#wild shepherd

[harebrainedlover]

so. holy shit.

usually when I am mentally shifted, I can still mold myself back into a human mindset, generally ignoring the change in instincts, behavior, and mental framework. sometimes it's hard to control, but overall im good.

I pretty much completely shifted today. I'm away from my fuckass area of my country and deep in my hearthome doing a lot of hiking... and the way I have been feeling has been crazy. I have had moments that I would describe as containing mental, sensory, phantom, and small physical shifts that I cannot control and force back into normal human behavior. My mother who im on this trip with is big on exercise and is aware of my "animal flow" hobby (a different but slightly more welcomed movement group to cover up the word "quadrobics"), so I've been able to do some light quads, but I couldn't have stopped myself today if I tried.

I also got to howl for the first time and I don't think I'll ever be the same. I visited a Wolfdog sanctuary, and at the end we all got to do a group howl with the residents, and my instincts were so strong that it felt like the howl was just crawling out of me. It built up in my chest until I finally let it out, and for never howling before, I sounded just like a coyote. Hearing my own more high-pitched, scratchy howl was a euphoria I'll probably never be able to replicate.

Anyways, im not "out of control" during these shifts, but more so that my shifts were uncontrollable. I'm still me of course, and I control my actions, but during these shifts you could not make me act human more than you could make a dog act human.

[harebrainedlover]

plans for some gear, the paws mainly being quadrobics related

not making the paws like how I've seen other being since I don't curl in my fingers

[harebrainedlover]

finally wearing my paws to school! feeling very canine today

[harebrainedlover]

a little talk about why music is so important to me as a coydog :-)

so anyone who knows about/has lived around coyotes knows our songs. It's the main way we communicate, and is how we maintain our complex and ever-changing social structures as a fission-fusion species. We conduct censuses with certain howls that can actually change our birthrate.

For me, i am not theriform. I do not have other coyotes around me to communicate with in this way, and it would distress local wildlife and people if i went out and vocalized how my species does. To fill this gap, instead i sing and play guitar and beat drums to the melody and rhythm of my species.

Music is how i communicate with others as an autistic individual who struggles to properly communicate my needs with others. I mask a lot, but when i am playing or listening to music, i am completely myself. Music is how i connect with people, especially with my family, and especially with myself. Song is a loved pastime that is common in both coyotes and humans, so it feels like bridging the gap between our species, and therefore bridging the gap between my human form and coyote mind, heart, and soul.

Anyways rant over i hope this was interesting :-))))

[harebrainedlover]

Had a bit of a wild experience the other day that I thought I'd share

For context, I've been seeing a massage therapist every month to help with my body aches, and she does a lot of energy work. She was actually the person who convinced me that kind of stuff was even real, and she has known things that I hadn't told anybody before. This most recent session, she worked on my forelegs for the first time because she sensed a "shortening," like I was scrunching my forelegs into themselves. And the crazy part?

I was having a vivid phantom shift of my current body shifting into my coydog theriotype at the time. She could sense my energy changing while my body stayed the same, could sense my fingers wanting to curl inwards, my bones wanting to change shape.

[harebrainedlover]

ugh I can't believe I didn't realize earlier that I was a coydog and not just a coyote!!!

I felt like there were some inconsistencies between myself and coyotes, mostly my heavier weight, my darker coat, and my more domestic tendencies that didn't align with how coyotes act when tamed

GSD coydogs fill these holes perfectly! Heavier and stronger, darker fur, a wild and territorial side but a strongly loyal side as well

Anyways I love my girlfriend so much and that's totally related

[harebrainedlover]

quads is getting more and more affirming as i get stronger. i feel lithe and fluid, where before everything was awkward and all a reminder of how i do not belong to this body. but i can do my best to make this body my home for now.

anyways if you are able bodied and quadropedal, work out!!! build them muscles!!! it feels so good to move like you are supposed to!!!

[harebrainedlover]

i am physically but not biologically a coyote in the same way i'm physically but not biologically a boy (i'm transgender)