went to dinner with my mom and her boyfriend. a japanese buffet, one where aside from the tip you pay up front. my mom paid for the meals themselves with her card since she's the only one of us three with actual money, but she didn't have cash and i did so i'm the one that covered the tip. our waitress was good, a pretty middle aged lady, clearly didn't speak english too well but that's fine. she got me my refills quickly enough and clearly had a kind temperament, so i was happy to tip well. our food was, in total, just a hair under 60 dollars, so i did the math real quick and it turns out 25% of 60 is 15, and wouldn't you know it but i had exactly 15 dollars worth of ones left in my wallet. a little bit after i had counted, i saw her smiling and giving a piece of candy to a kid, which was so cute that i knew i had to give her the full 15. when my mom and her boyfriend were up getting another round of food, i made sure to hand over her money. she definitely seemed happy, which was really nice to see.
a little bit later, as we were leaving, we passed by her and i waved. when she waved and smiled at me so sweetly; i gave a thumbs up, and right as i passed by her she put her hand on my arm for just an instant, maybe just an eighth of a second. it's almost like i can still feel her hand. this is most certainly a rather pathetic thing to say, but this was the first time a woman i'm not related to touched me in longer than i can remember. it's just... nice, y'know? i almost wanna cry. i hope i end up with a woman like that. i'm sure she didn't look at me like that, despite having been a legal adult for years now i'm still very obviously rather young and i'm sure if she were to have the inclination, she'd absolutely have someone by now (and most likely see me as just a kid). it's just that...
well, i'd like to think i'm decent at reading people. growing up in an abusive environment, you kinda learn how to tell fairly reliably what people are really like; if they have some kind of front, how much of it is up at any given time, that sorta thing. i could well be wrong, but i'd like to think that i can tell the difference between someone being paid to be nice to me vs actually being nice, and i can't help but shake this feeling that she had a genuine kindness to her. that's what i mean when i say i want someone like that. a basic kindness that, while not wholly rare in this world, ain't exactly common either. i wanna be with someone like that, someone that'll bring out the best in me, someone who'll love me just as much as i love them, someone who i won't regret loving. it's a nice thought, at least
