“Sometimes I wonder if I deserved it. I’d allowed it to happen for so long, I can’t say that I didn’t play the part of the ‘willing victim’ well.
He was everything to me—my guiding star, the one thing that shone so brightly in my sea of darkness and I was his ‘muse’. I remember thinking, ‘He’s all I’ve ever wanted, all I’ll ever need.’ But was he really? His light was blinding. God, it was so blinding that I couldn’t see anything else. I couldn't see what was happening to me, couldn’t see what he was doing.
By the time I started to see clearly, it was too late. I was already trapped. When did it happen? When did I go from being free to being in chains? I keep asking myself, ‘Why didn’t I fight back? Why did I let him control me like that?’
‘Why was I so fucking stupid?’
The truth, the hard truth, is that he wasn’t what I thought he was. Not even close. All this time, I thought he was my light, my savior.
But in reality, he was no human at all. My starlight was a monster.”