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Wild Swan // Chapter Eleven: Everything.

A/N: I’m typically in the Bree Tanner Lives club but I thought this was an important conversation for them to have.

Also, feel free to correct my Italian if I got anything wrong!

Pairing: Felix x Swan! Reader (female).

Taglist: @venusdelaroix @unintendedselfdestruction @xxx-wounded-angel-xxx @biblophilefox82 @froggiesandbutterflies @tulipsvanilla @grinch-izzy @thelastemzy @mazdoe @spidersoldierofmischief @dumybitch

Translations:

Sei amico è molto carino: your friend is very pretty.

Lei è bellissima: she is beautiful.

Pazzesco e bello: crazy and beautiful.

Avevi ragione, lei è bellissima: you were right, she is beautiful.

il mio cigno selvatico: my wild swan.

At this point, you were beginning to wonder if you’d gone crazy.

Because, after being warned time and time again of the danger, it seemed that only a crazy person would willingly seek out the attention of a vampire. It was, perhaps, you had considered, the isolation driving you to a point of desperation and yet...isolation couldn’t make you adore the sound of a thundercloud laugh or a crooked grin, could it?

Oh, you were utterly foolish!

But at this point, you barely cared, taking what little light you could get in these dark times and keeping it close.

Felix was intelligent and charming, his wit as sharp as a steel blade and his laughter loud enough to chase the sorrows away. Rather than simply guard the door, as he had once done, he was more often with you, talking, working on the tower, or just reading together. There was another thing you’d become grateful for, the fact that Felix was such an easy person to be with. There was no pressure to be anything other than yourself when with, that seemed to be enough. You could be quiet with him when you wanted to be, Felix repairing things in the tower when you were busy with schoolwork or painting, or perhaps reading together in comfortable silence.

It reminded you of Angela and Bella somehow, they’d been like that too. Quiet people who simply accepted you as you were and were happy to be with you…

He had kept his promise and had found shelves for the library and furniture too, a scarlet red velvet couch and one matching armchair, the other chair a light pink from another set, a little mahogany table set between them. The shelves were of that same deep mahogany wood, old worn down things that he’d found in some basement of the castle, long forgotten and left to rot to dust. He’d repaired them himself and you could not help but marvel over it, the shelves now shining and perfect. They filled the three walls entirely, stopping at the windowed wall to allow the sun to shine through the curtains, light filling the room.

“Well, you have the library,” Felix declared. “now you need the books.”

Your own collection was not nearly enough to fill the shelves, barely making a dent at all. Empty space filled the library and with it came the excitement of filling them, imagining the books that would one day be there. And the weather would finally allow for just that, everything you’d been waiting for fringing on the promise of rain:

Freedom.

Even if it were only an afternoon of it, it was all you’d been hoping for. Aro would allow you little else, you assumed, taking what small victory you could manage. Aro, as you’d been informed, had been on edge since Bella’s little visit and although he’d allowed this little trip, he was tenacious about it.

Lying awake in bed, you had found yourself unable to sleep and yet you dreamed of it, wondering if you could convince Felix to allow you to visit some of the historical sights...but perhaps that would be pushing it. So perhaps you would not press your luck. Laying awake through the passing hours, sleep eventually found you as thoughts of Felix came to mind, smiling despite yourself.

When you awoke the sky was a dark, murky gray, sunlight swept far, far away by a wall of darkness and clouds quivering with a promise of rain. To all else, it was a disappointment but you, it was hope! And it almost reminded you of Forks, leaning out the window with closed eyes as you took in a breath of the sweet, clean air, imagining home with every exhale. The little white house and the old tree, just beginning to bud with new blooms after a long, sunless winter. The smell of blacker than black coffee, just the way he liked it. Charlie’s voice in the kitchen, wandering down to see him with coffee and a smile, newspaper spread out on the table. Bella on the phone or in her bedroom, just barely hearing the hushed conversation.

Home had been full, always full, Charlie down the hall and Bella on the other side of the wall, beds positioned so the heads were pressed together with the thin wood between them. As children, you’d learned Morse code together from a library book and used it to whisper through the walls.

You still did it sometimes.

But now no one whispered back through dots and dashes, emptiness echoing your messages back to you. But you wouldn’t think about that today. Today you would be happy, if only for a moment, pulling yourself away from the window. The bathroom they’d built for you was just a little room of white and gray marbled stone, constantly cold and with very little comfort. Showering quickly, you agonized over what to wear, recalling how Felix mentioned that he’d be “dressing down” in an attempt to blend in. So jeans seemed a good idea, your old jeans that you’d had forever. Flipping through the closet, you were struck by the thought of appealing to Heidi who had been making little comments about your lack of interest in her choices...which had actually adapted to your tastes. Finding a pair of ankle books, Louboutin, you thought, from the sleek red bottom, you grabbed them and a large black button up tpp, half buttoned up your chest and tied around the waist.

In the old wooden jewelry box Charlie had made you years ago, you rooted through the collection of jewelry, picking out silver rings and, as always, your locket. Grabbing the well-worn messenger bag on the way out, you found Felix already waiting for you. Leaning against the door frame, dressed in black slacks and a button down, he’d thrown on a pair of glasses. Thoughts of Darcy and William Crimsworth crossed your mind, smiling at the very sight of him.

“You know, when you said you were dressing down, I thought you meant jeans or something.”

“Miss Swan,” Felix replied with proper indignity. “You will never, ever, for all of my eternity, see me in denim, mark my words!”

“Challenge accepted,” you replied with a cool smile.

Bickering sweetly all the way, you began to notice familiar faces. Demetri, laughing with Afton and Chelsea, Heidi strutting down the hall like a supermodel in slinky black dress (Dolce and Gabbana, you recalled, Rosalie had the same one), with an approving glance towards your boots and a smile almost on her face, Santiago tending to his roses through the windows. You had spoken with him, at least, asked about how to grow roses along the tower walls until they reached the library window, a prospect that seemed to excite him.

Waving through the window, Santiago flashed you a smile as you walked on. Felix was pleased too, you realized, that you’d spoken with someone who wasn’t him...even if it had only been one conversation while Santiago was made to guard you for a moment.

Volterra was quiet today.

Stepping out of the castle, the cool air kissed your skin sweetly, as though welcoming you back. It was not home, you mourned, but it was something, stepping into nearly empty streets. Perhaps it was the promise of rain that kept the people hidden away in their neat little homes, passing very few people on the street. Those who did could not help but steal small glances at Felix as he passed them, half-mesmerized and half-terrified of him. There was no blaming them for it, really. Even when trying to blend, Felix simply could not do it, his ethereal beauty like something out of a fairytale. If only they knew they were looking at the Beast rather than Prince Charming. In truth, you felt a little out of place beside him, just so...normal in comparison.

Then again, you liked your normal.

It meant that your heart was beating and your breath had a purpose, not just something for show. So you ignored the stolen looks and followed Felix through the streets he seemed to have memorized, stealing glances at little stories and shops. Taking notice of a white dress in a shop window, Felix pulled you away with the call of your name, leading you to a small, sleek bookstore.

“We’ll stop here first,” he said. “and pick up some things for your Italian lessons and then we’ll have some real fun.”

Walking into the place, he already knew exactly what he had come for, picking out everything quickly. Carrying a pile of textbooks and dictionaries, Felix picked out a few old movies and CDs as well, realizing that you had never heard of most of them, besides an Italian version of Romeo and Juliet. Romeo e Giuletta. The woman at the desk could not stop looking at Felix, flirting with only her eyes as he checked everything out.

“I want you to watch and listen to these after your lessons to get used to the language,” he ordered. “Take notes and translate what you can, I’ll look over it all.”

“Are you giving me homework, professor?”

“I am,” he replied with a wry smile, fixing his glasses.

And you hoped he didn’t notice the skip of your heart as you walked back into the streets. Following Felix through the winding path, stopping at a staircase of well-worn brick and a wrought iron railing. Descending into the earth, the basement apartment you entered was what you’d always imagined heaven to be:

A bookstore.

Shelves lined the walls from floor to ceiling and more stood in between, creating a maze within the massive shop, the end of which you could not manage to see from the entrance. Overstuffed with more books then you could possibly imagine, more stood in teetering stacks on the floor or on top of tables. Paperbacks, cloth-bounds, hardbacks, leather-bound, and every genre you could conceive of as far as the eye could see. Here and there you caught a glimpse of a set of mismatched armchairs or an emerald green couch, little places to hide away whilst one read the hours away. Felix descended down the wooden staircase and began chatting to the old man behind the counter in Italian. Unable to stop yourself, you wandered away as he was distracted and looked about the shop in wonder.

“Sei amico è molto carino,” the old man said, his eyes glancing towards you as you ran your hand along the leather spines.

“Lei è bellissima,” Felix replied simply. “Pazzesco e bello!”

They laughed together, smiling at the sound of Felix’s loud, booming laugh as you vanished around the corner. There, you found an Italian version of Romeo and Juliet, a small red leather-bound book with faded golden roses stamped upon the cover. You had a copy of it in English, of course, but, perhaps, it might be useful with the lessons, even if it wasn’t your favorite of Shakespeare's works. But like a little gift from the shop itself, you found a copy of that very thing, a matching edition of Much Ado About Nothing, a golden heart upon an emerald cover.

“Miss Swan!”

Felix came from around the corner, smiling as he so sweetly scolded you for wandering off when he was distracted.

“If you’re going to bring me to a bookstore or library, you ought to expect some wandering.”

“I’ll remember that,” he muttered. “So...you like it then? The shop?”

“I love it. Do you think Aro would just let me live here instead? At least he’d known that I’d never, ever leave.”

At that he laughed again and took the books from your hands, clearly approving of your choices and attempts to take his lessons seriously. Wandering together, the stack slowly grew in his arms. The Haunting of Hill House (you’d read it before but did not own it), Phantastes, The Lady of Shalott, an array of history books, particularly about Italy, a pile of mythology books from many different cultures. Felix found a few books too, noticing that they were books you’d recommended to him at one point or another. The His Dark Materials series, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Briar Rose by Jane Yolen, and countless others, adding one more to the stacks:

Beauty and the Beast.

It was Felix that had found it for you, recalling you mentioning that you’d given your copy to Bella. But there it was, a little paperback edition by Mary Pope Osborn. By the end of it, you’d filled three massive bags with books, the old man at the counter giving Felix a little smile and saying something in Italian as he handed you a small gift, a flat golden rose to use as a bookmark.

“Avevi ragione,” he said “lei è bellissima.”

You thanked him with one of the few Italian phrases you knew as you left, smiling back at the kindly old man. The bell of the door jingled sweetly, carrying one bag (at your insistence) as he carried the two heavier ones, looking up at Felix.

“What was he saying?” you asked quietly, looking back once more at the little shop.

“If you work on our lessons, you’ll know one day, il mio cigno selvatico.”

You repeated the phrase over and over in your head until it was imprinted, wondering what that meant too. Had it all ended that quickly? Walking through the streets again, you longed for the smell of old books and the safety of the shop. You could have hidden in the bookshop for ages, hiding from what you knew was to come...but Demetri, you reminded yourself, would have found you there and the black cloaked vampires would have brought you back, the nightmare beginning all over again. You wondered what it must have felt like when your sister saw their army across the line...when Bree Tanner, so young and having suffered through so much, accepted her fate. Bree. It was Esme that had told you of her, Bella and Edward never even mentioning the girl at all. But Esme had, mourning the poor child and what could have been…

“Felix?” you asked, walking down the street.

“Yes, Miss Swan?”

“Why did you kill Bree?”

At that, he paused, confusion painted on his pretty face. He didn’t even remember who you were talking about, you realized. Maybe he’d never known her name at all, you considered, a little angry at the thought.

“The girl who survived the Victoria’s army,” you explained. “Her name was Bree Tanner. She was only sixteen...”

“She broke the law.”

His voice was harsh and cold, sounding more like a soldier than the man who had built your bookshelves and read your favorite books. At times, it was easy to forget that Felix had two sides to him: your almost friend and Aro’s attack dog.

“She had been lied to and misled. If she did something wrong, it wasn’t truly her fault. Why couldn’t she be spared? Esme and Carlisle, they would have taken care of her.”

“Y/N...”

Pausing in the street, you suddenly realized how crowded it had become. Despite the light drizzling, cold tears dripping from the sky, the people of Volterra now busied the streets, moving around both like a wild current. He didn’t regret it. Maybe he hadn’t liked doing it and perhaps if it had been his own choice, he may have spared her life, you thought. Let her run far, far away. But in the end he was a soldier following orders and he did not regret any of it, something he was trying to find the kindest way of explaining to you. Felix looked down at you, nearly about to speak, when you saw it.

Sunlight.

It broke through the clouds so suddenly, a small stream of it sparkling through the rain and just barely caressing the pale skin of his hand. Without thinking, you took his hand in yours and pulled him away, whispering his name with urgency.

Glancing over his shoulder, Felix stiffed and pulled you, quickly, into a dark alleyway, hurrying down the path with you.

“We have to go,” he muttered. “We have to hide until it is safe.”

And he knew a place, pulling you into a small cafe. Without looking at any of the other customers, Felix pulled you into the farthest corner of the shop, a little table tucked far from the windows and the threat of sunlight. The cafe was entirely of worn brick, a wooden counter matching the tables and chairs. Fairy lights had been strung from the wooden beams across the ceiling, the walls covered in black and white photographs. Looking at the faded faces, you wondered of their lives and histories with interest, quiet as you looked on. He ordered in Italian and the waiter returned with tea and food, almond chocolate biscotti and vanilla cake with strawberries.

“Y/N, you understand very little of who we are,” Felix began. “And I cannot blame you for that. Surely, we have not made the best impression upon you and I do feel that the Cullens have biased you in some way. But everything we do, no matter how cruel it may seem, is done for a reason.”

“You’re right,” you replied. “I don’t understand.”

Felix sighed, removing the glasses and running a hand through his dark, curly hair. The candlelight gave him an almost unearthly glow, rather pretty as it dances across his skin. Pushing up the sleeves of his shirt, the scars were revealed once more...and something else. Just briefly, you caught a glimpse of what almost looked like a bruise, quickly seeing it for what it was:

A tattoo...why would Felix have something like that?

“I don’t even know how I can explain it to you! I’ve never had to explain who we are and what we do to a human, it’s unthinkable. I do not even know how to begin.”

“At the beginning,” you said simply, taking a sip of tea. “Not the beginning of the Volturi but of everything, as far as you can go. If this is going to be my history one day then I want to know as much of it as I can.”

At that, he smiled.

His voice deep and low, as though he were telling a scary story, Felix leaned closer and began the tales of his people.

“The first age was gold,” he began. “No laws, no enforcers. We have no idea how we began or with who really, very little history remains of this time and all who were created have long since been destroyed. What little we do have begins with a family. These days, we would have called them a coven. But that terminology would not come for a long time and, perhaps, they may have actually been a family in their mortal life. Or they only considered themselves as such in their immortal lives, we don’t know for certain. We do know that they were led by a mated pair, with three coven members, a woman and two men, the brothers, as they were called, the elder and the younger.

Another mystery, the both of them.”

A waitress passed by and Felix quieted, leaning closer and placing his hand upon your own, as though you were lovers deep in conversation. When she walked away, he did not remove it as he began the story again.

“At some point, the brothers had become divided...over a woman, it seems. The younger brother had taken up with a mate and the elder brother wanted her for himself, coming to blows over it and, well, the younger prevailed victorious. With the elder killed, the family fell apart. The younger brother and his mate were banished by the leaders, there’s some evidence that they made their way to Asia. The woman traveled to Africa, remaining in Egypt until what we presume was her demise. And the mated pair simply traveled through the continents. It is through this family that vampirism was spread, though we have no way of knowing how it truly began.

That’s always been a chief curiosity of Aro’s.

The golden age was lawless and it was violent, most of us taking to the nomadic lifestyle. But towards the end of it, groups begin appearing. The first covens in Egypt, China, and Rome, more to come with Europe. With these covens, things began to change. It wasn’t just about hunger and feeding ourselves anymore, there was power, real power, on the line and with that, the first war began and ended the golden age.

And so, the age of silver began. Not as shining as our golden age but better than what was to come.

All of the countries began forming covens and from that, they began warring with one another. The vampire wars in China were perhaps the bloodiest of their time, we have at least a good amount of evidence about them. Vampirism began to spread throughout the world at a shocking pace and, through that, stories began.

We would not be called vampires for some time.

But many other mythologies and horror stories are based upon us. It is also around this time that we began to take note of gifted vampires, although they were considered flukes more than anything else. Strength and power, vampires like myself, that was what was wanted. I suppose it was the fashion at the time...”

The door opened, sunlight pouring into the cafe.

And although it could not reach him here, Felix still pulled away from the golden rays as though they were made of hellfire, moving your hand just so to embrace him.

He smiled, continuing on.

“Towards the end of the age, certain covens won their wars. Amun rose up in this time, destroying the former Egyptian coven and taking reign. The Chinese coven, through mysterious means, fell entirely and vampirism was nearly wiped out entirely there, though a few later found their way to Japan...never did discover the answer to that riddle. And with many countries now having rulers, they began looking to expand their power.

The age of silver fell and the brass age began.

Our most violent era. Amun, Vladimir, and many others ruled in these times. We were out of control, our violence becoming rampant and our wars more and more brutal. And the humans were very aware of us then, to some degree, we barely bothered hiding. It surely would have ended terribly, our brutality and our downfall.

And then until Aro came along.

Do not misunderstand it, Miss Swan, he was no benevolent savior by any means. It was power he wanted as much as any of the others, he simply went about it through wiser means and methods. And though you may think him a monster, he gave us what we needed:

Control.

It was Aro’s war that ended our strife and brought a semblance of society upon us. Laws to abide, kings to rule, the wars ended, at least for a time. He raised up an army of vampires, some like myself but many more gifted, seeing power in what others had ignored. And the cunning, in the end, brought us victory. I was one of his...earlier creations. And one of the few to survive the war.”

“How did you even meet him?”

Felix paused, a bitter smile coming upon his face. Pulling down his sleeves again, the tattoo was once more hidden from view.

“That’s a story for another day. But to continue with the lesson...Aro ended the brass age and brought upon the age of iron. The age of evil, some like to call it, our new king brought out of shadow, with cruel ideas. But he has kept us safe, as much as he can. Our civilization and the fragile peace we watch over keeps all of us safe and, if we must take cruel means to protect it, then so be it.”

That is why I killed Bree Tanner.”

He sat up, straightening himself, and revealing the executioner once more. This, you realized, was the man Bree had met in the aftermath of war, her killer.

And although you knew at heart that it was the same person, you could not help but think of him as a stranger, a terrible one. The poor girl. Brought into a cruel world and taken out of it before she truly found her footing, punished for sins she had not meant to commit.

“I’m not a good man,” Felix confessed. “The things I’ve done and will continue to do, you cannot begin to imagine it. The blood on my hands can never be washed clean. I’ve taken many lives, Y/N, and many more like Bree. People who, perhaps, did not deserve to die but died nonetheless. In order to maintain this peace there can be no mercy nor forgiveness...even to those who deserved it.”

“Do you believe that she did?”

He looked towards the door, stiff and listening. Something was coming. Too far for you to know what it would be but Felix was well aware, speaking softly.

“Aro ordered her killed and I followed my king’s command. I always have. I always will. But...if it had been my choice then, yes. I would have spared her. I would have let the Cullens keep her. Aro knows this, if you were wondering, he always knows when I disagree...but he also knows that I have continued to follow his orders. That’s why I’m alive. With my master,” Felix explained. “You only get one. One chance to beg for something, to plead with him for some mercy. I’ve never used mine and...Bree was simply not worth it to me. I’m saving it.”

So he’d pitied her...just not enough to save her. You wondered what it was that was worth saving to him then.

Demetri.

The door opened and revealed a now nearly storming sky, the vampire walking in with a burst of cold, violent air. Felix may have gotten secret, appreciative glances but Demetri was outright gawked at, something he was very clearly aware of (and pleased with) as he sauntered through the cafe. Coming upon your table, he leaned over you both with a teasing, scolding grin.

“There you are! Master sent me to fetch the two of you.”

“I apologize for the delay,” Felix said, slowly standing with you. “The sun surprised us and Y/N asked about our history.”

“Oh!”

Demetri slung his arm around you, taking the bag you’d picked up as Felix gathered the others, a pitying smile upon his pretty face. You could almost understand the gawking then but, truthfully, Felix was the good looking one in your opinion. Demetri had an air of cruelty about him that you could not ignore.

“Poor unfortunate creature! You should never ask the old man about history, he won’t ever shut up.”

“But I liked it! An entire society operating beneath our own for centuries, I think it’s all terribly fascinating.”

“That was only the simple version of things,” Felix said, holding the door for you. “I’ll get you some of our history books and we’ll add them to your lessons, you’ll get to hear all of the stories and even personal accounts.”

“Now you’ve done it!” Demetri laughed.

With gentle ease he slipped you out of Demetri’s grasp, replacing him. Demetri made a face at the back of Felix’s head, something you spotted through the shop windows, but still seemed rather delighted. He whistled as you walked, winked at pretty girls and men, and walked in happy silence until you came close to the castle, rushing ahead to inform Aro once more. The king did not seem bothered or, at least, you heard nothing about it. You’d almost expected some sort of scolding in the throne room but were instead happy to be brought back to the towers, a thought that surprised you. Happy to be here again, you realized, what a strange thought!

Felix had been an awful influence on you.

And yet you could not help but smile as you hurried your new books into the library and began to shelve them all by genre, barely making a dent in the emptiness of the shelves...which only served as an excuse to buy more books, honestly. Felix had left to speak to the king, perhaps the scolding was for him, and you busied yourself.

Thinking as you worked, you began to get excited over the thought of Felix’s lessons in Italian and vampiric history, running over what little you actually knew. No one of the Cullens had been terribly interested in talking about it, not really, but you’d gathered small snippets here and there. Jasper’s time with the Mexican coven, the Denali, Carlisle's history and some of the Volturi’s...the tracker. Stopping in the middle of it all, you remembered it now.

There had been a tracker before Demetri.

But he’d been disposed of when Demetri had come along, proving to be a better at the dirty job, the kings tossing one treasure away in exchange for a newer, shiner version. And the same, you’d been told, would happen to Demetri one day, should a better tracker ever be found.

He wasn’t like the others...he was like you.

A shiny toy for a rotten king, coveted as long as you were useful because that’s all either of you ever could be to him. Useful. Necessary in his bid for power. Not truly wanted nor cared for, but coveted over as long as you were worth something. And that was what Felix was saving his one thing over, for him.

For Demetri.

Felix’s voice returned, laughter ringing through the tower.

You went to him as you always had, smiling at the sight of him. Halfway in the tower, Felix was laughing over Demetri's antics as his friend vanished down the hall, flashing you a charming little smile over Felix’s massive shoulder. He didn’t really deserve it, you decided. Felix was a killer but Demetri was cruel and sadistic, a perfect vampire. And yet that didn’t matter, did it? Because despite his monstrosity, Demetri was loved...and it was Felix’s gift to give to whomever he bestowed it upon. Perhaps that meant there was something beneath the sadistic beast, some sweetness that you could not yet comprehend. Or perhaps not, it did not matter in the end. He was what he was and he was loved all the same, even if he was not a good man.

Neither was Felix, after all.

Killer, soldier, Aro’s attack dog and your friend. Something of his love for Demetri bloomed within you, without meaning to do it, caring about him despite everything else, hoping he would get to save his friend. The door shut as Felix turned with a smile, looking up at you from the staircase. Reaching out to him, he moved like a shadow and appeared before you, taking the outstretched hand happily.

“Thank you,” he suddenly said. “For earlier, with the sunlight. Had I been caught...”

He would have broken the law and he would have been killed. No mercy nor forgiveness...even to those who deserve it, you reminded yourself bitterly.

The thought broke your heart as you held him a little tighter and pulled him into the library.

Felix’s POV.

It was only Aro in the throne room when I walked it.

A rare sight indeed, the kings were almost always in pairs, if not a trio. But he alone waited as the thunder crashed in the sky, back turned to me as I walked into the room.

“Felix...”

His hand open at his side, I needed no other order, walking forward and taking his hand. I was looking forward to this less and less. No one truly enjoyed the idea of Aro rooting around in our heads, painfully aware of every little thought over our existence, but lately, it had been more of a struggle. Only a few short months ago, my life had been mundane, as far as vampiric life is concerned, a never-ending routine that brought little interest to anything. I hadn’t cared if he wanted to look around because there was nothing worth keeping to myself. But now..now I had Y/N and everything had changed the moment we’d met in that snowstorm.

Even my mind.

The private thoughts that had occurred in my mind throughout the day were exposed, brought into the proverbial sunlight.

Pazzesco e bello…

How pretty I’d thought she’d looked this morning, the smell of vanilla in her hair and the locket shining around her neck, how I’d wanted to kiss her there. Every little tough and the way I’d longed for more and the dress I’d noticed her looking at, the excitement of when she’d willingly taken my hand. Y/N protecting me from sunlight and leaning close as I spoke, telling her of our history, the burn of jealousy when Demetri had put his arm around her, even though I’d trusted him to be gentle with her…

And when she’d spoken my name, so sweetly, I’d envisioned it again and again, gaze lingering upon her lips when she did not notice. I’d agonized over it all, the way she looked at me and spoke to me, the thrill of her heart, was it from fear or something more?

“Interesting,” Aro noted, pulling away. “She asked about our history? And then lessons, she seems rather keen on the idea?”

“I thought so. Y/N’s a curious thing, she likes to learn.”

“I will have her own set of history books made up for her then. She’ll appreciate them, at least. In the future, Felix, be more careful when out. You were very nearly revealed today and such a thing would have had...dire consequences.”

“Yes, Master.”

Dismissed with a wave of his hand, I left at once, thankful he said nothing of...the rest of it. And seeking reprieve, I returned at once to the tower, stumbling upon Demetri along the way.

“How’d it go?”

“Well enough,” I replied. “He’s knows all about today and the fact that I kept thinking of kissing her, so I’m barely humiliated over it. Giving her a set of history books, she’ll actually like one of his gifts for once.”

I talked about our future lessons, my excitement more obvious then I’d meant it to be. With a roll of his eyes, Demetri shoved me with no response to the action, remaining unmovable and smiling.

“Just kiss her already! Get it over with, have your fun.”

“It’s...more than that, Dem.”

He didn’t get it. Demetri didn’t much like to think of love or the prospect of mating, he was terrified of such a thing and greatly preferred to busy himself with dalliances and passionate nights of bliss, even if he secretly wanted more. Not something he would admit and not something I would mention, out of respect for his position. Heidi had always said that once he fell in love, he was going to be terrified of the entire ordeal and he probably would be.

But love was all I’d ever wanted.

Now that I had a chance at it, I barely knew what to do with it. Y/N was everything I’d ever wanted but that was only half of the equation, wasn’t it? And I had to consider what she might want.

Which was why I’d told her the truth of it.

I could have lied about the entire thing, hidden my sins away. But I didn’t want to do that. If there was any chance of her truly loving me, I needed to show her what I was in my entirety, hiding nothing of my true nature. So I had not lied to her, I never would, meaning every word of it. I would have let the girl go. Had it been my decision to make, I would have released Miss Tanner and wished her some kind of happiness, knowing she’d had very little of it. Perhaps that would mean something to her…

“I still think you ought to kiss her.”

“Oh?”

“Run to that tower, take in your arms, and do it! If she’s not in love with you, she will be, mark my words, Felix.”

And at that I couldn’t help but laugh, just reaching the tower together. In truth, I’d dreamed of that time and time again...but that wasn’t how I wanted it to be. Longing for some truth to believe it, I wanted it to be Y/N’s choice, if I was her choice at all. He was gone, Demetri, smiling at something behind me. Y/N. I heard the song of her heartbeat before I saw her, turning to meet her gaze. Looking at me in a way she never had before, Y/N smiled as she reached out to me. At once, I went to her and took her hand, allowing Y/N to lead me away.

The library was slowly becoming something of a safe haven to me.

Sitting side by side, we read for hours, Y/N wrapped in the old quilt from her bedroom, knees to her chest. The thunderstorm came with full force, the sky shaking with the force of it. Rain pattered violently at the windows, glass planes shaking in the wind.

And slowly, Y/N fell asleep.

Picking her up, I kept the quilt wrapped around her as I carried Y/N to her bedroom. Glancing down at her lips, the longing to kiss her burned once more...but I did not dare take it, simply laying her down in bed. One day. Perhaps one day, she would kiss me and I would be able to spend these long hours with her, I hoped. But that would not be today. Wishing her sweetest dreams, I left her to slumber, listening to the sound of her heartbeat as she whispered once more.

“Felix...”

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