Words of wisdom pulled from the lips of my favourite person in the whole wide world:
"You can't need someone, that's not healthy. You can only want someone in your life."
When the guy said this, I was thrown. At first I struggled with the idea that he'll never need me. That there will never be a point where losing me will hurt him more than he could stand. That I would probably end up needing him, and that he wouldn't ever feel the same. That loving someone was equivalent to needing them.
But then I really started to think about things. I thought about the last relationship I was in, and how much I thought I had loved the guy, how much I thought I had needed him. I'm not trying to discount how huge that relationship was, I really, truly, loved him, but had I needed him? After taking a step away from the situation, and realizing how awful he was for me, the answer was a very clear and apparent no. I hadn't really needed him, and thinking I had was a very very unhealthy mental state to have been in.
And then, I thought about Seansy. About how going a few days without talking to him feels like I'm missing a half of my person. How we click in ways that no one else really understands. But then I thought about how he's lied to me, how he's done things that have left me wondering what the hell I'm doing talking to him. How there are times when I feel so left out by him that it physically hurts me. Or at least it used to. I love the kid, I absolutely adore him. I think he's one of the best human beings on the planet, but since moving home, I've realized that I don't need him either. Not really. I would miss him, I want him around, but if he wasn't, I could survive.
This post is kind of turning negative, that wasn't the intention. I think the point is just to say that no matter how much you think someone defines part of you, they really don't. People are resilient, and strong, and naturally self preserving. My little bearded buddha was right, you don't need anybody, but I certainly love having him around.
