Also, guess who's back in denial about my health. It's meeeeeeeee.
Considering how much mixed advice, conflicting information, and bullshit I've received lately, I think doing too much divination is making me wig out quite a bit.
Yes, I think I definitely need to fix my health problems immediately-- but as far as what I'm "supposed" to be doing with my life or what's going to happen next, I'm so fed up all I have to say is "Fuck it. I'm going to do what makes me happy and fuck everything else."
Sonia Choquette's books make me happy. They are so fucking uplifting. I'm going to internalize some of the stuff she teaches, but other than that, I'm going to take a break from asking advice from my guides and guardians for a while. The mental stress is fucking up all my mental/emotional/spiritual internal wisdom of what's right for me shit.
Ironically, I think this is part of what they've told me in past tarot readings about "over-thinking" hurting my soul. Tired of it. Tired of it.
Also, I'm Autistic and have hellofa social anxiety problem. SO. If I need to stop acknowledging and actively worrying about what beings are trying to help me and how I should react to it or thank them for a while-- that's what I gotta do to stay sane, dude. If they seriously want to help, they can help from the sidelines or get out of my way for a while. Because this living half in the unseen bit is driving me up. a. fucking. WALL.
Like, now I understand why praying is such a cool thing for some people. It's one-sided. You just ask for what you need and trust they heard you and you don't have to worry about social protocol because you don't expect yourself to be able to have a serious in-depth conversation. When you psychically hold yourself to the standards of communication and interaction you're used to in the material world, it messes with your state of mind. It's extremely DRAINING.
Fuck this. I'm drained. I've gotta replenish my batteries for a while.