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World in Color

Chapter IV

Words : 3468

CW : War. Mentions of injury in explosion, so burns and blood and ptsd, Spooky is sad - but we are getting closer to happy times, folks

taglist : @valmare @horserad-ish @permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88

It was hell.

Spooky had seen war zones before - each equipped with their own atrocities and numbing surroundings.

But here?

He was fighting two fronts - gun in his hand, uniform soaked in sweat and stuck on his skin in the desert heat. Heart beating irregularly in his chest with every bullet ringing in his ears as he thought of her.

Pumpkin was everywhere. Her soft embrace was in the soft glow of the sun that brought the first warmth of the day. Her eyes were in the wide expanse of the sky, ever watchful. Her hair in the soft rolling sands that slipped so easily between his fingers.

How was he supposed to focus if she was all that occupied his mind?

"Hey, man - mail's come in." Miguel nudged him as they sat on base, waiting for another assignment after another grueling mission. Will sat up a little straighter, and Miguel handed him two envelopes.

Erin always wrote. Always. Didn't matter the length of the letter, she always wrote something. He set the other envelope down, reading Erin's entry. She updated him on the kids, and he chuckled as he read it.

His eyes scanned the rest of the letter. Sometimes, Erin would give an update on Pumpkin - what she was up to, maybe she had come to visit a month ago, or they had talked on the phone and she wanted to tell him how Pumpkin was doing. Ashamedly, it was his favorite part of Erin's letters.

However, this letter didn't contain anything on his love. He finished it nonetheless, brow furrowing as he came to the bottom. There was a post script note.

Erin never did post scripts.

Nevertheless, there it was :

Read the other letter. All the way through.

Will set Erin's letter down, and picked up the other envelope. He turned it over to see the return address, and his heart jumped. He couldn't decide if it was in fear or in excitement.

Pumpkin.

Spooky couldn't believe it. The ring in his breast pocket practically burned into his chest. She had been at the forefront of his mind for almost a year now, and here her beautiful handwriting was, in his hands.

For the first time in months, even though he had been living in desert heat 24/7, Will felt warmth wash over his being. It still couldn't compare to feeling her against him, but for just a moment, he had a glimmer of that sweet presence he loved so much.

The envelope was opened, and he couldn't help the emotion collecting in the bottom of his throat. He wanted to hold her. Hold her and never let her go.

It was short, but he couldn't expect a lot from someone that had been abandoned by the one person she really trusted.

Will,

I know I'm the last person you want to hear from, but I hope everything is going well, and that you're staying safe. I was just wondering if you know when you'll get to come back to the states. I'd love to talk sometime, if you're willing.

Will held it in his hands, running his thumb along her small handwriting. He could tell she had written it when she was anxious - every letter was calculated and practically perfect - she wrote it slowly, probably having written it several times before until she got exactly what she wanted to say.

"MacPherson!" The commanding officer barked.

Spooky set the letter down on his bunk, moving out to the aisle to stand at attention. He was then told to report to the offices, for a special debriefing. He left the room immediately.

Miguel finished his letter from his wife, chuckling at the picture of his little boy. Juan Miguel had so much energy, he could just feel it emanating from the picture. It was his fourth birthday a few months ago - and he was just as perfect as the day he was born.

As he turned to look down at Will's bunk, he noticed one of his letters, wide open on the mattress.

Unable to stay his curious mind, he climbed down the ladder and looked at its contents, his eyes widening. Spooky had never shared any part of his personal life with anyone, besides the fact that he had a sister, who wrote often. But this?

It couldn’t be… Spooky, in a romance?

Miguel heard footsteps again, and set the letter down in a panic, walking outside to the yard to maybe stifle the guilt.

♡ ♡ ♡

Later that evening, everyone had settled down into bed, but Miguel remained awake. His little walk had not stifled the guilt, it had only grown to ten times its size. Unable to handle it anymore, he whispered into the darkness.

"Spooky, you still awake?"

Will adjusted on the bottom bunk. He had the engagement ring between his fingers, playing with it. He hummed in response.

"Dude, I read the letter from your girl earlier. It was an accident, I promise. I'm sorry, man."

There was silence for a moment, until Miguel spoke again.

"If you don't mind me asking, what's going on there?"

Spooky was quiet for a few moments. He closed his eyes, drawn back to the moment his eyes had fallen on her. Like a carousel, their short time together played through his mind, ending much too soon as usual. The details were blurring together as time was passing. Forgetting the sound of her laugh, forgetting how her hand felt in his. He hated that.

"I loved her. But..." He could only imagine the damage his departure had left to her sweet soul. "...but I had to leave."

"Ah, you found she was cheatin' on you with some other guy, huh?"

"No." Will's voice was sharp, before softening again at the feeling of the ring between his fingers. "No. Pumpkin wasn't that way. She wouldn't. Our connection was different. Ran much too deep."

"Are you going to write her back?" Miguel asked.

Another moment of silence. He could write her back. Tell Pumpkin how sorry he was. Send the ring to her and mend the wound he had opened, promising her to return to her, as she deserved.

But there was always the chance he wouldn't return. And then, she would be even more heartbroken than before.

"No, I don't think so." Will's soft voice replied.

"I'm sorry it didn't work out, man. Deployment is hard. But with the right person, it isn't so bad." Miguel yawned.

Will was quiet. The guilt he had carried since he had left Erin's was beginning to deeply root itself in his heart. Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe he shouldn't have left her. Maybe he should have driven to her house that early March morning and kissed her senseless and slid that ring onto her left finger, where it belonged, and not taken it across the world to sit so uselessly in his pocket, burning a hole into his heart. Now, it was much too late for that.

With the right person, it wouldn't be so bad.

♡ ♡ ♡

Last day on base. They had another undercover assignment.

Spooky had noticed Miguel had been busy on his bunk writing a letter for most of the morning after drills. He assumed it was to his wife.

He had no idea it was actually to Pumpkin.

The letter wasn't long, but Miguel described Spooky's behavior, how distant and quiet he was, but also how soft he was when he had mentioned her.

I'm sorry that he won't be writing you back, I assume he thinks he's keeping you safe from being hurt again. But let me tell you this again - I have never seen Spooky more gentle than when he was talking about you.

He sealed it, and turned it in to the commanding officer.

Pumpkin deserved to know.

♡ ♡ ♡

Another year passed. Will was beginning to forget what she looked like. The way her voice carried in a room, the way her smile lit the fireworks in his heart off. He was beginning to forget her touch, that soft skin he so desperately wanted to feel against him.

It was almost his two-year mark in this desolate wasteland. The rolling sands no longer held comfort. It just got everywhere and into everything and it had a way of dulling emotion and any depth of a dream for a better future.

A future he had no idea Miguel was advocating for.

Pumpkin had received Miguel's letter, and had written back. And since then, they had become pen pals. Miguel was cultivating Pumpkin's hope in Spooky, and he jokingly told her she should name their first boy after him, which she had found amusing.

Chupacabra,

Thank you for your last letter. Your encouragement is everything to me - since we still have snow where I'm living, and you know how I feel about winter. I would love to come down to Arizona and help with your ranch sometime when you get back - then I can meet Lucinda and Juan Miguel, who I request you send my love to. I don't know a lot about them but they sound amazing.

Please take care of Spooky for me. I can feel his heart hurting as we are worlds away and I just want him to come home safe.

Miguel had become very good friends with Pumpkin, who had nicknamed him Chupacabra because she had never seen him before, and he was wanting to move to Arizona once his papers were finalized after the war. Miguel liked it, teasing back and forth like siblings would - and supporting each other like siblings as well. Through all of their letters, he insisted that all Spooky thought about was her. She just needed to hold on a little longer.

Miguel was brought back to reality as the commanding officer stood in front of them and explained what exactly they were doing as the "United States scalpel" - to remove the cancer and save the lives of the citizens without blowing the entire city away.

"We're only two klicks from the kill zone. And even though it's a dry 100 in the dark shade of this lovely evening, you will keep frosty."

Miguel's heart beat irregularly. It wasn't different than anything else they had been doing for the last two years, but something tonight was different. And while Spooky had a special assignment, Miguel was determined to keep a close eye out for anything out of the norm. He'd promised Spooky's girl that he would keep Will safe.

But, even with a few injuries, everything was going smoothly. Like normal.

Until that little girl showed up.

She looked innocent enough, a teddy bear in her arms and wearing a backpack that she likely used for school before everything had started to go downhill in her country. She was showing her teddy bear to a soldier in the middle of the structure.

Miguel kept to the edges, staying close to Spooky, and keeping his eye trained on her.

Then, when there was a lull in all the commotion, when the sound had softened, they could hear the beeping.

"BOMB!" The soldier screamed.

Miguel was already tackling Spooky before he was fully able to process and react to this information, rolling down onto the sand as the explosion crashed through the stone and set everything on fire.

It was loud, the force of the blast throwing them about twenty feet, burning their skin and knocking them unconscious for a little while.

The first thing Will could remember after waking up was the ringing in his ears. Was this it? Were these his final moments?

He focused his thoughts on Pumpkin. On how much he loved her. That soft figure he so longed to feel holding him in his final moments.

But it didn't end. He hadn't died.

Will's hearing began coming back. The screaming. The rushing feet, trucks pulling in that brought the familiar smell of diesel that made his head spin.

He couldn't move, his body in enough pain that he knew if he did, he'd be worse off.

The medical truck arrived, and they began getting ready to transfer the more injured soldiers to the hospital first. Will was on the less fortunate end of the spectrum, so he was going to be transferred first.

The soldier helping him called to the helicopter team.

"Let's get this guy out first!" He turned to Spooky, talking in a calm tone. "It's okay, you're gonna be okay. We're gonna get you out of here."

But that wasn't fair, Will thought to himself.

Miguel had saved him. Miguel was the reason he was alive. Miguel was the reason he was going to make it home to Pumpkin.

"Him first." Will whispered. He could feel the bruises forming all over his body, blood from his wounds mixing with sweat, making him feel hyper aware of how sticky his skin was.

"I got a lot of injured men, he doesn't need help as much." The soldier replied calmly.

"He saved me. Him first. Him first." Spooky nodded slightly, being as persistent as he could with his body in shock. As the moments went on, he could definitely tell something was wrong with his right leg. But for now, he pushed that aside. Pushed all thoughts aside through the screaming and the moans of pain and the deafening rumble of the equipment - so he could make sure Miguel was going to be taken care of.

“Him first.”

Even if he didn't make it out of this piece of hell, he had to make sure Miguel did. He had a family - people who depended on him.

Spooky's thoughts went back to Pumpkin. She needed him. She depended on him. She needed him alive.

The soldier called to the incoming helicopter team.

"Him too! Let's get him on board!"

Will relaxed, now trying to focus on his breathing. Miguel was safe. He was going to be okay.

They set their two stretchers side by side, and Miguel choked a little, struggling to breathe.

"T-thank you, Spooky."

"I owe you." Will smiled gently.

"Damn right you do." Miguel chuckled back at him, and for the first time since the accident, Will opened his eyes as they picked their two stretchers up and put them into the helicopter.

He couldn't look around much, but he could see Miguel sort of clearly. He was injured, but the way Miguel and the other officers looked at Will, he knew something was worse when it came to him. The lights from the helicopter were bright and hurt his eyes, so he closed them again, fighting unconsciousness back until they had made it to the hospital on base. Clean sheets beneath him, rubbing his skin and making it burn again, but knowing he was safe, he finally let himself sleep.

♡ ♡ ♡

The next several months in the hospital were grueling. Surgery had been imminent upon his arrival, and Will had been experiencing some severe PTSD afterwards.

Upon waking up for more than two minutes at a time, he was informed that he had lost his right leg from the knee down. Gone.

This only fueled his self hatred.

Miguel kept him pretty level, and they snuck out a lot to go chat or just decompress, even when they weren't supposed to.

Last night, Miguel had cried for hours over losing his copy of Watership Down. It was his favorite book, the one he had learned English with, all marked up in the margins and underlined and as a bookmark, one of his favorite pictures of Lucinda and Juan Miguel. It was lost in the explosion, but he had been told it had saved his chest from burns that could have been much worse.

So tonight, Will managed to get a hold of a computer and logged onto EBay to find him a new copy. It was the least he could do for someone he owed his very life to.

Not to mention, Miguel had told Spooky about all the letters he had sent to Pumpkin.

"Sorry, man. I know you probably didn't want me getting involved, but she had just sounded so sad."

Will chuckled softly.

"How long?"

"Oh, about a year. She's crazy about you, Spooky."

Will chuckled again.

"Oh, I'm not so sure anymore..."

"No, Spooky, I'm serious. And she's been consistent the whole time. I mean, I haven't been able to write back since..." Miguel went quiet. They hadn't been able to send letters since they had been transferred to the hospital, but their family had been notified, their belongings from base retrieved, and that had to be enough for now.

Will just nodded.

Finally. Watership Down, practically unused, and hardcover.

Hardcover. Pumpkin insisted on them.

"You see how nicely they fit together on the shelf? I mean, yeah, sure, they're a little more expensive. But even after I read it 15 times, it will still have this shape. The pages won't be as tattered because the cover can actually hold them together."

"Sold! It's yours!" The bright white screen declared in its multicolored font.

But Will's heart was still somewhere else.

♡ ♡ ♡

Despite her best efforts, even upon learning about his transferral to the states, Erin couldn't convince Will to let her see him in the hospital.

He felt bad - it wasn't her, it was about his leg. He had spent the last four weeks learning to use crutches, and had recently been given a prosthetic, which took a lot of physical therapy and practice to get used to. He didn't want her to see him struggle like that.

This morning, upon discharge from the hospital, Will was informed he was honorably released from the Marine Corps, due to his injury.

His pride was damaged in a different, almost worse way than his body had been. Something that even if he wanted to admit, he couldn't. His body could heal. His mind was something else.

He had, however, asked Erin to help him move some stuff into his new apartment. It was cheap. What he could afford on what the military was still paying him. Erin had tried to tell him to go see Pumpkin, but he just shrugged his shoulders and waved to her from the sidewalk after she hugged him goodbye.

Since he had left Pumpkin, color had begun to fade from his soul. The birds singing in the morning weren't singing. The clouds in the sky didn't hold fantastical shapes. Sunsets were no longer magical. Living became a chore.

Pumpkin had breathed color into his life, tiptoeing barefoot, planting flowers through his heart like no one else had. Or could.

Maybe that’s how he had ended up here. In front of her house, a few months after being home.

It looked almost the same as the day he had left it that spring over two years ago, but this time, the autumn breeze had stripped her favorite tree of its leaves.

His eyes wandered over the house. The porch where too many goodnight kisses were shared. That time she had tackled him in the snow. Sidewalk chalk right before the big rainstorm at the beginning of March a few years ago that had them running inside.

Will felt his heart ache. His letter’s words mocked him, knowing how he must’ve broken her heart. Erin’s first letters out had left little for him to go off of, but he knew Pumpkin had been hurt.

Then, her letter. How sweet she had been - how she wanted to talk. Maybe she still wanted to. Maybe there was hope.

Spooky went to touch his pocket where the ring had resided, and felt guilt sweep his entire being into the gutter.

No. It couldn’t have.

His mind glazed over his injury. It must have fallen out of his pocket or been lost to the explosion.

Not that she would want it anyways. Not now.

He began walking back to the bus stop. The bus back to his area would be back in about fifteen minutes or so.

Pumpkin wouldn’t want him. Not only had Spooky shattered her sweet soul, but he had ignored her letter for a year.

He glanced at his prosthetic, cursing under his breath. She really wouldn’t want him now. Pumpkin deserved a man who was whole - not someone with a bruised psyche and a peg leg.

But his steps paused, looking back at her house. The color was there. The color and the life his soul so desperately longed for. Will knew, deep down, that she would love him no matter what. At her core, that is who she was.

Will’s feet began to move again. Back to the gray. Back to the colorless, purposeless, futureless life he was beginning to build walls around.

Perhaps he could… no.

He couldn’t.

♡ ♡ ♡

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