.
Gods, he was beautiful, wild and untamed. His hands on her hips pulled her into him with every thrust he so graciously gave, his fingers tightening with every satisfying plunge so deep inside of her. Elide’s knees began to shake and Lorcan swore, the crude word music to her ears as she drowned in his lustful presence.
Her hand fell to her sex, fingers gliding through her wetness until she began to circle her clit, furiously, in time with his thrusts.
“So fucking hot,” he grunted, watching her touch herself, watching as he pounded into her.
It only took two more powerful strokes and Elide’s entire body went taught. Stars exploded behind her eyelids as her back was arched off the bed, her breasts jutting out, and she cried out. She wasn’t sure if it was his name or if she cursed or just moaned, but gods, as her release barreled through her, she never wanted it to end, wanted Lorcan to bring her this kind of pleasure every minute of every day.
“Look at me while you cum.”
It wasn’t a request, and her body responded without her even having told it, her eyes opening and finding his dark gaze already on her. Lorcan cupped her face, dragging his thumb across her parted lips as she panted, orgasm still coursing through her. “So beautiful.”
While one of her hands continued to circle her clit, the other wrapped around his wrist holding it in place as she took his thumb between her teeth. His eyes flared as she closed her lips around it and sucked, letting her tongue dance over the digit.
Lorcan’s control snapped.
He collapsed on top of her, his mouth crashing into hers. His thumb was still in her mouth and his other arm wrapped around her waist to hold her in place. Elide had thought he’d roughly fucked her before, but she was wrong. Now, he was savage, his hips pounding into hers, balls slapping against her skin, and an unexpected release tore slammed into her.
Lorcan swore, long and low, as her pussy quivered and clenched around him, and then he was falling over the edge, each wave of his orgasm and hot spurt of cum deep into her body punctuated by a groan against her lips.
His body fell slack against hers and she could feel his heartbeat nearly bursting from his chest. Elide’s arms went around him, one around his shoulders, the other allowing her fingers to dig into that damp, messy hair. Neither of them spoke while they attempted to catch their breaths and Elide dwelled in the comfort that his cock was still buried deep inside of her.
After a moment, Lorcan leaned back and brought himself up onto his elbows. He looked down at her, face flushed, eyes bright and smiled.
Elide knew her cheeks were pink, figured they were on fire, but she couldn’t help the soft laughter that bubbled out of her. Joy, it was pure joy she was experiencing, utter satisfaction and simple happiness.
Lorcan shook his head, the tip of his nose brushing hers as he whispered, “Fucking gods, you’re beautiful.”
This time when he kissed her it was soft, slow, mesmerizing and full of the promise that he was exactly the man that she thought he was.
Prompt from anon: “A spells out something sexy/lewd in rose petals/candy hearts for B, but B comes home with unexpected guests.”
Masterlist | Read on Ao3 | Valentines Collection
Warnings: Language, Allude to NSFW
1958 words
*******
“Aelin,” Elide breathed a sigh of relief when her friend answered the phone. “Listen. I need you to do me a favor, but you can’t ask any questions, okay?”
She twisted a dark curl between her fingers as she heard the light clicking of a keyboard halt. Aelin’s heavy pause lasted a second before the blonde responded in a steady voice, “Is this a I need help hiding a body kind of favor, because you know I’ve never been too keen on Lorcan and I would not judge—”
“What?” Elide sputtered, “No. Gods, no. For fucks sake, Ael.” She loosed a long breath, her eyes surveying the floor in front of her half littered with treats. “No, I just need you to go buy two more bags of those little candy hearts—”
“Yum, do I get to keep any? You know, as like a delivery fee?”
Elide laughed and shook her head. “If there’s any leftovers, sure. But Aelin, you can’t buy the normal ones, you need to go to that sex shop uptown and buy the adult candy hearts. You know, the ones that all say Do Me and Bend Over and Sit On My Face.”
“Elide Lochan, what do you have planned?” She teased and then muttered, “And how do they fit that last one onto the candy?”
“I said no questions.”
Her friend snorted and griped. “The body thing would’ve been more fun. But sure, I was just about to head out anyway.”
“Thanks, I owe you one.” Elide’s shoulders relaxed, and she sat back on her heels. She could hear the sounds of papers being shoved into folders and bags being zipped up as her friend scoffed at the mention of a debt. “For the record, if I ever did need that sort of help, you’d be my first call.”
Aelin snorted and Elide could hear the grin in her voice. “Love you too, babe. I’ll be there soon.”
Elide hung up but stayed sitting on the floor. So far, she had managed to spell out half of what she was planning to write. When she’d come up with this idea, she didn’t think it would take so many pieces of candy, but try as she might, Elide couldn’t think of anything else to say.
She could’ve gone with a simple I Love You or Happy Valentine’s Day, but she wanted to be a little more original than that. Not that the poem was original—she hadn’t thought of it herself, merely finding it after googling for five minutes—but it was better than those generics phrases.
Huffing a sigh, she got up and started lighting the candles she had placed on the kitchen counters and island, the coffee tables, and the bookcases. The latter being fake because she wouldn’t risk real flame by the books.
Knowing Lorcan would get off work soon, she nervously texted Aelin asking when she’d be getting back to the apartment. The last thing she wanted was for her fiancé to get home and start celebrating with her only for her friend to barge in and interrupt them.
Less than a minute after shooting off the text, Aelin knocked at the door to Elide and Lorcan’s apartment, leaving just enough time for Elide to question the whys of what she was doing.
“You’re the best,” Elide offered in greeting, quickly swinging the door open and ushering Aelin inside.
A long whistle was her response as Aelin took in Elide’s outfit with wide eyes. From the thigh-high, black, latex stilettos, to the matching corseted bodysuit laced with dark red ribbon. She felt her cheeks heat but grabbed the bags of candy out of Aelin’s hands.
“You might need my help after all—you’re dressed to kill, Lochan.”
“It’s Valentine’s Day,” she muttered in explanation as she lowered herself back onto the floor in front of the semi-legible words spelled out in candy hearts.
Aelin walked in further and followed Elide’s gaze to the words, reading them with a furrowed brow. “Roses are Red, Violets are Bl—. This is why you needed more candy?
Elide focused on opening the bag and adding the ue to the end of that line. “Well, I thought I would have enough but then I couldn’t decide on what to write, so I settled on this stupid poem, but then I didn’t have enough hearts and I thought about finding something else to write, but I still couldn’t think of anything and I was already committed.”
Aelin opened the second bag and leaned against the back of Elide’s sofa. “And you couldn’t go buy more because…”
Elide sighed, tossing a large curl over her shoulder. “Because this damned outfit took me nearly an hour to get on, and I didn’t want to peel it off and have to put it back on before Lorcan got home from work.”
She finished forming the last line and pretended not to notice that for every piece of candy Aelin handed her, the blonde popped one into her mouth.
“Okay, I’ll leave you to it,” Aelin said, pushing off from the couch and walking towards the door, “I picked up a few extra things from that shop that I wanna try with Rowan tonight.” She grinned wickedly and Elide snorted.
“Have fun, and thank you again.”
Aelin waved her off. “Don’t worry about it.” She got to the door and pulled out her phone before saying, “If you do end up giving Salvaterre a heart attack, please, please, let me be the first to know.”
Elide rolled her eyes and pushed Aelin out the door, leaning against the back of it once it was shut and groaning into her hands. She was lucky she and Aelin had no qualms about sharing details of their sex lives—there wasn’t anyone else she would have asked to go to a sex shop for her, and not feel totally awkward being around in a skin-tight, latex costume.
Gods know she had caught her friend in more compromising positions.
“This works, this is good,” she muttered to herself, pushing off the door, flicking off the overhead light so the room was basked in the warm candle flames, and stepped closer to the area on the hardwood where she’d set up the candies.
Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, All I Want for Valentine’s Day is to Do You
She squeezed her eyes shut and groaned again. It would have to do. Elide checked the time and her eyes flew wide when she realized Lorcan would home any minute. She carefully stepped over the writing and paused at the hall mirror to give her hair an extra fluff and touch up her deep red lipstick. Then she headed towards the bedroom to wait.
***
Aelin left Elide’s apartment and took the stairs down to the first floor. She pulled out her phone to call Rowan but stopped short as she exited the building and saw a familiar car parked at the curb.
Why was Rowan here?
Her brow furrowed in confusion and she checked her texts to see if he’d said something. Sure enough she had one unread message.
>>Buzzard: Lorcan had to bring his truck into the shop today, so I’m giving him a ride from work. I’ll be home soon.
It was sent ten minutes ago. She must have just missed him if he was already here and going up to the apartment with Lorcan.
Shit.
She spun on her heel and raced back into the building, bypassing the elevator that the guys must have taken and running up the stairs.
***
Lorcan stepped out of the elevator and walked towards his and Elide’s apartment. “You want a beer, man? Make up for any gas money I owe you?”
He was still angry that his truck decided to fucking break down and wouldn’t be ready for him until tomorrow. Getting to work was just fine. Going out to grab some lunch? Not gonna happen. At least the tow wasn’t going to be too expensive.
Rowan followed him down the hall. “Just one, Aelin and I have reservations at Orynth tonight.”
The taller man glanced over his shoulder with a raised brow. “Fancy.”
Not bothering to hide his smug smirk, Rowan asked, “And you?”
“And I what, Whitethorn?”
Rolling his eyes, Rowan asked “And what do you and Elide have planned?”
“El insisted she wanted to keep it low-key,” Lorcan shrugged.
Rowan immediately interjected, clamping a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Please tell me you ignored that and planned something.”
Lorcan scoffed as they got to the door. “What am I, an idiot? Of course I did.”
He could’ve sworn he heard someone running as he unlocked the door and stepped inside, Rowan following a moment after.
He blinked at the dimness, his eyes darting around to the candles placed in every corner of the apartment. “What…?” Lorcan flicked on the light and immediately spotted the brightly colored words spelled out on the ground in…candy hearts?
“Lor? Baby?” Elide’s sultry voice floated in from the direction of the bedroom and Lorcan’s head snapped towards it. He suddenly felt a growing strain in his jeans at the mere sound of her luring voice as she said in that same, velvety tone, “I have a surprise for you.”
He heard a choked laugh from behind him and Lorcan remembered that Rowan was still there, trying to keep his face neutral as he read the poem on the ground.
Lorcan whirled around, fully prepared to shove him out the door so he could go find out what surprise Elide had waiting for him, and so Whitethorn wouldn’t catch a glimpse of Elide if she sauntered out here, when the running steps he’d heard before got louder.
“Wait!” a female voice hollered from the hallway.
And then Aelin Galathynius was in his living room, breathing heavily from her apparent sprint here. She grabbed a surprised and amused Rowan by the arm and flashed Lorcan an apologetic smile that came out more like a grimace. She muttered a sorry before she and Rowan were gone, slamming the door closed behind them.
He shook his head, not spending too much energy wondering why Galathynius was there in the first place because that was when he heard movement behind him and turned to see Elide leaning against the wall.
His mouth dried up as she crooked one arm over her head and pointed the other out to him, beckoning him forward with a smirk. “What was that? I thought I heard voices.”
He wanted to answer but found himself almost immediately forgetting what she asked as his eyes raked down her body. Slowly, so as to use every second to soak in the image of his fiancé wearing something straight out of one of his dreams, he stalked towards her.
Elide seemed to forget her question too, as Lorcan’s large palms landed heavily on her waist, pulling her firmly against him. He smirked as she tried to keep her unfazed composure when she felt exactly how much he enjoyed her outfit.
“If this is what you call ‘low-key’,” he practically growled into her ear, relishing in the hitch in her breath. “then I suggest we never make elaborate plans.”
She huffed a laugh that quickly became a soft moan as he hooked his hands under her thighs and lifted her in his arms so she could wrap her legs around him while he walked them towards the bedroom.
“Does that mean you don’t want to know the elaborate plans” she whispered into his ear, her tongue snaking out to tease the sensitive skin and grinning as his fingers tightened on her thighs “I had for tonight?”
Summary: Elide Lochan thought she had met the love of her life only to find out that he was not the man she thought he was. After her world starts falling down around her, she makes a move back to her childhood home in hopes of starting over. Although it’s the last thing she expected, she meets a man the exact opposite of her ex. With his help and that of her best friend, Aelin, she learns how to stand on her own two feet and take control of her life.
Starting Over Masterlist
“Are you working Friday night?”
The question surprised Elide as she ate a bowl of cinnamon cheerios on Tuesday morning. She finished the bite she was chewing, and shook her head. “I work from five to two.”
Aelin shuddered. “I don’t know how you and Rowan manage to get up so early. The only reason I want to be up at five in the morning is for good sex.”
Elide quietly laughed, knowing that she wasn’t exaggerating. On more than one occasion, she’d been getting ready for work, and had heard Rowan telling Aelin goodbye for the day. She’d also heard her greeting him when he got home from work, and, of course, saying goodnight.
Elide had no doubt that the two of them had a very healthy sex life, and she was sure having an unexpected roommate had likely put a damper on that.
But both Rowan and Aelin did everything they could to make sure she understood that she wasn’t a bother. They wanted her to stay as long as felt comfortable, and she knew they meant it, but little by little, she was realizing that…she might be ready to get out on her own.
It had been a little over a week since Roland’s surprise visit at the gym and she hadn’t seen or heard from him. Elide prayed that he had taken Lorcan’s threat to heart.
Lorcan, on the other hand, had stopped in every day to check on her, to ask how she was doing, feeling. He texted her when he knew she was supposed to be getting home, making sure she was safe and sound. It made her smile, even if his texts consisted of nothing but him checking on her. There were times she wanted to keep the conversation going, but didn’t know what to say. So every night, she let it drop.
“So, Friday night,” Aelin said, pulling Elide from the spiral of her thoughts. “Rowan is trying to get a night out planned. Pretty much everyone is off and that never happens. You want to come?”
Elide loved that Aelin never pressured her to go out, but the reality of it was that Elide loved spending time with them. She had begun to form relationships with Aedion and Lysandra, and of course, Lorcan. Everyone was so genuine and simple and kind that Elide wondered how she had never found a group of friends like this, friends that could eventually be family. Aelin had always been family and now Rowan was beginning to feel like it, too. And Lorcan…Elide didn’t know what Lorcan was to her yet, all she knew was that she wanted him there.
“Of course,” she replied, shoving another spoonful of cereal into her mouth. “The bar?”
“Ro won’t tell me,” Aelin said, rolling her eyes. “He says he wants to change it up. He always says that and guess where we end up?”
Elide laughed and guessed again. “The bar?”
“That damn bar,” Aelin muttered but humor lingered in her gaze. “I think a vineyard would be fun, but the boys would probably hate it.”
Elide had the image of Rowan, Lorcan, and Aedion with wine glasses, wearing stuffy shirts, and yeah, even in her head, they looked pretty miserable.
“At least the bar is like home,” she said, finishing her cereal and putting the bowl in the sink. She’d wash her dishes after she got off work. “I’m there, no matter where we go.”
“Great.”
Aelin’s sparkling smile made Elide’s heart feel like it was about to burst. Without thinking about it, she wrapped her friend in a hug. Aelin clearly hadn’t been expecting it, if her huff of surprise was any indication, but it quickly turned into soft laughter as she hugged her back.
Elide pulled back and said, “I’ve said it about a thousand times, but thank you for everything. You’ve…done so much for me.”
“Family takes care of each other.”
There was no room for argument in Aelin’s words, so Elide nodded and hugged her again before heading off to work.
……………….
The rooftop bar had one of the best views in all of Orynth. Elide couldn’t stop staring from where she stood at the railing, watching the sunset. She wasn’t sure why they didn’t come here more often. It was amazing.
There were more of them than she was expecting. Lorcan, Lys and Aedion were there, of course, but she’d also seen a few people she didn’t know, and even a couple she did, but hadn’t expected to see, like Manon. She turned from the skyline and looked at the people around her.
“Whose names do you not know?”
Lorcan walked up next to her and followed her gaze over the unfamiliar faces. She glanced over at him and decided she likely knew why they didn’t come here often, as she looked down at her own dress and heels.
Their usual attire of jeans, t-shirts, and workout clothes wouldn’t exactly fit in, but she wasn’t complaining as she took another quick peek at the way the suit jacket Lorcan wore fit his broad shoulders.
“Pretty much everyone,” she admitted, shaking her head.
He chuckled, the sound rough and dark and she swore, she could feel it on every inch of her exposed skin. It only increased when leaned back against the railing next to her, his arm brushing hers. One by one, he pointed them out. “Next to Lysandra, that’s Fenrys, he went to high school with Rowan and me. His brother, Connall, is around her somewhere. And Fenrys’ girlfriend, Asterin. Manon, you know, and next to her is Dorian, her boyfriend—”
“Dorian Havilliard?” Elide asked, interrupting.
He must have heard his name, because suddenly sapphire eyes met hers and he gave her a gentle smile as well as a wave.
“That’s him,” Lorcan said, and Elide looked over at his change in tone. “How do you know Dorian?”
Elide nodded towards where he’d started talking with Asterin again. “When we were growing up, it was usually just me, Aedion, and Aelin. But sometimes, if Aelin’s father and Dorian’s father were working on something, Dorian would be there, too.”
“I knew they’d known each other a while, but didn’t know how long,” Lorcan commented.
Elide was quiet for a moment before she quietly said, “Feels like a lifetime ago.”
Lorcan’s arm pressed into hers a little more and she looked up at him. His eyes were already on her. After giving her a soft smile, he gazed back out at their friends. He rattled the rest of their names off, one by one. “Chaol, Yrene, Vaughn, Sartaq, Nesryn, and Gavriel.”
“Wow,” she said, looking at them all. “There’s no way I’m going to remember all those names.”
Laughing, Lorcan shook his head. “There’s going to be a quiz at the end of the night. Get ready.”
Elide couldn’t help herself from laughing, too, but as they both settled, she let herself really look at everyone here, people who all meant something to Aelin. And then she realized who was still missing, that Aelin and Rowan had already been gone when she’d finished getting and left.
Elide gasped softly. “This isn’t an average night out, is it?”
One side of Lorcan’s mouth kicked up. “Not quite.”
Elide’s eyes narrowed on him. “Tell me.”
“I can’t.” His grin widened.
“Yes, you can!” Elide had to control herself, had to force herself not to squeal or jump. “He’s proposing, isn’t he?”
“I promised not to say a word.” Oh, he was enjoying this.
“I can’t believe he didn’t say anything to me!” Elide said, and Lorcan nudged her with his arm again.
“He was worried you’d tell Aelin. If it was a secret to her, it was a secret to you,” he said, and gestured to everyone else. “No one else knows either. We all get together a couple times a year, that’s all they think this is. They’ll announce it when they get here.” He looked at Elide, that grin remaining. “So, you know, when they get here, act surprised.”
Elide fought the urge to pout, to cross her arms, but if she did than her arm would no longer be brushing his and she liked that contact, liked that warmth, that stability.
“I wouldn’t have said anything,” she said, at last. Lorcan laughed quietly as she continued. “I’m a very good secret-keeper.”
“Aelin is good at getting secrets out of people, though,” Lorcan muttered, shaking his head. “That woman is a menace.”
“You two can act like you hate each other all you want, but I know better,” Elide said, taking a very small step closer into his arm.
He noticed, because his eyes darted in her direction, slyly. “And why would you think that?”
“Your heart’s too good,” Elide said, simply. “And, as obnoxious as Aelin is, she has a good heart, too.”
“A good heart, huh?” He asked, taking a sip from the drink in his hand. “Well, you got obnoxious right, so maybe you’re right about the heart, too.”
She could tell he was teasing her, but she couldn’t stop the smile from growing as she thought about how happy Aelin was going to be. Not only was she getting to marry the love of her life, but she also got to celebrate with everyone she loved, with her family. And she’d included Elide in that.
“Do you want a drink?”
She looked up at him, finding his eyes, again, already on her. The expression on his face stole her breath, and the intensity in his stare had her forgetting how to speak. She nodded.
His eyes glimmered as he asked, “Can I pick?”
“Pick…my drink?” Elide blinked, not expecting the question.
“Yeah,” he breathed, and he gave her a smile that promised trouble. “Do you trust me?”
“I did until this exact moment,” she replied, narrowing her eyes at him. “I do have to drive home, you know?”
“You forget I know where you live, you know?” He was making fun of her. She loved it. “You live with my best friend. I can get you home if you get too sloppy.”
“Sloppy?” Her tone was incredulous, but she couldn’t stop her laughter. Lorcan was grinning by the time she was able to breathe again. “Fine, yes, you can pick my drink.”
“You won’t regret it. Be right back.”
He winked and, gods damn her, Elide felt a flood of heat in her core, as he walked away.
He wasn’t gone long, just enough time for the flush on her cheeks to fade, and then he was walking back towards her, a glass identical to his in his other hand. The liquid inside was just a shade lighter, though.
“Here you go.” Lorcan held the glass out and as she took it, their fingers brushed. “Enjoy.”
“What is it?” She thought about sniffing it, but realized that might look a bit strange.
He sipped his own glass, eyes bright with amusement, and said, “Try it and find out.”
Warily, Elide put the drink to her lips and took a tentative sip. It was warm and sweet and…nutty. She took another drink, swallowing a larger mouthful of the liquor. Her entire body warmed as it hit her stomach, and she hummed in appreciation. “That’s delicious.”
“Maple praline whiskey,” he told her. “Strong and sweet. Just like you.”
Elide slowly lifted a brow. “Wow.”
He laughed, shifting his body so that his side leaned against the railing and he could look at her, straight on. “What?”
“Did you just flirt with me?” She asked, and she knew she was grinning like a fool. “Because that was a hell of a line.”
Lorcan shook his head and looked away. Gods, she loved that smile of his, mischievous and full of life. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Strong and sweet?” She repeated, sipping again from her glass. “Just like you?”
“Not a line,” he said, shrugging. “Just a statement. An honest one.”
Elide swore her cheeks were a bright shade of red but before she could say anything more, the doors to the rooftop opened and Rowan and Aelin walked out, hand in hand.
She was beaming. Every inch of Aelin was thrumming with energy and excitement and Elide’s eyes were already full of tears.
“Look at her,” she whispered, unable to take her eyes away from her lifelong friend. “She’s glowing.”
Lorcan didn’t say anything but Elide had a strong feeling that his eyes were not on Aelin. Instead, she sensed them on her.
She liked it.
Everyone grew quiet and it wasn’t until Fenrys said, “You’re awfully late for being the one that asked us all here,” that Rowan laughed.
But then he smiled down at Aelin, and the look they gave one another was so full of love and passion and pure adoration that Elide could feel it deep within her chest.
Rather than saying anything, Aelin held up her left hand, her right still firmly clasped in Rowan’s, showing off the diamond ring sparkling in the fairy lights around the edge of the rooftop.
Lysandra audibly screamed and the entire rooftop descended into chaos as she tackled Aelin in a bone crushing hug and everyone realized why the two of them had been late.
Congratulations were said, hugs were had and tears were shed. Elide watched as she excitedly talked to those around her, so happy for her friend that she couldn’t put it into words. It was almost twenty minutes later by the time the happy couple found their way over to the far side of the roof, where Lorcan and Elide had been watching in companionable silence.
Lorcan wrapped Rowan up in a hug, patting his back twice, without saying a word, as Elide reached for Aelin’s hand. “Let me see!”
Aelin obliged, letting Elide get a good look at the stunning ring on her left hand. One lone diamond was set on a gold band, cut into an oval, but that diamond shone in the moonlight and Elide knew it would be absolutely gorgeous when it sparkled in the sun.
“It’s beautiful, I’m so happy for you both,” she said, hugging Aelin. She could feel Aelin practically vibrating with excitement.
“Thank you, we have to start planning! I’m so excited.” She gazed up at Rowan, who was already looking at her with adoration and devotion and—
Elide looked away as she felt a sudden pang of jealousy. Shame washed over her as she looked out at Orynth again. She was so happy for her friends, but she couldn’t help but wish that someone would look like that at her.
Roland used to, but how much of that had even been real? She’d loved him, had seen a future with him, had their future kids’ names picked out. Months later, it still hurt, knowing that that future was gone.
A soft brush of calloused fingers on the back of her arm had her blinking and coming back to the present. She hadn’t even realized she’d zoned out or that Aelin and Rowan had been stolen by Fenrys for shots.
“You okay?” Lorcan’s deep voice settled her, calmed her heart as she released a breath she hadn’t realized he’d been holding and nodded.
“You ask me that a lot, you know?” She asked, but the playful tone was forced.
He knew it, too. His smile didn’t reach his eyes as he said, “I just like to make sure. Does it bother you?”
“No,” she said, and meant it. She loved how attentive he was, how much he truly and genuinely cared. Elide hadn’t believed his sincerity at first, but he was sincere. She still didn’t know why he cared so damn much, but he did. “No, it doesn’t bother me.”
“Good,” he replied, “because I’m not stopping.”
That easy feeling settled again in the pit of Elide’s stomach, although her heart still held that stupid, heavy feeling. It lingered no matter how much she pushed it away.
The music that had been playing in that background was turned up a little bit louder and Rowan took Aelin to the middle of the rooftop, where a small wooden dance floor sat. A moment later, other couples began dancing too as the ballad played.
Elide sighed, that heavy feeling growing as she watched them all, so deeply in love. It wasn’t until Lorcan cleared his throat that she realized he was holding out his hand.
“Wanna dance?” He asked, and the tone of his voice sent chills down her spine. Low, rough, hopeful.
Elide couldn’t stop her smile if she tried. “Sure.”
She took his hand and was amazed at how much bigger his was than hers. It was almost humorous, how it nearly swallowed hers whole.
“I thought you didn’t dance,” she said, when he led her out onto the floor.
He chuckled, pulling her close to him. He took one hand in his, his other resting on her lower back. “Last time I checked, neither did you.”
“It’s a special occasion,” she joked, and his grin widened. His eyes remained soft, watching her, and she swore he saw it all, every inch of her in that moment. She felt bare, stripped, but not an ounce of fear.
“It is,” he agreed and pulled her just a little bit closer. Elide rested her cheek against his chest as they swayed and she found them again, Rowan and Aelin. They looked as if no one else in the world existed but the two of them.
“Beautiful,” Elide said, quietly. “How they see one another. That kind of love is rare.”
“I swear they knew the minute they met,” he replied, voice as quiet as hers. He laughed and she looked up at him. His face was much closer to hers than she expected it to be. “They were at each other’s throats at first, but they just seemed to…gravitate towards each other.”
She longed for that, for that intimate closeness where one person’s soul cried out for another. She’d thought she had that, but now…
The more she thought about it, the more she realized her entire relationship with Roland was akin to a cage, suffocating and claustrophobic. Never once did he look at her with the utter devotion that Rowan did when he looked at Aelin.
“Your smile is gone.”
Lorcan’s words snapped her out of her own head and her cheeks flushed as she knew she must have been staring at him. “I’m sorry,” she breathed, averting her eyes.
His fingers gripped her chin, making her look back up into his face, into his eyes. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” Elide wasn’t sure if she was breathing.
“Don’t let whatever you’re thinking about that asshole take your smile away,” he said, his thumb brushing just under the curve of her bottom lip.
It amazed her that he was able to guess where her mind went every time.
“I can’t help it,” she confessed. “I can’t help but think of all the warning signs I missed…of all the time I wasted.”
Lorcan subtly shook his head. “I’m sorry that you had to go through what you went through,” he said, and Elide’s eyes fell shut as he spoke. “But, please, do not let him take away a second of your joy, of your future. He’s not worth that. He’s not worth a damn thought.” When Elide opened her eyes, he still watched her, intently, and she realized that their movements had slowed. “You are worth so much more than he ever allowed you to feel. You are so worthy of happiness, Elide, worthy of the life that you see for yourself, that you dream of and hope for.”
It was a simple sentence but those words held power. No one had ever told Elide that she held worth, that she was worthy. Not Roland who always made her feel like the second choice. And certainly not Vernon, who’d taken her in only to access her inheritance and broken her as badly as Roland had, if not worse. Yet there was a man in front of her who said the words outright, and Elide had zero doubt in her mind that he meant every word.
His dark eyes burned as they watched her, but Elide couldn’t think of a word to say. Thank you was not enough for the words he spoke, for what he meant to her. Instead, she lifted her hand and placed her palm gingerly against his stubbled cheek.
He leaned into that touch.
“I want to show you something,” he said, lacing his free hand with hers. He asked, once again, “Do you trust me?”
This time Elide didn’t hesitate. “Of course.”
……………..
The streets of Orynth were quiet, despite it being a Friday night.
Somehow, none of their friends noticed the two of them leave, despite telling Aelin and Rowan one more round of congratulations. They were both drunk enough that Elide knew Rowan’s car would be left here tonight and they’d be getting a cab home.
Elide’s hand hasn’t left Lorcan’s since he took it, their fingers still intertwined. “It’s just up here,” he said, his deep voice sending chills down Elide’s spine.
She felt a thrill of excitement as he guided her to this secretive location.
Elide had grown up in Orynth but the city had changed so much in the past fifteen years since she’d been gone. Walking down the downtown street, she hardly recognized the city as she remembered as a child.
They didn’t say much as they walked, but there was no need to. Lorcan’s thumb brushed idly across the back of her hand and Elide kept glancing up at him, unable to stop that smile that he seemed to make appear with every look.
Abruptly, Lorcan took a turn between two buildings and Elide was about to ask why, but then she saw it.
Lights were strung across the garden, lighting up the pathways that wove through flowers and bushes and trees. In the middle sat a statue of three of the goddesses, their bodies made of stone, entangled together and reaching up towards the heavens. It went as far back as the buildings surrounding it did, and Elide couldn’t help but step onto a path and drag Lorcan along with her.
“It’s beautiful,” she said, simply, looking around as they followed the pathway. “How long has this been here?”
“About a year,” he answered, playing with a ring on one of her fingers as they walked. “It was one of the projects done by the local schools. My unit partnered up with them, helped fund it.” He shrugged. “Turned out pretty good, don’t you think?”
“Partnered up with them?” Elide questioned. “Does that also mean that you came and helped plant all these beautiful displays?”
Lorcan laughed quietly. “Yeah,” he began, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. “Although, I was paired with this eight year old girl that was pretty intimidating. Everything I did, she said I did it wrong. Eventually I gave up and just supervised.”
Elide’s head fell back as she laughed. “Officer Salavaterre got bested by a little girl? I wish I could have been there to see that.”
“I learned a long time ago what battles to fight and when to walk away,” he said, shaking his head. “And that was a battle I was always going to lose.”
Lorcan led her to a bench, sitting down and watching her. She didn’t immediately sit though. Instead, she turned, moving to look at all the beautiful flowers and trees around them. Approaching a rose bush, she reached out and let her finger brush along a delicate petal. Her back was turned when she finally spoke. “You keep asking me if I’m okay and usually I am.” He was silent as he waited for her to go on, he didn’t dare breathe, in case she changed her mind about what she wanted to say. Plucking a petal from the rose, she turned and came to sit next to him on the bench. She stared at the petal between her fingers as she breathed, “I’m okay, but…I’m not. I am so unbelievably happy for Aelin, but I’m also so jealous. And that makes me feel like a bad friend.”
Admitting it out loud made it feel like even more of a betrayal, and when she felt Lorcan’s fingers beneath her chin again, she closed her eyes to hide from his judgement.
“It’s okay to not be okay,” he whispered and Elide could smell a hint of whiskey on his breath. “And it’s okay to want that. One day, you’ll have it and you’ll be as happy as Aelin.”
She still felt guilty for even having the thought. She couldn’t believe he was so calm, so understanding. “You’re always too kind to me.”
“That sounds like you disapprove of my kindness,” Lorcan replied, and Elide opened her eyes, fully taking in just how close they were sitting. Their knees brushed one another’s and when he took her hand again, he rested them clasped together on his thigh.
“I just honestly don’t know how to handle it,” Elide said, laughing quietly out of pure disbelief. Men had been nice to her before but they had always wanted something in return. There had always been a catch. With Lorcan, he was kind to her simply for the sake of being kind.
“You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect,” he said, voice low. “So I will treat you with such.”
His eyes fell to her lips before meeting her gaze again, and the movement was so quick that he surely thought she hadn’t noticed. She did, though, and the lone movement had her heart racing.
“Lorcan,” she breathed, although she wasn’t sure what to follow it with. She had to say his name, though, had to taste the sweet sound of it on her tongue.
His eyes had gone dark and he was quiet. He sat still, so still that Elide thought he may be afraid to move, although she was unsure why.
She couldn’t sit still.
Not with him looking at her like that, with eyes so full of…longing. Longing that she had never known and although no one had ever looked at her that way, there was no mistaking what was in his gaze.
He wouldn’t make the first move, though. She knew that, knew that he was too much of a gentleman to close the distance between them.
So she did.
Leaning across the bench, across the few inches that separated the warmth of his body from hers, Elide’s free hand found his knee and she pushed herself up to meet his lips with hers.
His hand slipped into her hair, cupping the back of her head, the second she kissed him. There was no hesitation, as if he’d been ready. Waiting for her to make that first move.
The kiss was sweet and tender and she leaned farther into him. His other hand framed her face and he deepened the kiss, drawing a quiet gasp from her.
He pulled away. “I’ve wanted to do that since you hit my patrol car.”
Elide’s eyes flared wide and a short, surprised laugh left her. “That’s not funny.”
“It’s true,” he said, his lips finding the spot beneath her ear that drove her wild. How had he already found that? It was only the second time his lips had been on her. “This beautiful, headstrong girl who wasn’t going to let her past break her? You were the last thing I was expecting to crash into my life.” He tugged on her earlobe with his teeth. “Literally.”
She pushed him away, but he snaked an arm around her waist, pulling her closer instead and resting his forehead against hers.
She laughed and shook her head, only stopping when he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. She instantly responded, her body flooding with heat.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a while, too,” she said, and felt lighter once the words were out of her mouth.
“Yeah?” He breathed.
She nodded and their lips met once more. What started out as something soft quickly escalated into a kiss of utter passion and chaos. Lorcan pulled her onto his lap and she clung to him, never wanting to let go.
Once a few minutes or an hour or two or an entire night passed, Elide had completely lost track of time, but she knew it was getting late.
With her forehead against Lorcan’s, her lips swollen and her heart nearly ready to combust, she whispered, “I should probably go home. It’s getting late.”
Lorcan laughed, quietly. “Good luck. I don’t think your roommates will be getting much sleep tonight.”
Elide groaned, cheeks turning pink. She hadn’t even thought about that. While hearing occasional moans through the walls was not anything new, Rowan and Aelin were both newly engaged and drunk. It would be a night of sloppy sex, which meant little sleep for everyone within shouting distance.
“Well, it’s a good thing I don’t work in the morning,” she sighed, making to climb off his lap.
He held onto her hips tightly, keeping her where she was, and Elide turned back to him, her hands landing on his shoulders. “Why don’t you come home with me? That way you don’t interrupt whatever is likely happening in the living room when you get home.”
She cringed as she thought about it, knowing he was right. She would likely be scarred for life when she got home, but to stay with Lorcan…
I knew you were a lot of things, Elide, but I didn’t know you were a hypocrite.
Roland’s voice sounded in her head and she hated it.
What a little slut you turned out to be.
She hated him.
“Hey, look at me.” His fingers threaded into her hair again, turning her face to his. “I’m not trying to get you into bed, I promise. I just know that I’d be miserable if I had to listen to them for the next few hours.” He pulled her lips to his, kissing her softly. “And I’m not too proud to admit that I’m not ready for this night to end.”
Elide’s breathing was shallow as she admitted, “I don’t want it to either.”
Lorcan’s smile was genuine. “I’ll sleep on the couch.” She knew he meant it, knew he wouldn’t try anything that she didn’t want, but that was the problem. There were so many things that she did want, so many things she wanted to do to him, with him. “My hands will remain at my sides and I cook a mean breakfast.”
Elide laughed and took his face into her hands. She kissed him, slowly, and she could feel his smile against her lips.
“You can say no and I’ll drive you home,” he said, brushing her hair back behind her ear. “I just wanted to give you the option.”
The option. A choice.
It was something that Elide did not have much of in the recent years but she knew what her answer would be without even having to think about it. Maybe it was his self-proclaimed breakfast skills, but the thought of going to his place, of staying with him…
It brought her an overwhelming sense of comfort, of peace, once she took Roland’s voice that lingered in her mind and told it to fuck off.
Elide pulled back and met Lorcan’s eye as she said, “Okay.”
“Okay,” Lorcan breathed, and then he was on his feet, taking Elide’s hand in his, and walking her back to his car.
Elide knew that Lorcan would not touch her, would give her her space, would leave her be to sleep in peace all night long, if that was what she had told him she needed.
Yet, as they walked to his car, she contemplated if that’s what she truly wanted. As her thoughts ran wild, she realized that his distance was not what she wanted at all.
Summary: Elide Lochan thought she had met the love of her life only to find out that he was not the man she thought he was. After her world starts falling down around her, she makes a move back to her childhood home in hopes of starting over. Although it’s the last thing she expected, she meets a man the exact opposite of her ex. With his help and that of her best friend, Aelin, she learns how to stand on her own two feet and take control of her life.
Starting Over Masterlist
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Chapter T/W: Mentions of previous abuse.
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The wine was set out along with a large display of foods that were not healthy, whatsoever. Elide didn’t care, though. Cheat days were necessary for one’s health, she believed. It’s what she told all of her clients and she only told her clients what she practiced herself.
Although, she was certain none of her clients were looking at a table of wine, chips and dip, three pizzas, chicken wings, breadsticks, cookies, and brownies.
Elide was most excited for the brownies.
Rowan made them special, whatever that meant.
Which is why he was so pissed off when she and Aelin had kicked him out for the night.
Aelin had put some grapes in a bowl in the center of it all but Elide wondered if she really expected either of them to eat it. She loved grapes, loved most fruits, but it certainly did not meet the aesthetic of girl’s night.
“Okay,” Aelin announced, coming into the room in her pajamas. “50 First Dates or Twilight. The first is a classic but we laugh more at the second one. So.”
Elide laughed, falling onto the couch, still admiring the display on the coffee table. The sooner they chose a movie, the sooner they ate. “Twilight. Always.”
Aelin flipped through the stream until she found the movie and pressed play. After pouring two majorly full glasses of wine, they were finally able to indulge themselves.
Elide started with a brownie and felt no shame.
They were quiet for a moment, and it was only after Elide finished a slice of pizza that Aelin said, “Ro says Lorcan talks to you at the gym a lot.”
The statement was so out of the blue that Elide nearly choked on her breadstick. The mention of the man alone had her cheeks turning pink, and she had no idea why.
Other than the fact that she found him ridiculously, ruggedly handsome.
“I mean, sometimes,” she said, once the coughing had subsided. “If he happens to come in when I’m finishing up with a client, we might get a smoothie before he starts his workout.”
Aelin said nothing, just sipped on her wine, letting Elide sit in silence. Waiting. Knowing she would ramble.
And she did.
“We talk, but he’s just being friendly,” she added. “We’ve talked about his dad—”
She froze, not knowing how much of his past he’d divulged to her. Rowan may be his best friend, but that didn’t mean his girlfriend knew his story. It wasn’t her story to tell.
And honestly, Lorcan hadn’t tried to hide the fact that he and Aelin didn’t get along. They had a long-standing truce of neutrality for Rowan’s sake, but it stopped there.
She didn’t want him to be upset with her, if this was something he kept private. The gods knew she wouldn’t want someone idly talking about her traumas.
Roland had thrown them in her face, and would likely have reacted even worse than before if he knew that she’d talked to not only Aelin about what he’d done to her, but Lorcan, too. Because, gods, not only had he hurt her, he’d…violated her. He’d come back home and gotten back inside her right after he’d fucked that girl in the bathroom.
There was no way of knowing whether he’d used a condom or not, what he could’ve gotten from her, and in turn, given to Elide. The only reason she has any peace of mind was the test that had come back clean two days after she’d arrived in Orynth.
He wouldn’t want her telling anyone anything about what he’d done. She silently prayed he never found out where she was to find out if she’d kept silent.
“It’s okay, I know about his father,” Aelin said, gently, noticing Elide had locked up. “He gave Ro permission to tell me a long time ago.”
Elide blew out a deep breath, shaking off the thoughts of Roland that constantly felt like a shadow in the corner. “It’s just… it’s nice being able to talk to someone who understands, even under different circumstances.”
Aelin nodded, thoughtfully. She grabbed another slice of pizza out of the box as she said, “I’m glad you have him to talk to. Lorcan had a rough life and, although we butt heads, I know he’s a good guy and means what he says when he says he wants to help you in any way that he can. That’s genuine.”
Elide smiled at the thought. Yes, Lorcan has been genuine. Kind. And she had loved her conversations with him.
“You can talk to me too, you know,” Aelin added, quietly, and it was so rare for her to speak that way, timidly, that it immediately caught Elide’s attention. “I know that I don’t have any experience in that area, but I love you, El, and I am here for you. To listen. Whenever you need to talk.”
Elide gave her oldest, best friend a soft smile as she closed the distance between them by putting her hand on Aelin’s knee. “I know. And, thank you.” She nibbled on her bottom lip for a minute. “It’s hard talking about it with someone who has never been there, you know? I know you love me, Ace, and I love you so much, but there’s a…fear there.”
Aelin frowned, putting her hand on top of Elide’s. “A fear?”
Elide nodded. “That I’ll be judged. Or that… I don’t know. That, because you’ve never experienced it, that you can’t understand. That there won’t be…” Elide huffed, frustrated. “It’s hard to explain. And it sounds stupid, I know—”
“It doesn’t sound stupid,” Aelin said, quietly. “I get it. But, you know I’d never judge you. Elide, the only thing I care about is that you feel safe and confident and worthy. When you called me that night and I heard the terror in your voice…” Aelin’s eyes had turned bright, filled not only with tears, but white hot anger. Her hand on Elide’s tightened. “I just want you to know that I’m here for you. Every day.”
“You’ve gone above and beyond for me,” Elide said, turning towards her, the movie on the television forgotten. “You’ve let me come in and disrupt your perfect life and are helping me start over. I promise, I’m looking for my own place, I just need enough for a deposit on an apartment and—”
Aelin broke a piece of brownie off and stuffed it in Elide’s mouth, effectively shutting her up. “You need to quit acting like you’re a burden. You aren’t, to me or Ro. We’re happy to have you here as long as you feel you need to. Not because you can afford it, but because you feel comfortable being on your own.” Aelin shot her a sideways glance. “He’s becoming quite protective of you. If I didn’t know he was madly in love with me, I might be jealous.”
Elide shoved Aelin with her shoulder as she finished chewing her forced brownie. “Madly in love with you, he is. You have nothing to worry about. He’s sort of stepped into the big brother role I never had.”
But always wanted, was what she didn’t add out loud.
“I’m glad you can be that for each other. It makes me happy.” She smiled and laid her head on Elide’s shoulder. “Lorcan and I aren’t a very good example of significant others and best friends being amicable.”
Elide couldn’t help the laughter that tumbled out of his mouth. “I don’t know. He might surprise you. Somewhere deep down in there, he does care for you. At first, it may have been because you’re with Rowan, but now…he does care about you.”
Aelin snorted. “Yeah, okay.”
It was true. Elide knew it was true, but she didn’t bother trying to convince Aelin. She was as stubborn as she was loving.
“Seriously, El, don’t feel rushed to get out on your own. We want you to be safe, and feel safe.” She squeezed her hand. “You’re family, no matter whether you’re blood or not.”
Family.
Elide’s throat tightened as she hugged Aelin tightly. There were no words for the gratitude she felt for her friends and as she pulled back, she didn’t try to hide the tears lining her eyes.
Aelin didn’t either, but reached for her wine and said, “Come on, we have to finish this bottle of wine before Bella figures out he’s a vampire.”
Elide laughed, but raised her glass as they settled in, her heart lighter than it had been in days.
……………….
Elide was grabbing her bag after her last client of the day, ready to go home and relax, when Ansel, one of the other trainers, stuck her head in the door of the locker room. “There’s someone downstairs for you.”
Butterflies started in her stomach. Lorcan had been in for a workout with Rowan earlier in the day, and she wasn’t expecting to see him again. She wasn’t going to complain though, not when seeing him had become her favorite part of her day.
Even if she wouldn’t admit that to anyone, even Aelin.
“Thanks, I’ll be right down,” she smiled, suddenly very mindful of how sweaty she’d gotten during her last session. Manon was one of the few people she trained who wasn’t there for therapy, which means the workouts they did kicked Elide’s ass just as hard as Manon’s.
Ansel winked and headed back downstairs and Elide turned to the mirror along the far wall.
Hairbrush.
She needed a hairbrush.
And deodorant.
She dug through her bag until she found what she needed. After brushing her hair and pulling it back in a ponytail, she applied her deodorant and looked back in the mirror. Lorcan had seen her far sweatier and out of sorts, and he didn’t seem to mind.
Besides, she thought she looked cute as hell.
After slinging her bag over her shoulder, she hurried downstairs and crossed the floor. She was about halfway through the line of treadmills when she slowed to a stop. Her bag fell from her shoulder and hit the floor.
Elide’s feet were frozen in place.
It had been a little over a month since Elide had last seen him. It had been a little over a month since she had called Aelin in a panic, asking for somewhere to stay. It had been a little over a month since she had decided to stay in Orynth, hours away from him. Yet, there he was, standing in her place of employment, smiling and flirting with Ansel as if he was an old friend, stopping by.
His blonde hair shone beneath the lights and when he caught Elide’s eye, he flashed her a bright, toothy grin.
“Elide.”
“Roland.” His name out of her mouth felt wrong as terror shot through her body.
Suddenly, she was right back to where she had been that night, thrown across the floor, afraid she wouldn’t live to see another day. She couldn’t move her feet, couldn’t feel her body. She was paralyzed and the whole gym was there to witness it.
“Come on, Elide,” Roland crooned, meandering in her direction. “It’s been a while. The least you could do is say hello, ask me out for a drink, a chance to catch up.”
She was enraged and terrified, all at once. The fact that he could stand here, flirting with someone right in front of her, showed just how little he cared that he’d cheated on her. That he thought he could just waltz back into her life.
That he was here, in Orynth. Not only in Orynth, but where she worked. Relentless had become a sort of haven for her, a place where Roland didn’t exist in real life or in her head.
Yet here he was
“How did you find me?” She breathed, as he stopped in front of her, far too close than she was comfortable with.
Breaking eye contact, he bent down to where she’d dropped her bag and picked it up, looping it over his own shoulder. “We can talk about that over a drink. Let’s go.”
His hand closed around her wrist and she pulled back. “No.”
Desperately, she looked around for anyone that could help. It was almost eight o’clock at night, so very few trainers were left. Ansel had disappeared somewhere and the two others in the gym were focused on their clients.
“Let’s go, Elide.” His smile was still in place, but his eyes were chips of ice. “There’s quite a few things you and I need to talk about.”
He caught her hand. Threading their fingers, and clamped down, hard. Elide bit down on her cry of pain, her body rejected both fight or flight mode in favor of shutting down completely. She had no hope of wrenching her hand free, not as his tightened even more.
He began dragging her to the door and that panic in the pit of Elide’s stomach grew. She had made so much progress, had come so far, had started to feel free, and now here she was, right back to where she started.
But it didn’t last long.
Elide was still struggling to get free, was still trying to tear her hand free from his grasp when she heard her name.
“Elide.”
She looked over her shoulder as Roland came to a stop in front of her. His grasp on her hand tightened, painfully.
Lorcan stood there. His body was relaxed, his hands shoved into his pockets, but the look in his eye…it was lethal.
“Everything okay?” he asked, when it was clear she wasn’t going to say anything.
“We’re fine,” Roland began, and Lorcan stepped closer to them. “We were just going for a—”
“I was talking to Elide,” Lorcan interrupted, jaw locking. He looked at Elide and saw the panic, the chaos in her eyes.
She couldn’t speak. She was in a prison of terror and she hated it, hated this torturous feeling, hated that he had such a hold on her. She hated him, loathed this man, and yet she was unable to form a single sentence towards him. Elide’s eyes fluttered shut and she told herself to breathe.
She tried to yank her hand free, again.
Roland’s grip tightened.
Lorcan tracked it.
“I’m going to ask again,” Lorcan said, and when Elide opened her eyes once more, he was right beside her. “Is everything okay?”
She gave him the barest shake of her head and that was all it took for Lorcan to move.
It was clear that Roland had been expecting him to lunge towards him, to go on the offensive. So when Lorcan’s arm snapped out, wrapping around Elide’s waist and pulling her towards him, he hadn’t been ready. He lost his grip on Elide’s hand and Lorcan had her behind his back before Roland could react.
“Drop her bag.” It was clear that Lorcan’s words weren’t a request.
Roland’s grip on the strap tightened. His eyes left Lorcan and settled on Elide. “You and I need to talk, Elide. You need to understand a few things.”
“No,” Lorcan said, stepping forward grabbing the strap. “You need to understand something. I don’t know who you are, but I have a pretty good idea of who you might be. If that’s the case, you’ve got about three fucking seconds to drop her bag, turn around, and get out of this city.”
Roland dropped the bag, but he didn’t move, a smirk on his face. “I knew you were a lot of things, Elide, but I didn’t know you were a hypocrite.”
She was half hidden behind him, and her voice was far stronger than she expected it to be. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You left me, yet here you are. What was it you said to me?” His eyes had finally left Elide’s and were back on Lorcan. “Balls deep in some whore?”
“You need to back up,” Lorcan warned.
“Or what, hmm?” Roland asked, taking a step towards Lorcan. Elide had to admit that the asshole had courage. Lorcan stood about six inches taller than him, and he surely had a hell of a lot more muscle. Yet, Roland stood his ground. “What are you going to do to me if I don’t?”
Lorcan let out a low, humorless laugh. “I will make you regret that decision, very quickly.”
Elide noticed that Rowan was there too, now, standing by the front door with his arms crossed. His eyes were on Roland, unwavering.
Roland’s jaw locked as he looked from Lorcan to Elide. “This is ridiculous. Get your bag, Elide, we’re leaving.”
“Elide isn’t going anywhere,” Lorcan growled.
“Elide can make her own fucking choices,” Roland snapped, and Elide thought that was priceless. He never let her make her own choices, not without getting pissed off and throwing a fit.
Perhaps it was that reason that made Elide say, “I’m not going anywhere. Not with you.”
Roland took a step towards her but Lorcan didn’t allow it. Instead, Lorcan was shoving him backwards, and Roland nearly lost his footing as he stumbled backwards.
“I’ll call the cops,” Roland threatened, knowing this was a fight he couldn’t win. Trying to take the easy way out.
This time Lorcan’s laugh was more genuine, but darker. He reached into his back pocket, Roland flinching until he saw that Lorcan pulled out a small, black square, no larger than a wallet. Until Lorcan showed him what it was.
His badge, gleaming in the gym’s overhead lights. “Already here.”
Roland swallowed, his eyes flashing between Lorcan and Elide. Finally, he said, “This is your last chance, Elide. Come with me now or this is it.”
“It was over when you put your hands on me,” she said, stepping out from behind Lorcan. “I never want to see you again.”
Roland’s eyes narrowed. “You’re making a mistake. Him? Over me?”
“I’ll say it nicely one last time,” Lorcan said, voice promising violence. “Get the fuck out before I make you.”
Roland’s eyes darted between Lorcan and Elide before settling on his former girlfriend. “Elide?”
“I’m not choosing him over you,” Elide said. Her voice was quiet, but it was firm. “I’m choosing me, my life, what I want, and you are not a part of it.”
Lorcan said nothing, but he remained where he stood, planted between them, one hand holding his badge and the other flexing, opening and closing into a fist he so desperately wanted to use.
Roland was practically shaking. “This is—”
“One more word and I will grab you by the neck and throw you out onto the fucking street,” Lorcan growled, and Elide could tell that he was holding back. She had a feeling that if she wanted him to beat Roland’s ass, he would have.
And that was proven true when Roland made a move towards Elide, hand outstretched. He only made it a step before Lorcan had his hands behind his back and pressed up against the nearest wall. Lorcan held Roland’s body flat against it, unable to move. To his delight, Roland let out a yelp of pain from the impact of his face hitting the wall.
“Now,” Lorcan began, voice low, mouth only an inch from Roland’s ear, “I could beat your ass here and now, but I’ll stay civil. When I let go, you’ll leave this establishment and never return. Shit, you’ll leave Orynth and never return. Elide doesn’t want to press charges against you, and I’ve decided to respect that, even if it’s the last thing I want to do because it would make me so fucking happy to see your ass tried.” Lorcan shoved him up against the wall harder, and Roland grunted. “You leave and go home, and it will be the last you ever see of me, but so help me gods, if I ever see or hear that you’ve been around Elide again, I will have you behind bars right then and there. Is that understood?”
In an act of sheer stupidity, Roland muttered something under his breath and Lorcan asked again, “Is that understood?”
There was a quiet calm that had taken over Lorcan’s voice that rose goosebumps over Elide’s arms.
Roland swallowed, but said, “Yeah, whatever.”
“Good.” Lorcan released Roland, but by the time he spun around, likely deciding whether or not to swing, his eyes fell on where Rowan had made his way over to where Elide stood. His eyes were on Elide, even as Lorcan said, “One last time. Get out.”
Roland turned and started to leave, but said, “Not just one guy willing to play hero, but two? What a little slut you turned out to be.”
Shame, regardless of whether Roland’s words were true, washed over Elide, but to her surprise, it wasn’t Lorcan who moved. It was Rowan who grabbed Roland by the collar, punching him squarely in the face.
Blood sprayed and Roland cursed, falling back on his ass. Rowan grabbed one of the towels off the counter by the door, tossing it into Roland’s bloody face. “Get out of my gym.”
He scrambled to his feet, clutching the towel to his nose. He wasn’t looking at either of the men as he said, “You’ll regret this.”
“I doubt that,” Elide said. “Goodbye, Roland.”
He hesitated as he looked from Elide to Lorcan, then to Rowan before meeting Elide’s weary gaze. He shook his head and left, clutching his nose as he hurried out the door.
Lorcan watched him go, watched him get into his car and drive away before turning to face a trembling Elide. “Are you okay?” He whispered.
She nodded but it was a lie. No, she wasn’t okay but yes, she was at the same time. Having him show up in her place of comfort had left her feeling violated, but she had also said her piece. And having friends like Lorcan and Rowan there who stood up for her, who protected her… It made her feel whole.
Lorcan watched her, worry creasing his brow, but before he could say anything more Elide was coming toward him. She wrapped her arms around his middle and rested her cheek against his broad chest. He hesitated for a moment but then his arms were around her, holding her close to him.
“Thank you,” she said.
Lorcan’s arms tightened in response but Elide didn’t let go. She held onto him in the middle of the gym until she once again found her peace.
i think i read the altercation scene three times in a row because it was EVERYTHING !! poor poor elide but she handled it like queen and lorcans role had me screaming 😭 i love them sm
Summary: Elide Lochan thought she had met the love of her life only to find out that he was not the man she thought he was. After her world starts falling down around her, she makes a move back to her childhood home in hopes of starting over. Although it’s the last thing she expected, she meets a man the exact opposite of her ex. With his help and that of her best friend, Aelin, she learns how to stand on her own two feet and take control of her life.
Starting Over Masterlist
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Chapter T/W: Mentions of previous abuse.
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Lorcan caught the medicine ball with a grunt and tossed it back to Rowan, who was standing across from him. Lorcan had been working overnights and early morning shifts, and today was the first day he got off in time to come work out with him. And it’d been a week since he found out that Elide Lochan had been the one to hit his car.
There was something that had made him pause, even during that first meeting, as ill-fated as it was. Sure, she was gorgeous and something about the way she was so tiny, she could fit in his pocket brought him way more delight than it should have, but he was fairly sure that it was the fact that even though he knew she bore scars from what had happened, both physical and not, but she was still willing to fight. Still willing to start over.
That took strength. Determination.
When the medicine ball was thrown back in his direction, he had barely brought himself back to earth as he caught it. He needed to stop being so distracted. Medicine balls didn’t feel great when hitting you right in the gut, or landing on a toe.
“Why does it seem like your mind is somewhere else?” Rowan asked. “You’ve been distracted all day.”
It was true.
Rowan had nearly lapped him on their run.
“I have not,” Lorcan mumbled, throwing it back. “Long week at work. Long hours. I’m just tired.”
Rowan snorted, knowing he was completely full of shit.
They passed the ball back and forth a few times in that same companionable quiet before Lorcan asked, “So how’s Elide doing?”
Rowan’s eyes narrowed immediately. “I knew it.”
“Knew what?” Lorcan asked, as he dropped the ball at the end of their set.
“Elide is off limits,” Rowan said, lifting the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his brow. “And that’s not from Aelin, that’s from me.”
“That’s not why I’m asking,” Lorcan defended, crossing the gym to where his water sat.
As he took a drink, Rowan got the next exercise ready. “Really? You two looked pretty cozy at the bar.”
“I’m not interested like that,” he replied, his voice carrying a little more bite than he meant for it to. “In case you’ve forgotten, I have a bit more sympathy for her situation than I would for others. I’ve been there, and I know how lonely it can feel, even when you’re surrounded by people that care about you.”
Rowan didn’t say anything and when Lorcan turned around, he had the good sense to look somewhat ashamed. “I was just letting her know that if she ever felt unsafe, whether I was on or off duty, that she could call me.”
“You gave her your number?” Rowan asked, clearly not expecting that.
It was at that moment that Lorcan realized that no, he had not given Elide his number.
He could tell that Rowan was trying not to laugh as he asked, “How is she supposed to call you if she doesn’t have your number?”
He mumbled, “I thought you didn’t want her to call me anyways.”
Rowan’s grin widened as he shook his head. “I can give her your number. You know, just in case she needs you, officer.”
Lorcan shot Rowan a look that has made grown men back up, but it only made Rowan’s laughter louder. “Fuck off,” Lorcan muttered. “I’m trying to be nice.”
“Nice is the last word people use to describe you,” Rowan said.
Lorcan took one last drink before tossing his water aside. “I’m incredibly nice.”
“Nice and helpful are two different words,” Rowan noted, running a hand through his hair. “I believe you want to help Elide, I do, but I don’t think you would have told her outright that you were there to help her unless you found her attractive in some way.”
Lorcan’s jaw locked. “Jackass.”
Rowan gestured for him to head over to the free weights. “I’m not gonna pretend to know her entire story, and it’s not mine to tell. And you may mean well, but you’re a pretty intimidating guy.”
Lorcan picked up two fifty pound dumbbells and started curling them one at a time. “What do you mean?”
He wasn’t expecting Rowan to laugh outright and when he paused his set to stare at him, Rowan stopped and stared at him. “You’re serious? Look at yourself, man. You’re curling fifty pounds like it’s nothing and you’re, like, six foot seven.”
He was six-four, but that was beside the point. “I’m not dangerous.”
“You may not be, but that doesn’t mean anything to someone that doesn’t know you.” He nodded to the weights. “Keep going.”
Lorcan started curling again, grunting with each rep. “She has no reason to be afraid of me.”
“She may not have a reason to be but that doesn’t mean she won’t be,” Rowan said. Lorcan knew that he didn’t mean anything by it but that didn’t make the words any easier to hear. The fact that Elide could fear him based on his size alone upset him in a way he couldn’t put into words. He understood it, though, understood it all too well. His mother had been much smaller than his father, too.
Lorcan tried not to let it affect him but failed as he continued his reps.
Rowan sighed and stopped what he was doing to look at Lorcan. “It’s nothing against you, Lor. I just… I’ve gotten to know her these past few weeks. She’s been through some rough shit.” Lorcan opened his mouth to toss in his two cents, but Rowan cut him off. “I know you understand. I get that, I do. Create a friendship with her. Help any way you can. But I saw the way you looked at her the other night…just don’t try anything more.”
He could deny it all he wanted, but he found Elide attractive and intriguing. He wanted to know her, in all the ways that mattered, but knew it could be a long time before she even felt comfortable being around him.
He thought of how quiet she’d been at the bar the other night, when it’d just been the two of them. She’d been full of fire and bite when Aelin and the rest of his friends were at the table with them, but then it was just him and it was almost like she wanted to blend in with the booth. He’d thought she was just being shy, but maybe…
Maybe she was scared of him.
He’d have to figure out some way to show her his good intentions, that he wasn’t expecting anything from her, that he really did just want her to feel safe and protected.
He just wasn’t sure how.
………………
Elide watched as her client, who was recovering from a torn ACL, headed for the locker rooms. He was a football player, who’d blown out his knee in the final game of the season. He’d already gone through all the physical therapy, he was just trying to get as close to where he used to be as he could.
Most of the clients she’d picked up had all had some sort of major surgery. Thanks to her degree, Sellene felt she’d shine there, and shine she had.
“Hey.”
Jumping, Elide turned, dropping the clipboard she’d been holding.
Lorcan, Officer Salvaterre, stood behind her. When he noticed he had startled her, he hesitated. “Sorry,” he said, even though he stood a good four feet away from her. “I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”
Elide let out a breathy laugh. “No need to apologize. I hadn’t even realized I was standing here in la-la land.”
Lorcan chuckled. “Happens to me all the time. How’s your day going? I know Ren,” Lorcan said, nodding to where her football client had disappeared. “He hasn’t looked that good since before his accident. Looks like he likes you, too. His last trainer just kept pissing him off.”
Elide laughed. “His last trainer was Rowan.”
Lorcan grinned. “I know. They’re too much alike. They go way back, though. Have always bickered.”
Elide’s smile softened. There was something about Lorcan’s features that was hard, but welcoming. It was contradictory and hard to explain, difficult to understand, and perhaps that was why Elide couldn’t stop looking at his face, into his eyes. “Well, I’m glad to see he’s been improving.”
“Me too,” Lorcan said, then started rubbing the back of his neck. “So, I realized this morning that I told you that you could call me if you ever needed anything…but I didn’t give you my number. So, I thought I could do that. Or, you know, Rowan has it. You could get it from him.” A beat passed. To Elide’s humor, she almost swore he was faltering, stumbling over his words. “Or, you know, you don’t have to have it. I could…keep it.”
One of Elide’s brows rose as she bit her bottom lip. “You could keep your number?”
For a second, it looked like Lorcan had almost cringed, but then he nodded, slowly. “Yes.”
Elide stared at him for a moment, trying her best not to laugh.
“Well, I’ll just let you go—”
“I was just going to get a smoothie from the bar,” Elide said, unable to hold that laughter back any further as she gestured to the juice bar on the far end of the main floor. “Care for one?”
She could have sworn he was about to turn her down, could see the rejection in his eyes and was waiting for the sting to hit when he asked, “Have you tried mango, carrot, banana yet?”
Scrunching, her nose, Elide shook her head. “Absolutely not. Fruit only for me.”
They started walking through the gym and Lorcan laughed. “Oh, come on. You can’t even taste it. And what kind of personal trainer cringes at vegetables?”
“Well, I’m not actually a personal trainer,” she admitted, as they stopped at the counter.
Lorcan was puzzled by that, as it was evident that she was damn good at it.
They each ordered, Lorcan getting the aforementioned mango, carrot, banana, while Elide went with pineapple mango and vanilla protein powder. There were tons or options to mix in, from protein powders to pre-workouts to recovery drinks.
As they sat at one of the few cafe tables they had in front of the bar, Lorcan asked, “What do you mean you aren’t a personal trainer?”
“I got this job, thanks to Rowan and my own rigorous gym techniques,” she laughed, stirring her smoothie. “But I have my degree in sports medicine. I’m helping people now, helping to better themselves, but I want to help them feel better when they’re hurting. A sports or massage therapist.”
Lorcan watched her for a moment, thoughtfully. “You should talk to Sellene about integrating that here,” he suggested.
Elide smiled. “I did. I’m going to start massage therapy soon, after I get established with my clients.”
Lorcan nodded approvingly as their names were called out. He went to retrieve their smoothies and set them down on the table, Elide’s in front of her.
“Thanks,” she said, and fiddled with the cup. “What about you? You’re a cop.”
Lorcan blinked. “I am.”
She laughed quietly. “Do you enjoy it?”
“It’s all I have ever wanted to be,” he said, simply, taking a long drink from his smoothie. Elide had no idea how he could drink something so cold, so quickly.
“Yeah?” Elide asked, intrigued, sipping from her drink. “Since you were a kid?”
Lorcan nodded and something flashed across his eyes that Elide couldn’t quite place, but then he smiled tentatively. “Yeah.”
She thought he would go on but when he didn’t, her smile began to falter. “Sorry, I didn’t—“
“No,” he said, quickly, afraid he had offended her. “It’s okay, I just…let’s say my dad is a class A criminal of sorts. Growing up with him…” he shook his head, and Elide did not ignore the way he said dad. “It made me want to protect people from others like him. So, as soon as I got out of high school I got my degree in criminal justice, and then I joined the police academy at twenty-one.”
“Wow,” Elide breathed. “That’s…so brave.”
It seemed that whatever Lorcan was expecting her to say, it wasn’t that. His cheeks heated, just slightly, and he shook his head. “That’s not why I do it though. I do it for the people who can’t be brave themselves.”
Elide looked away from him, her eyes landing on her smoothie. She was quiet for longer than she’d been before.
“I said something wrong.”
Her eyes found his again, and she saw the concern there. Quickly, she shook her head. “No, it’s not that you said something wrong, it’s just… What Roland did to me, and my uncle, it’s not that I wasn’t brave enough to fight back.” She gestured between the two of them. “It’s a lot easier to fight back when you’re not five-one.”
Lorcan watched her and she swore she could hear the wheels turning in his mind. She took another drink of her smoothie, playing with the straw.
“As far as I’m concerned, you’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met.” When she looked up, he was already looking at her. “You’re here, starting over, putting the shit that asshole did behind you, and moving on. That’s bravery in itself.”
Suddenly, Elide’s throat seemed tight and she doubted it had anything to do with her smoothie. “Thank you.” She cleared her throat, blinking away what he could’ve sworn was moisture in her eyes. “I did fight back, by the way. Against my boyf— Against him.”
The fact that she nearly called that piece of shit her boyfriend after everything he’d done had Lorcan seeing red, but he willed himself to try and forget the name Elide had mentioned a few moments before, before he made a dumbass decision.
Instead, he gave her a smile, one he reserved for people who deserved it, and said, “I know you did. You got out.”
Could you do a OPT Christmas scenarios for Elorcan : 2,11,20, or 40, thanks!
20. Slipping on ice, spending christmas in the hospital an guess who the doctor is?
I dunno how I feel about this, but here we are…
Warnings: nothing major, just me trying to write fluff and kissing which is always awkward for everyone involved.
...
A Trip of Fate
It was, unfortunately, a white Christmas.
And Lorcan was convinced the universe was trying to screw him over. More so than usual because the ER of the hospital where he worked was overcrowded with idiots who’d tried to either sled down the megalith hill of 42nd Street only to end up crashing into the brick building at the bottom or they’d crashed the car thinking it was safe to drive. Not to mention the usual variations that accompanied the holidays. Already he’d helped two interns receive engagement rings, treat burns on cheating husbands, and salvage the remains of a silver serving fork that had wound its way into someone’s thigh.
Normally the glorious display of human stupidity would cheer Lorcan up. Normally.
It wasn’t as though he had anywhere to actually be, but there were the constant questions of if his family were disappointed in him being away, if he had anyone waiting for him at home, or he won’t get a girl with that scowl.
Lorcan hated the holidays.
“Trauma room five,” the lead nurse ordered as he returned from grabbing a fresh cup of coffee.
“I’m supposed to be off in twenty minutes.” He accepted the clipboard she held out to him and sighed.
“Oh c’mon,” Ingrid chided, “you love this blood and gore as much as the rest of us.”
Lorcan only fixed the older woman with his signature scowl, to which she howled in laughter. He glanced over the file quickly.
Patient slipped on ice, minor bruises, and a potential concussion.
Well, at least this would put some variety in his day.
He shut the door behind him, not really understanding why such minimal injuries were taking up a fully equipped room. But he supposed that didn’t really matter. The room was private and he had a better chance of examining the patient without the chaos of the actual ER.
“I’m Dr. Salvaterre,” he said, “I’ll be checking you over.”
When he glanced up Lorcan stopped where he was. Sitting on the bed while glancing at her phone was the last person Lorcan ever expected to see.
Elide Lochan was a few years younger than Lorcan but somehow during highschool they’d ended up in the same social circles going to parties and sporting events. After highschool, he’d only seen brief inklings of her. Including one rather drunk night a year ago at a New Years Eve party that Aelin Galathynius had thrown.
The only thing Lorcan remembered about that night was stumbling into the bathroom with Elide and spending a very long time becoming acquainted with her body.
“Well, well,” Elide drawled as she dropped her phone into her lap. “Who’s the idiot that let you practise medicine?”
Lorcan also distinctly remembered never getting Elide’s before he’d travelled to Haiti to work with the Doctors Without Borders Program. Essentially he’d ghosted her.
At least Lorcan had always been known as an ass.
But the sentiment hit differently when it was Elide thinking it.
“Elide,” he said, rather slowly as if he still didn’t believe she was right there in front of him.
Her long brown hair hung in loose waves over her shoulder giving better access to the large bump on her forehead. There were a few scraps cutting up one hand and her right ankle was stretched out in front of her, elevated slightly. Despite it all, Lorcan couldn’t deny that she was staggeringly attractive.
She fixed him with a hard look, her dark brown eyes betraying nothing. The bright lights overhead only brightened her face making it impossible to miss the ire plainly sitting there.
“Can you just sign off and get me out of here?” she asked, not bothering with any sort of pleasantries. “I’m fine.”
“The EMTs that brought you in suspect concussion,” Lorcan said. He set her file on the edge of the bed and approached her side. “The nurse took you up for a CT scan and we’re just waiting on those results.” He pulled out his small flashlight that he kept in his lab coat pocket. “Follow the light for me.”
Elide scowled, but at least she didn’t flinch away from him being so close.
“Can you tell me what happened?” Lorcan asked. He made sure her pupils were reacting well and then carefully prodded the lump on her head.
Wincing, Elide sighed. “I tripped. Have you been outside recently? It’s snowing. There’s ice, and well, my ankle’s never been the same.”
Lorcan glanced at her elevated foot. He remembered coming back to Terrasen over a college break while she was still in highschool and playing on the soccer team. He’d been dragged to a game by Rowan--who was dating Aelin at the time--and they’d watched a brutal game unfurl where Elide had been injured on the field.
“Any swelling or any discomfort?” Lorcan asked.
“No worse than usual,” Elide said. To prove her point, she pulled her foot off the pile of blankets keeping it elevated and tucked it beneath her so she sat cross-legged. “So, making up for lost time are you?”
Her words came quipped and nonchalant, but Lorcan caught the ghost of a smile teasing her mouth, her eyes alight with something more than indignation.
And he didn’t know what to do with any of it.
Truly, Lorcan had never been so flabbergasted by one woman. Elide Lochan was stubborn, strong-willed, and quick-witted. All of it was wrapped in one tiny body. He’d always had a difficult time discerning her thoughts and her actions. And maybe that's what had interested him to start with. She presented a challenge in the fact that she was so different from all the other women he’d dated before and for the longest time he’d been interested in asking her out or simply spending more time with her--but he’d never acted on the impulse.
Until New Year’s.
Which she also seemed to be remembering.
Hell.
Lorcan could think of nothing else to do then stare at Elide. What could he say? Sorry I didn’t try and call you, I’m just an idiot. Actually, that may actually work with her.
“Who’s here with you?” he asked instead. “Aelin or Lysandra?”
She smirked at him and rolled her eyes. “Nope. My landlady drove me to the ER and then had to leave me here. It is Christmas Eve, you know.”
“Is someone coming to get you? You can’t drive with a concussion.”
“I don’t have a concussion.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Neither do you.” She smiled again, sweet and innocent. And all Lorcan could picture was her sitting on a bathroom countertop with her back pressed against the mirror and her blouse unbuttoned and falling open around her shoulders.
Lorcan pulled away from her before those thoughts took him down a far too dangerous path. Instead he made notes on her file. Indeed, it looked like she didn’t have a concussion. But, the CT would rule out any bleeding or swelling they needed to be concerned about.
“I thought you hated Terrasen,” Elide said suddenly.
Lorcan winced at the words. When he looked back to Elide, she had an expectant expression on her face. So, he shrugged and tried to play off her words.
“They made me the best offer,” he said. After his stint in Haiti, he’d fully intended to never return to Terrasen. He’d thought about leaving and heading out to California or New York. But then all his friends had ended up sticking around Terrasen and his offer for a full time trauma position came up.
“Right,” Elide said. It was obvious she didn’t believe him. “Well, this has been fun, but I have places to be where I won’t spend the evening with a man who ghosted me.”
Once again, Elide tried to get off the bed and once again, Lorcan stopped her.
“You really should wait until the scans are back.” He put a hand on her knee to keep her in place, the thick fabric of her legging soft beneath his fingers.
The last time they’d been this close Lorcan had made the first move, kissing her full on the mouth while she was seated on the kitchen counter in Aelin’s apartment. He knew it was the alcohol talking, making him bolder than he’d ever been with her before. His hands trailing on her legs, to her waist. And then she’d responded in kind, her legs around his waist, her hands in his hair. The sigh that left her lips when he’d grazed the underside of her breasts.
He couldn’t let himself go back there. No matter how badly he wanted to.
“Dr. Salvaterre.” One of the ER nurses swept into the bedspace and offered Lorcan the completed CT scan file. “Ms Lochan’s test results are back. No concussion.”
“Thanks Sorrel,” he said.
Sorrel left quickly, heading over to one of the other beds where someone was being treated for burns after trying to deep fry their turkey.
Lorcan looked back to Elide who had a quirked eyebrow as she watched him.
...
When Elide had started out this morning, she’d imagined that she would be spending the holiday season walking around the ice sculpture plaza down on Freedom Boulevard before meandering over to Main Street to look at decorations the local shops had put up in their windows. She’d planned on ending the day by returning home and eating leftover Indian food from the other night and watching Die Hard.
It was her Christmas tradition and one she would not give up easily.
The universe had other plans.
The second she’d stepped out of the apartment building she’d slipped on an enormous patch of ice, clipping her head on the metal handrail. And of course, of course, Mrs. Salisbury had seen and come bustling out insisting Elide go to the ER.
And here was the universe continuing to flip her off by putting Lorcan Salvaterre in her path.
“No concussion,” Elide repeated. She swept her legs off the rickety hospital bed and stood. “So I’m free to go.”
“It’s five o’clock on Christmas Eve,” Lorcan said. He gave her a look that she couldn’t quite read. Knowing Lorcan and his usual broody, brutish self--Elide felt her response of crossing her arms and glaring to be perfectly reasonable. “Don’t give me that look. Who the hell is going to be available to pick you up? Rowan and Galathynius are hosting a party and Manon is with Havilliard in Adarlan.”
“And?” she pressed, unimpressed. Though she knew exactly what he was insinuating.
He huffed out a breath and Elide wanted to laugh. Who was he to act so affronted? Or even to give her so much attitude? He hadn’t even addressed the fact that he’d never called her last year.
“I’m allowed to see myself home.”
“You got a ride here from your landlady,” Lorcan said. “And good luck finding a cab right now.”
She pursed her lips, knowing he was right. But she certainly wasn’t going to admit to that. “I’ll walk.”
She slid off the bed and collected her purse and jacket.
“Give it a rest Lochan,” the man said, stepping in front of her before she could leave.
Elide nearly ran into him. She’d forgotten what a damned giant he was. And how fit. But she hadn’t forgotten what it felt like to have his hands on her skin, in her hair. When she looked up into his face, Elide could have sworn she saw desire flash in his eyes.
Flushing, Elide stumbled back a step. And then embarrassed that he had such an affect on her, she refixed her glare on him.
“I can take care of myself,” she insisted.
“Oh, I know that,” Lorcan replied. He grinned roguishly. “But my shift ended an hour ago and the replacement ER doctor is already here. There’s no use arguing. Besides, it’s already dark out and the city’s shit for deicing and shoveling the sidewalks.”
“You’re an ass,” she said. “I have other people I can call.”
Who they were, she didn’t know. But she was certain that if she spent any more time with Lorcan, a repeat of last year was bound to happen.
The size of the trauma room and all the equipment stuffed inside made it difficult to maneuver around, but Elide was determined to leave with some shred of her dignity intact. When she did try to move around Lorcan, the man was quick to cut her off. She’d almost made it past, but his hand landed on her waist, pulling her against him.
“I wanted to call,” he said slowly, his fingers flexing against her waist. “I did. But I never got your number and I was going to Haiti and it didn’t seem right to put you through that mess. You didn’t, you don’t, deserve that.”
Elide looked into his eyes and felt her heart thud painfully in her chest. She was treading a dangerous line and she knew it. Because Lorcan Salvaterre was so different from anyone she’d ever been with and even in that brief night together on New Years she’d practically already lost herself in him.
It was embarrassing to admit honestly. The way she thought about him, daydreamed too. And they hardly knew each other. But, Elide decided that she wouldn’t mind knowing him.
She hummed in response to his words, not entirely convinced.
“Right, well, I suppose I’ll have to take your word for it,” she said.
And when she made to move past him, Lorcan’s grip tightened and Elide found herself flush against him, feeling his warmth through her sweater. He practically towered and it was enough to make anyone feel intimidated. Yet, with Lorcan, Elide had always felt safe.
So when he leaned into her, bending enough so their foreheads brushed and his lips lingered just above hers...well Elide wouldn’t have been anywhere else.
“Or I could show you,” he murmured.
When he kissed her, Elide gasped against his lips. They were soft yet firm against hers and Elide found herself pressing harder against him, desperate to be closer. She wasn’t entirely sure what it was about this man, but there was something that drew her in.
Lorcan’s mouth was urgent against hers and Elide gave what she could. Her hands made quick work trailing along his arms, across his chest. She needed to feel his skin, needed to know if it was just as hot as hers. And if memory served properly, he offered a very delightful display of abs and musculature.
When Lorcan’s hands went to her backside and swept her up so she was seated once again on the hospital bed, Elide was certain she’d gotten a concussion. Because why on earth would Lorcan Salvaterre hold a full make-out session with her in a hospital ER?
They broke away, both gasping for air. Elide couldn’t help the way her body arched against his. Maybe she was desperate for something more. Maybe she had brain damage. But, honestly, who cared?
Lorcan stepped back, his hands still on her hips. With his head bowed his face was obscured, but Elide heard him curse. When he looked at her again, there was a certainty burning in his gaze.
“Are you going to finish what you started?” she asked, her boldness surprising even her.
Lorcan grinned. “Oh, I plan to. But it certainly won’t be here.”
Half an hour later, Elide was officially discharged and Lorcan signed off on his shift. As he drove them back to her place, Elide came to the conclusion that maybe the universe wasn’t entirely working against her.
...
thanks for reading!
tags, as a reminder I just have a main tog tag list for all ships. It's just easier for me. (my acotar list works the same way)
Summary: Elide Lochan thought she had met the love of her life only to find out that he was not the man she thought he was. After her world starts falling down around her, she makes a move back to her childhood home in hopes of starting over. Although it’s the last thing she expected, she meets a man the exact opposite of her ex. With his help and that of her best friend, Aelin, she learns how to stand on her own two feet and take control of her life.
Starting Over Masterlist
Elide was on her way to Rowan’s gym for her interview when the panic settled in, but only because she was running late. Not by the world’s standards. Oh no, Elide went by the motto that to arrive early was to be on time, and to be on time was to be late. She had hoped to arrive with ten minutes to spare, but she was cutting it close as she rounded the corner of First Street and Havilliard Ave.
She had applied to a few jobs in the past two weeks since her arrival, but none of them had excited her as much as this one. When Rowan claimed that his gym was looking for a personal trainer, Elide had been hesitant at first, but after seeing her other options, she decided that this one came closest to her passion. She had graduated with her degree in sports medicine a couple of years before and had yet to do anything with it. She wasn’t sure what her end career goal was, not yet, but this would be a start.
She hoped and prayed to the gods that she got the job, although she was feeling pretty good about it. She had worked on her resume, with Aelin’s help, and went through possible interview questions over and over again the night before.
Her resume.
With a curse, Elide reached over to her passenger seat and threw her bag on the ground. For a second, she thought she had left it sitting on the counter and would have been pissed to have to turn around. The breath she had been holding left her body, though, as she flipped open the red folder and saw her resume inside.
As she looked back up at the road, another curse - much more foul - flew out of her mouth as she slammed on her breaks.
One second too late.
Her car slid to a halt but not before her bumper collided with the car in front of her’s.
A car, which had blue lights on top and the familiar black and blue paint of Orynth PD.
Elide cursed, a word so filthy that Aelin would have been proud of her, and let her forehead fall against her steering wheel.
She heard the door of the vehicle in front of her open and close, thankful he didn’t bother to turn on the lights or siren. This would be mortifying as it was. Steeling herself, Elide took a deep breath and opened her own door.
The man inspecting the rear bumper of his car was tall, really tall. Most people were tall to Elide, considering she was a mere five foot one, but he towered over the other people passing on the sidewalk.
As she approached, Elide said, “I am so, so sorry,” but froze as she was taking a step.
He was…so handsome.
Not in the traditional sort, with the long hair tied in a knot at the back of his head or the scar slashing through his left eyebrow, but he was…rugged in a way that Elide had never found particularly attractive.
Until this exact moment.
She swallowed and remembered how to speak. “I’m so sorry, I should have been paying closer attention.”
He looked from her to his bumper then back at her again. “You dented my bumper.”
Elide blinked, hesitated. “I can pay to have it fixed.”
The rugged, handsome cop looked over Elide’s shoulder at her car before meeting her gaze, once again. “Can you?”
Elide’s cheeks heated. Sure, she didn’t have the nicest car in town, but it got her from point A to point B. She opened her mouth to tell him what’s what when he chuckled.
“Are you alright?” he asked. The question was so genuinely asked that Elide hesitated, once more. “Neck sore? Back?”
Elide shook her head.
“Might be tomorrow,” he said, simply, and walked closer to the front of her car. “Looks like you’re off easy. A little scratch is all.”
Elide blinked, unsure of how to react. “I’m sorry, should I give you my insurance information?”
The side of the cop's mouth ticked up and she got the feeling he was suppressing a grin. “Would you like to give me your insurance information?”
Elide did not. She didn’t tell him that, though.
“Let’s start with you telling me why you weren’t paying attention to the road,” he said, crossing his arms over his broad chest as he leaned against the back of his patrol car.
“I’m on my way to a job interview,” Elide said, the words tumbling out of her. “I thought I forgot my resume at home. I was checking I had it.”
“Hitting a cop on the way to a job interview doesn’t bode well for that, does it?” He asked and Elide genuinely wasn’t sure if he was messing with her or not.
“No?”
He laughed and asked, “Where’s your interview?”
“Relentless Gym.” She was starting to worry she might be late, and added, “At ten o’clock.”
He glanced down at his watch and said, “You better hurry then. Only a few minutes to spare.”
He turned, heading back to his car and if Elide was smarter, she would have let it go, would have let him get back in his car and get in hers and hope to the gods she wasn’t late for her interview.
But she’d never considered herself very smart.
“Am I…not in trouble?”
He had reached his door and opened it, leaning an arm on the roof. Again, he threw her question back to her. “Would you like to be in trouble?”
“No, I—” She released a deep breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “I just don’t understand why you aren’t at least writing me a ticket. I…hit you.”
He shut the door and came back to stand in front of her. “You seem like you’re having a rough morning and I don’t see a reason to add to that.” He gave her a slight smile and added, “On top of that, my shift ends in about three minutes and writing you a ticket for a fender bender would give me way more paperwork than I feel like doing. Plus, it’s not actually my car. It’s the department’s. If you hit my car, I’m sure I’d be much more upset.”
She stared at the man, unsure of what to think. She was grateful, sure, absolutely, but usually her luck didn’t quite play out like this.
Ever.
He lifted a dark, humored brow. “You’re going to be late.”
Elide stilled. “What?”
He chuckled. “For your interview.”
“Oh!” Elide gasped, reaching out to shake the cop’s hand. He looked at her hand for a second before shaking it, and she was sure he thought it was weird because as it was happening, Elide also thought it was weird. But, it was either a weird handshake or throwing her arms around a stranger for a hug and she just wasn’t up for that amount of awkwardness today. “Thank you. Really.”
He nodded, muttering, “You’re welcome,” and that was it before he got in his car and drove away.
Elide fell behind the wheel of her own care, careful to look every direction before putting her car back into drive.
She arrived at the gym right on time.
—————————
Elide had never expected to get hired on the spot, but Sellene, the gym’s owner, had asked her to start the very next day. She wouldn’t have any of her own clients yet, but she would work one on one with the one of the trainers that’d been there for years.
She was back the next morning, thankfully not having crashed into any attractive police officers on the way. Sellene introduced her to each of the staff one by one and showed her the facility.
As they topped the stairs to the administrative offices, Elide halted. “Rowan?”
He turned from where he’d been looking through some paperwork and smiled, walking over to them. “Surprise?”
She laughed and shook her head. “When Aelin said your gym, I just thought she meant you worked out here.”
“Well, I do work out here, but my family owns it,” he replied, nodding to the woman beside her. “Sellene is my cousin.”
“And Rowan is my best trainer,” Sellene smiled, coming up behind them. She looked at Elide as she winked and added, “For now.”
Elide laughed quietly as she looked at Rowan. “I hope there was no bias in the decision to hire me.”
“You’re more than qualified,” Rowan promised.
“Ro will train you this week, show you the ropes. You’ll shadow him, just see how we do things. Next week you can start building a clientele of your own,” Sellene explained. “How does that sound?”
“Sounds good to me,” Elide said, clapping her hands together. “Starting now?”
“I’m ready if you’re ready,” Rowan said, and they parted their ways with Sellene.
Rowan was a good teacher. It wasn’t because the position was difficult, but Elide liked watching how he interacted with his clients. He was always respectful, always patient, always listening to what they needed. Elide hadn't had anything against Rowan thus far, had been grateful to stay with him and Aelin, but watching the love and care he put into his job only made her respect him more.
It made the week pass by quickly.
By the time Friday came, Rowan kept joking that Elide was going to steal all of his clients.
Aelin had told her that morning that they were going out to celebrate the successful end of her first week.
At first, she’d frozen, her spoon halfway to her mouth. She’d done her best not to think of Roland the past few weeks. She’d had to change her number after he’d started calling and texting her about a week after she left. She hadn’t heard from him since, but no matter the silence, she didn’t believe he’d let her go that easily.
On top of that, a night out had been the cause of this whole situation. It shouldn’t have been her first thought, but it was. Had she just gone out with Roland that night, none of that would have happened—
But it would have, she reminded herself. It didn’t matter what the catalyst was. Something at some point would have made him snap. Elide wouldn’t have been able to avoid his hidden wrath forever.
She was just thankful she’d been able to get out.
And she wasn’t going to let him steal the joy she’d started to find in Orynth.
“Aedion can’t wait to see you,” Aelin went on, her back to Elide as she made her coffee, “and his fiancée, Lysandra? You’re going to love her. And Rowan’s best friend, Lorcan, is coming. He’s always cranky, so don’t let him intimidate you. He isn’t nearly as scary as he thinks he is.”
Elide finished her bite of cereal before asking, “But he is kind of scary?”
“He’s massive, like unnecessarily tall,” Aelin explained, sitting across from her. “And he’s a bit of an asshole. But he’s been Rowan’s best friend since elementary school, so I’m stuck with him.”
Elide chuckled. Whoever this guy was, he couldn’t be horrible to be Rowan’s lifelong best friend. Rowan was a good man and a good judge of character. Even if Aelin did think she would find the man intimidating.
There must’ve been hesitation showing because Aelin’s shoulders relaxed, her demeanor softening. “If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to. If you’re not ready, I understand.”
It was kind of Aelin to say so, but it was also kind of her to create a night that she would be celebrated. Besides, she had been thinking of starting to meet some of Aelin’s beloved friends and it had been years since she had seen her cousin. It would be nice to see Aedion and catch up.
So there she was, clocking out on Friday at six. She grabbed her bag and went into the staff bathroom to change from her workout gear to her jeans and tee that she deemed sufficient for a night out. She didn’t have much in the way of clothes, yet. Only what she had in the work out bag she’d had in the trunk of her car and what Aelin let her borrow.
Rowan had to stay another half hour to get some paperwork done but told her to go ahead, that Aelin was already on her way to the bar.
The bar was about ten minutes from the gym, right between it and the apartment. Charlie’s was their go-to, Aelin told her, thanks to Rowan and Lorcan’s long standing friendship with the owner. After pulling into a parking spot, she checked her phone, finding a text from Aelin that said she was inside and had a large, corner booth reserved in the back.
Flipping down the visor, Elide checked out her makeup one last time. She wasn’t one to usually wear more than some powder and a swipe or two of mascara, but she would be meeting people tonight, people she knew could become important to her.
Thankfully, the bulk of her injuries had healed completely. The only thing that still remained was a small cut on the side of her mouth, but even it was unlikely to be noticed in a dark bar. With a deep breath, Elide opened her door and headed into the bar.
It was a Friday night so the place was bustling with people, even though it was smaller in size. Aelin was exactly where she said she would be, though, waving at Elide from a corner booth. She already had a pitcher on the table and a tray of shots.
She wasn’t alone, either. Aedion was there with his fiancé, Lysandra, and Elide couldn’t help but gawk at her beauty.
The second she sat down, Elide was asking Aedion and Lysandra a million questions about their upcoming wedding, hoping to keep the conversation on their lives and not so much Elide’s. It seemed to be working just fine until Lysandra went to the bar to order a cocktail.
“Ace tells me you’re working with Rowan at the gym,” Aedion began, filling his glass. “Personal trainer?”
Elide nodded. “And massage therapist. It comes with benefits so I’m pretty excited.”
Aedion opened his mouth to reply but, to Elide’s delight, Aelin interrupted and changed the subject. “There’s Ro now.” She waved at him across the room.
Elide followed her line of sight and froze. Not at the sight of Rowan, of course, but because of the familiar man that stood next to him with his hands shoved into his pockets.
Elide wouldn’t forget that handsome, rugged face anywhere.
“In the flesh,” Aelin said, rolling her eyes. “Like I said, unnecessarily huge.”
Her use of unnecessarily made as little sense now as it had the morning of her interview yet somehow, Elide knew she was right. Just for an altogether different reason.
Her next question was truly what was unnecessary, since she already knew the answer, but she asked regardless. “He’s…not a cop, is he?”
Two sets of gold-ringed eyes turned to her. Aedion was the one who answered. “Yeah, he is.”
Elide reached for one of the shots on the table in front of her and tossed it back.
Gripping her wrist before she could grab another, Aelin asked, “Do you know him? Is everything okay?”
“I sort of crashed into him earlier this week,” Elide cringed, refusing to look over her shoulder to where the two men approached. “On the way to my interview.”
Aelin’s hysterical and sudden laughter was the reason Elide reached for a second shot to follow the first.
“Do I even want to know what’s so funny?”
Rowan asked, glancing between Aelin and Elide, with Aedion snickering on the other side of the booth.
Elide knew she should turn around, knew she should just get this over with, but it seemed she was rooted to her seat, watching Aelin recover herself.
It took a moment, but by the time Aelin was done laughing, Elide was certain her face was bright red.
“Elide, this is Lorcan. Lorcan, Elide.” Aelin’s smile only grew wider as she made the introductions.
Elide didn’t have to turn around because Rowan had slid into the booth beside Aelin and Lorcan stepped forward.
And halted.
He stared at Elide for a moment before a light sparked in his eyes. He didn’t exactly smile, but his lips grew softer as he asked, “Run into anyone else this week? Or, was that honor mine alone?”
Elide groaned, wishing she had a wall to hide behind.
Or another tray of shots.
Out of all the men in Orynth, this was the guy who was best friends with Rowan. It seems that Fate did have a sense of humor.
Lysandra returned then and looked from an embarrassed Elide to Lorcan, still standing at the head of the table.
“You just got here and you’re already causing problems?” She asked, sliding into the booth beside Aedion, careful not to spill her drink. “Sounds right. Brute.”
“I’m not the one causing issues,” Lorcan said, and now he was smiling, just a little bit. “It just seems me and Elide here…go way back.”
“Way back being Monday,” Elide said, words muffled by her hands, which were now cradling her face.
Chuckling, Lorcan grabbed an empty chair from a nearby table and sat it at the end where he stood. “Heard you got the job,” he said, gesturing to Rowan as he poured himself a beer. “Congratulations.”
She was in the middle of the curved booth, having ended up between Aedion and Aelin. That meant he was directly across from her. Her cheeks were still on fire and she was wishing she had on a cute top like Aelin and Lysandra did. Suddenly, her tee and jeans didn’t feel as great as they had when she was getting ready in the gym locker room.
“Thank you,” she finally answered. “I made it on time, too, in case you wondered.”
“Good to know.” That smile was still there, hiding behind his glass as he took a drink. “Didn’t speed, did you?”
She could tell he was teasing her, thanks to the tilt of his lips and the mischievous twinkle in his eye, but Rowan shoved his best friend’s arm.
“That’s enough, Officer Salvaterre,” he interjected before Elide could answer, chuckling. “You’re off duty.”
Throwing up his hands, Lorcan shrugged. “I was making sure she got there safely.”
There were many more jokes made at Elide’s expense, but as the night went on, she realized just how comfortable she felt with them. She barely even noticed Roland’s presence in the back of her mind, not bothering to spare him a second thought.
Or she tried.
She had been staring at Rowan’s half empty glass, watching a droplet of condensation roll down the side, when she felt a light touch to her arm. “Elide?”
Aelin and Lysandra stood at the end of the table, where Lorcan’s empty chair sat. She had a feeling that wasn’t the first time Aelin had said her name. Rowan and Aedion were a few feet back, on the edge of the small dance floor.
“We’re going to dance,” Lysandra offered, with a smile. “You want to join us?”
Elide used to love to dance, but she’d never been allowed to dance with anyone but Roland, not even her friends. “No, I’m… I’m okay.” She forced a smile she knew was almost believable. “The people watching here is amazing.”
Aelin outright laughed while Lysandra’s chuckle was more subdued and was accompanied by a shake of her head.
“If you change your mind, come find us,” Aelin smiled and Elide nodded.
The crowd swallowed them up and Elide reached for the fruity, pink drink Lysandra had ordered for her. It was sweet, but it was strong.
And she was on her third of the night.
“You run everyone off?”
Elide’s head snapped up as Lorcan returned, a glass of whiskey in hand.
“Apparently,” Elide said, trying to keep her voice light, laughing softly. “You don’t dance?”
Lorcan looked over his shoulder at those dancing in the middle of the floor. It was a small bar. There weren't a ton of people, but still quite the mob had gathered.
Instead of answering, Lorcan asked, “You don’t dance?”
“No,” Elide lied, deciding it was the easiest answer.
He nodded and gestured to the booth. “Mind if I sit?”
She didn’t own the seat. He didn’t have to ask, but Elide liked that he did. She nodded. “Of course.”
Lorcan slid in the booth, keeping himself a couple of feet away.
There was a calm quiet between the two, despite the music playing around them. It wasn’t deafening, like the clubs in Perranth that Roland had taken her to. It was just…nice background noise.
Lorcan set his glass on the table and turned towards her. “Look, you know I’m a cop. I’m sure you also know that Ro has told me about your situation.” A chill ran down Elide’s spine, but she said nothing. He continued, “Not in full detail, but enough. I know you don’t know me, but if you need anything, I’m here. Both on duty and off.”
Elide watched him for a moment, trying to figure out if he was being genuine or not. He sounded genuine. Embarrassment flooded her, her cheeks burning, and she wasn’t sure why. She had done nothing wrong, It wasn’t her fault what had happened. Yet, she wasn’t sure how she felt about Rowan sharing her situation with anyone. She knew he didn’t mean any disrespect by it and, as his closest friend, she was sure he told Lorcan everything. Elide had kind of dropped into their lives out of nowhere. She was sure that Rowan had needed an outlet, someone to talk to about it all.
She did not blame him for sharing.
“Thank you,” she said, at last, and she meant it although she wasn’t sure that she deserved this stranger’s help.
His smile was gone now but there was a passion, an attentiveness in his eye that told Elide that the offer was real.
She didn’t know what it was, but something about Lorcan thrilled her, made her feel safe and protected. Like he really did mean that he wouldn’t let anything happen to her.
She couldn’t figure out why that scared the hell out of her at the same time.
elide x lorcan, modern/chef/restaurant au, flirting + mutual attraction + confessions, word count: 3580
The sound of heels clacking against the floor interrupted the staff meeting. Everyone lifted their heads, eyes trained on the kitchen doors.
Elide bursted through the doors, saying, “I’m not late, I’m not late, I’m not late!”
A chuckle rippled through the room as she disappeared into the break room to put her belongings down. Quickly after the distraction, the meeting continued with little affair. Elide emerged a minute or so later, her outfit for the night crisp and clean. She’d smoothed her hair back into a high ponytail. She settled between Aelin and Luca, the newest busser. “Shut up,” she muttered preemptively.
Aelin flicked her arm, “We haven’t said a word.” Unseen by Elide, she and Luca exchanged wicked looks over her head. Aelin leaned in close, whispering in Elide’s ear, “I sure hope that you can make it up at your boyfriend later.”
Luca chuckled over Elide’s indignant gasp and nudged the blushing brunette with his elbow. “Yeah, hope he’s not too hard on ya.”
“Gods, he’s not-” she lowered her voice to a sharp whisper, “he is not my boyfriend. And neither of you are funny.” Her eyes flicked up to the back of Lorcan’s head, eternally grateful that he hadn’t heard any of their comments. “We don’t like each other.”
“Oh, no, no, you just,” Aelin ticked off a list on her fingers, “flirt constantly, have weird, couple-y inside jokes, he calls you ‘sweetheart’ and has a nickname for you, and you both turn down anyone that shows interest and—”
“Aelin, I swear, you need to shut—”
“Lochan,” announced a deep voice, making Elide freeze. “Am I boring you?”
Her head snapped up, cheeks heating, “Hmm?”
Lorcan turned to face her with one brow cocked, “Oh, ‘m pretty sure you heard me.”
Elide pushed her shoulders down, determined not to let him get the upper hand. “Well, to answer your question, you are boring me. It’s shocking, I know.”
His eyes were bright as he lifted his hand to his heart like she’d shot him. “Ouch. Hope the boss doesn’t hear such divisionary words comin’ outcha mouth.” He shook his head in a false scolding. “Tsk, tsk, Miss ‘Employee of the Month’.”
She chuckled, crossing her arms beneath her chest. “Lor, are you still jealous that I’m better than you? I sure hope it’s not still affecting your sleep.”
He grinned cockily, “Woman, if you’re really that concerned with how I sleep, you should come and see for yourself.”
Just as Elide inhaled to retort, someone spoke. Rowan’s voice was tired and clearly the man was unimpressed. “Not that this isn’t riveting, but might we return to the menu? Dinner starts in three hours and we’re not halfway through.”
Elide bit her tongue and shared a look with Lorcan, looking at him through her lashes. A grin ghosted over his lips, gone the very next second. He schooled his features into neutrality before he started the meeting again. Elide glanced at Aelin, ignoring the heat simmering in her gut. “What?” she asked, frowning at Aelin’s pointed stare. “It doesn’t mean anything.”
✵✵✵✵✵
Since the start of the dinner rush, Elide hadn’t set foot in the kitchen. That was until someone hollered her name, sounding urgent. Urgent enough that she couldn’t ignore it, at least.
She excused herself from where she’d been speaking to some hostesses and quickly walked to the kitchen.
Rowan saw her first and jerked his head to the back of the kitchen. “He’s done it again,” he told her, barely pausing as he brutally deconstructed a lamb into neat portions.
Elide grimaced, “Again?” She continued to the back of the kitchen, to where the last station was tucked away. Lorcan was the head chef and absolutely refused to use any other position. He might like it, but it made it virtually impossible for any customers to give their compliments to the chef.
When she’d brought this up to him, he’d just laughed and told her that that was the point. Stupid, agoraphobic, misanthropic bastard, she thought bitterly. Elide turned the corner, her eyes landing on Fenrys’ back. He was hovering over Lorcan, blocking her view.
Fenrys spun towards her, his eyes wide. “It’s really bad this time.”
Elide finally saw Lorcan. He had his left hand cradled to his chest with his right. Even in the shadows of shelves, she could see the lines of red running over his wrist and forearm. She gasped in fear, quickly moving towards him, “Lor, what did you do ?”
He perked up, seemingly oblivious to the gash slicing his palm. “Sweetheart, you’re a long way from the hostess stand.”
“And you’re way too close to the area in which you prepare food for people with that mess,” she snapped back, unable to help herself. “Gods, what happened?”
Lorcan gestured towards the strainer filled with chunks of potato, “I was peeling one and the knife slipped. No biggie, ‘lide.”
She muttered something about his idiocy. “Come with me. I’ll take care of you.” The tips of her ears turned bright red in embarrassment and she hoped he didn’t pay too much attention to her words. To suggest she was taking care of him rather than the wound felt too intimate. You’re here because someone cut themselves. Not just ‘cause it’s Lorcan, she told herself.
They walked to his office, which was in this cramped room, shoved all the way in the back next to the walk-in. There were much nicer offices – hers being one of them – but Lorcan had always maintained that he was perfectly comfortable in his little cave.
Elide opened the door and held it for him. “Go, sit in the chair,” she instructed him, following Lorcan in.
The old desk chair creaked when Lorcan all but collapsed in it, his long legs stretched out. “Did you come all the way out here to check on me, Lee? It’s sweet, really.”
She laughed humourlessly as she pulled the first aid kit down. “You bellowed for me.”
“That was Fenrys,” Lorcan corrected, watching her closely.
Elide crossed the office and put the kit down on the desk. She dragged an extra stool over and perched on it, giving her a momentary height advantage. “Well, at least someone’s concerned with cleanliness.” Elide laid a clean towel over her thighs and took his hand, gently resting it in her lap. Next came the saline, alcohol pads, and bandages.
He frowned at her, blinking a couple times. “I would’ve taken care of it.”
She clicked her tongue at him, “Just shush and let me do this.”
He kicked the ground petulantly, picking at his thumbnail. “Why’re you always so difficult?” he muttered, letting his hand fall limp against her leg. Lorcan looked up at her and Elide’s breath caught. She hadn’t realised how much the change of height dynamics would affect her. His eyes were more brown than black and the light cast shadows of his lashes against the tops of his high cheekbones.
She swallowed uncertainty. Her hand reached for the saline and a pad of gauze. Elide sprayed the saline to start cleaning his wound. “You like me difficult,” she said airily, wiping blood away.
“You’re damn right I like you.”
Immediately, Elide paused. Again, she clicked her tongue, keeping her tone brusque, “No, you don’t.” She was dismissive like she always was when Lorcan tried to tell her how he felt. Elide wasn’t ready for that yet. Besides, she knew his type. He wouldn’t be the first chef she’d been involved with. Cocky and arrogant, yet attractive and talented enough to get away with it. To people like him, Elide was a challenge. She was the target they hunted for, then lofted like a trophy only to discard when they got bored.
It hurt more than it normally did, her own… feelings tucked away. Elide pushed past the ache.
Unlike usual, Lorcan didn’t argue back. He seemed tired, if she was being honest. Lorcan propped his elbow up on the desk and rested his jaw in his hand. He just watched her work, hardly saying a thing. After she cleaned away the last of the blood, Elide picked up the antiseptic wipes. “This is gonna sting a bit, ‘kay?”
He hummed, his eyelids sloped shut.
Elide opened the packaging and pulled the wipe out. Her teeth worried the soft flesh of her inner cheek as she touched the cut with the wipe. Each hiss and flinch that came from him had her teeth sinking in deeper. “Sorry,” she said.
“Don’t gotta be sorry.”
She looked at him and sighed, tossing the dirtied pads away. “Are you really pouting ‘cause I said you didn’t like me?
“I’m a grown-ass man, I’m not pouting,” Lorcan bit out. “I like you, Elide.”
Elide shook her head, opening the bandage. “Lorcan, this really isn’t the time.”
“Then tell me when the time is.”
“I… I need you to stop,” Elide told him. Her hands were shaking and she tried her hardest to keep them still enough to press the bandage on. Once it was secure, she moved his hand off her lap and stood up. “Like, it’s just cruel at this point.”
He sat up straight. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
She steeled herself, “Lorcan, this- this whole thing, where we flirt and that? I know it’s a joke. And that’s fine- well, it was fine. I just can’t handle this anymore.”
Again, he was stunned silent. He repeated himself, “What?”
“You don’t like me.” She paused, readying herself. “And if you really do, you’ll be done with it.”
Sighing through his nose, he shoved the chair back as he stood up. “This is bullshit, Elide. Stop telling me what I like or don’t. It’s not your call.”
She didn’t say a word, her vision of him growing blurry.
“Why can’t I like you?”
“Because you don’t ,” Elide whispered. “You like the challenge, alright? It’s amusing to you that I’ve never given you what you want.”
Lorcan paused.
She straightened her ponytail and fixed her eye make-up carefully. “I’ve been away too long, I need to get back.” Elide couldn’t bring herself to look at him as she said bye and quickly made to exit.
He hadn’t registered that she’d even moved until the door opened. Lorcan took a quick step, reaching out to wrap his hand around her elbow. His touch was as gentle as it could be and he dropped his hand the moment she took pause. “Lee, I… it’s nothing like that, I promise. I’m crazy about you, and that’s it. I know I make dumbass jokes a lot and flirt really, really terribly and immaturely with you, but I mean it. I mean everything.” He paused, like he was waiting for a reaction. His voice softened, “Lochan, you mean so fucking much to me. You’ve no idea.”
Elide couldn’t help but turn, her eyes wide and round.
Someone called his name and Lorcan looked conflicted, giving her an imploring glance. “Just tell me you’ll think about it?” he asked as he lingered by her.
Even though Elide nodded, he still got that sinking feeling in his stomach.
When she passed him a few moments later, he pretended like he didn’t watch her go.
✵✵✵✵✵
His hand stopped hurting some time ago, in the haze of the dinner rush, but it was nowhere near its usual dexterity and Lorcan fell behind because of it. Over the course of the night, his mood steadily grew worse and worse.
Fenrys had taken to avoiding him. Lorcan noticed and only frowned harder. He had thought that he’d be fine no matter how Elide answered, but he was quickly being disproved. Maybe he shouldn’t have told her anything and just lived with little glimpses of a relationship with her. Just a taste, never enough to fully satisfy him, yet enough to take the edge off.
It would be better to stop whatever it was that they were now than to live forever, always wondering.
He worked under a mental fog, his movements more mechanical than they usually were, lacking finesse and raw talent.
Halfway through dinner, a certain blonde bar manager came storming through the kitchen like a wildfire. She marched up to Lorcan, who had been oblivious to her approach, and backed him into the corner. “What,” Aelin seethed, forcing Lorcan to meet her eye, “the fuck did you do to Elide?”
“Get outta my fuckin’ face,” he told her, though he stayed where he was.
Aelin didn’t move an inch either. “Tell me what you did.”
Lorcan’s nostrils flared and he glared down at Aelin, “I did nothing, ‘kay? I told her that I liked her, and she didn’t believe me.”
She blinked, furrowing her brow. “What? You told her you like her?”
“Uh, yeah, that’s what I just said.”
Her hand shot out and she viciously poked his side for the back-talk. Lorcan hissed, bending over reactively. “Don’t be smart,” Aelin hissed. “You’ll have to pardon my surprise, beastie, I was convinced you’d never get the words out.”
He just frowned harder.
“Well, it just doesn’t make sense!” Aelin proclaimed, giving him a confused look.
Lorcan didn’t say anything.
Aelin rolled her eyes, punching his shoulder, “Because she likes you. Lorcan, Elide is crazy about you.”
He shook his head, sidling past her, “No offence, Ae, but I really don’t care what you have to say about this. I want to know what she thinks and I don’t want to hear it from anyone but her, alright?”
“ Fine,” Aelin conceded, giving him a murderous look.
Lorcan nodded once and Aelin huffed as she walked back out, strutting like always. He started working again and tried as best he could to focus on anything else.
✵✵✵✵✵
At some point, the dinner service ended and the last customers had left. In the dining area, servers and bussers were clearing the tables and putting up chairs. Lorcan tidied his own station and checked on his hand, deciding to change the bandage. It was a slight challenge, doing it himself, but he made do.
Once the dishwashers had shut down the kitchen, he met with Rowan and Fenrys to exchange notes about the upcoming menus. Lorcan was only half-listening and his friends saw it. They wrapped up the meeting quickly after that and left Lorcan to himself, sitting in the office.
No one else was in the restaurant. Except for Elide.
He sighed before he pushed himself up, stepping back into the kitchen. Lorcan glanced down the centre aisle and looked through the doors. Someone had propped them open, and he could see Elide pacing in the lobby, twisting her hands. His treacherous heart fluttered and quickly, Lorcan ducked back to his station while averting his gaze.
Lorcan braced his hands against the stainless-steel counter. He had no idea what she was thinking about, and he could feel himself becoming half-mad over it.
Without thinking too hard about it, Lorcan started gathering some items to make a simple pasta. He put them all next to the cutting board he’d pulled out.
In a copper pan, the sauce came together quickly while the pasta boiled in a pot on the next burner. He took two pasta bowls down before finishing everything and mixing the sauce in with the pasta. Lorcan cut the stove before plating the two dishes.
He sliced a stack of basil up into thin slivers, garnishing the bowls with a frown. After he was done, Lorcan cleaned his station and put everything he’d used into the dishwasher. The steaming dishes sat untouched on his station.
His shoulders tensed when he heard Elide’s shoes clicking smartly against the tile of the kitchen floor. Sure, she hadn’t rebuked him yet, but he wasn’t at all optimistic despite what Aelin said. Only Elide knew her own mind.
Lorcan resumed his leaning against the counter as Elide came into his periphery. She rested her hand against the countertop, exuding confidence. It seemed to be a mask to him. “Hey, Salvaterre.”
He grunted like a fucking caveman in response.
“You made pasta al limone,” Elide commented. She dared to move closer.
He glared at the floor. “So?”
She clasped her hands together, “You know it’s my favourite.”
“Yeah, and it’s ridiculously easy to make,” he told her.
Elide grinned, “And yet you do it so well.”
Lorcan let out a short sigh and folded his arms across his chest. “I figured ya didn’t have time to eat, so…”
“Thank you,” she said.
He nodded. “Yeah, you’re welcome.” He was still for a moment. “Lee, I can’t do this tonight.” Lorcan made to move around her, but Elide stepped in his way, lifting her hand. He looked down at it and she was careful not to make contact. “Move. Please.”
“Wha- you haven’t given me any time to talk,” Elide argued, standing her ground. “That’s not fair.”
Lorcan hesitated before stepping back. “What d’ya want to talk about?”
“About before,” she said. She wasn’t sure how to tell him. “About how… I like you. It’s- and I believe you. I’m sorry for not before, and it’s complicated. I, well, I have issues, which you clearly know and you- you kinda have issues too, which might work out for us.” Elide was rambling and she was conscious of it yet couldn’t stop herself. “We kinda understand each other, and it seems simple with you, if that- am I making any sense to you? It feels like I’m off topic. I do like you.” Her cheeks grew pink, highlighted some of her subtler freckles. "I'm kinda crazy about you."
He blinked, slowly digesting all that she’d said. Lorcan grinned softly at her, leaning his head to the side. “You’re making perfect sense to me, sweetheart.”
Elide blushed again and smiled, “Good. I was worried.” She wandered closer, so there was less than a foot of space between them. “I’ve been told I ramble when I’m nervous.”
He turned to face her, angling his body towards hers. Elide responded in kind, each movement bringing them closer together. “I hardly noticed.”
“Oh, you’re full of it.”
Lorcan laughed under his breath. “I can never get anything by ya, can I?”
The tip of her pink tongue poked through her teeth and she was bold, making the first move. She reached out, though she hardly had to reach, and slid her hand up his arm, then his shoulder. “‘m afraid not, Lor,” she said.
He rested a hand on the curve of her waist, tugging her in until their chests were flush. “Ah, I think I can live with that.” Lorcan bent his head, leaning his forehead against hers. Their lips were a hairsbreadth apart as they shared a breath. His eyes searched hers while a small, joyful grin slowly grew over his mouth. “What do you want from me, Elide Lochan?”
She tucked her bottom lip between her pearly-white teeth as she thought. “A committed relationship,” Elide finally told him. “Exclusivity. Honesty. And, you know, I do expect you to take me out on the town. I like being pampered.”
Lorcan smiled wider, “Anything else?”
Elide slid her arms further around his neck, bringing them closer together. She settled against his chest, offering a challenge. “A kiss.”
He hummed. A moment later, his lips were on hers. She gasped lightly, her eyes shutting. His kiss was gentle. They both smiled into it, too excited for it to be good or proper. Elide pulled away with a little laugh, blurting out, “That was weird.”
Lorcan nodded, “Yeah. We’ve never done that.”
“No, we haven’t,” she agreed, absentmindedly tracing her fingertips over his nape.
They fell silent, tension growing. Elide’s eyes dropped to his lips and she kissed him gently before drawing back.
“You’re not laughing.”
“It's not funny anymore,” she murmured.
He kissed her again, and it was different. His lips slotted against hers, forcing Elide to follow his lead. She parted her mouth in a gasp when he gripped her side, his hand hazardously close to her ass. Sharp teeth grazed her bottom lip before his tongue licked over hers.
Elide responded in kind, curling her hand around the back of his neck while the other slid down his bicep. A soft sigh escaped her, forcing Lorcan to grin and break their embrace. She looked up at him, grinning breathlessly. Elide stole another peck, then another.
Those two extras turned into another moment of a heated embrace and wandering, grasping hands. Well, except for his injured one. Soon, they both came to the realisation that nothing could happen here. Elide breathed out slowly as they drew back, putting space between them. Their hands gravitated to less risqué places, a picturesque snapshot of leisure.
Her stomach growled, interrupting their little peace. They both laughed a bit, and her eyes flicked to their forgotten meals. Lorcan smoothed his hand over the fine material of her black dress. “Why don’t I pack this up for us, and you get a nice bottle of wine, and then we go someplace that isn’t work to enjoy it?”
“Ok, yeah,” she smiled, her eyes brighter than he’d seen before.
He smiled too, unable to stop himself from kissing her once more. “Yeah, ok.”
Elide forced herself from his arms and left him with a grin tossed over her shoulder.
Lorcan watched her go, and it struck him that he hadn’t been quite so happy in quite some time.
✵✵✵✵✵
an: @sassyhobbits ok i know its not what i said i was working on but this has been in my google docs drafts for so long and wasnt working until i tweaked her.
Summary: Elide Lochan thought she had met the love of her life only to find out that he was not the man she thought he was. After her world starts falling down around her, she makes a move back to her childhood home in hopes of starting over. Although it’s the last thing she expected, she meets a man the exact opposite of her ex. With his help and that of her best friend, Aelin, she learns how to stand on her own two feet and take control of her life.
Starting Over Masterlist
The late afternoon sun was halfway across the living room floor when Elide opened her eyes. At first, she panicked, not knowing where she was, but then the aches and pains settled into her body.
And then she remembered.
She remembered where she was, who’s couch she was asleep on. She remembered why she was here, what Roland had done. She wouldn’t have thought cheating on her would be the lesser of his two evils from the last twelve hours, but she was sure she still bore the blood and bruises from the greater.
“Hey…”
Elide sat up, blinking blearily. She found Aelin curled up in a chair next to the couch, a worn journal in her lap. Aelin’s smile was warm but her bright, turquoise and gold eyes were lined with concern.
“Hi.” Her voice was more of a croak than anything else. Elide cringed. “Where’s Rowan?”
“He left,” Aelin answered, closing the journal and setting it to the side. “Wanted to give us some time. He figured you might need to talk.”
Elide swallowed roughly. She could only imagine what she looked like when she showed up three hours after calling Aelin. She hadn’t stopped once; save for filling up her gas tank twenty miles outside of Perranth. Stopping any closer was tempting fate, giving him time to catch her.
Standing from her chair, Aelin moved to the couch, sitting next to Elide’s blanket-covered legs. “You know you can stay here as long as you want, I’d do anything for you,” she said, gently, resting a hand on Elide’s calf. If she noticed the imperceptible flinch at her touch, she blessedly said nothing. “But I need to know what’s going on. Rowan’s best friend is a cop, and if he needs to—”
“No,” Elide interrupted. “No police. It’s… It’s over with now.”
The pause was tense before Aelin asked, “What’s over, Elide?”
She hesitated and, gods, the tears began again. Aelin reached out and when Elide took her hand, she moved closer, letting Elide rest her head on her shoulder.
Through the tears, as her body trembled, she told Aelin everything. She told her about the night before when he left for the club even though she didn’t want to go. She told her about the next morning and why she went through Roland’s phone. She told Aelin about the cheating and how she had confronted him on the way out the door, the supposed love of her life.
Then she told her about how he had reacted.
She didn’t stop there. She told her about how foolish she felt, how there were no warning signs, how she still couldn’t believe that he had hit her.
Hurt her.
“Hey,” Aelin said softly, but sternly. Elide met her gaze. “You have to know right now that the way he reacted is not your fault, at all. You shouldn’t feel foolish. No one could have seen that coming.”
Elide knew that, but it was nice of Aelin to say. She still felt foolish though, for putting herself in a situation that was so similar to the one she dreamt so long of getting out of. She couldn’t help it, that aching feeling in her gut that told her she should have known better.
“I don’t know what to do,” Elide confessed. “My life is in Perranth and I just…I disappeared.” That panic began again. Aelin’s hand tightened in hers.
“What’s tying you there?”
Elide blinked. “What do you mean?”
“Your life, what’s tying you to Perranth?” Aelin went on. “What’s keeping you from moving back to Orynth?”
She had no idea what to say. Not only because she wasn’t expecting the question, but because… Because with Roland out of the picture, there really was nothing stopping her.
“I’d have to email my boss.” Her words were quiet, because she couldn’t believe she was actually considering this.
“Rowan’s gym is looking for a trainer,” Aelin suggested.
“I’m not a personal trainer, though,” Elide shook her head. “Yes, I have a degree in sports medicine, but I’m a massage therapist.”
“You go to the gym almost every day,” she replied. “You could absolutely be a personal trainer.”
It made sense, she supposed, but she still hesitated. It was all moving too fast. Everything was wrong.
Yesterday she had woken up, ready to make the best of her day. It was supposed to be a day just like every other day, not a day in which her entire life changed.
The thought of going back to Perranth was daunting, though. Even if she stayed away long enough for everything to calm down, for him to calm down, could she ever feel safe there again?
She knew the answer to that.
If she were to go back, she would fear that Roland was behind every corner, was in every car behind her, was creeping outside of her apartment at night. Could she bear to live like that?
“Think about it,” Aelin went on. “I’m just saying…it might be good to start over, you know? And you wouldn’t be doing it alone. I'd be here, for one, and I have some friends that I know you’ll get along with just as well as I do. Ro could go get all your stuff for you even, help you move it. He wouldn’t mind.”
The offer was so kind, too kind, but Elide decided that everything she had left behind was lost. Perhaps one day she would be brave enough to go and retrieve it.
If he hadn’t thrown it away or burned it by the time that happened.
“I’ll think about it,” Elide promised.
“Good,” Aelin smiled, squeezing her hand. “Until then, you’re no longer sleeping on this couch.” When Elide hesitated, Aelin went on. “Guest room is upstairs. There’s a full bathroom just across the hall. It’s yours.”
“I don’t want to impose,” Elide said, quickly, knowing how serious Aelin and Rowan were getting. “If I do end up moving, I’ll have a place of my own in no time—“
“The guest room is yours as long as you need it,” Aelin said, gently. “There is no rush. You are welcome here.”
Elide looked at her oldest friend. She felt the comforting words that Aelin didn’t have to add. You are safe here.
“Why don’t you go take a shower, get cleaned up?” Aelin offered. “We can order dinner and have a sleepover like we used to.”
A quiet laugh left Elide, but Aelin could tell her heart wasn’t in it. It had been a long time since the girls had shared a sleepover, before both their parents had been killed. It had been over ten years and the two of them had never lost touch.
“I’d love that,” she nodded, pulling a throw pillow into her lap.
Aelin wrapped Elide in a hug, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “You go hop in the shower, I’m gonna run down the street to get us a bottle of wine and then we’ll get dinner ordered.”
“That sounds amazing,” Elide sighed.
As she stepped into the bathroom, Elide got her first good look at her injuries to their full extent. Her bottom lip was split, her cheek still swollen, but the split on her temple looked better than it had in the small mirror on her visor as she drove here. There was swelling under her left eye. As she removed her shirt, she could see two marks on her upper arms. Perfect matches to Roland’s handprints. As she swallowed, she turned around and glanced at her back, finding it just as battered and bruised as the rest of her body.
Elide turned away from the mirror, turning the water on and making it as hot as the handle would allow. After removing the rest of her clothes, Elide stepped under the spray, letting the spray sink deep into her skin, into her soul. She couldn’t feel the burn, couldn’t feel anything. She was so tired, yet she’d slept all day.
She closed her eyes, letting the water wash away the dried blood, letting it loosen her tense muscles. Was this what her life had come down to?
She sank to the bottom of the tub, laying back as the shower rained down on her. Maybe moving to Orynth wouldn’t be so bad.
A new start.
It was a tempting offer.
The thought of going back to Perranth was nonexistent. She couldn’t fathom it, not right now, not after all that had happened.
Elide stayed in the shower until the water became cold, until she heard Aelin gently knock on the door and let her know that she was back and dinner would be there soon.
Giving herself a few more minutes to settle in the misery of the last twenty four hours, Elide tipped her head back and let the brisk, biting water take away the sting of the burn from her anger and fear and… and disappointment.
Life could go on. Life would go on.
Roland may have been a big part of her life, a part of her past, but he would not be her future.
Pushing her heavy sheet of wet hair back off her face, Elide stood, knowing she may not be ready to face her new beginnings today or even tomorrow, that there would be time.
But that new future was waiting.
All she had to do…was live it.
……………………
As soon as Lorcan turned the shower off, he could hear his phone ringing from where he’d left it charging on his nightstand. Groaning, mumbling something about how he couldn’t get one night of peace and quiet, he slung a towel around his hips, not caring that he left a trail of heavy drips and droplets leading to his bed. He grabbed the phone, just as it went to voicemail, but he saw who had been calling him and heaved a sigh of relief.
It hadn’t been the captain or even his lieutenant, which meant it likely wasn’t something life threatening.
It was Rowan, which meant it still could be life-threatening, but the risk was much lower with his best friend than with his superiors.
Dialing him right back, Lorcan put the phone on speaker, heading back into the bathroom.
“I wasn’t sure if you were off yet,” Rowan answered, rather than greeting his oldest friend like a normal person.
“Just got out of the shower,” he replied, quickly drying himself off and getting dressed. “Thought you and Aelin were going to dinner tonight?”
Lorcan could practically hear the tension on the other side of the line thicken, but Rowan cleared his throat. “Yeah, change of plans. A childhood friend called and needed a place to stay for a bit. I’m giving them some time.”
“Is she in trouble?” The instinct to protect was unstoppable, which was why Lorcan had become a police officer. He wanted to help people, wanted them to know they were safe with him. His surly, outward appearance didn’t always reflect that.
He heard Rowan hesitate. “I don’t know the whole story. She was pretty hysterical when she called Aelin, and I left just after she got there. She was pretty beat up.”
Lorcan asked, “Is Aelin safe?” He didn’t particularly give two shits about his best friend’s girlfriend, but he didn’t want any harm to come to her.
“I wouldn’t have left the two of them alone if she wasn’t,” Rowan replied, and there wasn’t an ounce of doubt in his voice.
Lorcan huffed a sigh of contentment before asking, “And with them at your place, where is it you’re going?”
Rowan chuckled. “I’m ten minutes from your place unless you want to meet me at the bar.”
Lorcan fell back on his bed. If he stayed home, he could wear sweatpants and keep his feet bare. At the bar, he felt obligated to wear jeans but they had far better liquor.
And he could go to town on some chicken wings.
“I’ll be there in fifteen,” Lorcan said and hung up.
There were very few people Lorcan would give up a night at home by himself for. Rowan was one of them, especially since he was kicked out of his own house, however willingly.
He quickly dried his hair and body with his towel before hanging it over the bathroom door. He didn’t bother brushing his hair, a habit that drove his ex insane. There were just too many curls and waves and strands that went in the wrong direction to brush it every day. He preferred to let his shoulder-length hair do what it was going to do naturally.
Fifteen minutes later, he pulled up to the bar on the corner and spotted Rowan’s car, parking next to it and walking inside.
It was a Saturday night.
And it was packed.
He found Rowan with ease, thanks to their almost designated seats at the end of the bar. He knew that likely meant they frequented the dive a bit too often, but when he got to the open stool next to Rowan, a short glass of his favorite whiskey was waiting for him.
As he sat, he nodded to the owner of the bar, a man named Charlie he and Rowan had gotten to know over the years of coming here. He inclined his head in response and kept on wiping down glasses as other bartenders buzzed around him.
“Bet this isn’t how you were planning to spend your night,” Lorcan smirked, taking a deep drink from his glass.
Rowan chuckled, but shook his head. “I had very different plans, you’re right. You’re definitely not as pretty as Aelin.”
Lorcan flipped him off as Rowan blew him a kiss.
After a second, Lorcan turned to his oldest friend. “Are you worried about Aelin?”
Rowan shook his head as he took a sip and leaned against the back of the stool. His eyes were on the television above the bar. “No, she can take care of herself. And Elide.”
“That’s her friend?” Lorcan asked and Rowan nodded.
“They were best friends in elementary school,” he explained. “She moved to Perranth to live with her uncle after her parents were killed in a car accident, but they’ve stayed in touch.”
He took another drink and waved Charlie down. “And you said someone beat her?”
Rowan blew out a harsh breath and finished off his own drink. “I don’t know who or why, but I’m pretty sure she didn’t beat the shit out of herself.”
Lorcans mouth tightened. There were very few things he hated more than a man that laid his hands aggressively on a woman, if anything. It took a man with low self esteem and serious psychological issues to do that.
“Well, if there’s anything I can do, just let me know,” he said, at last.
“I’ll tell Aelin,” Rowan said, then added, “Thanks.”
Lorcan grunted as he nodded and only smiled when another glass of whiskey was set down in front of him.
They were quiet for a few minutes after that but it was comfortable. Lorcan was convinced it was one of the reasons that he and Rowan had become such good friends in grade school, and stayed such good friends as they grew older. Neither of them minded the silence.
With his eyes on the hockey game above the bar, Lorcan couldn’t help but think about Aelin and her friend’s situation. Abusive men were why Lorcan had wanted to be in law enforcement.
One in particular.
His dad was locked up when Lorcan was seventeen and he hadn’t seen or heard from him since. Every now and then, he would look up his fathers name in the database to make sure he was still behind bars. Ever since his mother’s death, he made it a vow to make sure he stayed behind bars.
He did not have one memory of his father that did not fuel utter terror. As a child, he had felt useless. Although Lorcan had always been tall and broad, he had gotten that gene from his father so the old man always had the upper hand.
He could still hear his mother crying, begging for him to stop but he never did. She was small, petite, frail and Lorcan’s father would put a WWE heavyweight to shame. He used his size to cause her pain.
Lorcan used his to kick the asses of men with that mindset.
“That was a dirty hit.”
Lorcan blinked as his eyes refocused on the game he hadn’t really been watching. He hadn’t needed to watch to know he hadn’t been referring to any of the Staghorns. “You know Adarlan always plays dirty.”
Rowan nodded, crossing his arms as he watched the players skate across the ice.
The two fell back into a comfortable silence, but Lorcan’s mind was spinning, worrying about a woman he’d never met, but who’s trauma he knew all the same.
This Elorcan au has been sitting with me for a while, and I think I’ve managed to get it the way I wanted it. My intention was to have it ready for Elorcan Week - AU day, but I wasn’t able to get it done in time.
Regardless, I thought I would share it with you. Enjoy!
A/N: Tara and I have both been crazy busy this month, so we haven’t gotten to write as much as we’d like to have for @elrielmonth. This doesn’t go along with any of the specific weeks, but we can’t miss an opportunity to write about favorite babies. Enjoy.
NSFW. 18+ Only.
WC: 7244
Written with @theladyofdeath.
Azriel turned off the engine of his old, beat up Jeep and stared at the door of the bustling bar. As the clock on his dash neared 6:00, people all over Velaris were finishing up their workday and hoping for a little release.
Including himself, apparently.
It wasn’t the first time he had been asked to join his coworkers at the bar on the corner by their office, but it was the first time he’d accepted. Typically, the last thing he wanted to do at the end of the work day was socialize, but once Morrigan asked enough, she was hard to say no to. After a certain point, she no longer took no as an answer, which was how he found himself in the parking lot.
With a sigh, he hopped out of the car, having discarded his tie, releasing a few of his top buttons, and rolling up his dark sleeves.
His 9-to-5 wasn’t awful, but it sure as hell wasn’t how he planned to spend the rest of his life. He was amazing with anything and everything electronic, had been building and taking apart everything he could get his hands on from a young age. But working tech support had him asking Have you tried turning it off and back on again more times in one day than he ever thought he would have. It was a stepping stone to something bigger, something better. He just had to convince himself take that leap onto a bigger stone.
He could use a beer. Hell, he could use a shot. The bonus of his best friends working with him as well meant that both were likely sitting at the table waiting for him.
Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he pushed through the door of the dive bar. Looking around, he spotted Morrigan’s blonde head on the dance floor, but none of his other friends. He knew Cassian and Rhys would certainly be here, maybe Helion and Kallias if he were lucky, but—
“You actually came.”
He turned and found the real reason he’d finally relented and accepted the invitation standing in front of him. The reason why he hadn’t taken that leap to something bigger and better.
Elain Archeron was the epitome of feminine grace. Her pretty, pink dress didn’t seem like it belonged in the seedy bar, yet here she was, carrying what looked like a tray of—
“Is that Fireball?”
She laughed and shook her head. “It was Lucien’s idea and Cassian backed him up.” She pointed to one of the shot glasses up and looked at him. “And this one’s got your name on it.”
Azriel suppressed his smile as he said, “Well, I can’t say no to that, can I?”
Elain gestured for him to follow her, which he did without any hesitation. She led him to a table in the back corner where a big group of them sat, hollering once they saw that Azriel had finally joined them for their Friday night outing.
“It’s about damn time,” Cassian said, scooting over so that Azriel could sit next to him. After she set the tray down on the table, Elain sat next to him. Her knee bumped his, which he fully noted.
“Blame Mor,” Azriel muttered, taking the shot that had his name on it from the tray. “She’s relentless.”
Across from them, Rhysand looked at Mor on the dance floor as she spun around with her arms spread wide. “Already drunk is what she is,” Rhys laughed and raised his shot glass. “Thank fuck it’s Friday,” he said, as a toast.
The others raised their glasses and clinked them against one another’s. Azriel downed his shot, loving the burn as it went down his throat. It didn’t burn as much as it used to, Fireball, but he liked the taste more than most.
He turned his head just in time to watch Elain’s head fall back, liquid disappearing from her shot class as her eyes lit up. She swallowed and set the glass on the table before turning to meet Azriel’s eye. Her cheeks burned.
He found it endearing, how she seemed to get embarrassed from doing something as simple as taking a shot. Although, the fact that she kept a straight face had Azriel surprised and impressed, and wondering just what else he did not know that Elain was capable of.
“Look at you,” she said, resting her elbow on the table and propping her chin in her hand. “Out in the real world. I was starting to think you had a little bed hiding in that cubicle of yours and that you never left.”
Elain was the assistant to the office manager, so while he didn’t work with her as much as he’d like, he did see her in passing quite often. And, of course, when she or their boss’s computer decided to stop working.
It wasn’t his job, but whenever a pair of caramel eyes peeked over the top of his cubicle, he was powerless to tell her no. The issues he’d helped her with ranged from a piece of paper jammed in her printer to a mysterious virus that the boss had somehow downloaded.
He laughed, barely noticing their friends around them. “Not yet, but I might start keeping a sleeping bag under there, just in case.”
“Don’t do that,” she chuckled, shaking her head. Her hair, which she usually left down, loose and curled and pretty, had been piled on top of her head. Thanks to the heat of the bodies in the room, the short hairs at the nape of her neck had curled, and Azriel wanted to reach out and let one wrap around his finger.
Blinking, he realized how creepy that’d make him look and he cleared his throat.
The pitcher of beer was passed around and Azriel filled up his glass. As the hour passed on, he was surprised to find that he was enjoying himself. Most of that was due to the fact that Elain’s knee brushed his every few minutes. He swore that when it did, she would linger.
With three pitchers down, everyone went to the dance floor, all except Azriel and Elain, who remained seated. She shifted, and Azriel thought that she may want him to ask her to dance but dancing was so far out of his comfort zone that he asked something else entirely before she could take matters into her own hands.
“I’m going to step outside for a minute,” he said, words rushing from his mouth. “Care to join me?”
Elain looked around, sucking in her bottom lip as she noted each of their friends and coworkers out on the floor before turning back to Azriel and nodding. “Okay.”
They made their way through the busy bar together until they found the side door that led to the alley, rather than the packed patio around back. The second Azriel was outside, he pulled his cigarettes from a pocket and held them up. “Do you mind?”
Elain shook her head as the door closed behind her. “I didn’t know you smoked.”
Azriel hesitated, then laughed quietly as he searched his pocket for a lighter. “I guess we don’t know much about each other outside of the office.”
“I guess not,” Elain confirmed, watching as he patted all of his pockets. To his surprise, she opened the small clutch that was slung around her body and pulled out a lighter. She held it up and ignited a flame. “Need help?”
Azriel’s brows shot up but he said nothing as he put the cigarette between lips and leaned forward until it caught. In such a simple, short movement, they were close enough for him to smell the floral scent of her perfume.
Once she put it away and he took a long, peaceful drag, he asked, “What else do you have in there that will surprise me?”
The smile she gave him had him leaning against the opposite wall of the alley to keep him upright. “It’s not mine. I tend to be the carrier of everything no one wants to keep in their pockets while dancing. Thank Rhys.”
Azriel laughed, quietly. “Fair enough.”
“It’s nice, you know,” she said, and he tilted his head to the side, waiting. “Having you come out with us. I see Rhys and Cassian more than anyone else, thanks to Feyre and Nesta, but it’s nice to have you here with us.”
His throat was tight and it had nothing to do with the filthy habit he knew he needed to kick. He took another pull and blew the cloud of smoke away from her. The wind pulled it right back, and he cringed. “Sorry.”
“S’okay,” she said and shrugged her shoulder, leaning against the brick wall next to him. He was suddenly very aware of how dank and dirty the alley was and that she was in a very pretty dress. She didn’t belong out here, didn’t belong with him in his dark shirt and dark jeans and rebellious nose ring and tattoos. She was all that was good, while he was…not. But then she spoke and it caught him off guard. “What would you be doing, if you weren’t here?”
He blinked. He wasn’t sure where she’d been planning to take the conversation, but that surely wasn’t it. “In Velaris, you mean?”
Laughing, Elain looked up at the sky. The stars were phenomenal, even in this dingy alley. Her eyes were bright, taking in the beauty of the City of Starlight. She looked back at him and said, “I haven’t had nearly enough to drink to ask something that deep.”
“Then let’s get you another drink,” Azriel replied, dropping the remnant of the cigarette into a puddle of what he hoped was water, extinguishing it immediately.
“Wait,” she said, putting a hand on his arm. The slight touch rooted him in place. “What I meant is, if you weren’t out with us tonight, what would you be doing? What does a normal Friday night look like for Azriel Draeven?”
Azriel was so caught off guard by her touch that he huffed a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. He faced her fully, now aware of just how close he stood to her. She had to look up to keep her eyes locked with his.
“I don’t know,” he said, quietly. “Watch tv, play some video games, scroll on my phone.” He chuckled. “Have a drink and go to bed.”
Elain watched him for a moment, eyes bright. “That’s all?”
His eyes narrowed at her, trying to figure out if there was an underlying meaning to her question.
“What do you expect me to do at home?” He asked, well aware of the fact that her hand was still on his arm.
She shrugged again, an action that he usually thought was nonchalant, but from her, was just adorable. Looking up at him, she bit her lip. “Are those all things you usually do on your own or is there someone else you do it with?”
Her choice of words seemed to hit them both at the same time. Even in the watery light of the streetlamp at the end of the alley, Azriel could see the blush creeping up Elain’s cheeks and neck.
Choosing to ignore her unintended vernacular, he asked, “Are you asking if I have a girlfriend?”
“I guess I should learn to be more direct, huh,” Elain whispered, and Azriel’s grin spread.
He usually felt uncomfortable when he smiled but not around her. Around her, he felt worthy of smiling, of joy.
“No,” he said, at last. I’ve been waiting for someone, he nearly added, but didn’t. “And you? Anyone special?”
Elain’s hand finally fell from his arm as she shook her head. “No, no one. Not for a few months anyways.”
He nodded and took another step toward her as he asked, “Is there a reason for that?”
That crimson stain on her pale cheeks spread as she said, “Now it’s your turn to be direct, I think.”
Azriel was not known for being direct, for being outspoken. Out of all of the people in their friend group, Azriel was probably the most reserved.
He and Elain both.
Which is why he was grateful for the alcohol coursing through his body, liquid courage, as he asked, his voice low, “Can I kiss you?”
Elain’s breath hitched but she took a step closer, her palms lying flat against his chest, closing the space between them. Her eyes, bright and full of wonder, met his when she whispered, “Please.”
Azriel had had a long time to imagine what kissing Elain would be like. He’d imagined how her lips would feel, what she would taste like, how her hair would feel like silk as he threaded his fingers into it, cupping the back of her head. As he leaned down, his thumb brushing over her cheekbone, he knew his imagination would never stand a chance.
His lips met hers and he couldn’t have ignored the soft, sharp inhale as Elain gasped. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her tighter against him as her hands dove into his own hair. Without even realizing it, he’d backed her up until her back was pressed against the brick wall. He traced the seam of her lips, asking for entrance. She opened for him, but then nipped at his bottom lip.
When Azriel pulled back, her eyes were bright, full of life and joy and something else he couldn’t name.
“What were those things you like to do at home on a Friday night?” She breathed, fingers scratching lightly at his scalp. He was having a hard time comprehending her words.
“TV, video games, and a drink,” he said, forehead resting against hers.
Elain caught her bottom lip between her teeth, looking down at their feet before meeting his eyes again. “And all of that, would you like to do it with me?”
He was well aware that she was aware of her words from earlier. Of the callback she was making.
Azriel laughed, quietly. “I would happily do anything with you.”
Elain pulled his face into hers, her hands knotted into his now disheveled hair. His body fell against hers, and every logical thought that was in his mind had vanished for good as his palms braced the wall behind her.
Now that he’d had even the simplest of tastes, he could not keep his mouth off of her.
He hoisted her up, her legs going around his waist as her dress hitched up her thighs, her back still resting against the brick. When his kisses trailed down her neck and she tilted her face towards the sky to give him better access, she breathed, “I can think of a couple places that would be much more comfortable to do this.”
Pulling back, Azriel looked down into her face. Breath coming quickly, he asked, “Do you want me to stop?”
“No, no,” she replied, shaking her head. “But we could…go back to my place. Or yours, whichever you’d prefer.”
He blinked and then that broad grin was back on his face. “You’re getting better about that whole direct thing.”
Elain could feel her cheeks heating but Azriel put her down. “My apartment is only a couple blocks from here.” He reached up and brushed his thumb over her mouth. “Want to get out of here?
Her lips parted and she gently took his thumb between her teeth. Everything inside of him went molten at the light sting of pain. He hadn’t been expecting it or the soft brush of her tongue that followed it.
“Let me get my purse,” she breathed, after he’d pulled his hand back. “And tell Feyre and Nesta I’m leaving.”
“Are you going to tell them we’re leaving together?” He asked. She looked up at him.
His hazel eyes had gone impossible dark, the ring of browns and golds and greens nearly swallowed up by the blown out pupil. Lust was written along every line of his body. He wanted to touch her, to feel her skin against his.
Swallowing, Elain asked, “Do you want me to tell them?”
Azriel didn’t hesitate as he nodded. Hell yeah, he did. He wanted them all to know.
Her eyes lit up. “Good.”
She disappeared from sight and once Azriel caught his breath, he was hurrying to his jeep. After tossing the few empty water bottles from his passenger seat into the back, along with the lighter he couldn’t find earlier, he was pulling around to the front of the bar, waiting.
A few minutes passed and he grew anxious, afraid he had done something wrong between the first kiss and now, but then she was walking out the front door and coming straight for him.
She opened the door and fell inside, giggling as she looked at him. “Are you okay to drive?”
He nodded and said, “Just a few beers, plus it’s a short drive.”
She buckled her seatbelt and when she looked back up, they were sharing breath. His hand slid into her hair as he softly kissed her, sweeter than any of the kisses they’d shared so far.
Pulling away, he took a deep breath as he put the car in gear and pulled out onto the main road. His right hand left the wheel and rested on the inside of Elain’s knee. Her focus and every nerve ending seemed to center on the slow circle his finger was drawing on the skin there. There was a rough patch on the tip of each finger, aside from the brutal scarring he often tried to hide. She’d felt them twice now, the first time as he cradled her face in his hands and kissed. She cleared her throat. “What are your calluses from?”
His eyes left the road for a split second, not even realizing his hand had moved up her thigh, incrementally. He was looking back ahead of him, but his thumb squeezed her thigh in time with the circling. “Guitar. I’ve played for nearly fifteen years.”
“Wow,” she breathed, fully turning to face him in the passenger seat. “I had no idea.”
“Seems there’s a lot you don’t know about me,” he smirked, but added, “What’d your sisters say when you told them we were leaving together?”
Elain grinned as she turned towards the window. “Nesta’s exact words were, took you long enough. I won’t repeat Feyre’s. They were far too vulgar.”
Azriel was only intrigued more but before he could ask, Elain shifted and his hand slid further up her thigh. She leaned into it and suddenly, the five minute ride to his apartment was excruciating.
He could only imagine that her thoughts were running just as wild as his were. There were so many things he’d like to do to her, with her, but he tried not to get too ahead of himself.
She may want to take things slow, which he would if that’s what she wanted, without any complaints. Those thoughts, though, he couldn’t control.
Azriel pulled into his parking garage before finding a spot and putting his car in park. Once they were out they walked hand in hand into his building, up to his floor, and to his front door.
He had suddenly hoped it wasn’t too messy. Company was the last thing he had expected tonight, and he couldn’t remember exactly what it’d looked like when he stumbled out his door this morning, not having had his morning coffee.
Unlocking the door, he held it open for Elain, and braced himself as he flipped on the light. He wasn’t greeted by a mess, but there was the unmistakable sound of a bell chiming as it grew closer and closer. A sleek, smoky, grey cat poked its head around the corner and gave one mew! of excitement before prancing towards Azriel.
“You have a cat,” Elain beamed, bending down and holding a hand out for the creature to smell.
“This is Jeremy,” Azriel replied as the cat deemed Elain a friend and rubbed his head into her palm.
Her laughter was like windchimes on a spring morning. “Jeremy?”
“Yeah,” he replied, scratching at the back of his neck. “They asked me what I wanted to name and I sort of just blanked. So I went with Jeremy.”
Elain’s laughter was the cutest thing he’d ever heard. Tiny snort included.
Her eyes went wide and she covered her mouth, blushing, and stood. “Oh, my god, I’m so sorry.”
“You should be,” Azriel joked, scratching the cat behind his ears. “Jeremy doesn’t like to be laughed at.”
Elain’s laughter died down but it still laced her tone when she took a deep breath and said, smile blindingly brilliant, “I’m sorry, Jeremy. What other surprises am I going to find in here?”
Azriel gestured to the entryway they stood in - an open concept where they could see everything but his bedroom and bathroom down the hall. “Take a look around while I make you a drink?”
Elain’s grin softened as she nodded and began her waltz around the room. Azriel watched her tentatively while he walked behind the island and took two glasses from the cabinet, filling them each with whiskey - it was all he had.
Judging by how she handled Fireball, Azriel wasn’t worried.
When he looked up again, Elain was nowhere to be found but he came around the corner to find her near the start of the hallway, looking at his bookshelf that sat against the wall.
“Edgar Allan Poe fan?” Elain asked, fingers grazing a line of vintage collectors novels.
“A little bit,” he admitted, and was about to recite a cheesy quote when Elain started laughing quietly under her breath. She took a framed photo off the shelf of Azriel, Cassian, and Rhysand in their sophomore year of high school.
“Who are these guys?” She asked, shaking her head. “You were such a cutie. I bet all the girls flocked to you.”
Azriel cringed as he handed her a glass, which she gladly took. “Yeah, I was more of a loner. Had my first girlfriend junior year and when it didn’t work out, there was just a long string of flings after that.”
“And is that still the case?” Elain asked, sipping from her glass. “Just flings?”
There it was again, that air of nonchalant that had Azriel wondering what she truly wanted to ask. He stared at her for a moment, her eyes lit with amusement, and Azriel decided that he liked Elain with a little bit of liquid courage running through her veins. They were far from drunk, but there was just enough for the playfulness to come out.
Azriel set his glass down on the bookshelf before stepping closer to her and leaning down to kiss her, slowly.
There was no rush. He wanted to take it slow, wanted to dwell in this moment with her.
His teeth bit into her lip, just hard enough for her to part her lips, allowing him to slant his mouth over hers. Elain’s tongue brushed along his and he had to fight the groan that overtook him as he shuddered. Her fingers were in his hair, pulling his mouth harder against hers. Azriel obliged. Her glass was long gone and he pushed her back until she bumped into the shelf, books and knickknacks and picture frames rattling with the force. His hands we’re wrapping around her ass, the curves tempting him more than he could even fathom, and lifted her, setting her atop the ledge. All of him was lined up with all of her. Only denim and a few layers of cotton separated them and Elain moaned as he ground the growing evidence of his need into her.
Azriel pulled back slightly, just enough to breathe, “Is that what you want this to be? Just a fling?”
Her caramel eyes were wide, wild, and she shook her head. “Not if that’s not what you want it to be.”
“Once I get a taste of you, I’m not going to be able to stop,” Azriel whispered, dragging his nose along the long column of her neck. “I’m going to want to have you over and over again.”
A chill swept up her spine and when his lips found her collarbone, Elain let out a soft moan. “Then have a taste.”
Azriel cursed, words muffled by her skin beneath his lips. When he leaned back, Elain’s eyes were wild, her cheeks flushed, her chest quickly rising and falling. She meant it. She meant every word, he could tell as a lone finger trailed down his chest and stopped at his belt. She went to start unbuckling, but Azriel grabbed her wrists and pushed them back before falling to his knees before her. In acceptance, Elain spread her legs wider and then Azriel was hiking up the skirt of her dress.
She wore lilac lace panties that were already soaked. Before he pulled them slowly down her legs, he ran his thumb down her covered sex. The feeling of that alone had Elain gasping, scooting closer to the edge.
She was ready for him and Azriel loved the sight of it.
On his knees, he pulled down her thong and threw it aside without any care of where it would end up.
He traced her divide with a lone finger, letting it linger over her clit. He was gazing between her legs, staring. Elain felt the need to squirm, to make him look away, anywhere else. But that gaze was heavy and needy, like a starving man who’d been sat down in front of a feast.
“Beautiful.” His words were whisper soft and Elain could barely hear them over her own panting breaths. “The most exquisite thing I’ve ever seen.” Her heart skipped a beat and her cheeks heated at his unexpected praise.
She’d never had anyone call her sex beautiful before.
His thumb took the place of his finger, circling her clit slowly. As Elain’s breathing hitched, higher and higher, he slowly, gently pushed a finger inside of her.
Tight and hot and wet.
He slid another finger in and Azriel groaned as she clenched around him.
Suddenly, his fingers were gone and she forgot all about the tender words he’d whispered before. She forgot her name, who she was, as he wound his arms under her legs and gripped her by the thighs and dove right the hell in.
Azriel’s tongue plunged into her and the moan that Elain released was the most erotic, beautiful noise he’d ever heard. He licked her up and down before he set to lapping at her clit and his fingers returned to sliding deep.
Azriel looked up at her through his thick, dark lashes, admiring her raw and unfiltered beauty. Her head was tossed back, her mouth wide open, her entire body rigid as she absentmindedly, gently rocked her hips up into his mouth.
His lips sucked her clit between them, working in time with his tongue, and Elain let out a curse so filthy that he almost paused, having no idea such words lived inside of her vocabulary.
When her knees began to shake around his head, his fingers dug into her ass, holding her in place. The little moans coming from her mouth intensified and those sounds alone were nearly enough for Azriel to get off. She breathed his name and gasped as her fingers dove into his thick, tangled hair.
She came, and Azriel kept going, kept working his fingers, his tongue, his mouth until those little moans stopped, until his name no longer fell from her lips.
When he looked up, he slowly pulled his fingers out of her sex and put them into his mouth, licking them clean. Elain, panting heavily, watched in awe.
“What now?” She asked, legs still spread, dress still hiked up, baring her to him. Pink and pretty and gleaming with the evidence of her release. She was so wet for him, had been soaked before he’d even put his hands on her.
“Now?” He asked, bracing his arms on either side of her, caging her in. Had he always been so much bigger than her? He was all around her, consuming her every thought. Everything she saw, tasted, smelled, it was all Azriel.
“Now that you’ve had a taste,” she asked, tilting her head up, aching for his kiss. “What’s next?”
The devilish smile was the only warning she had before she was suddenly upside down, tossing her over his shoulder. Her laughter broke the tension as he carried her down the hall and opened a door, his hand firmly planted on her ass.
And then she was being tossed onto his bed, the expanse of rumpled grey sheets and soft black blankets warm and welcoming. Her fingers toyed with the soft fabric as Azriel crawled onto the bed and pressed a soft kiss to the inside of her knee and then farther up her thigh.
Instinct had her drawing both knees up, spreading her legs for him again. She hadn’t been expecting him to go down on her again, but she certainly wouldn’t complain about it. The orgasm had been earth shattering, one of the best she’d ever had. If he was this talented with his mouth, she couldn’t wait to see what he could do with other parts.
Those kisses trailed up, from one side to the other, and though he pressed one gentle, sweet kiss to her pussy, that was it. He didn’t stop to suck or bite or lick. Just the one kiss and then he’d continued on, kissing the top of her mound and each hip bone. His lips trailed higher, his hands pulling her dress up as well, until he gazed up at her as he reached her abdomen. “Can I take this off?” He asked, tugging at the dress.
“Only if you take off yours as well.” She was panting, her voice needy.
Him. She needed him.
Azriel saw that as an even compromise. He pulled himself off the bed and unbuttoned his shirt before slipping it off and dropping it to the floor. Elain pushed herself up onto her elbows as she watched him unbuckle his belt and kick off his pants. In nothing but his underwear, where his need was on full display, Azriel climbed back up over Elain, slipping her dress up as he went until it was over her head. She laid before him in nothing but her bra and Azriel’s hands freely explored every bare inch.
“You are so incredibly beautiful,” he whispered, his body fitting snugly against hers as he leaned down to kiss her softly.
Elain swallowed, hands trailing down his back. “I feel like I’m dreaming right now.”
“Is that a good thing?” He asked, his breath warm against her lips.
She nodded, the tips of her fingers disappearing beneath the band of his boxer briefs. He pulled back, giving her room between their bodies.
Azriel’s breath caught in his throat as she slipped her hand in and palmed him. He was frozen, not daring to move as he watched her hand move, obscured by the fabric and then he felt her hand wrap around his length.
She squeezed once, her fingers not quite able to touch each other, and Az’s head dropped into the
crook of her neck. He swore, voice husky and deep and it had Elain arching up into him.
She started to stroke him, slowly, and his lips found her neck, sucking and biting, teasing and taunting each other in the most sinful way.
“I want to see you.” Elain’s voice was desperate, pleading.
He couldn’t have denied her anything at that moment.
Azriel rolled to the side, begrudgingly losing the silken touch of her hand on him. He lifted his hips and removed his boxer briefs, tossing them to the side. As he was about to climb over her again, a hand pressed to his chest and pushed him back on the bed. He willingly laid down, eyes on her face. But she wasn’t looking at him.
She was looking at his cock. Staring, eyes wide, cheeks flushed.
Azriel didn’t dare speak, didn’t dare disrupt what was going on inside of her mind. He held his breath, watching, waiting until she took hold of him and slowly pumped once and then twice before leaning down. When she licked the tip of his cock, her eyes finally met his.
The display before him put to shame every dream he’d ever had of this exact moment.
Her mouth slid over his head and down his hardened length until she took in as much of him as she could. With her tongue sliding freely against him, her head began to bob, her hands joining in, one fisting his cock and the other cradling his balls.
Azriel’s head fell back against his pillows, one hand gripping his sheets and the other weaving its way into her long hair.
Every time she went down, a quiet noise came from the back of Azriel’s throat. He couldn’t help it. He didn’t care, either. He wanted to know all the sounds she could make him make.
Letting her hand take over for her mouth, she looked up at him. “Is this okay?”
Okay? It was better than okay, it was phenomenal, probably of the best head he’d ever had.
How was she the most adorable thing he’d ever seen, even while she played with his cock?
“Amazing,” he breathed.
She smiled then, looking so cute and sexy all at once and everything he’d ever let himself dream of.
Azriel couldn’t stop himself as he hauled her up the length of his body and crashed his lips against hers. Pulling away for a frantic breath, he whispered, “I need to be inside of you.”
Elain sat up, straddling his hips, reaching between them. His hands rested on her hips and he looked up at her.
“I can wear a condom, if you want.” He didn’t mind. He was clean, rarely went without one. But with her…
He didn’t know why, but he wanted her raw. Wanted to feel everything as her orgasm slammed into her and that delicious pussy came around him.
She shook her head. “I’m on the pill.”
There was silence for a moment, but then Azriel swallowed. “Okay.”
“Okay,” she repeated, voice soft.
Rising up on her knees, she gripped him, leading him to her center. Positioning him at her entrance, she placed her hands on his chest and sank down.
Azriel cursed, soft and vicious, fingers digging into the soft curves of her hips.
For a moment, she did nothing. When she was seated snugly upon him, her eyelids fluttered shut and she breathed, evenly, adjusting to his size, his length, inside of her. Then she began to rock, slowly, palms laid out flat against the ink on his chest. She sucked in her bottom lip and Azriel couldn’t stop staring.
It was erotic, sure, but it was also beautiful, so beautiful that Azriel didn’t think anything or anyone else would ever even compare to this moment, this vision of Elain, completely bare, slowly riding him in complete and utter ecstasy.
His hands moved along with her hips, not guiding, she had that covered. He could hear their ragged breaths in the quiet and stillness of his bedroom.
She felt so incredibly good.
And then her eyes opened.
Eyes that were bright with pleasure and ecstasy and something else he couldn’t name, yet knew was written across his own face. Her hips rose suddenly, rather than rocking, and when she dropped back down, they both gasped.
“Does that feel good?” He asked, reaching up and cupping the back of her head in his hand.
Elain nodded, leaning down towards him, still so full of his cock that words were impossible. His mouth was on hers as soon as she was close enough and he wrapped one of his strong arms around her waist.
He released her lips and breathed, “Do it again.”
She didn’t sit all the way up this time, just enough to lift her hips, but did as she was told. Again and again and again, until she was clawing at his chest, a moaning, quivering mess, right on the edge of release.
The hand that was still woven into her hair tightened, pulling her mouth back down to his, and he snapped his hips up into hers. She cried out, the sound muffled by the savage kiss, and he thrust up into her again, eliciting the same reaction. Only two more hard, deep thrusts was all it took.
Elain shattered around him, crying out as she did so, her nails digging into his skin to keep herself grounded.
Azriel continued to thrust himself up inside of her, a little slower, a little gentler each time until she was nothing more than a quivering pool lying against his chest.
He gave her a moment to breathe, gave her a moment to piece herself back together before he pulled on those beautiful golden-brown locks until she met his gaze.
“Fuck,” he breathed, and she had no words but she nodded in perfect agreement.
He was still buried deep inside of her when she sat up and pulled on his hips, not wanting him to take himself out for even a second. Azriel rolled them over until he was on top and framed her face in his hands before he kissed her.
It wasn’t hot and hungry like it had been before, but slow and sensual.
He kissed her until her hands left his chest, started roaming over his body. Kissed her until her legs wrapped around his waist, begging for more without having to say a word. Grinding his hips into hers, pushing her into the bed.
Wrenching her mouth from his, Elain moaned and Azriel’s kisses continued on her neck, her throat. He kissed down to the valley of her breasts, still contained in her bra, and he slid his scarred hands beneath her and unclasped it. As he sat up, giving her room, Elain removed her bra straps one by and tossed it aside, both of them completely bare to the other at last, his hard, thick cock still inside her.
She could have sworn she felt him throbbing deep inside as his eyes took in her breasts, hands cupping each. His mouth covered one, tongue swirling around her rosy, pink nipple, and sucked as he palmed the other. His teeth bit down and Elain moaned his name, the word tumbling from her lips like a prayer.
It snapped whatever tether he had on his restraint.
Sitting up on his knees, Azriel gripped Elain by the hips, pulling nearly all the way out, and slammed back in.
Elain cried out, her back bowing off the bed, not in pain, but overwhelming, all-consuming pleasure.
He set an unrelenting pace, fucking her as hard and deep as he could, watching as she fell to pieces beneath him. Elain gripped her breast with one hand, her other circling her clit frantically.
“You close, baby?” He asked, lips right by her ear. His voice was lower and deeper than she’d ever heard it. The sound of it and the unexpected use of a pet name alone nearly threw her over the edge, starlight and fireworks and ecstasy shimmering around her vision.
She met his gaze and nodded, reaching for him. Azriel covered her body with his, his mouth slanting over hers. His thrusts were relentless, driving home hard and fast and deep, and Elain’s release slammed into her. She moaned, loud and slow, and Azriel fell over the edge right alongside her, pulling out and spilling himself on the creamy skin of her stomach.
Azriel’s eyes nearly rolled back in his head, his body fully rigid as he came. Elain watched, chest heaving, utterly in awe of the sight before her. He was beautiful, and for a moment Elain thought that it was strange to think so. She had never thought that men were beautiful, at least not in the sense she felt when she looked at Azriel, just then, after making love to her so perfectly.
He collapsed onto her body, careful not to crush her as rested his forehead in the crook of her neck, but rolled them onto their sides. The softest of touches brushed along her arm, along the column of her neck until she squirmed.
Azriel’s fingers froze as he chuckled. “Ticklish, too? Look at all the things I’m learning about you tonight.”
His voice remained low, rough, tired but carefree. She smiled as she started running her fingertips up and down his muscular back. “I’m not ticklish,” she muttered, but they both knew it was a total lie.
They laid in contentment, both of them with their hands on one another as they caught their breaths.
Then they heard a growling, grumbling noise, and Azriel pulled back to look at Elain.
She was blushing, looking like she wanted to melt into the mattress.
“Hungry?” he asked, grinning down at her.
“I didn't get dinner,” she admitted, biting her lip. “Sorry, that was so loud.”
“You let me get inside of you,” Azriel teased, burying his face in her neck, biting the sensitive skin there. “You’ll moan my name as you cum, tear at my back, but you get embarrassed when your stomach growls a little too loudly post sex?”
“It’s not lady-like,” she laughed, playfully pushing him away.
He did as she bade him, rolling away from her and pressing a kiss to her forehead. He returned from the attached bathroom a minute later, a warm washcloth in his hand, still gloriously naked. Shamelessly, Elain watched as he approached, taking in every inch of sculpted muscle and inked skin. He smirked, not saying anything about her blatant ogling, but he hadn’t failed to notice the way her eyes caught on certain parts of his body, lingering just a longer than others. Azriel quietly cleaned her up, then tugged her to her feet, wrapping his arms around her. As he leaned down to kiss her, her stomach made another room-deafening growl and she buried her face into his bare chest as he began to laugh. Grabbing a t-shirt from his dresser, he pressed a kiss to her head. “Let’s get you something to eat before you decide to eat me.”
Elain took his shirt, which swallowed her as she put it on. She left him standing in the middle of his bedroom as she paused in the doorway to the hallway and the kitchen beyond, looking back at him. “Oh don’t worry. I’ll do that again later.”
Without another word, she padded towards the kitchen on bare feet.
His eyes darkened as he watched her go, long, tan legs tempting him from beneath his t-shirt.
When he’d decided to go out with his friends after work, this was the last thing Azriel had ever expected to happen. He’d left his comfort zone, taking a chance on a night of fun rather than spending another night home alone.
As he followed her into the kitchen, picking her up and setting her on the counter to watch as he made his infamous microwaved ramen, he was sure as hell glad that he had.
