Again and Again
Pairing: Jack Abbot x Reader
Word Count: 2k
Summary: When a new resident's comments about your relationship with Jack cause old anxieties to resurface. You start to wonder if your differences in education, age, or money mean you might not be enough for him. In the aftermath of a long shift and the comfort of normalcy, you reveal your fears to Jack, and he reveals some of his too.
Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Patient Death Mentioned, Workplace Harassment (Kind of)
Notes: This was barely proofread! Sorry for any mistakes! ♡
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Everybody knew Jack Abbot had a wife. The silver band on his ring finger told the whole story. Everybody also knew Jack Abbot‘s wife had died, and the ring that stayed on his finger was something that kept her memory alive.
What most people didn’t know was that Jack Abbot remarried. He met you three years ago at a conference in Pittsburgh about new innovations in cardiac intervention for patients experiencing ST-Elevation Myocardial Infarction.
You were bright, could hold your own, and scrub in to assist some of the toughest cardiologists in Pittsburgh. You also cared deeply about each patient you were helping. Each case you worked on was handled meticulously and thoughtfully.
Rarely did you get to see each other at work. The cath lab operated on scheduled procedures unless it was an emergency. Jack mostly worked nights. After the wedding, you were able to arrange an alternate schedule with your manager that allowed you to work 12-hour shifts to be on call in the evenings on certain days.
So on the occasion there was a patient in the Pitt who needed to be sent up to the cath lab, Jack always made his way up to see you. It wasn’t frequent that you had time to go down to visit him, so most people in the Pitt never knew about you.
Jack liked it that way. Fewer questions, fewer comments. You were his little escape from everything he experienced at work.
New residents always had a learning curve, and sometimes that meant learning how to be a professional. You knew Jack was handsome, and you knew that meant sometimes other people would try to make a move on him. Usually, their interest in him was quelled the minute they saw his wedding band.
That didn’t stop Rachael. She was a fresh grad, someone who apparently couldn’t read the room and understand that no means no.
Jack was charismatic; he knew that. It helped him connect with his patients and build rapport with his students. So at first, when Rachael stuck by his side, he assumed it was because she was eager to learn and thought he was one of the nicer attending physicians.
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You make your way down from the cath lab after a hard case. Your patient nearly coded on the table, and the images you got were shit, which meant the cardiologist wasn’t able to visualize which vessel the stent was in, which led to a delay in how quickly the occluded artery was repaired.
You stop by the nutrition room to grab a coffee for you and Jack. When you make your way around the corner to the nurses’ station, you see her. Looking up at him with stars in her eyes, nearly hanging off his arm as she laughs at something he said.
And as much as you’d love to let it bother you, you see Jack. He takes a step back and keeps a friendly smile, but nothing that would encourage her to continue throwing herself at him.
You walk up behind him and hold the coffee in front of his face.
“Thought you might need this,” You tease.
He reaches for the coffee, and you pull it away, forcing him to turn around and look at you.
“Uh uh uh, what’s the password?” You say smiling
He rolls his eyes and puts a hand along your jaw before kissing you. It isn’t passionate or shy, just deliberate.
You pull away and hand him his coffee with a grin.
“Thanks, sweetheart.” He says, hugging your side, “How’s it been up there in the cave?”
You inhale deeply, but as you’re about to answer, Rachael walks up behind him, “Dr. Abbot, I didn’t know you had a girlfriend!” She exclaims, and you can hear the fake enthusiasm in her voice.
“Rachael, this is my wife,” he says as he introduces you. You have never gotten used to the excitement you feel when your name falls off his lips.
Her breath catches only momentarily before she smiles and turns to you, “You also work at the hospital? What kind of doctor are you?”
“Oh, I’m not a doctor,” You say with a laugh, “I’m a rad tech.”
Her head tilts to the side as if she’s evaluating some complex subject. She shakes her head and chuckles, before looking at Jack, “I just didn’t think someone so educated would find a partner in someone with…what is it? An associate’s degree?”
Jack visibly bristles and takes an almost defensive stance in front of you. He opens his mouth to speak before you scoff, “Obviously, it’s not required to have a brain to get a doctorate.”
Jack purses his lips in a small line, trying not to laugh.
“My wife,” He emphasizes, “Is one of the smartest people I know. You’ll quickly learn as a doctor to respect everyone in allied health.”
“Dr….Is it Sievert? Are you planning on staying in emergency medicine? Or do you want to specialize somewhere else?” You ask.
She stammers trying to get her thoughts in order, “I- I- I’m interested in cardiology.”
It’s almost as if the stars aligned just to allow you to be present for this moment alone.
“Cardiology? I’m a tech up in the cath lab!” You say excitedly, “I’ll absolutely tell Dr. Kaur what a pleasure it’s been to speak with you today.”
Her face goes red. She tries to stammer something about not meaning her earlier comment the way it was taken, but Jack interrupts her, “My wife has scrubbed in to more cases than you’ve witnessed in your entire education. She’s one of the main reasons that the lab can operate so that patients survive after hours.”
Your pager beeps, and you look down to see what the call is. “Speaking of, we’ve got a SCAD coming in from another hospital. Got to go. Love you, honey. And Dr. Sievert, I hope I get to see you in the department,” you smirk.
You kiss Jack on the cheek before turning to head up to the lab. The next few hours of your shift are chaotic. The emergency patient from the other hospital ended up being sent up to the OR for open-heart surgery, but the damage from the dissection was too severe. They didn’t make it.
Loss always hits hard, even after years of working, you made sure to keep your empathy. Which meant after shifts like these, all you wanted to do was go home and curl up to Jack and forget about work altogether.
You made your way down from the lab to meet Jack by his locker. In the hallway, you overheard Dr. Sievert talking with some of the other new doctors.
“I just can’t believe someone as smart as him would go for someone without a proper education. Also, she looks like she’s 28; I’m sure she’s only married to him for his money. He could do so much better than her…”
You bite the inside of your cheek and adjust your bag on your shoulder, sneaking past the hallway and into the staff lounge, where Jack is at his locker gathering his things.
Your arm snakes around his, and you rest your head on his shoulder. He can sense something’s off, but now is not the time or place for a moment of intimate comfort. Instead, he squeezes your hand and presses a soft kiss to your temple.
The ride home is too quiet. Normally, after a shift, you play DJ and force Jack to sing along to whatever hyper fixation you have at the time. Tonight, though, you’re resting your head on the window and looking out as the street lights blur by.
Jack’s hand finds home on your thigh, his thumb rubbing soothing circles over your scrubs. A silent anchor, letting you know he’s there.
He sees the distant look on your face and recognizes that this is more than just a bad day at work. Something else is causing the storm of emotion that rolls off you like thunder.
When you’re home, you go through the motions of your routine. Shower, pajamas, skincare, teeth, bed. Jack peppers you with gentle kisses and words of affirmation. His hand stayed glued to your waist.
When you’re finally under the covers, he probes, “Baby, what’s going on?”
You sniffle and curl into his chest, “I just can’t get out of my head.”
His thumb brushes against your shoulder, and he places a soft kiss in your hair, “You don’t have to get out, you can just let me in,” he whispers.
There’s a long pause before either of you speaks again. And you hate that. You hate that it reminds you of just how well Jack knows you, how he’s always been such an intimate and patient partner.
“Does it ever bother you?” You whisper, feeling yourself wanting to pull away. Regretting asking the question before it even passes your lips.
Jack doesn’t stiffen; he stills, “Does ‘what’ ever bother me? Sweetheart, you gotta be a little more direct than that.”
His hand squeezes your shoulder in reassurance. Before you know it, the levee breaks and every anxiety, no matter how insignificant, comes tumbling out.
“I mean, does it bother you that you’re always paying for dinner, or that your name is the one on the deed, or that I don’t have a doctorate. I mean, I never wanted your job, Jack. That’s not who I am. I love my job. But is that enough for you? I mean, am I lacking in some fundamental way? Would you be happier with someone who has the same job? Or someone who was born in the same decade? Or am I just holding you back from something that-“
Jack cradles you to his chest and tucks your head under his chin, “Shh shh shh, baby, just breathe for a sec, okay?”
You don’t realize how worked up you are until it takes a few shaky breaths before your chest finally loosens while Jack gently strokes your hair and counts each breath, “In…two…three…four. Good. Out…two…three…four, just like that.”
There’s a pause, and he pulls away so he can see your face, “You okay?” He murmurs.
“No…” You admit.
He sighs, kisses your forehead, and places a hand on your jaw, making sure that you’re looking at him before he speaks, “First, I love you. I would not have married you if that weren’t true. Second, I don’t care about paying for dinner or the house or contributing more to our bills because you help me out in so many other ways. Third, I work with doctors every day, and their title isn’t what tells me how competent or compassionate they are. Your skill and dedication to your patients and your career have always been enough…baby, you’ve always been enough. How long have you been worried about this?”
Your lower lip wobbles before you speak, and suddenly you’re not only anxious, but also embarrassed, “I mean…people talk, Jack.”
He hums, “You know I used to worry after she died that I wouldn’t find this kind of intimacy again. I definitely didn’t expect it from you. You’re right, people talk, why would an old veteran widower with a missing leg and no hobbies other than putting himself in danger have to offer for a smart, capable woman who could’ve gone for someone younger, less complicated?”
You frown, “Jack, I’ve never once felt like any of those things stopped me from wanting you…”
“I know. You show up every day and remind me. I don’t want you to let some stupid comments from someone who doesn’t even know us make you worry. And if you do worry, I want you to come to me. I’m here to remind you why I chose you. Why I’ll always choose you.” He says.
The sound of an ambulance gets muffled by the window. Birds are chirping outside. The sun is continuing to rise. Tucked away behind blackout curtains and a heavy duvet, lay you and Jack, holding each other and showing up. Again and again.
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