Why Does It Burn
Why does it burn
Maybe it’s the nicotine in my lungs
Maybe it’s weed
Musta messed up the roll
Lookin through window
They call it window pain
Golden life
They call it golden life mandem
They comin on me
But I ain’t comin on them
They say it’s wisdom
To know when to fight
And when to restrain
My father woulda said watch em bleed
Hit em bleed em twice as much as they bled you
My mamma would say let it go
Let it go baby girl
Let God fight your wars
Mama I ain’t cryin no more
I ain’t lettin these men hurt me
Materialise me
Feminise me
Mama you don’t know this
But a man pulled a trigger on me
Mama you don’t know this
But a married man tried to fight over me
To make me his girl
Mama you don’t know this
But a 40 year old man pulled his dick on me
And tried to grind on me
Mama he wanted to rape me
Mama he wanted to fuck me
And mama I’m embarrassed
But I liked it
Mama it hurt
Mama I gave a married man a blowjob
Mama I cried all night
Mama when you trusted me to be a good girl
All alone at home
Mama you didn’t know this
But I was broken
Mama I loved him
Mama I was broken
But I loved him
And I woulda made anything to make the pain stop for a minute not to feel
II has to kiss out the pain I would
Mama if I had to pull my finger down my throat everyday to make me suffer so that I stayed in shape and didn’t over eat from the hurt or over drink
Mama I was suicidal
You didn’t know that.
Mama I begged God on my knees to take my life.
But he wouldn’t.
Mama you don’t know this.
Mama you don’t know but he hurt me
Mama I cried
Wanted to fuck him
Thought he’d be with me
Mama I bet myself up
Over why he didn’t love me
But he was just a playboy
So why did he suffer
Why couldn’t he take his eyes off me whenever we was in the room
Mama why did he come to me in the theatre show again and want to hug me to kiss me
Mama every time I was in his arms I thanked God
Mama I was fucked up
Mama you didn’t know
That my rebound licked me upside down
Mama you didn’t know that I saw his lusty eyes in my sleep.
Mama you didn’t know he cried on my door.
Mama you don’t know he threatened to hurt me.
Mama you don’t know he was a mad man.
Mama you don’t know that I only made out him to forget.
Mama you don’t know that he touched me to forget.
Mama you don’t know that he was crazy.
Mama I think I made him crazy.
Mama I think it was me.
I think I messed up.
I think I fucked up.
I think I hurt him mama.
I think that’s why he was fucked.
You think it’s easy to be with a girl be mad about her but be so crazy that even when she tells you to leave even when she tells you she loves other man even when she screams this quiet crazy girl scream to tell you to fuck off. You think it was easy keeping his dignity. This man had pride. He couldn’t do nothin- he was crazy about me.
Mama did you know he was crazy bout me
Mama did you know I called the cops
Mama did you know I was afraid he’d find me
Mama did you know nobody helped me
Mama did you know I gave them my soul
I gave them my heart
And all of my love
Mama did you know they watched me bleeding
Mama did you know they prepared a grave for me
And they were willing to hit the nails in the coffin to lock me up for good
Mama did you know I saw the dreams
Mama did you know I had nightmares
Mama did you know I saw things in my sleep and in my wake
And mama did you know it scared me
And mama did you know I was frightened
And mama did you know nobody helped me
When I was in the pit
Except for God
But he said they would help me
But just like everyone I felt they betrayed me
And so when they call I can’t speak
And so mama I gave them my years
And yes they did heal me
And yes they did cleanse me
And yes they loved me in a way
Yes they accepted me in a way
But not really
They never really did
I was a White girl from a different tribe
A different warrior
And they were assassins
I was petite
They thought I couldn’t fight
These men
And so they underestimated me
But mama they didn’t know I’m a warrior
And for some reason mamma it hurts and I want them to know that I’m an assassin when need be
But I kept my venom clean
I kept it sealed
I kept it caged
I was a good girl mama
And all I did was please
But mama I lost myself in it
It wasn’t like the horror
Or the valley of the shadow of death
It wasn’t like the pit or the betrayal of friends
It wasn’t grown men forcing themselves on me
It was worse mama
Because it had to be my promised land
So why did I suffer so much in my promised land
And why do I feel so empty when I think of it
Why was I betrayed
Why wasn’t I accepted
This was my healing
My key out
My sanctuary
But those assigned to keep me safe
Never did
I’m praying that he does mama
I’m praying that he does his job mama
I pray for him
Daily
All the time
I think of him when I’m high
I see his presence
I feel his aura
I pray for my loved ones
They think I forgot
But mama I weep for them
I cry for them
I pray for them
I think of them
I get excited when I see them
But why doesn’t anyone believed that I loved them?
I had to make the sacrifices I did on the road to reach the road. My destination. The road less traveled by. But for some reason it doesn’t seem so holy. Because I made it to the promised land. But I’m alone. All alone. I sacrificed my friends and my loved ones. My family. My parents. My friends. But I could sacrifice you. I couldn’t let go. And so. Stayed on Earth mama. Because I couldn’t let you go. I couldn’t you watch you weep from heaven for me. I couldn’t watch you bleed. And so I stayed. You kept me alive. The thought of you kept me alive in my darkest hour. You were what kept me pushing. To create a future for you. To open doors for me. To buy you that yacht. To introduce you to that president. To take on a night out with all the big boys in Russia in Moscow on New Years. Dancing with the stars . Mama I’ll take you dancing with the stars. And mama I love you.
Mama I feel like I’m writing you from a dark place. The two main songs on repeat that describe how I feel are In My Blood & I Miss The Days . Mama it’s the enemy’s plan to sabotage me. So in the name of Jesus I come against every plan of the enemy. And plead the blood of Jesus over my enemy. Fire. Fire to my enemy. Enemy destroyed. Enemy colonized. Eden reconciled. Loading loading. Enemy destroyed. War won. Jesus won the battle. The end has already been done. The battle has already been won. Destiny unlocked. Just tap into the blood of Jesus. That’s your power source.
