Life's Biggest Joke
Humphries Aus Oneshot. ( @mr-humphries)
Notes before reading: Hello guys, so remember that small little oneshot I was planning to make with Humphries Aus, yeah I scrapped that and remade it and after umm I think two months I finally finished it. Look I just wanna say, thank you. All of you who have liked and reblogged my silly little ONESHOTS about these guys, especially Humphries, without that IDK if I would have had motivation to keep pumping these guys out, this oneshot technically is my slight goodbye to writing in the Dr. Stone fandom, again I'm not fully leaving, but I wanted to do something at least! I also wont be on tumblr as much so it's also something for that, no worried I'll come back around April for Part 3! But for now please enjoy my dumb little oneshot!
(This will change through three POVs, Canon Senku's pov, them WM's pov, then PS's pov, and near the very, very end it's a mix of the three, guess who's who at the end if you wanna)
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Yes, Senku didn't know how this happened. He may have calculated something wrong. Maybe he was dreaming? Maybe he had finally lost it and was now hallucinating.
One moment, he was in the lab guiding the newest lab trainees who had just passed the courses he had implemented, when he first decided that, to whoever wanted to join the science team would have to pass courses made by him, Xeno, and other scientists. Yeah, a lot of those old geezers who told them that it was much better to bring back college could stay mad, but Senku was too busy and stressed to have to deal with all that. So science courses it was! Anyway, he had been walking towards the breakroom to get a small snack, and he had begun walking outside when he was bonked on the head with something. The clatter he heard had made him look down on the concrete walkpath to see…actually, WHAT WAS HE LOOKING AT?! It was like someone had taken multiple spare parts of machinery, mushed them all together, and sculpted some type of thingamajig motor part. Senku rubbed the top of his head as he looked up from where it could have fallen, but all he saw was the clear, blue sky. He looked back down, before he bent down and picked up the weird contraption, but as he straightened back up….he heard a click of a gun behind his head. His eyes widened, turning his head slightly towards the sound, expecting to see a betraying Stanley, but he was met with a tired and awfully tall…him? Was he imagining things? No, that was him right in front of him, but taller, much sadder, and tired looking, his hair looking like that of a drenched, sad cat or wilted plant, eye bags that were so dark you would think they were fake, and markings that were the same ones he had, but they went longer down his face, like lightning bolts.
He was face-to-face with himself, who was holding the same gun Stanley had on him when he was chasing them across continents. Actually, his clothing was a jumbled mix of the clothing his friends wore. Before Senku could even utter a word, he was brought to the ground by sudden heavy weight on him, but it seemed that his other version got the same treatment, as he noticed about four bodies had landed on his other version, and from Senku’s peripheral vision, three other bodies had landed on top of him, who were groaning and moaning in pain.
Yeah, this was gonna be a long day…
—
It’s been more than a few hours since this little incident happened. The whole commotion had caused some random secretary to panic and call Stanley and Tsukasa, who were technically Senku’s “bodyguards”. Senku has almost everything figured out. What he had in front of him were alternate versions of himself that had been randomly transported to his universe because of that certain little contraption that he had found outside. Senku had made all of them introduce themselves and at least give a brief description or explanation about their worlds. Now he had the perfect names for them so they wouldn’t be calling each other Senku every other time, well, technically, this had been Mister Tall, Depressed Senku’s idea.
Senku can list how he has agreed to label them. They had Demon Senku or Demonku, courtesy of the trembling, scared Senku; this one was the Senku with the small horns at the side of his head and a very formal suit. You can tell he was not human by the way he's scaring the shit out of Personality Swap Senku by twisting his head around to look at him inhumanely. That's another one, PS, as they nicknamed him, a much more timid and softer Senku; that version was his least favorite persay, no offense to the guy, but it just hurt to see himself technically act so out of character, who right now was still screaming his lungs out at what Demon Senku was doing to him.
Then you have Mecha Senku and Eel Senku. Everyone, of course, knew Mecha Senku, but seeing some type of half eel half human creature of himself was, well, terrifying to see. The most they knew was that he couldn't communicate well with them, but weirdly enough, Mecha could communicate and understand him, so there's that. As he turned to look at them now, he could see how Mecha Senku was showing something to Eel Senku on an iPad(?) Where the hell did he get that from?! Also, it was a shock to him that Mecha actually exists, even if it was in some alternate world. Senku had just thought he was part of his imagination when he had been slightly losing it during his time in the village.
Then he had his female counterpart, who was easy to notice, though one thing that made him question what she was was the animal ears and tail that closely resembled those of a…horse! Though she had taken it upon herself for them to call her Uma, so yeah. Right now, she was talking to Ukyo, who was still holding Tiny Senku. Yes, you heard that right, there was a tiny version of himself, very tiny, from what he told them, his universe was basically the plot of the old modern game “Little Nightmares”. Who would have guessed that the guy was so small that they almost stepped on him, which was thankfully avoided by PS, who, weirdly, had a very keen eye and noticed him immediately.
Last but hopefully least, they have Beyond. He was like Senku himself, the closest one that looked mostly like Senku if he only had a much more futuristic lab attire with some type of microscope monocle thing on his left eye that made him look like some mad scientist. Senku looked around the room, trying to take this all in. He couldn't believe it…alternate universes existed, and this was the proof. That different versions of himself had different lives, it all felt so surreal, it felt like a dream-
“Yo, not wanting to burst your little amazement,” Senku’s thought process was interrupted by Beyond, who was suddenly next to him, looking at him with an unreadable expression, but not his eys were not on him, they were on Tsukasa and Stanley who were standing by the big iron doors with a menacing arua around them, “but are those two guys gonna keep glaring and pointing their weapons at us, especially towards that guy?" Beyond finished his sentence by pointing at Whyman Senku or WM, the guy who had pointed a gun at Senku's head a few hours ago, he was tied up on a chair with a blank and bored expression, his gun had been confiscated by none other than Stanley.
“I still don't know why those two are still glaring at us?! Acting like we were the ones pointing the gun at Canon!" Demonku spoke up this time, his expression twisted in annoyance, and a,h right! He forgot that all these Senkus had agreed to call him Canon, something, something Mecha told them something!
“It's for safety measures. It's not every day when random different versions of Senkus fall out of the sky, with one who had also been holding our Senku at gunpoint.” Ukyo, bless him and take all his stress, double it, and give it to those old racist, idiotic science geezers(sounding a little too much like Xeno). He had immediately tried to explain and calm the situation down, using that soothing tone. When had Tiny fallen asleep on top of his hat?
“Pshhh! It's not our fault that Mr. Tall and miserable is over there! Decided to attack himself!” Uma spoke up, with annoyance and sass clearly in her voice as she rolled her eyes, cocking her hip out and placing her right fist on her hip, her tail was swaying calmly but her ears twitching in irritation was a different story, “Actually now that we're in the topic, I would like to know who and why the hell were we brought here?!"
Almost all of them turned to look at the culprit, who had not so long ago(thirty minutes ago) admitted to having made that thingamajig that had bonked Senku’s head. WM was looking at a wall right now, face blank and devoid of any emotion that may indicate how he feels about this situation right now, before he noticed and felt their eyes on him. His head turned towards them, his messy, wilting, green hair swaying at the movement and framing his face in the way it reminded Senku of that one girl from that western movie that comes out on a TV screen.
“Well,” His voice sounds hoarse and gravelly, like someone who’s never used it as much as the normal human being uses their voice. WM shifted slightly in the chair, squirming in the ropes that they tied him up with, “I thought it was obvious what happened. I made a device to go through time so I could kill my past self, but I may have accidentally created some teleportation device that can open up other universes.” He stated that it was the most normal thing to admit and casually say that he was gonna murder himself.
Stanley and Tsukasa had immediately moved away from their positions at the doors to be able to surround WM, holding their weapons out. This caused all the Senkus to start talking over one another with annoyance, irritation, and fear(PS). Ukyo, being the only mind of reason, knowing that Senku wasn’t gonna do anything by how out of it he looked, took the initiative to stop this, “That’s enough!” He raised his voice, causing everyone to snap their attention to him; his usual soft tone turning sharp had snapped Senku out of his stupor.
“Right, thank you, Ukyo.” Senku shakily moves and stands in front of all the other Senkus. Ukyo had simply sighed, but did give a small nod, “Stanley! Tsukasa! Untie him.” The command was simple yet shocking, even Ukyo hadn’t expected it, he was actually expecting Senku to finally be respodnsible ya know, something the guy really doesn’t use since Ukyo met him, but no, it seems like the writer really was trying to kill him off. Both Stanley and Tsukasa hesitated, debating whether they should follow the order or ignore it. Stanley really didn’t want to get chewed out by Xeno for accidentally killing his student, while Tsukasa just didn’t trust WM, even if he was very sad and pathetic looking, making Tsukasa’s parental side rise. But in the end, they both backed away and untied him, but not without holding their weapons really close to WM, as a warning, ya know.
Senku walked up to him, having to crane his neck up to be able to look at him. Damn! What the hell did this guy do to achieve this f**king height! Nevermind that, Senku lifted his left pinky to his ear, doing the habit that he had promised to stop, but eh, habits die hard or whatever the saying goes, because the writer doesn’t know American sayings all too well. Anyway, a smirk forms on Senku’s face, “Let’s make a deal.”
It’s now WM to look confused, even though it was only for a few milliseconds before his expression melted back to that blank, emotionless face, “A deal?”
Senku flicked his wrist, his eyes closed as his head turned to the side, trying to act nonchalant even though he was having a whole panic sesh in his head right now, “Yes, a deal. You were the one to create this thingamajig.” He simply got a nod from WM before he continued, “Which means, you know how this contraption works and how to fix it! And before you say anything, you have no say in disagreeing! You help with putting this thingamig back together, and after, you can have a field day trying to kill me. So do we have a deal?”
Senku had extended his fisted hand, looking up at him. WM just stared at him with an uncomfortable gaze before nodding, “We have a deal. I’ll help, so that we can get rid of those guys.” He gestured at the other Senkus with a deadpan look before looking back down at Canon, his eyes darkening, “But after I kill you.”
“Pshhh, you’ll try killing me.” Senku snorted, lowering his arm down, seeing as WM wasn’t gonna reciprocate, a fistbump, looking back up with a defiant gaze. Many have tried killing him before. How different would it be this time? He also has a shitton of overpowered gorillas to be able to stop him or hinder him down, so that Senku would have enough time to use the thingamig on him.
These were gonna be very long weeks. Maybe months? I don’t know, I’m not a science freak.
—
“I swear if you keep looking at me with those annoying teary eyes, I’m gonna bodyslam you!!!”
“CAN YOU STOP YELLING FOR FIVE F**KING SECONDS!!!”
“God, you two are so loud. SHUT UP!”
“So this is an iPad?”
“Yeah, you can watch and do various things on this, but be careful, it's sensitive to water, and well, you’re covered in it.”
Now he’s questioning if making that deal with Canon was a good idea. I mean, he could have killed him in his sleep or something, but then again, he knew himself, or well, this version. So he knew Canon would anticipate something like that. But gods, these guys were annoying. Demonku was yelling as PS as he has been for the past week. Beyond was getting irritated with him, like usual. Uma was instigating but annoyed as well, and Mecha and Eelku were on that damn iPad again. Tiny was nibbling on a piece of bread on top of Ukyo’s yellow hat after learning that the little guy had canibalistic tendencies, they make sure to give him food every time he shows any kind of sign of hunger, as for the sonar man himself, he was reading some type of book, with earplugs that Canon must have given him earlier, gods, he would kill for some as well, if it meant not having to hear those idiots arguing. Canon and himself were both in front of the only table in this small room that Canon had led them to, they were right now writing down notes and other stuff what could have caused for the thingamijig to malfunction like that, he hadn’t tried to open up entries of other universes, he had simply tried to go to the past so he could kill his past self, simple as that.
But nooooo! The universe didn't like it when Senku wanted to do something for himself. Even in other worlds and universes, his bad luck followed. Pshhh! Whatever, it isn’t like he was complaining of finally being away from the cursed floating object whispering into his ear night and day. He looked towards Canon, who was fiddling with the thingamajig, examining it closely with the little microscope of a monocle that he must have stolen from Beyond, and lo and behold, there it was. That cursed object that ruined his every waking moment, hanging from Canon’s hip, was put nicely in a small oval capsule, on top of a plush pillow, as if the thing could actually feel and be comfortable. He could easily destroy; no one would have to know, not even Canon. If he did, maybe he could stop the impending doom of his future; perhaps he didn’t have to kill Canon, perhaps he could just simply take that damn medusa and crush it, as he sees its complicated parts spring out like organs, as he slowly loses its life force, he could just reach out and-
“Yo! WM! Hello?? You still there???” He was snapped out of his thoughts by the demon Senku, who somehow stopped his arguing and was now between him and Canon, who was still looking at the thingamija. Demonku was staring at him with a scowl and raised eyebrow. “Yo, guys! I think he’s broken! Let’s dissect him!”
“Demonku, sit down!” Beyond yelled, seemingly still frustrated with Demonku’s antics.
“F**k no! I’d rather dissect that weird thing hanging from Canon’s hip than dissect that giant!” That was Uma, who sounded utterly disgusted by the sheer thought, her long pointed ears flattening back, hmm, while PS might be his most tolerable Senku, Uma was up there. She also seemed easy to tolerate when she wasn’t instigating any type of chaos, that is.
He decided to move away from the chaos, leaving those three to bother Canon, who seemed to have realized what was happening if the twitch of his eye wasn’t a dead giveaway. He moved away to the far right corner, where he could see PS sitting at, a wooden pencil in his hand, while his other hand held a piece of paper, placing it on his curled-in knees. He could also see Mecha and Eelku not far from PS, both in their own world, watching whatever Mecha had put on that damn tablet. Those two looked like kids watching cartoons, and from the looks of it, he didn’t seem so far off, since his ears caught the singular sound of the theme song for that western kids' show with ponies and friendship. He just stood there, watching them, observing their every move and body language. Did he look creepy just standing and staring? Maybe. Did he care? No. He had to get as much information as he could about all these Senkus. His mission to kill Canon may have gone wrong, but that didn’t stop him from trying to study the possibilities of these different versions of himself. He takes a closer look at PS, who seems to be…humming? He was moving his head side to side softly as the pencil in his shaky yet firm hand sketched away at the paper. At this point, he could notice that this poor guy's entire body was trembling; he was hunched, a lot! Ughhh, his back and shoulders already ache from just looking at that position. He winced slightly by imagining the annoying ache, his eyes slowly moved to where Mecha and Eelku were, still captivated by that damn screen. He took in Eelku’s details. This guy was just a scary-looking mermaid…merman? Eh, he doesn’t know. But of course, he’s a hybrid of human and eel; he kinda feels bad for the guy. Canon had just demanded that Tsukasa bring any tank they had and fill it with salt water. Poor Eelku was cramped in there, long, scaly tail curled in the tank with his fin hanging out, then there was Mecha, not much to take in since the nindroid looked exactly like how he imagined.
WM sighed softly, cracking his neck, as he started to notice the pain and dull aches that were starting to surface. All that time hunched over that damn desk caused him this. He couldn’t go a day without feeling searing pain in some part of his body. Yes, that pain would go away for a few days after getting petrified(curse that f**king medusa), but it would then come back every time. The medusa could heal, yes, that much was true, but somehow it wouldn’t fully heal these unbearable aches and pains in his body, especially his neck and back. At some points, he would wake up with a hot, fiery pain spreading from his spine to his head, which would leave him in bed, groaning and moaning from the pain. Of course, he powered through it, but it didn’t mean it stopped hurting.
He was about to take a step back so he could turn back to what Canon and the other three were arguing about before his ears were pierced with a high-pitched, “NO!”. He immediately tensed up turnig to where the sound came from and found PS, who had dropped the paper and pencil altogether and had tried to jump? WM isn’t sure he was on the ground, looking at something on the floor with panic. WM slowly followed his gaze and found the cause of PS’s panic. Tiny was right where his foot would have landed if PS’s scream hadn’t deafened him. He turned back to PS, who had gotten on his knees and held out his hands, trying to get Tiny to come, who eventually, after three seconds, did, sprinting, or would you call that running for him? Ehh whatever. WM couldn’t help but slightly soften at the expression that spread across PS, who was smiling softly as he held Tiny in one of his trembling palms and rifled through his leather bags, pulling out…a whole ass batch of strawberries?! I’m sorry, did this guy just carry fruit on his tool belt??? He shook out of his shock as he watched PS give Tiny one strawberry, which would be equivalent to a whole meal for the rest of the day for the little…canibalistic Senku. He started to notice how PS was the only one who gave Tiny big portions of food, while the others gave tiny portions, like a crumb of food. PS, and maybe Ukyo were both the ones to spoil this weird miniature version of themselves. WM just shook his head and turned back. He’d have to talk to Canon about a limit for feeding Tiny.
—
It’s been four weeks since he ended up here. One moment, he was walking back to the lab to try and ignore Chrome and Ukyo’s arguing and bickering like usual, the next moment, he takes a step, and he’s falling forward and out of the sky, landing on top of different versions of himself. To say he wasn’t scared sh*tless was an understatement. How the hell does this happen?! Though it hadn’t taken long for them to find out what was happening. So here was PS, yes, they gave him that name, not saying he’s complaining, but he’d prefer sticking to ‘Senku’, thank you! Right now, he was waking up from one of the bunk beds Canon had, weirdly enough, installed quickly in one of his lab's biggest storage rooms. Ahh, yes, did he forget to mention that no one knew about this predicament except the closest members of the Kingdom of Science who were here in America? Hence, all of them were staying in Canon’s lab facility building, thing. PS stretched a bit as he started to quietly get out of bed. It must be about 5 am, since all the other Senkus were still sleeping away; it was something of a habit, blame it on the pertification or anxiety that wouldn’t allow him to rest peacefully. He carefully tiptoed around the room. He usually slept with his outfit on, not wanting to part from it. Sue him or whatever, but he was too attached to this dress to even part with it in this unknown place!
He slowly stepped out the room, being mindful on how loud he was, the last thing he wanted to do was accidentally wake them up and get them mad, he shudder at the thought of Demonku looking at him with those eirry red eyes of his, I mean all of them had the same eyes but Demonku’s were just so creepy and dead looking. As he walked down the corridor, his bare feet silently pattering, as he held his sack-like shoes in one hand, he learned that he was good at getting around barefoot, since it made him quieter, made it easier to sneak away from the meetings with his Gen, Ryusui, Ukyo, and Chrome. All he had to do was find his way to the lab that they usually work in and stay in during the day, then he could take a look at the thingamij itself, find a way to repair, and get the hell out of here! As he walked down the hallway, he made the mistake of turning his gaze to one of the many dark corners of the facility, just to meet gazes with a very creepy WM staring at him or through him? Doesn’t matter because in less than four milliseconds is PS screaming in fear.
Look, don’t get PS wrong, he likes WM, really! Like a lot, he’s nice, and he doesn’t try to push him like the others, hell, WM, Uma, and PS usually eat lunch together and talk, or mostly Uma does the talking and PS gives small answers while WM just hums and grunts to show that he’s listening. But here’s the problem, WM is scary! His very tall and imposing stature mixed with those dead hooded eyes, mixed with his cracks that run down his face like cracks running down stone, MIXED with his way of dressing in mostly dark clothes that allows him to CAMOFLOUGE IN SHADOWS! So excuse him for having such a strong reaction to seeing WM.
Though his high-pitched scream must have been loud enough to snap WM out of his weird dissociative episode, since PS could see him fully looking at him with a somewhat guilty expression, he must have realized that he was the reason for the scared look on his face. That was another thing that PS liked about WM: he was one of the few, if not the only, Senku who paid attention to how easily scared and jumpy he was. Of course is wasn’t like the other Senkus weren’t nice to him or anything, they just were a bit more distant and less caring. PS knows why, I mean, it was the first thing he noticed…he was the only Senku that showed emotions, putting it in simple terms. He cried easily, got scared at the slightest thing, hated the dark, was less outspoken, didn’t mind showing his vulnerable side, and was simply confident. His anxiety and fears are what make him so different; all the others have such strong masks where they hide their emotions….while he just has a transparent glass over his body that screams, “HEY LOOK AT ME I’M WEAK AND VULNERABLE!”. That’s why he prefers not to get in the way of them; they’re smarter. Great, now he felt like crying! He could feel the telltale of tears pricking at the corner of his eyes, god damnit! He ignored WM, who had still been staring at him, making his way quickly to one of the most modern bathrooms he had seen since waking up in the stone world. Then again, Canon was far more advanced than at that stage PS was in.
He quickly made it towards the small, cramped room. It had a somewhat primitive toilet and a very beautiful sink, giving this closet of a bathroom something nice to look at. PS, at that moment had small tears slowly rolling down his cheeks, as he furiously tried to wipe them off.
The movement only made the tears fall faster.
He hated this…he hated feeling so weak, so sensitive, so out of place! Why couldn’t he control his emotions just as well as Senku, as Gen, as everyone around him? WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE THE ODD ONE OUT! He had moved towards the sink in his laggy movements of wiping away his tears, his hands giving up and landing on the smooth sink, knuckles turning white at how hard he was gripping it, his vision was blurry with tears as he saw them fall from his face to his hands and the sink.
…
He missed them. He missed his world, the place where he felt like he belonged. The place with no other Senkus but himself. The place where he would have to deal with everyone. The place where Taiju and Yuzuriha were. He hated it here; he didn’t want to be here! All he saw was the versions of himself that got what he always wanted, the confidence, the bravery, the MASK. That singular part was what he craved for; they could hide it so easily while he had to scratch at his face or legs or arms out of frustration just so he could hide it. He was full on sobbing now, he lifted his head with great difficulty, as if he was lifting a brick, his face coming face to face with a smooth, clear mirror, allowing him to see the mess he was, cheeks, nose, and eyes redden, tears still streaming like rivers over his marks, down his face, clinging to his chin as if afraid of falling just to drip down, silently landing on the sink, his lips were trembling opening ever so softly to sob. Why?
….
….
….
Why had the universe cursed him with such weakness?
Why had it cursed to be surrounded by the people he loved and missed, he lost and buried long ago.
Why had it cursed him to see versions of himself that haunted his dreams, that made him feel small and useless?
Why had it cursed him with overflowing emotions that spilled like waterfalls over a cliff, with frail rocks at the bottom?
The world, the universe, hell, maybe even Mother Nature, truly had curses for everyone. But he’s not a man of science if he didn’t try to fight against it!
So maybe, this wouldn’t be so bad.
Who knew? Maybe he would end up liking them. But that would be weird, for who would get attached to themselves?
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Can you tell who's my favorite! Ok look it was supposed to be silly, but I'm not myself without some angst and I relate a lot to PS so I may or may not have projectedontohimnearthe end! Sue me! I love him and his personality!
