seen from Germany
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You may seek alone time today in order to comprehend the mysteries of life. Wisdom is gained through time and experience. It is important to allow yourself reflective periods in order to truly understand what you've gone through and how it has impacted the future unfolding in your life.
New and Improved
I really should post more regularly. All while I didn't blog I had this nagging feeling I should start doing so rather than ramble on about myself all over the internet in unplanned sprees. Then I make a blog and don't use the dang thing? Dafuq? I think I also stopped rambling mostly- it's weird how much less important everything I have to say starts to seem once I have an opportunity to say it.
Motherfuckers, I am back and better than ever. Which is totally not what I expected to feel like, but I lucked out in terms of human interaction and therapy and whatnot in the past two weeks. I've also had sort of a chain of epiphanies, which I think is a relatively common pattern of growth in people and one I should be way more used to by now. I suspect that for me at least there is also a pattern of feelings that go along with it- the first few realizations always come with a deep and unshakable anger that sets me on the warpath, then I do something callous and stupid, apologize sans dignity and become lethargic and frustrated for a while.
Eventually it's like the last piece of a puzzle clicks in and out of nowhere I'm no longer PO'd, no longer grieving and no longer exhausted. I go back to my usual and far more pleasant self, with a new dimension of insight that I'm never entirely sure is worth the preceding anger and mess. Maybe next time I have a chance of seeing it coming so it won't be so ugly. Then again, maybe what I really need is to allow myself a little ugliness once in a while. I've probably earned it.
In any case, I'll take a closer look at this recent print of the pattern later. Right now, it's 4:35am and my bed is calling my name.
Chins up, everyone. Sleep tight, and stay shiny.
Perhaps, contrary to what was usually supposed, duality was the stable state; the attempt at integration, dangerous.
Pat Barker, The Eye in the Door
