Oh. My. Frakking. God... Over a decade after Mass Effect first came out, Iâve only just realized now that Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko is literally the main reason Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams joined The Normandyâs crew, and was handed that assignment.
You guys donât understand, okay! I have SO MANY FEELS ABOUT THIS!
Basically, Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko is listed as being the Head of the SSV Normandyâs Marine detail in ME1, right?
Given I had absolutely no clue what detail officers did, I did a bit of research... And OMFG!
Basically, if I adapt the description I found to fit the Systems Alliance reality:
âDetailers are the [Marines]â advocate, and [they] take into consideration everything [they] can to ensure [they] are providing the right âfitâ for each billet [note: a âbilletâ is a specific personnel position, assignment, or duty station which may be filled by one person] advertised on the [Career Management System-Interactive Detailing] CMS-ID.
[They] evaluate each [Marine]âs professional milestones and take into consideration a [Marine]âs personal aspirations and stated preferences. There are a number of variables unique to each and every one of us in the [Marines] â from our personal situations: whether weâre single, married, dual-military couple, single parent, same-sex spouse, [Eligible Family Member], whatever â to our professional standing: does a [Marine] have the proper qualifications for that particular job, or do they require training; is a [Marine] a roller to sea duty or shore duty; will this be the best job for the [Marine] and is this the best [Marine] for the command; etc.
For two equally qualified [Marines], we would give selection preference to the one that was ranked higher during the gaining commandâs review/comment phase.â
[...]
âWhen a detailer has selected a [Marine] for a billet, a notification is sent to that [Marine]. [...] Â Once a [Marine] has been selected, then posted to the billet, the order writing process begins, ultimately ending in the [Marine] receiving a set of orders.â
At the beginning of the first game, I remembered something about Captain Anderson having mentioned that he added Ashley Williams to the Normandyâs crew because Lieutenant Alenko believed that the ship could use a good soldier like her, but never actually realized just how instrumental Kaidan had been to Andersonâs decision.
Basically, from what I understand, as the head of the Normandyâs Marine detail, Kaidanâs actual job would literally be to assess which Marine soldiers would be best suited for any open position or assignment on board of the Normandy SSV, and then be the one to hand them their new position / assignment / duty / orders.
Meaning that the actual reason that Gunnery Chief Williams joined the Normandyâs crew, is likely because Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko watched her in action, saw something in her, came back to the ship to take a look at her file, paid a lot of attention to her family history, her military aspirations, her service records, etc.Â
Kaidan likely noticed the glaring discrepancy between her impeccable performance reviews, and her lack of career advancement opportunities.Â
He probably saw the number of times Ashley had been submitting applications for a transfer to a shipboard posting to prior detail officers, and been denied these posts...
And there he is... mourning the death of a friend, sure... but the motherfrakking head of the Normandyâs Marine detail!
The Normandy, a.k.a. the Allianceâs fastest and most technologically advanced starship yet, that so happens to suddenly be having a vacant position for a soldier that needs filling.
Please do yourselves all a favor...Â
Imagine Kaidan studying Gunnery Chief Ashley Williamsâ dossier, reading her prior position applications... and through the haze of all those unspeakable horrors heâs just witnessed on Eden Prime, thereâs suddenly this little beacon of light and hope unexpectedly shining right before his eyes...
As a L2 biotic born into a military family, Kaidan Alenko might even have suddenly found, in Ashley Williams, a kindred spirit. Someone that had, until then, been treated with heavy suspicion and distrust by others, simply because of her being perceived as âdifferentâ than the other soldiers serving alongside her.
And because of a set of given circumstances, Kaidan finds himself with the power to do something about it. He finds himself having the required level of authority to become the first military detailing officer to actually care about Ashleyâs own career aspirations, and the path that sheâs been stubborn enough to keep on pursuing despite all the resistance sheâs been faced with until now.
Unlike all those other detail officers that have kept denying her shipboard posting applications, he can actually fulfill his role of being her advocate, arguing in favor of her being assigned to the Normandy and offered responsibilities that are better suited for her actual training and qualifications, and ensuring that Williams is assigned to a post that actually makes good use of her outstanding abilities, talents, and dedication as a soldier.
Imagine him smiling to himself, being the little stubborn shit that he is, as he realizes that heâs just about to assign Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams -Â General Williamsâ granddaughter, of all people - to join the crew of one of the greatest marvels of human-TURIAN engineering!
Now, also imagine Ashleyâs own surprise, when she discovered that the head of the Normandyâs Marine detail was one of the two people she encountered on Eden Prime.
And that, unlike everything life had ever taught her to expect from those officers until then (including what her own father had been put through in his own career), Lieutenant Alenko was so impressed with her performance in the field, and her dossier, that he decided that she was the single best suited Marine in the whole Alliance for a job on the Normandy. And that Captain Anderson sufficiently trusted Lieutenant Alenkoâs judgment in the matter to agree with him and welcome her on his ship (Shepard hadnât been made a Spectre, yet).
On one hand, sheâs just lost her whole unit to the geths, and Kaidan has just lost a friend, too.
On the other, sheâs just been offered the career opportunity of a lifetime, when virtually no one ever gave her so much as a chance to explore and showcase her potential.
Once you know that, imagine Kaidanâs sense of pride and wonder as he watches her finally doing the job sheâs always wanted to do, and being allowed to continue to grow and build her confidence and her skills as an Alliance Marine and soldier.
Imagine Ashleyâs own sense of pride and wonder, as she suddenly finds herself fighting shoulder to shoulder with some of the very best soldiers and officers that the Alliance has ever trained, under the Command of the very first human Spectre.
Think about how the knowledge that Kaidan saw something in her the very first time they met - that had him go âYup! Thatâs exactly the type of soldier the Normandy needs!â, and personally hand picked her out of all the other potential Marine candidates that could have had the required qualifications and training for the job - might be affecting her deep sense of friendship and respect towards him.
And imagine how Kaidan might find himself feeling naturally protective of Ashley - instinctively stepping into the role of a mentor and giving her every single opportunity to showcase her talents - while also doing his best to remain very open, laid back, and accessible around her.
Wanting to make sure she knows that she belongs with Shepard and his crew, and that they fully trust and feel at ease around her. That regardless of her familyâs history, sheâs got the right to carve her own path and that they all believe in her and are glad to have her on the team.
Revisit, if you will, all of their banter and the natural chemistry between them...
Take a moment to think about Kaidan playfully offering to âshoot someone to make her feel betterâ... About him expressing concern regarding whether she was still happy that she signed on with Commander Shepard, and about she inquiring about how his implant was holding up, and if he was okay...
And now, get ready to have your heart be shattered into a thousand tiny little pieces...
Because, if Ashley is the one that ends up dying on Virmire...
Then Kaidan will be spending the rest of his life knowing that the main reason Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams was there on Virmire with them to begin with... was because of him.
And that, by wishing to allow her to finally be given a chance to advance her career within the Alliance - by assigning her to Jenkinâs vacant post when he saw that opening and allowing her to fulfill her lifelong dream of serving on board a starship - he was the one to accidentally lead her towards a premature death.
Her life, and career, ended before it truly had a chance to begin, all because he thought she was a formidable soldier that deserved more from the Alliance than what sheâd gotten so far, and chose to ask for Andersonâs permission to have her being assigned to the Normandy.
And whatâs worst is that she died, because Shepard chose to save him.
She could have lived. The outcome of his decision to offer her Jenkinâs old position could have been the beginning of a great military career and an opportunity for Ashley to become one of the very best soldiers the Alliance has ever known.
But because Shepard chose to go back for him and his team, rather than rescue Ashleyâs, theyâll never know, wonât they?
Sheâs dead, heâs not. And now heâll forever have to live with that.
Iâve sometimes discussed Kaidan having what appears to be a pretty strong case of âsurvivorâs guiltâ (highlighted, in part, by one of his conversations with Tali in ME3)...
But the knowledge that Ashley died because he was virtually the first detail officer to truly believe in her, and to care about her career and aspirations enough to give her a chance to advance within the Alliance, mustâve been tearing him apart on top of everything else...
And if Kaidan is the one to die on Virmire...
Well, then Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko wasnât just the very first detail officer to finally see Ashley for who she was, acknowledge her potential, and offer her a chance to follow her dreams and build herself an actual career within the Alliance...
But the âcostâ of that career, and those opportunities, also ended up being his very own life.
Kaidan asked Anderson for permission to assign her to the Normandy... only for him to be left behind to die on Virmire, because Shepard didnât have the time to rescue both teams, and he chose to save hers.
Taken within that context, itâs even more heartbreaking to hear Ashley tell Shepard: âI have to be worth Kaidanâs life.â
No wonder she seems to talk about him with such reverence, and in the French version of the game, literally says that a good guy like him should be among angels.
She saw him as her very own guardian angel, even in life...
âI donât regret a thingâ might also become something that either Kaidan or Ashley are saying more for the otherâs benefit, rather than for Shepard themselves.
Kaidan doesnât regret having selected Ashley for that position on The Normandy, regardless of the fact that heâll no longer have the opportunity to actually be (physically, at the very least) there with her, as she pursues her career, and climbs within the Allianceâs ranks.
And Ashley doesnât regret that Kaidan offered her that assignment, although she never got the chance to take it any further, and only lived that dream of hers to serve on a ship for such a short (but very intense) amount of time.
Iâve always adored the dynamic between these two... But somehow, knowing what Kaidanâs position on the SSV Normandy implied, and that heâs the one evaluating candidatures for other positions that need to be filled on the ship, and trying to assign the right candidate to each post...
Well, it brings such a wonderful, and yet excruciatingly bittersweet layer to their relationship...
(And Iâve never hated Virmire more than I do now, just so you know...)
Iâm guessing, between the missions and sorting things out, it was hard to find time for a proper private conversation like the ones they used to have in ME1.
These two really need to talk, but the moment is not right. Today itâs about Ash and her sister.
They can still gaze at each other though. I wonder what impression these guys make like this? Because thereâs a lot going on between them that was never addressed.
Relationship drama ahoy!
Kaidan knew it when Shepard and Ashley became involved and was happy for them (suppose, after the ME1 mission they all concluded that regs were overrated). He was happier to find that this romance didnât affect them as a team, and never did he feel like the third wheel. Nothing really changed.
All was fine and well until Shepard died. Though the time they served together was relatively short, Shepard managed to worm his way into everyoneâs hearts. His sudden death was a real blow. Kaidan took it hard, like loosing a limb all right, but Ash was heartbroken, so he figured she had it worse and didnât let himself dwell on his loss too hard.
Over time the two grew much closer. Soon after the first anniversary of Shepardâs death, Ashley decided that she wanted to really move on and made a move on Kaidan, which he reciprocated. Kaidan himself had developed certain feelings for her back in ME1, but never mentioned it. This time he let himself act on them, because they both needed that. They spent the night together, but next morning came to the conclusion that it was too early for this after all. Ashley - because the memory of Shepard didnât really leave her (incredible how deeply his adorkable personality affected her), and her feelings for him were still strong, no matter how much she wanted to put them behind; Kaidan - because he sensed that she wasnât ready. They admitted to loving each other nonetheless, and agreed to try again someday.
Come ME3.
Shepard was no idiot, and noticed the change in dynamics between Kaidan and Ashley. He figured that a lot could have happened in the two years that he was gone, and of course his friends would move on without him. Considering that heâd been prepared to meet his end during the suicide mission, he was fine with this new development. Now heâd be content with simply having these two back in his life, being the team they used to be before there were any hints at romance at all. He is however not certain that he has any right to expect that. What he doesnât take into consideration, doesnât even realize, is how much he still means to both of them.
Thereâs also something he doesnât know.
When Shepard returned from the dead, after Kaidan saw him and spoke with him again after all this time, his mind kept coming back to his night with Ashley. He couldnât shake off the feeling that heâd betrayed Shepard - first by leaving him to die alone in the Normandy crash, and then by sleeping with his girlfriend while he was dead. In the meantime Kaidan began to wonder how different Ashleyâs feelings for him were compared to Shepard, and consequently couldnât help imagining how itâd gone between them. Intrusive thoughts all overâŠ
Until one day it all culminated in a dream about himself with Shepard. Soft and tender and passionate. This freaked him out a little at first (I mean, if he had some reservations about being friends with his CO, itâs not much of a stretch that sex would freak him out, right?), but in the end he embraced the truth that, in theory, he wouldnât mind to find out what it was like - to be with Shepard and feel his touch.
Then again, the suicide mission was not yet completed, and nobody knew if Shepard would come back. And even if he did, would they be able to repair their relationship after everything? Tough luck, man.
At least now Kaidan is aware that he has feelings for two people at the same time. These people just need to catch up with him.
Ashley woke up with her head muddy and a stabbing pain behind her eyes that forced her to close them tightly and groan.
Somewhere below her she could hear James whistling and asking people if they wanted eggs.
Just the thought of it made her stomach roil.
âThis is the last time I drink with a Krogan.â A voice muttered behind her and arms tightened around her waist.
Despite her own headache Ashley chuckled, âWhatâs the matter Spectre Alenko? Canât keep up?â
âYouâre one to talk, Spectre Williams.â Kaidan shot back and buried his face in her neck, his breath gusting against her skin and making her shiver. âYou and James certainly didnât back down.â
James was still cheerily calling out to everyone.
âI think I hate the youth.â Ashley grumbled and turned in Kaidanâs arms so she could wrap her own around him, shoving her face between his neck and shoulder and humming in satisfaction when Kaidan cursed at the sudden movement causing him to see light.
âIâll remind James you said that later. Way later.â Kaidanâs hands slid back around her and pulled her impossibly closer. âFor nowâŠâ
âRest. Maybe some water. Think we can get Shepard to fetch us some?â
âJust make it an assignment.â Kaidan mumbled sleepily between one yawn and the next. âQuickest way to get the Commander to do anything.â
Ashley hummed again, in agreement this time. The noise of the apartment filtered out with the sound of Kaidanâs soft breath filling her ears.
She dozed off again, content to take her peace where she could. She could feel the ghost of Kaidanâs lips against her forehead as she did, a quick kiss that left her smiling.
âDonât let Wrex pick the alcohol.â Ashley muttered, sleep dragging her down once more.
She felt more than heard Kaidan chuckled at the remark. âAye aye Lieutenant Commander. Next time.â
The promise of next time sounded nice; sheâd just have to kick enough Reaper ass to see it.
