#wise speech

[jadedbirch]

I read a great Buddhist teaching last night about practicing wise speech. The Buddha taught that wise speech should be true, kind, and helpful. Unlike the famous Tumblr adage of "it's true and you should say it," it postulates that just because something is true, unless it's kind and helpful to bring it up, perhaps you should shut your face. This is something we can all benefit from incorporating into our lives.

[chawsl]

[rainbowtwo]

The Communication of Empathy

‘Truth, if it is to be heard needs to be timely; awareness in our speech embraces both our commitment to speaking the truth and the context in which it is spoken. Observing a teenage girl mortifying her body so she can resemble the model of the “perfect body” may inspire us to address the truth as we see it. Do we foster a climate of time and space, in which it can be heard in the spirit it is intended, rather than criticism or judgment?

At times, wise speech asks is to say things that are unwelcome or disagreeable to others. It is our responsibility to find the time and the space for these things to be heard. When comforting a bereaved friend we may be tempted to remind them of the changing and fragile nature of all life - it is true, but untimely and probably not the communication that is needed. A friend’s house burned down after he left a candle burning. His friends in his spiritual community, with altruistic intentions, reminded him that was “Surely a test of his practice,” “A good time to let go,” “A test of his equanimity,” and a “Reminder of the need to be mindful.” All of this was true, but the communication that was needed was the warmth of a person who truly understood his loss, wept with him, and offered him a home until his house was rebuilt.’

- Christina Feldman, The Buddhist Path to Simplicity.

[rainbowtwo]

Wise Speech

‘Truth, if it is to be heard needs to be timely; awareness in our speech embraces both our commitment to speaking the truth and the context in which it is spoken. Observing a teenage girl mortifying her body so she can resemble the model of the “perfect body” may inspire us to address the truth as we see it. Do we foster a climate of time and space, in which it can be heard in the spirit it is intended, rather than criticism or judgment?

At times, wise speech asks is to say things that are unwelcome or disagreeable to others. It is our responsibility to find the time and the space for these things to be heard. When comforting a bereaved friend we may be tempted to remind them of the changing and fragile nature of all life - it is true, but untimely and probably not the communication that is needed. A friend’s house burned down after he left a candle burning. His friends in his spiritual community, with altruistic intentions, reminded him that was “Surely a test of his practice,” “A good time to let go,” “A test of his equanimity,” and a “Reminder of the need to be mindful.” All of this was true, but the communication that was needed was the warmth of a person who truly understood his loss, wept with him, and offered him a home until his house was rebuilt.’

- Christina Feldman, The Buddhist Path to Simplicity.

[rainbowtwo]

Learning to Listen

'Wise speech is founded upon our capacity to listen wholeheartedly. To listen well we are asked to learn to be more empty, to lay down the complexity of our expectations, opinions, chatter, and the agitation that clouds our minds. A Japanese master received a university professor who came to ask about Zen. The professor introduced himself with a long list of his qualifications and successes that portrayed his brilliance, and then he pulled out a long list of questions about the meaning of life and the path of Zen. The master picked up the teapot, filled his visitor's cup, and then, much to the professor's astonishment, continue pouring. The professor's watched the tea spill over and begin to run off the table onto the floor. Unable to restrain himself any longer, he blurted, "The cup is over full. No more will go in!" "This cup is like your own mind," the master said. "How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?"

The power of silence is that it teaches us to listen. Listening wholeheartedly to another we receive not only their words, but also the world of feeling, emotion, and intention that lies beneath the words. We learn to respond to the whole of another person, not just to the words that are spoken. Loving, receptive silence invited the confidence and trust of others. Learning to listen inwardly, we learn to pause before assuming any of our conclusions or opinions are absolute truths. We listen to the deeper world of our hearts and minds, too often hidden by the torrent of our words. Words born of silence are words of peace and meaning, compassion and care that span the abyss which separates us from one another. Wise speech is the greatest of all arts, learned in the classroom of silence. In that moment when story and judgment do not interfere, we discover the rich silence of listening in which heartfelt connection is discovered.'

- Christina Feldman, The Buddhist Path to Simplicity.

[rainbowtwo]

Words of Meaning

'Cultivating a voice of wisdom and simplicity, we gladly refrain from useless, idle speech and instead speak words that are meaningful and conductive to clarity. We seek to bridge the pain of distance, alienation, and loneliness through our words. We reach out to another through our speech, asking to be acknowledged, seen, and connected. A young, homeless man stands on a street corner in Berkeley, shouting, "I exist, I am alive!" Many of our words seem to hold no meaning; they carry within them this deeper need to be visible and acknowledged by others. Not knowing how to touch the heart of another and forge loving, meaningful connections, we speak words that leave us frustrated and isolated. We speak so many words to comfort ourselves, to reassure ourselves that we are not alone, yet they leave behind them a vacuum of unfulfilled loving. Feeling isolated, we drown ourselves in the idle chatter of radios, muzac, and background noise, but this does little to ease loneliness; instead it serves to agitate our own minds and hearts. Within all the complexity born of the agitated mind, we find little space to listen inwardly, to find the words that communicate meaning.

Refraining from the idle chatter is a practice of mindfulness that cultivates simplicity. Before we open our mouths we learn to pause and listen to ourselves. Pai-Chang advised, "Close your lips, and say something." What is it we truly wish to say? Is it helpful and needed? If we bring to our encounters with others a wholehearted attention, we discover that this simple, heartfelt presence weighs more than a thousand squandered words. To listen before we speak is the heart of wise and simple communication. Words that are born of deep listening are a treasure, communicating meaning, and they leave behind them a residue of love. They have a taste of freedom.'

- Christina Feldman, The Buddhist Path to Simplicity.

[rainbowtwo]

Cultivating Truthfulness

'Culturally we are not always encouraged in the pathways of truthfulness. How many industries and professions rely upon something less than honesty? We are promised that a potion will defy aging, that there is a remedy for all pain, and that a hair transplant will make us loveable. We may hear that a particular strategy or possession will guarantee success and admiration, or that a certain spiritual technique will guarantee happiness or liberation. One woman spoke to me of her decision to change her profession after becoming increasingly aware that her success relied upon her ability to convince people that they needed things that would not bring them lasting happiness, but instead only feelings of avarice and deprivation.

As we learn to speak more truthfully, we discover that being mindful of our speech is a key to becoming aware of our inner life and the quality of our relationships. Out of our commitment to honesty we discover the voice to speak for justice, compassion, and integrity. We worry less about the applause that may follow our words, are less interested in the approval and affirmation of others, and treasure integrity and compassion more than popularity. The honesty reflected in our speech leaves leaves few residues of regret or guilt in our minds. We are increasingly willing to take responsibility for the anger and fear that arises in our hearts, rather than disguising them in opinions or judgement. The peace we discover in an unclouded heart and mind is manifest in our speech, and in the growing peace and confidence in our relationships with others.

In cultivating  voice rooted in wisdom and simplicity we learn to restrain speech that is harsh or abusive, and to cultivate kindness, sensitivity, and respect in our words. Anger is a powerful emotional energy that constantly seeks an outlet. The tension that surrounds anger is sometimes so volatile and unendurable that catharsis appears to offer the only relief. Accusations and abuse directed at another become a means of relieving ourselves of the pain of our own anger. We insist on being heard, on making our point, yet in doing so we create an even deeper pain - the pain of separation and division. Our words can never be taken back and they can leave a residue of pain and fear in the hearts of another. Suppressed anger creates pain in the obsessive inner preoccupation with words that have not been said. It takes remarkable patience and compassion to find the willingness to pause before words of anger are hurled at another. At times this pause is born of the wisdom that recognizes that the only point we make in the impulsive expression of anger is that we may be a person to fear and avoid. In finding the willingness to pause and listen to ourselves before we speak, we may also discover the confidence and calmness to speak with firmness and clarity that can be heard. Kindness and compassion do not always mean that we say "Yes." There are countless views, actions, and beliefs in our world, that are unacceptable because of the harm, suffering, and alienation they breed. The awakening energy asks us to say "No" and to find the words and actions of healing within ourselves. Healing, reconciliation, and understanding are unlikely to be born of abuse. With understanding and compassion we can learn to channel angry passion into a voice that contributes to uprooting injustice.

A climate of scorn, blame, harshness, or rage is not an environment in which we find the trust or safety to listen, open our hearts, ore receive another. Faced with insults, sarcasm, or accusation, our first response is to protect ourselves, avoid our abuser, or respond with equal aggression. Engaging in harsh, abusive, or sarcastic speech, we do not invite another person to trust or listen to what we are trying to say. Anger and abuse have the power to divide people from one another. hatred grows from the seeds of abusive speech and we become both victims and perpetrators of division.

Cultivating kindness, sensitivity, and gentleness in our speech is a direct result of cultivating patience, tolerance, and respect in our hearts. Cultivating mindfulness, care and simplicity in our speech becomes a means of reminding ourselves that we live as a part of an indivisible organism whose harmony relies upon each of us living and speaking with kindness and compassion. We discover that a person deeply embedded in integrity and inner confidence has little need to shout there truths. Their silence speaks as loudly as their words.'

- Christina Feldman, The Buddhist Path to Simplicity.

[rainbowtwo]

Clear Intention

'Committing ourselves not only to honesty but also to harmony, we are aware that truth can be a weapon of destruction and alienation when it is used to assert self-righteousness or anger. Our criticism of another may be firmly based in reality and truthfulness, yet our intention is to hurt or punish them. We point out the faults and imperfections in another, convincing ourselves that we are doing it to "help" them. What is the consequence of our truthfulness? Does it lead to a deeper intimacy and trust? Does it foster harmony and understanding? Or does it lead to alienation, distance and fear? Truthfulness is a precious gift with remarkable powers of transformation, realized in the moments it is communicated, rather than delivered to deafened ears.

We may believe that as long as our intentions are wholesome and good, our words are always justified. With the deepest loving kindness and compassion we point out the flaws and imperfections of another person, but we may forget that this person has a heart as filled with fears, anxieties, and wounds as our own. This is a world not always visible to us. We are anxious to correct others, to save them from furthering their shortcomings. Yet intention cannot be the final measure of the wisdom of our speech. We may rebuke another person for their exaggeration, dishonesty, or unkindness, yet their thoughts, feelings and intentions are not necessarily visible to us. Do we truly understand why they spoke or acted as they did? Can we accept that their inner intentions may be as well motivated as our own? Do we take the time to listen before we speak?

Cultivating wise speech asks us to restrain the inclinations in our hearts and minds that express themselves as unwise speech. It is easy to exaggerate and stretch the truth in order to inflate our own sense of self-importance. It is not always easy to find the wisdom and humility to say, "I don't know," fearing that this will be mistaken for weakness or ineptitude. A Zen master was asked by a devotee what would happen to him after he died. Clearly the student wanted the reassurance and comfort of certainty, and was shocked when his teacher answered, "I don't know." Indignant, the student rebuked him, "You are supposed to be so wise, such a knowledgeable Buddhist, how can you not know the answer to this most important of all questions?" His teacher answered, "Probably because I am not a dead Buddhist."'

- Christina Feldman, The Buddhist Path to Simplicity.