cw : angst. faith crisis. deals with grief after death of family members. attempts to mod podge book canon and movie canon together, because in these two aspects (Alan liking kids and being married before) they don't match and I'd like to think there's a way to make them meet in the middle. alan x ellie is honored at the beginning and the end (using movie script as reference), room for a continuation with the movie series but who knows, extra extra bonus points if you can tell me the overarching theme
pairing : alan grant x maggie seawright (fem!oc)
dividers by @cafekitsune and @saradika-graphics - thanks a million!
"Hey Alan, if you wanted to scare the kid you could've pulled a gun on him, you know."
"Yeah, I know. Kids." Alan let his gaze wander back to her. "You wanna have one of those?"
"I don't want that kid, but a breed of child, Dr. Grant could be intriguing." Alan wished the sun would swallow him up as she asked for what felt like the hundredth time, "I mean, what's so wrong with kids?"
toes curling in his Timberlands, Alan's heart stalled like it always did when Ellie brought up the topic that had been a heavy weight on his heart; the only thing that he'd ever tried to bury, somehow never deeper than dinosaur bones, no matter how hard he tried. all in a moment, everything came flooding back with the emotional tide that only the dust storms of the Badlands could rouse.
Maggie.
"Hi, Dr. Grant. I'm Ranger Seawright, and I'm your escort for the day."
hesitantly turning on his heel, Alan felt the familiar constriction under his ribcage, hoping against hope that there wasn't any more pomp and circumstance hoops he had to jump through. but when his gaze landed on that freckled smile, Alan could have been swept into the sun and he wouldn't have known it.
"Oh. Hello." he chuckled, and by the way her smile widened, Alan was confident he must have pleased heaven. was he smiling? he could've picked a nicer shirt than this one. did he even own a nicer shirt?
"I've brought you lunch, since I'm sure you'll want to get right to the site." she held up a paper bag as they worked their way up the hill. "It's just a sandwich, but I'm about eighty percent confident you'll like it."
"Eighty?" yes, he was grinning this time, because the flush on her cheeks wasn't there before.
"Yeah. Eighty. Maybe eighty two, if I'm feeling extra confident."
oh yes, heaven was surely smiling on him now.
and as the days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, Alan could have sworn that the sunshine was pumping through his heart and into his veins, a slow and steady testament to a growing sense of attachment he had not been anticipating.
turning on his heel, Alan couldn't see Ellie anymore. the dust was thick, and the familiar carousel of grief began to turn.
day in and day out, she'd swept past with that smile. Alan held his breath and closed his eyes, and there she was again.
Maggie.
just as beautiful as the day he'd lost her, her shoulder length auburn hair created a halo that should have told him she'd just touched down from heaven and wouldn't stay long. but even six months into being well acquainted with her, Alan was so entranced that he could never have imagined Maggie being his forever, much less losing her.
wiping sweat from his brow with his bandana, Alan averted his gaze back to the fossil, delicately brushing some dirt from around the edges.
"You sure have brought a lot of popularity to our park, Alan. I have never seen so many visitors before you started." she continued.
"Popularity? No, I haven't done anything big enough to make a difference."
"Well, it's made some difference. To me."
tension as coarse as the sand between his toes, Alan could sense her uneasiness. one by one, she had taken his walls down and was showing him what love is. that soft, warm feeling like a blanket over his shoulders in winter, like the sun after the thunderstorms he had been afraid would knock his trailer over. yes, love was warm. inviting. safe. and she knew how to show it, knew how to fill his heart that - he had thought - had too many broken pieces to be able to fill.
looking back, it seemed almost ridiculous, how excruciatingly unaware he had been of the odds that an agreement with the national park would affect his entire life. the arrival of Ranger Seawright was something that only fate, maybe even something only God Himself could have written.
"Do you remember the day we met, Maggie?" he asked, taking his eyes off of the fossil for the first time since she arrived.
"You made that discovery of the velociraptor, over by..."
"You brought me a sandwich." her confused expression made his heart flutter, and he continued to try and jog her memory. "Don't you remember? Roast beef and provolone on rye with..."
"...mayonnaise and just enough mustard to knock your socks off." oh, that smile. Alan was certain he was a goner.
"Best damn sandwich I've ever had. Ever." he stood, holding his hand out for her to take. "Come with me. I want to show you something."
Alan paused. No, this was going too fast. The memories were swirling together like taffy, thick with emotion. But turning again, it all felt the same. Skipping what had been the most exciting months of his life, Alan felt as if he blinked, he'd miss too much. But there she was, walking down the familiar path with him towards one of the biggest decisions of their lives nonetheless. surely, he hadn't already forgotten those eight months of courting, hadn't he? this was all so vivid, so familiar that he felt her delicate fingers notched with his, even if it felt like it was starting to spin too fast.
Maggie held his hand, something Alan never wanted to forget the feeling of. for the last several months, they'd been spending more time together off hours, and he'd even got the courage to kiss her once. or twice.
as he approached the lookout point, his pocket felt heavier, and his heart began to thump wildly against his rib cage. somehow, some way, Maggie walked away just long enough to look that he was able to get into position.
on one knee, Alan felt the world on his shoulders. what would she say? everything was still so up in the air, he couldn't imagine why...
when she did turn back, the smile on her face told Alan everything. his voice was soft and low as he spoke to her.
"Maggie, just eight months ago, I had no idea that the partnership with the national park would have led me to the greatest woman I've ever met. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know making a commitment to me means you would have to leave everything for something that might pay off, and I can't offer something more than a dream right now, but I can promise you I'll love you for the rest of our lives and beyond if you marry me."
"Alan Grant, I've been waiting to hear that for my entire life. I would love to marry you." Maggie's voice caught in her throat, and the moment Alan slid the ring on her finger, everything felt right.
the dust swirled once more, and Alan wished he could just go back and feel her lips against his again, to feel that excitement for the future that he hadn't felt in a long time. but as soon as the memory had come, it had gone again with the ever familiar tide of grief.
"Maggie! Get over here, we want to show you something!"
"I'll be right back, Alan. Promise." Maggie gave his hand a gentle squeeze, standing to see what the other rangers were talking about.
Alan took another bite of his sandwich, watching her interact with her friends. there was no reason to be jealous, their engagement was well established - had been for months. everyone knew, now.Â
then why did he feel so jealous?
Maggie was so obviously his - unfailingly devoted. always had been. she was just being herself, kind and outgoing with her friends.
perhaps it was his desire to be close to her. to protect her. perhaps it was knowing she'd been hurt before, and he was trying to wish away any harm from even looking her way.
"Hey Alan, I'm," Maggie laughed, sitting back down across from him, "What's that look for?"
Alan chuckled, taking her hand in his again. knowing couldn't ever hide anything from her, his eyes met hers.
"Just feeling a little jealous, I guess. It's stupid."
"Oh, Alan. I didn't mean to..."
"No, it's not your fault. It's... you know back in school, when you held grudges or created rivalries with strangers just because the person you liked was talking to them?"
Maggie's expression softened, leaning across the table to kiss his reddened cheek.Â
"They're nothing compared to you, my love. No one is taking your place." she took a map from her backpack and laid it out on the table.Â
"What's this?"
"Yellowstone. Thought we could honeymoon over in that big yellow lodge, I've heard that's the best place to stay."
glancing over at the building where the rangers had gone into for lunch, Alan took another bite of his sandwich. "What if we just elope there instead?"
"Yeah, and then we..." Maggie caught his pensive look. "Elope? Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Put in your two weeks, and we'll elope. Just us." Alan didn't understand where this impulsive mood came from, he'd always been the kind to meticulously plan everything. but then again, Maggie had changed everything. besides, he already knew he wanted to marry her. why wait?
Maggie considered it for a moment, and nodded, underlining a number on the map. "I'll go call the lodge and make the reservation."
the ceremony had been small, simple. she'd worn something stunning, not that Alan could remember now. all he could recall was the smell of pine in his nostrils and how radiant her smile was as the officiator named them Mr. and Mrs. Grant. making Maggie his was the first thing Alan had ever been really sure of, aside from his choice of major in paleontology.
everything was beginning to really spin now, and as much as he wished he could slow it down, Alan knew he couldn't stop it. the memories would continue to rush like white water rapids through his mind until there were no more memories to recollect.Â
"Happy Anniversary, honey." Alan passed the paper wrapped gift to her, and she set her cheesecake down. how had it already been an entire year? so much had changed, but so much had stayed the same too. life with Maggie was a dream, and watching her expression light up as she unwrapped the custom pocket knife he'd bought for her, Alan never wanted to wake up.
"So we can whittle together?"
"Yeah. I know you've been wanting to learn."
Maggie studied the knife for another few moments before carefully setting it down so she could throw her arms around Alan's neck.
"Thank you so much, my love. This is wonderful."
Alan let out a soft breath, chuckling at how excited she was. "I'm glad you like it."
"Let me give you my present." Maggie pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek before retrieving her backpack and placing it in his lap. zipping it open, Alan pulled out a brown hat.
"You didn't..."
"You've been eyeing that hat for forever, my love. We didn't have enough during Christmas, so I've been setting a little money aside every paycheck so you could finally have it." her smile widened as he put it on. "It looks good on you."
"Thank you."Â
"There's one more thing in there. It's in a small box."
Alan dug back into the backpack and felt around, finding the box she was referring to. his eyes widened at a sight he'd only seen in the movies as he opened the lid.
"Are you... are you really...?" he picked it up, staring at the two lines. over the last several weeks, several groups of elementary students had come to the site on field trips, and Alan had thoroughly enjoyed every single one of them, listening to these smart children tell him about what kinds of dinosaurs they were looking at and wanting to understand the tools he used. and now, the way Maggie nodded tenderly, he knew he wasn't too far from having a little one of his own.
she'd been so sick those first few months, unable to leave the apartment very often. however, soon enough, Maggie was able to get around a little easier and came to visit the dig site during lunch a few times. Alan beamed with pride in the way she was absolutely glowing, felt protective when she tried lifting things too heavy for her, and found himself feeling a certain exhilaration as the day drew closer for baby Grant to enter the world.
"Straighten up, Doctor Grant." Maggie's lips brushed against his jaw as she finished straightening his tie. His mouth upturned in a smile as he felt the familiar little kicks against his torso. "You've got this."
"Well, I sure hope so. It'll make it easier if they ask questions at the end."
"I have a list in case no one else has any."
"Of course you do, Mrs. Grant."
despite his nervousness, Alan found that he enjoyed giving the lecture. hands raised left and right, Alan almost couldn't keep up with the curiosity of the students. So many candidates for the program, and the more students, the more funding, and the more fossils to find.Â
Alan only had to look for a few moments, and there, in the middle of everything, was Maggie. it meant more than the students, more than the funding, to see her proud expression and her hand on her bump.Â
if only the stars had stayed aligned. the weaving of his recollection began to tighten, images more vivid and in time with the rise and fall of his breath - too fast. he wasn't ready.
"Yes, all on one level." Alan listened to the contractor for another moment on the phone, humming a little as he looked over at the apartment's refrigerator, the latest ultrasound picture posted in the center. "That's fine. If you can fax the altered blueprint over to me by Wednesday, we'll call for final approval. Thank you so much."
"Alan, darling..." Maggie approached, one hand on the edge of the counter with white knuckles.Â
nearly dropping the phone, Alan quickly took her into his arms.Â
"Maggie, what's wrong?"
"I think we need to head to the hospital." what he assumed was a contraction passed, and Maggie relaxed a little. "They're going to arrive right on time."
"Must get that from me." as her eyes narrowed in that certain way he was so familiar with, he chuckled. "It's a Grant quality, I swear!"
suddenly everything seemed to stop, the gears of his mind slowing with sorrow as he recalled the last of his memories, a painful realization he knew was grief taking it's final turn.
"Ah, Ellie, look." Unable to stop himself, Alan let the memories consume him, his answers a testimony to experience for a trained ear, but to Ellie, nothing more than cheap excuses. if he turned his head, he swore he could still hear it.
"They're noisy."
Alan hadn't considered that the most beautiful sound he'd ever hear in his life would be the shrill cry of his baby girl. it pierced the tense air, taking his breath away. he hadn't even seen her yet but just the sound of her little voice had him in love - hook, line, and sinker. and seeing the doctors place that tiny little girl on Maggie's chest - Alan wanted to live in this moment for a forever.Â
he just hadn't realized that there was only so much time he had left.Â
it was sudden, the way her little voice became quiet. it wasn't the same as when they'd placed her on Maggie's chest, how she'd been so sweet and calmed and made the cutest little sounds. Alan thought in that moment that babies somehow always needed to be making sounds. he assumed his life would never be quiet again, but she was so absolutely darling and precious and his, that he didn't mind the idea.
but when the doctor's had taken her for what they'd said was routine after birth checkups, it was then that he'd noticed how pale Maggie had begun to look.
"They're messy"
the rate at which nurses that came into the room was alarming. what was supposed to be a routine clean up became chaos, people shuffling around him with wires and machines and with tubes and a myriad of equipment he didn't recognize. all Alan could see was a barrier between him and his little girl, and there was nothing more that he wanted to do than to push everyone away. he needed to see her to know she was okay.
"Alan."
his attention was diverted by the soft voice in the hospital bed. Alan knew, in that moment, he only had so much more time, and that thought alone made his heart begin to race.Â
"Maggie..." suddenly, as he realized he was nearing what was the conclusion of a season that was not supposed to end, Alan let tears spill from his eyes, the first time Maggie would have ever seen him cry. the first, and the last time.Â
"Take care of her, Alan." she whispered. Alan could hardly stand it, hearing the panicked voice of the doctors across the room where the baby was, and the slow beeping of the monitor on the other side of the bed. it was too much. "I love you."
"I love you, Maggie." Alan pressed a soft kiss to her lips.
everything after that was a blur. the room was so loud, everything so overwhelming as they had to drag him out of the room once both girls were gone. maybe he'd thought if he stayed in the room, the doctors would bring them back to him, safe and sound. maybe he'd thought that if he stayed, he could bargain with them on different ways to treat them, to try and bring them back.
but there was no bargaining to be had. within fifteen minutes, he'd lost both loves of his life, something that, walking next to Ellie who he knew hadn't known that kind of loss yet, was something that couldn't be explained. didn't need to be explained. everybody knew Grant was quiet, reserved, and there was no reason to divulge that the emotional distance didn't begin at his core, but at a scar that he refused to let heal.
"They're expensive"
it had taken everything he had in savings to bury his wife and his child. Alan refused to let his colleagues pay for anything, wanting to give his family everything he had left. he'd never considered that what was supposed to be the first few weeks of his new role as a father, that instead of picking out new outfits and paint colors for the nursery, he'd be selling the unfinished house for a trailer and picking out headstones. decidedly, he would have no permanent home without his girls.
the funeral was well attended, condolences failing to reach Alan as he watched people place flowers on the caskets. after everyone had gone, Alan reached down and placed a raptor claw on each of the piles of flowers. there were three on a raptor's foot, they'd discovered, and he kept the third for himself so he'd always have a piece of them with him.
it had taken hours for Alan to leave the cemetery. he supposed that the workers just wanted to fill the graves and go home, but they didn't understand that this was his family. this was all he had left. this was everything his heart had held, and now it was gone.
in that moment, Alan decided that if God was anything like Maggie had made Him out to be, that whoever He was, He had abandoned Grant. everything had been perfect, and now, with hardly any money left in the bank and his family in the ground, Alan found his heart far from where he had worked so hard to establish it before. how could he believe in anything good when everything that had been good was taken from him? how could he find joy in children, the prime audience for dinosaurs, when his own little girl never got the chance to learn about them herself?
turning away for a moment as Ellie called his excuses cheap, Alan sighed. he wished he could be more vulnerable, more open with his feelings. but no matter how much he tried, the whirlwind of grief never stopped long enough for him to fully let go and move forward. even with the arrival of Ellie, who opened him up more than he had in a long while, and even with the funding from the Hammond foundation to do what he loved most, nothing seemed to be able to completely fill the gap that Maggie and Lucy left.
reflecting one last time as the memories carouseled by, Alan tried to hold onto the love that felt so far away.
"They smell"
"Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Grant. Here's your little girl." The nurse placed the tiny baby on Maggie's chest, and for the first time in his life, Alan felt completely whole.Â
"Alan, look. She's got your nose." Maggie's fingers were in the baby's soft, dark hair. even with it's dark shade, there was a slight red hue to it, which filled Alan with pride.
"Still want to name her Lucy?" Alan sat on the edge of the bed, his arm around Maggie's shoulders.
"Yeah, little Lucy Rose." Maggie smiled, taking a deep breath and kissing Lucy's head. "She's got the newborn smell."
leaning in, Alan gently ran his fingers over Lucy's hand, memorizing how everything felt in the moment. the sweet smell, her soft skin, her little noises, the way she already had so much hair. Lucy Rose Grant already had her daddy wrapped around her little fingers, and Alan swore to himself that he would never let anything happen to her.
he could see life with Lucy and Maggie ahead with such certainty.
but now, faced with the loss of his girls, he had to hold onto what parts of them he could remember.
"They do not smell." Ellie laughed.
Alan's heart ached one last time as the wind blew through his hair, the claw of the velociraptor feeling heavier in his pocket as they crested the hill.
"Some of them smell." if he closed his eyes, he could still hear their breaths, could still feel his family in his arms in that one blissful moment God had granted them.
cw : The Hunt for Red October spoilers, faithfulness to canon minus two bits, sad but also not sad, use of Russian nicknames but most likely improperly, mentions of war and poverty because of communism, mentions of death, angst with a happy ending, Ophelia Wilde music inspired
pairing : vasily borodin x bea petrova (fem!oc)
dividers by @cafekitsune and @saradika-graphics - thanks a million! đ«¶
there's nothing like a Montana sky. nothing like the clouds that dance in the early cotton candy pinks of sunrise. nothing like the hint of daylight peeking over the mountains like a child, the chill still settled in your bones despite the onset of sunup. it's one thing to watch it from the dewy grasses, engulfed in the silence of what heaven must have deemed holy on the day of rest. it is completely different from a thousand foot view flyover, in your final moments of arriving at the end of a long journey that was never meant to be completed so early.
Vasily Borodin did get to see Montana. The place that had tethered his dreams like a wild mustang to a fence post, wild and free; but with an unsatisfactory conclusion, snuffed it out like a candle. It was everything that he had imagined, but only one thing remained missing. His Pchelka.Â
Bea. Bea Petrova.
it had been that soft hand that had guided his formative years of manhood. those blue eyes that had continually pierced through every barrier he had produced, tenderly folded them up like the fresh sheets from his mother's clothesline and delicately held his heart, filling his senses with the scent of lavender, soothing as the summer rains.
the romance hadn't come as many of his comrades had described. it wasn't like lightning, wasn't on a fast track, and there was no sense of an ending even being possible between them. no, Bea was the sign of his incipient happiness - in the moment he had least expected it. the best kept love is always on time.
it had been the day drills were run through the town they would be doing demonstrations in. those brave enough lined the streets with flowers and flags, but the turn out was poor, as expected with the fear the navy was striking into the hearts of not only the rest of the world, but to their own people as well. she hadn't been brave. she hadn't been cowardly. in fact, Bea had just been ordinary. they had said that girls came in bunches as the corner markets sell daisies, but there had been something, hadn't there?
yes, there had been something. it had been in the little wildflower field that had somehow remained undisturbed on the end of the little road out of town; there that he found her. there that the slow, calming feeling of adoration began in his heart like a soft ocean wave of tranquility - like he had been waiting for it this whole time, and hadn't known.
"Pardon, miss." His own voice echos across the lake at which he now stands, taking him back to the very beginning, heart feeling like a train in the incline of a mountain pass - slow, steady, nostalgic.
"Sorry, officer." She stood as if commanded to attention and stared at her feet. "I did not know curfew had changed once more. I will head home."
"Wait on." The way it had felt on his tongue was foreign - he had never been so taken by beauty, had never felt his heart stop as it did now. "Curfew has not changed."
the water on the lake began to stir, washing away the memory just as it had come in with the tide - in, and out again into the cerulean blue. the pinks in the clouds had given way to grey, darkening the mountains like an oppressive smoke. thick, dancing with shadows of things long past.Â
things had only progressed from this first meeting - learning each other's schedules, conveniently being in the same places at the same time. Bea was a breath of fresh air, a new horizon on which Vasily was certain his future awaited. he found that all he wanted to do was be with her. to be in her presence that poured light into his soul he had never experienced before.
"Officer Borodin, surely you have danced before."
"In the ruins of a church? No."
as much as she attempted to hide it, the blush that warmed her cheeks as her gaze fell to the brown of her dress as she began walking again. there it was once more - her worries bubbling to the surface, dampening her mood and submerging her into a submissiveness that Vasily felt guilt for, every time it surfaced.
it wasn't anyone's fault. it never is anyone's fault for being born to their set of parents. Vasily had just been born to a party official, and Bea had been born here. away from all the nonsense. in a way, he was envious of the innocence that this life provided - knowing what the outside world held, just within the bounds of his country, Vasily wanted nothing more than to stay in this bubble that he was beginning to call home. Marko and Natalia had taught him the truth, the hurt and the torture that the party could inflict -- it had done just that to some of the people he loved most, and he vowed to always keep his head on a swivel.
but here, as his gaze returned to Bea, the stained glass in the chapel painted her in the color he was beginning to steep into his soul every time they spent time together.Â
"You must dance in grand ballrooms with elegant women." her hands fell to her sides.
"Not any that are worth remembering. None that I could talk to." without reservation, he took her hand in his and let the other slide around her waist. "None that have fit so well in my arms."
the bloom in her cheeks was bashful now, and Vasily was certain that her heart was jack rabbiting against her ribcage just as fast as his was.
"Tell me of your dreams, Vas." her head came to rest on his shoulder.
"Have you ever read books about America, Bea?" He couldn't resist pressing a gentle kiss to her hair. it was just as soft as he'd imagined.
"I have not."
"I will have to bring you one. There is a place called Montana. I would like to live there. There are wonderful mountains, and people raise animals on the land that they own as far as the eye can see. It is one of the places the legendary cowboys reside."
"Perhaps I will have to come and visit you someday."
"Bea, you simply cannot just visit. You will come with me, and be my wife."
the sound of rustling trees brought Vasily back to the present - the sun was high, and would have been a warm solace against the cold of the snow that blanketed the ground. But, unable to feel anything around him, he supposed it was just evidence of the passing of time.
it was one of the best days of his life, dancing with her in that ramshackle church, the first time he proffered marriage. it came up constantly after the first time, planning on what their house would look like in Montana, that they would raise rabbits because she thought they would provide the most money in the shortest amount of time. they discussed everything - including children, which Vasily recalled with tenderness.
everything had been perfect, for that short, blissful period.Â
then, everything changed.
"Vasily!"
Head turning on a swivel like the doorknob of his childhood home, there she was again, waving softly at him from the front of the bakery that infused cinnamon into his list of favorite things. simple things that if he hadn't looked, hadn't ever stopped her in the field of flowers that day, he wouldn't have found.
"Vasily, what are you doing? You look lost."
"Pchelka..." Head hung low enough to touch his boots, he could hardly raise his eyes to meet hers. And in an instant, she knew, as she always seemed to.
"Vas..."
"I've been selected by Captain Ramius, love. The first of its kind, we will be sailing into history."
her gaze would not meet his, causing his heart to sink as he took her hands in his, trying to convey his affections.
"When I return, Bea, we will..."
"You may yet forget me, Vasily. My life is simple compared to..."
"I could never forget the hands that hold my heart." this caught her attention, drawing those eyes to his. "It is yours, Bea, and I intend on returning to retrieve you. We have mountains to climb, Pchelka."
this sparked that familiar fire in her eyes. Vasily had mentioned that Captain Ramius had been discussing defecting since he had received the plans for the new submarine. she just hadn't thought it was possible.
"He did find a way." the hope returned to her tone.
"He did, Pchelka. He did. And I will send for you as soon as it is safe."
But it hadn't been safe. The departure of the Red October from Polijarny had led to his unintentional desertion of the one reason his heart continued to beat.
over the course of a week, the dream of Montana and the freedom of the new world would be crushed under the weight of a restless sea. if he had known, if the relief of a handshake had truly been the end of the terror, if the persistent ache in his chest from when and where it all ended would just stop ---Â
the wind moved over the lake, brushing away the clouds from the sky as soft as an affectionate caress, and that's when the colors began.
of course, sunsets are all the same, changing shades by the quarter hour to paint the heavens until the stars can no longer hide their glow as day gives into night.
these colors, however, struck Vasily in a way that color had never done before. He could feel them seep into his being, all of the memories of Bea dancing across---
right across the deep snow in a kaleidoscope of hues, where she approached him with that same smile that he knew so well.
Vasily was certain he had to be in some form of purgatory, to have to see all of this and not be able to hold her. to tell her he loved her one last time.
but as sure as the sun was descending in the sky, Bea's hands came to his arms.
"Vas, I never thought you'd arrive." Her touch, the cadence in her voice - this was real. there was a slight warmth coming from her hands, finally bringing the cold to his senses. "Come inside, it's too chilly for you out here."
in a blink, the cabin peeked from behind the sheet of fog, the smoke billowing from the chimney, it's tall plume against the mountains the most beautiful thing Vasily had ever seen, besides what was standing in front of him.
"Bea," his throat was dry. what would he say? what could he say, now that he knew that something must have happened for the reunion to even be possible.
"I felt that you'd ask." that soft, mittened hand began to gently lead him back to the cabin. "After your departure on your ship, when news spread of the defection, soldiers had me traced, because we had exchanged letters for those few weeks of leave you had when you were sick." Bea's tone changed, dropping Vasily's heart into his stomach.
"They didn't." his voice was low, sickened by what he already knew.
"They did. I'm afraid I wasn't able to give them any more information that they wanted, because I had no more to give, and I was..." her hand came to her forehead, as if rubbing at an invisible ache. "...I think you understand. This is the way of the people we left behind."
"Bea." Vasily stopped on the porch of the cabin, taking her face in his hands. "I... I'm..." now, when it mattered, when she deserved an explanation and an apology for the outcome of her life, no words would come to him. just a deep pain, convulsing in his stomach.
"Vasily, it was not your fault. We knew things were not fair, that's why you left to go make the way..." she turned, seeing the sun still peeking over the mountain ridge. "...the way here. the way home."
pulling her into his arms, watching the final colors begin to give out to the darkness - nothing felt more natural.
I have been thinking about this for well over a week
Roman Holiday could have an unofficial (very au) string tied to Captain Newman, MD. let me explain.
SPOILERS AHEAD - for Roman Holiday AND Captain Newman MD (and triggering themes from the latter mentioned movie)
I do understand that it doesnât directly tie, okay, but it could be the saddest au to ever exist
for this to work, we have to twist timelines a bit, making Roman Holiday quite a bit before WWII. It would sort of fit, as Princess Anya could be trying to improve relations as Britain begins to see a rise in discord across Europe.
the plot of Roman Holiday could stay like normal for the most part other than the timing. Joe fell in love with Anya, and part of the reason heâs still single is because he hasnât found a love that could fill that gap in his heart.
hereâs where it begins to be sad.
Joe (ironically, Captain Newman also goes by this nickname) and Irving go back to the states. we can make up whatever reason for this - they run out of money, the media company closes due to rising tensions, they get drafted into the US military due to aforementioned tensions, Joeâs heart is broken and just doesnât want to be reminded of Anya every day and Irving refuses to leave his best friend behind - anything could work here.
years pass. Joe develops doctoral skills and goes to school to pass the time as he tries to get into actual training. Irving, on the other hand, is sent straight into training and climbs the ranks. They lose contact after a while, as their paths diverge.
beginning of WWII - Irving is sent to the Pacific theater, either as a Major who works his way to being Colonel or already as Colonel. Earns medals and decorations for his service, but as the men he sends out begin to die on every mission, his memory wanders back to the simplicity of the late night poker games in Rome, his forgotten friendship with Joe, and he begins to feel isolated, feeling a deep sense of guilt - and blaming himself for his men losing that same opportunity of friendship he had when he was younger.
Joe earns his title as Captain, and because of his education in medicine, is given the position over Ward 7 in Arizona.
Irving comes back stateside to Arizona, and itâs there in the officerâs club that the first incident happens - Irvingâs over apologizing to the random Lieutenant sparks concern in Joe, whoâd been sitting next to him having a drink, attempting to catch up on the years theyâd been apart but to no avail. He could see that Irving wasnât himself, a shell of who he once was, and requests he be grounded, hoping to help his friend recover from whatever his mental block is.
The events of Captain Newman MD follow normally - Joe is disheartened when he realizes Irving had split his personality in two, and tries everything he can to get him the care he needs, but ultimately, Irving was irrecoverable when he jumped off the water tower, which breaks Joeâs heart.
Years he wished he had written to him. Years that war had separated them. Years that he would never get back - Joe would sit on it for a long time, wondering if there was anything else he could have done to save his best friend from such a tragic end.
Not sure about anyone else but I re-read all my favourite AO3 comments when Iâve had a rough day so if youâve ever taken the time to write a deep, funny, or just kind comment, thank-you.
I was reminded this morning why I draft everything on a different app and then only post on Tumblr when I went to edit a perfectly fine (and well thought out) list of headcanons and it had gone back to a different version than the one I had saved last night
gregory peckâs most important performance is in captain newman whenever he drags out leibowitzâs name a bit, like âleibowitzzzzâ, truly he shouldâve won eight oscars for that
