Dear Olivia-of-May-2003, Hey there! So, don't freak out, but it's me. I mean, it's you. Like, I am you, just a few years older than you. Like, almost thirty but who's counting. I know you have questions. Will we become famous Broadway stars? Will all the people who bullied us and teased us and made us cry die in a freak tornado the minute we leave Indiana? Will we *ever* be able to pull off yellow? I cannot answer these things. These are questions which, if you had the answers to them, might create a rift in the space-time continuum and end up causing an endless war with the Klingons. (Ok, fine, you got one answer: we are still a huge geek. But you're not surprised are you?) I know you're busy. In a month you and Mom will pack up everything you own and move from Indiana to New York City, Concrete Jungle Where Dreams Are Made Of. (Yes, I know it's grammatically incorrect; believe me if I could change it I would. You'll see what I mean.) A lot is going to be different there. It won't be the fantasy you've conjured in your mind. But it will make you a stronger person, and it will get you where you need to go, even if I can't tell you where that is because of the whole Klingon-war-Armageddon thing. It's also going to be frightening there. There will be a lot of sex, drugs, alcohol, and Starbucks going on around you. There will be times when you are frightened. There will be times when you are elated. There are times you will be despondent. I'm sending you one thing from the future: a book. It's called Exit, Pursued By A Bear and yes, that is a Shakespeare reference. Good for you, you theater nerd. You've been really lucky: you've never felt unsafe in Indiana, not really. That will change in NYC, and you'll realize that there is a side to humanity that you didn't know existed. You'll realize that being a woman in the world can be a terrifying thing. You'll learn to not make eye contact with men on the street, to walk in groups, and to always pour your own drinks. I am not sending you this book to make you scared. The world is a scary place and it can do that just fine on its own. I'm sending you this for a few reasons. One is to show you that it's so, so important to listen to and support other women, especially when they are victimized by violence or vitriol. Another is to show you that even in times of your greatest struggles, good friends will stick by you and help you get back on your feet. Surround yourself with people you can count on. Don't let the pressures of your peer group force you to accept anything less than respect and love from your friends. Be kind and generous, like you always have been, but make sure to find friends who reciprocate. Kick the Leontes of your life to the curb and find your own Paulina. Finally, read this book and realize that 1 in 3 women will experience sexual violence in their lifetime. These are your friends, neighbors, and classmates. You may never know who they are, but they are there. Be their ally, even if you don't know who they are. Do not let sexist language go by unchallenged. Shut down slut shaming and police your own speech. Cultivate a culture of consent and accountability. I know I've gotten real serious here. Just remember that at the end of the day, your female friends are the best resource you have. You're about to embark on an amazing journey, full of highs and lows, good coffee and bad fashion choices. Your friends will be the ones who will be by your side, and they'll be the ones who call you at 3AM when something terrible has happened. You'll do goofy, gutsy, garish things with them that will make up the fabric of your life story. I'm just passing back a book to help you start out right. Good luck! Olivia-of-the-future P.S. For the love of GOD do not buy that magenta off-the-shoulder sweater. It belongs in the 80's and should stay there. You will regret that thing and its appearance in FAR too many pictures circa 2003-4 for the rest of your life. Trust me.
