I officially hate this week. Yes, I'm not kidding. In fact, I end up "cutting" my wrist with scissors for some random reasons. I just don't know but I'm so fucked up right now. Well, my emotions and feelings are fucked up. To be honest, I'm really upset.
Last Tuesday, Dismissal time. I was rushing and panicking because I can't find my waiver for our Educational Tour. I was searching for it everywhere. Freaking out because I just can't find it. Anyway, I was still looking for it when my friends arrived. My friends are waiting for me. Seriously, I just can't find it. Let's say I'm kinda busy(lol) because I was looking for it EVERYWHERE. My friends came over to say "let's go home blah blah" "faster blah blah". So basically, they're joking around and I'm not even listening because I was looking for that stupid waiver(later on I found out that I left it on my study table). Mehehe. Stupid fag. Well, to make the story short, My friend somewhat took my cap/hat and they started singing the "Jejemon" song and everyone was laughing... I didn't react because 1)that was embarrassing 2)I'm freaking out. I don't even care at all. Can't you see? I'm doing something and I'm freaking out because I can't find it. Anyway, I was pissed. Like seriously. I didn't talk to them and I was wearing my straight face. I'm not even talking. I just don't care anymore. I don't want to give a fuck but sigh I just can't. I was walking fast. I don't even care if they're following me or what. I just want to go home. That's all. I want to sleep. Because I didn't sleep at all that day.
On the bright side, Sir Von announced the students who got line of seven. I was freaking scared because last quarter I almost flunk everything. I did my best(not really). Thank God I got line of eight. Another problem, I don't want to fail my Advance Algebra for the second time anymore. Huhuh. If I got a failing grade this second quarter, for sure I'm going to take the summer classes. That would be depressing.
Last Wednesday, I had a fight with my Yeye and Lola because I'm asking for my Fieldtrip baon and for my Birthday bash. And we end up screaming and shouting because of money. They ruined my day. I went to school with my "I DON'T WANT TO LIVE FACE ANYMORE" and my classmates was like "What's wrong?" "Are you sick?" and I was like inside, "FUCK OFF AND DIE". We're having a quiz that time and Victor gave me a paper because I'm not even moving. My pens wont work. I broke all my pens using my hands. Victor offered me his paper if I would like to copy his answer, I refused to. I just don't want to move or some. I just don't want to think. I just want to stop breathing. I was like freaking mad inside and I can't handle it anymore. So I took my scissors then went to the CR.............
I started crying because I can't handle it anymore. I just don't want to care anymore and I just want to fuck off and die. All I want is a nice birthday with my friends but I end up crying because my parents hates me for asking for "too much money"(well basically, I need "too much money" because Educational tour and my birthday).
Then I started cutting.............................................. too much...... too much..... No tissue so I used my towel. Ugh fuck this school.
I went back to my classroom with my fucked up face. I just want to talk to someone. I went to Tin's desk and I told her everything. And she was like.... "everything's fine." and I was like deep inside.... "This is not working bye".
Some of my classmate noticed my but I didn't give a fuck.
After the the 5th subject, I went to Victor's side and everything is so awkward and I'm not even speaking. And he was like, "Ano bang problema men?" and I was like "Wala wala, labas na kayo dun". Pero deep inside. I kinda hate them. Whatever. After the break, everything was back to normal. After our class, we went to Ron's house to hang out and to watch some "movies" and I ate too much junk foods.
Educational tour tomorrow. Well my Yeye gave me 1k for my "baon" well whatever. Magtitipid na lang ako ugh. I'm not excited to be honest. But I want to hang out with my friends. Idk. Love/hate relationship with my friends no big deal.
I really hate myself and my mood.
