I left off last night with my wife having a very sexually charged conversation. Well it got a bit weird. All this girl A could talk about was having sex and about the things she wanted to do, or had done in the past. Well she sent one pick of a guys dick in her mouth with cum on her face. This completely turned my wife off of the situation. My wife as I have said before is looking for a long-term relationship. This would be her first ever relationship with a woman and she wants it to be perfect. My wife has told me that I am the only man that she wants.
Of course that just made me feel great about the whole situation. But I have to admit I was turned off of the situation just as my wife was. Once my wife had told me some of the things this girl had told her, it started to become apparent this would not be the girl. I think if she could have held a conversation about anything else but sex, there might have been a chance. From all of this and what I said yesterday it made my wife feel as though she had just been used. She felt like a piece of meat.
This affected the way that she acted for the rest of the night. It made it difficult for her to let me touch her. And it made it hard for us to cuddle when we were going to bed. To be honest it made it hard for me as well. I love my wife and I like to be able to hold her close. It was a situation that was giving me mixed emotions and I am still a bit confused on the whole thing. I was a bit jealous or envious of the fact that my wife was getting the attention she was. At the same time I was upset that my wife kept finding people that just weren’t what she was looking for. On top of those I was also a bit disturbed by this girl A causing all this trouble, and also a little mad and dissapointed at myself for egging my wife on to just give it a chance and see where it goes.
It was all one hell of a range of emotions from my wife and I last night. I do feel as though she will probably be a little more thorough in the future before engaging another like she did. But she is the type of person that has to learn for herself. And I will always be here for her when she needs me.
It does feel as though I get a little neglected from time to time. In the way that my wife has been on her phone quite a bit here lately. And I know what is going on cause she tells me, but I think I am just a little jealous sometimes. My jealousy seems to be a bit weird even to myself as I see no reason it should be there. So out of all of this I am hoping she finds someone soon or I might not be able to figure out how I feel on a regular basis. I don’t need any more of this mixed emotions stuff, but I know there will be more to come. And this is ok, cause I would be silly to think this would be the only time I would have such emotions. So I just need to stay honest and open with my wife, and let her know how I feel. And through all of this we can make our relationship better than the day before.
So I needed to go the pet store today. Our little 5 gallon goldfish tank filter was not working well. So I got a new one, and while I was there I got my wife a new fish. It is a beautiful yellow and blue male guppy. She was so happy when I gave it to her. It made me happy to see her face just light up! I also got two new live plants. A green one and some bamboo.
There was an exciting turn of events that took place tonight. On a whim my wife and N decided to meet up and have a coffee date. When my wife found out that she was doing this, this morning, she asked N a question. The question was whether N wanted to meet me or not. If not I was just going to go sit at another table and make sure that my wife didn’t get carried off and thrown in a white van. But the thing is that N said that she wanted to meet me. I was actually quite surprised. I would have figured on a first outing that N would not have wanted me there. But I am learning that people can be quite open minded to what you put in front of them.
We were going to be meeting N at Starbucks. This is what the wife and her had decided. We were going to meet her there at 7 and we ended up getting there about 6:40 or so. While waiting for her to get there both my wife and I were starting to get nervous. And I thought it was a bit weird that I was getting nervous. I understand why my wife might be nervous, due to the fact that it was going to be her first ever date thing with another woman. But...why was I nervous? And then I figured it out, I am just not that much of an out going person. At least not until I get to know someone.
So I am just going to say it. It was an awkward meeting at first. My wife was doing most of the talking. We were there for 2 hours, and as time went on the conversation did get a bit better. She seemed to be a nice person, and by no means did she come off as the kidnapping type. When we left we ended up taking N home since she had walked to the Starbucks.
After all of this my wife told me that she was hungry. So we decided to go eat at chili's and talk about her coffee date. From what my wife was telling me, it sounded like she was pretty much done with N. Also that she felt as if there was no connection, and that she probably would not be going out to see N again. My wife then started to ask M about how to proceed to talk to N now that they had been out on this date. This of course was about 15 minutes after leaving the Starbucks. M, being a good friend told my wife to just give it some time and see what happens.
A little later my wife got a message from N saying that she wanted to go out again in the future. So my wife is going to give it another go and see what happens. Maybe it was just a bit more awkward due to the fact that I was there on the first meeting. But the thought is that N is most likely not out going enough and a little to introverted to be the one at the moment. My wife is starting to realize that she tends to make good friends with people that tend to be a bit more extroverted.
I have this feeling that I am going to have some weird feelings here soon about all of this. I can feel it coming. I don’t know what is going to set them off. I don’t know what they are going to be. And I don’t know what it will be about. But I do know that it is going to happen sooner or later. I do have a feeling that it will most likely be jealousy. The one thing I do know is that I am good with all of this and that I will just how to figure out how to handle my jealousy in a healthy way. I don’t want to take any undo anger out on my wife. This feels to all just be apart of figuring this all out. I like how all of this feels, in the way that I feel we are being who we truly are. It almost has this freeing effect. I am glad that my wife decided to be open and honest about all of this. This is the kind of thing that makes life so interesting and different for all of us.
