Ellen - You're one of my 10 favorite followers! So, share 5 facts about yourself and if you bother, send the request on to 10 of your favorite followers! :D
My name is Ellen Cecilie, but my friends call me Cecilie. Only my close family use my first name as I have always hated it for some reason.
Even though I have worked with kids (and people in general) throughout my life, I never expected to be a mother. I never really thought motherhood was for me. I liked kids, but I saw my interaction with them as a profession that I didn’t necessarily need to bring home. The thought of being a mother totally freaked me out and when I found out that I was expecting twins (week 15) I laughed and cried at the same time.
My family (sister) predicted that I would mother twin girls when she was 8 years of age, and for someone not wanted kids my 18 year old me said that if that happened, I would give them away. Childish and immature, but that was how I felt…before I fell pregnant.
I have one tattoo. I knew that I wanted one, but I didn’t know what I wanted. But during the dream the word TRINITY came to me. From where I don’t know, but I just knew that I wanted the word tattooed on me. So at the age of 22 I had that done. I never understood what it symbolized to me, but when I was pregnant with the girls I understood that I would have my very own little trinity. Because I knew in my head (not in my heart) that I would be a single mum by then.
When I left Bergen at the age of 20, I never actually intended to move back home. I honestly wanted to be as far away from it as I could possibly get. But 6 months after I gave birth to the girls, I moved back “home”. The reason was simple; I wanted the girls to grow up having a close relationship with their grandparents. On a personal level I regret that every single day, but since we have no relationship with the girls biological father nor his side of the family, I do see that they benefit tremendously by the move.
I never thought I would go back to teaching ever again. When I resigned, I have had enough. Even if I love teaching, I am not really overly excited about being back. It was the easiest thing to do, but I sort of feel that I have given up on myself. Given up on my very own journey to do something else. I didn’t take a second bachelor just to go back doing the same as I did before. So I am a bit disappointed with myself.
I keep dreaming about winning the Euro lottery or any other lottery with serious money involved, and I can sit for hours day dreaming about how I am going to spend the money. But I have never bought a lottery ticked.
When I was about 20 years of age, I had an anorectic tendency for about two years. I did triple classes of aerobic, hardly ate and took loads of laxatives. I was nearly kicked out of my gym because of how unhealthy I was. I worked my way through it, and I can assure you that I don’t have any eating disorder now. But I am still struggle with the negative feelings regarding my body, and I am totally scared shitless about joining a gym. Because situations like that is a huge trigger to me…even now nearly 20 years after.
I have also done more for others then I have been willing to do for myself. I would bend down backwards for close friends, family and more importantly my kids. But I don’t do anything for myself unless someone force me to. I am so wrapped up in pleasing others, that I end up selling myself short each and every time. I know this, and I am in a constant battle with myself to claim things for myself. Like my dad said the other day: “We have one daughter that asks for help, but another that NEVER ask!”. I have blamed everyone for never offering to babysit my girls, but I never asked. I knew that they would gladly do it if I asked, but my pride wanted them to offer. I wanted them to WISH to spend time with my kids and not feel it as an obligation.
My mum and dad split up when I was 8 years of age, and being a daddy’s girl I am sort of sad that I had to grow up with my mum. I wish my dad had fought to get us to live with him. I am not saying that my mum is a bad mum, but she is as cold as they get and growing up with her left scars. I am constantly trying to give my girls what my mum never gave me. So we kiss, hug, talk and love with passion. The worse thing someone could ever say to me is: “You are just like your mother!”. I don’t hate her…she is my mother…I just don’t want to be like her.