#without jensen

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Drowning myself in yet another strangely good show that Jensen Ackles just so happens to be in to forget the fact that my country is falling apart :)

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A Deeper Look : Without Jensen with stephluvvsyou

stephluvvsyou is good at making us smile over the fluffy and banter filled shenanigans that Sneaky and Jensen can get into in her fanfics. Without Jensen has an adorable mix of sweetness and sadness, as it takes us through a time where Sneaky has to do without his favorite midlaner. stephluvvsyou let’s us in on how the story came to be, the importance of certain elements of it, and what she enjoyed writing the most!

1.) What gave you the idea or inspiration for Without Jensen?

A : I think really maybe I was just thinking one night of how close they really are. How you know, sometimes, like if they’ve been duo or something, and Jensen says he’s leaving, Sneaky always whines about it. Or in Korea, they always go together to the store or the bathroom (which is super cute). I think honestly I just thought they’re so happy when they’re together, and so imagine how sad they would be when they’re apart. And so I decided to put that thought into the story and try to capture how Sneaky might feel without his favorite person.

2.) What are your feelings on Jensen and Sneaky’s closeness? Because it feels as though you did portray your thoughts into the story and it came out with this feeling of how lost they seem to be without each other.

A : Yeah, I have been a long time fan of Jensen personally, so I observed a really big change I feel in him whenever he did start getting closer to Sneaky. As time carried on he became this very happy Jensen. I’m not saying he was never happy before, I don’t know him personally. All I know is that as he grew closer with Sneaky it reflected heavily within him. I think he started having a lot more fun and he had someone to share that with; not to mention someone he matches chemically very well. He kind of became very comfortable, and as a result of that, his closeness with Sneaky became something that just grew and grew into what we see today. He is always very happy, very energetic, very lively when he plays with Sneaky, or visits him in his room. We see how much fun they have at the Korean boot camps. We see sometimes that they are so close, and have such a love for one another that sometimes they can’t even really contain their affection even when they’re on camera. I think that has to mean something, because I don’t see that same level of affection for anyone else on the team. Sneaky banters and argues, and duos with some of the others, but he doesn’t feel the need to constantly tease them by putting the camera on them, he doesn’t lean over and lay his head on their shoulder, he doesn’t reach over and pull on their hoodie string, until their head is in his lap. 

There is a very different way Sneaky interacts with Jensen that indicates they have something far more special between them. The things Sneaky can do for Jensen, in a way bring out the best in him (and vice versa of course), has meant a lot to me, as a viewer and a fan of him for a while. I think their relationship has come to this place where, they are so much better when they’re together, they know that, we see that. Their synergy has overtaken their individual performances, and has kind of at this point become unmatchable and untouchable by other duos, within the group and outside the group. They are sort of each other’s light source in a way. Because if you do look at them individually, today in present time, they do still have energy and a level of happiness. But then think about what it is to watch them together, or watch them when they are duo with one another. There is a difference, and it is not the same. There is something far more powerful and stronger when they’re bouncing off one another. And I think that’s why I feel when they are separated or apart it’s a loss of that light and energy. They can sustain without one another, but it does change them to be without the other.

3.) Can we go into the depth at which Sneaky sinks when he is without Jensen in the story? Take us through the process of writing his downward spiral.

A : Well, in the story when Jensen leaves, or actually really even the night before where the story starts, it’s already affecting Sneaky in this way that he’s dreading it, and he knows it’s coming, but there’s still this feeling within him that he knows the next day when he wakes up, his most favorite person in the world is not going to be there. And try as he might to brace himself for that, he cannot seem to be ready enough for it’s inevitable happening. I think for Sneaky, as the days progress and as time goes, he’s losing more and more of that warmth that Jensen leaves with him. That happiness, that energy, that only can be provided by Jensen. You’re addicted to the way a person makes you feel sometimes; so happy, so content, so peaceful and so relaxed, so comfortable, so complete. But when that high wears off and it’s been a while since you’ve had those feelings, you start to suffer as a result. You start to feel empty, and that there’s something missing. You start to get desperate, and search for ways to make it go away. Ultimately when you can’t find those solutions, you retreat within yourself, within this place where you kind of shut everything out because you don’t know what else to do, you just want whatever is happening to stop. I feel like Sneaky is that kind of person that wouldn’t just go to one of his other friends and have an outpouring about the way he feels to them. Of all my time watching him stream, he just doesn’t seem like he’s that type of person. And because the one person he would go to is gone, that option is removed from him. So instead he just kind of shuts himself down, and hopes that time goes by faster, or that somehow he’ll get a “fix” if Jensen texts or calls. But no matter what he tries to do, he becomes incapable of dealing with Jensen’s absence, because he is the primary source of his happiness, and he’s not there.

4.) We see Sneaky’s teammates attempt to help him from time to time throughout the story. But their help doesn’t actually seem to work much, or for long. What was the importance of still having these things happen?

A : It was a very important thing that the rest of the guys were trying to help. Although you see the results of their attempts were very temporary or very slight, they still very much served as a “keep him from drowning entirely” type of help. Sometimes that can be the best help, the one that keeps your head above water. Even if it’s very temporary, it’s what keeps a person from completely falling into the deep end of their thoughts. The person teeters on a very slight edge, and walks a very fine line when they are this sad, or this down. And the people who can come in and just simply keep them from falling into that is such a completely important aspect of it. And Sneaky is very aware that they are trying to help, and he is grateful for it.

5.) Last week I talked to tianhuo about The Five Stages of Sneaksen (which I know you are a fan of), and we talked about how important Meteos was in that story. You also have Meteos in the story, but you portray him in a completely different way. What makes your Meteos different than the one from Five Stages?

A : I’m a huge fan of tianhuo. She is amazing! And the way she wrote Meteos in her story is absolutely perfect for the type of story she was telling. I think she really did such an excellent job with him, there was an extreme element of realism to his character, and I can only hope one day to be able to capture that kind of character essence. The thing that makes Meteos different in my story though, I feel is really probably the content in which the story contains. I wasn’t telling a story about Sneaky and Jensen getting together, and what others might feel like about it. I was telling a story where there’s already a very strong relationship between them. And while I do touch ever so slightly onto Meteos’ thoughts about Sneaksen’s closeness, that’s the extent of it because I feel like wherever we are in the timeline of the relationship, Meteos’ mourning over if he did have feelings for Sneaky has already long passed, and he’s moved on to a place where he’s happier and content again. But it works out in every way because he is still very much Sneaky’s friend, he’s still on the team, so he’s going to be concerned and going to try and help out in any way he can when Sneaky is feeling this way. He knows Sneaky is sad because Jensen is not around, and he knows there’s nothing he can do really to “fix” the way Sneaky feels, but he’ll try, because he knows what’s not good is that Sneaky is letting himself slip into an emotionally dark hole. 

6.) We didn’t get as big an insight to what Jensen may have been feeling throughout the story as we did Sneaky. How do you feel the separation was for Jensen?

A : Oh Jensen was definitely miserable I think too, though, he was with his family and had a lot more that could distract him. But yeah I mean, he didn’t like being apart from Sneaky just as much as Sneaky didn’t like being apart from him. I think he probably had different ways of handling it, but that didn’t make it any less significant. And once he caught wind of how Sneaky was being affected by it, it just made things so much more like, urgent on his side of things. He would hear from Meteos or someone else about how Sneaky was just sitting at home in bed all day or on the couch, and this deeply distressed him, but to the point I think he felt he had to be the stronger one between them. His concern kind of overtook him because when he would call or text, he already had an idea that Sneaky was not feeling very happy, and he’d do what he could to change that. So he was able to kind of work his emotions into a place where he could focus on helping Sneaky, or relieving him a little, as opposed to focusing on how much he himself also missed him. I mean, we see in the beginning that Jensen takes Sneaky’s waifu pillow with him, and he gives the excuse that it’s because Sneaky was sleeping on all of his pillows when he left, but, in reality, it’s not really even about that. Jensen took Sneaky’s pillow because he wanted to have something of his with him. So that maybe it would ease some of the pain of missing him as well. So, as I stated, Jensen definitely missed him just as much, he just had a different way of handling that.

7.) What was your favorite part of this story to write?

A : Well there were actually 2 things I really enjoyed writing about. One is, that I loved writing the scene where Sneaky went into Jensen’s room. I don’t know why, but something about that I really liked because I just liked the idea of Sneaky wanting to be there. He was attempting to “feel” Jensen somehow by surrounding himself within the walls of where he’d find him when he was there. It’s almost the same concept as Sneaky sleeping in Jensen’s bed some nights, because it just calmed him down, it just made him feel relaxed. Just to be within Jensen’s presence was something that Sneaky loved and enjoyed, and I just liked writing a Sneaky who was searching for a trace of him. Even when Jensen wasn’t there, Sneaky wanted to be in his room to try and find those feelings that made him feel at peace. And then the other scene that I loved to write was at the end, when they’re laying in bed together. I know it’s mostly banter and what not, there’s not a whole lot of descriptive detail, just the two of them exchanging dialogue, but it made me feel like I’d given the best closure I could to them, and to the story, because they were together again and exactly where they wanted to be.

8.) You incorporated a lot of their real life habits towards each other into this story. Does doing things like this - having this element of realism ever restrict creativity as far as where you can take the story?

A : I think that it can, in ways restrict it yes, because for me, and the way I write, I always do want to keep those real life types of behaviors in because it’s what I know of their character so well. The way they tease and argue with one another is something that I’ve seen happen so much by watching them stream that, that is the thing, the part of them that I can keep in character. I’ve never thought of myself as a very strong writer, and I don’t have time to really sit down and hammer into something super deep and extreme. I can’t really grasp that element of being able to write them in a way that could put them in a scenario that I’ve never seen them in and still be able to write the two of them convincing enough to their true character. Because I think you can write real people into things like fan fiction and take them out of character to a point where they are experiencing something very crazy or emotional, something you’ve never actually seen them do, and still manage to nail something close to reality. But to do that I think you have to have a really great grasp on personality, a deeper understanding of what they’re type of personality is like in those situations, and it’s just never been my strength in writing to master that kind of depth. So yeah, I think the type of writing I do, which is so fluffy and light-hearted, does restrict me from going into those deeper areas because I do choose to sacrifice depth for familiarity. But it’s what I’m most comfortable with writing because it’s what I know of them. But I know there are people who can do both, and I have a lot of admiration for people who can write at that level.

9.) Are there any different types of scenarios you’ve thought about writing?

Yeah I’ve thought of all kinds, and I’ve drabbled some random things before just to see how they’d turn out or what not, but haven’t really, like I said in the last question, had time to sit and do any deep writing, or make anything out of the ideas. One particular idea I’ve had is a type of trauma of sorts to befall one of them, just because, I’ve really wanted to try my hand at writing a comfort type of piece. I think a lot of sweetness and warm-heartedness can come from something like that, but alas, I’m good at talking myself out of pursuing those kinds of things. I handle change well but I’m even better at convincing myself to stick to what I’m familiar with, if that makes any sense. Maybe someday though I will throw caution to the wind and just do it anyway!

10.) Sneaky and Jensen accidentally lock themselves in a closet together, and no one else is home to let them out. What happens? First thing that comes to mind, go!

Really? LOL! I was not prepared! Okay let’s see, I think first they argue obviously because, if it’s Sneaky that accidentally locks the door, there’s no way Jensen doesn’t go through “tilt” mode. If it’s Jensen that accidentally locks it, Sneaky is sure to call him a dumbass. So I assume first there is banter. Do they have their cell phones on them? Or were they left in their room? Well, if we’re functioning under the impression that they don’t have their cell phones…Wow, you know? I think after they’re done arguing and calling each other names, they’ll surprisingly be okay. They’re really content in one another’s company, and though I think depending on how long they’re in there, they may or may not grow bored at times, but still overall I think the more entertaining part comes from when someone finally does get there and let’s them out. I mean, how do you explain that happening to the rest of the team without getting an immense amount of questions and teasing thrown at you? Not to mention all the jokes that would surround being “let out of the closet”….

Big thanks to stephluvvsyou for giving us some of her time, and thank you for brightening our days with your adorable fanfictions!

To read Without Jensen, click here.

Next week christinebrillon will be talking with us about Tension! See you all then!