tags ୨ৎ college au, mutual pining, strangers to friends to lovers, slow burn (?), enough fluff to give you all cavities
roommate! sophia ♡ ⁀➷ shoots you a message pretty much immediately upon receiving your email address. right off the bat she’s incredibly nice, and it doesn’t take long for you to feel comfortable talking to her.
the two of you get to know each other through text: talk about your academic and social goals, the clubs you plan on joining, which is how it is revealed that sophia is nothing if not ambitious - already planning on getting involved with the student government. you joke about abusing your roommate privileges to have her cover for you, and the filipina claps back saying that she’d make you do her laundry in return.
roommate! sophia ♡ ⁀➷ pulls you into a tight hug when you first set foot into the room, which in and of itself isn’t at all impressive, but the presence of your now-roommate makes it feel a lot cozier than it actually is.
you unpack together, accompanied by the music from sophia’s playlist. it doesn’t take her much time to burst into song. all progress is halted, as you sit down to watch her perform ‘defying gravity”, as both glinda and elphaba.
roommate! sophia ♡ ⁀➷ ‘s decoration skills prove to be quite impressive, as only a couple of days into the new living arrangement, she’s already finished hanging up fairy lights and the posters of her favorite musicals on the walls. from how nicely her side of the room is set up, one could mistake sophia for an interior design major, though no amount of compliments helps her from feeling that something was still missing.
after some deliberation sophia finally comes to a conclusion that you simply have to get a plant to freshen up the space, and promptly asks you if you’d be willing to “co-parent” it. you of course agree, and before you know it, she’s already brought home a pot with your shared “child”. sophia names it todd, and from that moment on todd becomes a permanent member of your little household.
roommate! sophia ♡ ⁀➷ frequently asks for your advice on what to wear, even though you can’t offer much input other than saying she looks gorgeous in everything, which in hindsight, is maybe what she liked to hear from you.
roommate! sophia ♡ ⁀➷ who doesn’t go out on the town too often, but when she does, she always gets the kind of drunk that makes her want to profess love to every stranger, let alone her friends.
on those nights the filipina comes back to the room too giddy to contain herself. she unintentionally, but quite adorably can’t help but collide with a couple of pieces of furniture on her way to the bed. all the while you to try to hold in a laugh, as to not let the girl become aware of the fact that she’s woken you up, knowing she’d sit there apologizing for the next half an hour if she were to find out.
roommate! sophia ♡ ⁀➷ knew that you had a guitar from all the texting you did before meeting, and looked forward to hearing you play, even though you were feeling too shy to do so. but alas, sophia’s undeniable charm eventually breaks you into playing some songs for her, which you’re nervous as all hell to do, as the filipina is a musical theatre major afterall, and your skills in both playing the guitar and let alone singing, are definitely not up to par to what she’s used to.
you can hardly keep your voice steady while playing the first song, but sophia pays no mind to it. her eyes are glowing with excitement all the way through it, and at the end she gives you a standing ovation, making you blush aggressively while putting the guitar back into its case.
roommate! sophia ♡ ⁀➷ cooks filipino dishes when she has the time, always setting aside some for you. she jokes that it’s just to broaden your “criminally limited” pallet, because she is “morally opposed to letting you live off chips and water”.
roommate! sophia ♡ ⁀➷ facetimes with her family very early in the morning, because of the time-difference, and apologizes profusely for waking you up when she does, but you’re never mad, because it makes you happy to see her happy, even if it is to a bit of a detriment to your sleep schedule.
roommate! sophia ♡ ⁀➷ gets extremely stressed out with all the exams, because of her perfectionist nature. her usually healthy sleep schedule diverts into something horrendous, as she pulls multiple all-nighters to learn all the material.
it comes to a point that you have to tuck her in at night, so that she gets some sleep during this time. and when she inevitably aces all of her exams, sophia bakes you chocolate chip cookies as an apology for having to deal with her, but you make sure she knows that it was of no bother at all.
roommate! sophia ♡ ⁀➷ who flies over to see her family over the winter break. she still stays in touch with you by sending lots of pictures of all of her pets, and all the things she gets up to over there. upon finally getting back, she, of course, comes bearing gifts, and predictably doesn’t take no for an answer when you try to refuse.
roommate! sophia ♡ ⁀➷ who takes great care of you, when you unexpectedly get sick right at the beginning of the spring semester. she makes sure that you stay hydrated and reminds you to take your medicine.
sophia tries her best to make you feel better by recounting numerous stories of the funny/dramatic things that have happened during her classes, lighting up like a christmas tree, each time she does manage to make you laugh.
roommate! sophia ♡ ⁀➷ who at some point, while still coming to terms with her feelings for you, realizes that the two of you live and act like an old married couple - nagging each other endlessly about the smallest things, like you constantly forgetting to take your vitamins; falling into unspoken routines like sitting down to watch a movie every sunday or how you always grab her favorite snacks while grocery shopping without having to be asked.
just existing around you becomes second nature to her in a way no one could've predicted.
roommate! sophia ♡ ⁀➷ pulls you into a kiss when she sees you stuttering through a rehearsed confession, and reassures you that she feels the same way and it wouldn’t make things awkward in the slightest, because she trusts you and the relationship you’ve already built as roommates.
it doesn’t take the two of you long to make things official after that, as you turn out to be equally head-over-hills and obsessed with each other.
roommate! sophia ♡ ⁀➷ makes sure to take advantage of every opportunity she has to cuddle with you post-confession. she looks like an adorable kitten nuzzling her head in the crook of your neck, frequently falling asleep in this position after busy days full of classes and rehearsals.
roommate! sophia ♡ ⁀➷ who gets teary-eyed trying to leave for her flight back home, devastated at the thought of you not being close to each other for such an extended period of time, but you hold her close, assuring that everything is going to be okay, and that you’ll call her so many times a day that she’ll get sick of your voice.
still emotional, but feeling a little better, sophia gets on the plane, already having started a timer in her head, counting down the days until she can see you again.
Mugshot Monday - “Skinny Blue Mug” by Gary Wolff at Wolffworks with Lemon Ginger Hot Toddy
Check out this SUPER SKINNY coffee mug! My coworker Natalie gave it to me after seeing it at Wolffworks Artisan Gallery in downtown Nevis, MN.
Natalie and her family recently bought some land near Nevis, a tiny town of 400 people east of Park Rapids, MN. The gallery was one of the cool shops she discovered while exploring the area.
Nevis is a close-knit town that Gary Wolff grew up in. He and his wife Marsha were teachers in the area and now own and operate an art gallery where they sell their own art as well as work created by other area artists.
Gary is a potter and painter while Marsha is a mosaic artist.
Their plan was to retire and just start making art and that’s exactly what they did. However, they didn’t know what to do with all the art they created, so they opened an art gallery and started selling it.
I’ve never seen a mug with this skinny shape and I love it. Check out that super cozy thumb rest that’s in the shape of a bison. 😀
This was the perfect vessel for my ginger hot toddy on this lovely bright and sunny February day.
Cheers! And thank you so much for the awesome mug, Natalie!
See also my 500+ photos from the Mugshot Monday project here: www.MugshotMonday.com – Every Mug Has A Story
synopsis ♡ ⁀➷ you've always been sort of an outsider, so when megan - one of the most popular girls at school - asks you out, you can't help but assume it was a prank and reject her. well, it turned out she wasn't joking, and now you've gotta do a project together. good luck!
tags/warnings ♡ ⁀➷ high school au, swearing, immense self hatred, self-gaslighting, r has self-destructive tendencies, hurt/comfort, mostly fluff, minimal use of "y/n", comedic if u think im funny
wc ♡ ⁀➷ 8.2k+
now playing ♡ ⁀➷ Love Me Anyway - Chappell Roan
new school - new you.
that was supposed to be the case, anyway. but just as many other things in your life, that mindset didn’t last. it was no different from one of those stupid new year’s resolutions - seemingly doable to start with but abruptly abandoned at the sight of the first hurdle.
the truth of the matter was that probably nothing could change you at this point. not a new start at this school and not even a reincarnation. it sounds so emo and pathetic but you’ve been kind of a social outcast for as long as you could remember - at the previous schools, among peers and even in your own family. keeping to yourself at gatherings or mostly not attending them at all, over the years you’ve managed to rebuild the great wall of china around yourself so as to hold the defences most effectively and when there was no one to defend against from anymore, the wall remained as the only sure thing you had left.
you tried to draw in as little attention as possible, hiding in plain sight by wearing only oversized hoodies, accompanied by the giant noise-cancelling headphones at all times. school felt like just another chore to get through, just to get through it, praying to whatever higher entity there might be, that the wrong people wouldn’t notice you, as you’ve been bullied before and it was never a nice experience, however mild and immature.
it never felt right to you, how the most popular kids were almost always the perpetrators of bullying. the ones with the most social capital and influence on their hands, were very likely to abuse their power over ones weaker than them. it made you feel sick, and after seeing it happen at many other schools, you’ve long lost the ability to tolerate this kind of thing, even if confrontation was very far from being your thing and could definitely become a source of unnecessary attention.
at the end of the day it was a question of priorities: was it more important to protect your peace and bear it or was it worth the hustle to stand up for yourself? though thankfully you haven’t had to confront this dilemma yet, as you’ve been pretty good at not peaking those bastards’ interests. but under the mask of indifference, you could feel the anger boiling over in your very bones, knowing that the next time it happens, you wouldn’t be able to be rational and hold it in anymore.
which, you can imagine, is exactly what happened and after a french class of all things - the one class where you took genuine enjoyment in the subject, despite your obvious aversion to school as a whole. but none of it mattered in french class, only there you felt free to talk as you wanted to and to be active in the discussions, almost letting your guard down at times.
after your first french class at the new school, a girl that you had recognized as also having attended it, had barely caught you in the hallway, after you had jolted out of your seat immediately as the bell started to ring.
looking at her, you could immediately recognize the girl as a part of the local popular crowd and now you could recall an incident that happened during this class, where this girl and her friend were harshly warned by the teacher to stop talking between each other. you could have sworn you caught them looking at you then.
“hey!” she said, smiling, as you turned to face her, “you’re y/n, right? it’s really cool that you know french so well. how’d you learn? i’ve been taking it since forever and the conjugation still gets me,” she spoke very quickly at you, to the point it took you a second to process everything. the confused look on your face must have been really obvious, as the girl in front of you had visibly changed her expression, “i’m megan by the way!” she added, realizing you didn’t know who she was.
“oh, hi,” you answered, still suspicious of whatever was going on right now, “yes, that’s my name. i just kinda watch movies and stuff so if this is about tutoring, i won’t be of much help.” the look you were giving her could not have possibly been read as friendly and you were hoping it was enough to make the girl leave. evidently though it didn’t work.
“no no no! i wasn’t gonna ask you to tutor. it’s awesome that you learned this way though!” megan was really quick to deny your assumption. she visibly faltered and looked to her friends, who were observing the interaction from a distance, peaking out from behind the girl, for reassurance before continuing to speak. “you just seem really cool and would you like to maybe grab some coffee with me after school? like as a date?”
what.
never in a million years could you have guessed that this would occur when you woke up for school today. and you weren’t even believing it now.
how could this even happen? surely the sheer sex appeal of the french language couldn’t have pulled that off all by itself.
this was hands down the nicest interaction you’ve ever had with somebody considered popular. from what you’ve gathered in the short time you’ve been here, megan was actually a co-captain of the cheerleading squad. her and her friends were the ones throwing parties and presumably doing all the other stuff popular kids did. you haven’t been around for long enough to actually see much of their doing and you weren’t the one to seek out that info either. who knew that this lack of curiosity would become the reason you couldn’t even gauge the situation properly when you needed it most.
but even then, you’ve seen enough to know that people like that could be deceivingly nice, when it benefitted them. and even though the girl standing in front of you was incredibly beautiful, with her pink front pieces framing her face and giant puppy-like eyes looking at you, seeming to genuinely care about whatever you were about to respond with, she was probably just acting in order to humiliate you. that must have been the reason behind it all.
megan’s friends were actively whispering while you were still frozen in stunned silence. you accidentally locked eyes with one of them and pulled away your gaze immediately, having finally fully decided how to respond.
“is this a joke? if so, that’s not funny. you can tell your friends it failed and leave me the fuck alone,” you tried to speak firmly, as to not let the mask of confidence slip. these kinds of people fed off of big emotional reactions and you weren’t about to give them one, which is precisely why you turned around and left immediately, not even having waited for a reply. simply because you didn’t need one, enough of your time and sanity was wasted already and you weren’t about to miss lunch due to this.
the rest of the day was thankfully as uneventful as usual, though you definitely felt a bit uneasy after that whole interaction. expected or not, these kinds of incidents always shook you up. it didn’t help that the next class you had was with one of megan’s friends and the absolute death glare she was giving you was distracting, even mildly threatening. though fortunately this class was going to be your last for the day. you were actively day-dreaming of leaving almost the entire time, only to be awoken by the sound of the bell ringing, which made you fly off the seat and out the door so quickly, that one could have thought there was a fire.
though shockingly, you were once again stopped in the hallway and this time it was one of megan’s friends, the one that wouldn’t stop shooting death glares at you.
oh not this again.
you couldn’t help but let out an exhausted sigh at the sight of the girl, who seemed to be seething with anger.
“hey, so, just so you know. what happened earlier wasn’t a fucking prank and i don’t know what made you think that but you must be fucking miserable. now i hope you sleep well at night, knowing that you made an innocent person cry.”
the girl stormed off right away, just as you did earlier that day, leaving you speechless in the school hallway, trying to piece yourself together after the confrontation.
none of this felt even remotely real ‘cause how could it? to think only that you haven’t even survived a full week in this school, having already made an enemy.
maybe she was lying? to save face and to make you feel bad for the rejection. that could be a real possibility but it seemed to be a tad too elaborate and you weren’t in a movie after all. besides, the anger aimed towards you seemed to be genuine. the fire in her eyes was just short of burning you up to a crisp right there. but that would mean that…
oh
so megan was just nice to you. she really thought you were cool enough to ask out and you turned her down in the most insulting manner imaginable, while overall just being incredibly rude to someone that has done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment.
an overwhelming feeling of dizziness had overcome your senses as you desperately tried to leave the premises without falling apart.
you made her cry. how could you? and if anything, her friend didn’t chew you out hard enough.
after all that judgement, it turned out that you were the asshole that needed to be judged. maybe the problem was always you - messing up everything that comes in contact, ruining everything by being too goddamn weird to have normal relationships or friends. unloveable. undeserving of love to begin with and too fucking stupid to see nice people being nice and just believe them, like a normal person would.
having to go back to this school every day was certainly going to be horrible now and you it felt as though you deserved every bit of it. like the freak of nature that you were.
•┈••✦ ♡ ✦••┈•
the next month dragged on by very slowly, as you were still not over the incident. and how could you even get over it, if megan and her friends were always visible in the school hallways, during the assemblies. everybody always talked about them and how good they were at everything, as their whole group was heavily involved in a bunch of the extracurricular activities, one of them even being the literal student body president.
your once favorite subject and an escape - french, had become torture as you couldn’t bring yourself to participate, knowing megan was near, perceiving you, still thinking that you are a terrible person.
but there was seemingly nothing you could do to fix this. you felt as though the suffering was more than justified, knowing what you did and you just couldn’t bring yourself to apologise, fearing only making it all worse and as though you didn’t deserve forgiveness anyway. at the end of the day, you believed that megan would probably want nothing to do with you and leaving her alone would be the best you could do at this point.
alas, fate had other plans.
the next assignment that you had to do for french class turned out to be a group project, which was already bad enough. but to add some more salt to the wound, pairs were pre-determined and unable to be changed for literally any reason.
and of course you got the one person you’ve been trying to avoid - megan skiendiel. your heart must’ve stopped when you saw her name in the list, right next to yours. it read as a death sentence.
this couldn’t be. not after the incident. the whole scenario seemed to be tailor-made by the universe specifically so that you would suffer the consequences of your actions to the fullest extent. and goodness gracious was it working as intended.
feeling like the responsibility to break the ice was on your shoulders, you had decided to be the first to bring up the project and came up to megan after the class. with her friends right there and still staring daggers at you, you could only hope one of them would just murder you right there and then and end this torture.
“hey, megan. i know you probably don’t wanna hear from me but do you mind if we talk about the project?” you approached the girl very carefully, as if she was a stray cat you were trying to feed. conscious of your every move, trying the best you could to not seem hostile, unlike last time.
“okay,” megan responded as her friends had stepped away to give the two of you some space.
“look, i know that chances are i am the last person you would want to do this project with and to make it easier on the both of us i was going to offer for me to just do all of it. you wouldn’t have to do anything other than presenting. does this work for you?” you finished the speech, nervous as all hell. trying to seem put together didn’t work. with your palms sweating and heart racing your fate was left up to megan’s mercy and her big brown eyes seemed as though she could see right through your soul.
the girl had looked at you shaking her head no to your suggestion.
huh?
you’ve used this kind of scheme many times before, notably with people who didn’t even have a reason to be mad at you, unlike megan, never having received pushback until today.
“umm, thanks but no. we’re going to do the project together, as intended,” she said with her tone firm and steady, “are you busy this friday?” you nodded hesitantly in response, “great, then you will come to my house,” megan handed you over her unlocked phone, “here, put in your number i’ll text you the address,” you put in the phone number practically on autopilot at that point, too shocked to think or say anything, let alone to object, “see you there.”
megan took back her phone, a suspiciously wide smile adorning her face and presumably went back to her friends, leaving you with a loss for words. in no world could you have prepared for this turn of events. was megan going to bring you down to her basement? what kind of medival torture methods did she have prepared? why could she possibly want you to be anywhere near her house if not to have you waterboarded?
by the time friday came, you’ve already gone through all the ways this could go wrong in your head. preparing for the worst possible outcome, be so just having an insanely awkward time doing the project or actual death by a thousand cuts or something like that.
before you knew it, you were already standing right by the front door of megan’s house, patiently waiting for her to come get you.
you could hear her running down the stairs and towards the door, your heart racing in anticipation. chances are, she could probably already hear it, as that’s how loud it seemed to you.
“hi, y/n! come on in,” she finally opened up the door, again, looking surprisingly not like a person who would want to kill you in their basement. you were surprised to see her wearing glasses, as she never did so at school and even more surprised by the way you felt drawn to her like never before right in that moment. and that scared the fuck out of you.
you must’ve been standing there staring at megan for a minute, as she had finally said something, pulling you out of whatever trance you were in, “hey, you gotta hurry. we ain’t got all day, right?”
“yeah, right, right… sorry i got… distracted,” you could have sworn she smirked when you said it, but visual hallucinations didn’t seem that out of the question by then.
upon you finally properly entering the house, megan had grabbed your trembling hand and swiftly dragged you up the stairs and into her room.
“we can work here,” megan said, sitting down on her bed, “since i only have one desk and all, i hope you don’t mind.”
“no, of course i don’t mind,” you sat down right beside her and took a deep breath before saying what was long overdue at that point, “by the way, i’m really sorry for what i said. i don’t have an excuse or anything, that was very rude of me and i don’t expect you to forgive me.”
megan turned her head to face you, looking at you so pitifully with her big brown eyes, one could’ve thought it was a kicked puppy she was seeing and not you. she reached down to feel your hand with her own, causing goosebumps to come all over your body, “listen, y/n, i really appreciate you saying that and i forgive you.”
“but…but…”
“no buts, from what i’ve seen, your apology was really sincere and i can see that you're not a mean person, so i forgive you,” she smiled as if there were no holes in her logic. you couldn’t believe how simple it all seemed to be for her.
“what?” you said with a baffled look on your face, “why are you so nice to me, megan? i don’t deserve it and you know that better than anybody.”
she rolled her eyes at your response “omg, y/n, who are you to decide what you do or don’t deserve? as far as i’m concerned i have the right to disagree and you can’t stop me, because you really are nice,” she grinned like a baby that’s just been given candy, which seemed more psychotic to you than anything, “now with that out of the way, can we start on that project?”
“yeah, totally…,” you responded, sheepishly pulling the study materials out of your backpack. and the angel that was megan, she looked through everything with genuine enthusiasm, comparing your notes with her own, trying really hard to read your very bad handwriting. it all felt like a dream to you - a nice dream that you would inevitably wake up from and everything would go back to normal.
a thought had crossed your mind that after years of moving around and progressively becoming more and more isolated, you’ve lost your faith in people. forgot that they could be kind and now that megan had reminded you of that, you didn’t even know how to proceed, what to do with yourself. how can one even be a normal person around someone like this?
a few front pieces that had fallen out of the ponytail were framing megan’s face as if it was a renaissance painting. you couldn’t get your eyes off of her the whole time you were studying, even catching yourself sneaking glimpses of her while she wasn’t looking, like some sort of creep. so pathetic and easily-swayed by even the slightest hint of kindness. pitiful.
in the meantime, the project was coming together quite nicely, even though the gap in skill between the two of you was very evident while working on it. you tried the best you could to help megan catch up by fixing her pronunciation and explaining some of the more challenging vocabulary.
“wow, i can’t believe you thought i’d figure this all out by myself by just reading the file,” she said while going through the finished product. “that would honestly be more annoying than actually doing this damn project.”
“well, maybe that was a bit of a miscalculation on my part,” you shrugged your shoulders in response, “though to be fair, i thought you were a little better at this.”
“okay, damn, now i’m the disappointment,” megan threw her arms up into the air, ”well, then i thought you were a little cooler, so now we can both be disappointments together,” a mischievous grin had spread across her face as she said it, you could tell she meant no malice by that observation.
“yeah, i guess so,” you couldn’t help but smile right back at that psycho, “my “french persona” can be quite misleading now that i think about it.”
“well, i don’t think it’s misleading per say, just a more confident version of you, but i like this one too, it’s kinda cute.”
“oh.., thanks,” you could feel the blush coming on and tried to turn away, so as to not embarrass yourself even further.
what bothered you the most about megan is that she said these things so casually, as if it didn’t mean anything, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and you were somehow the only person not privy to it. you couldn't even decipher if she was doing this on purpose or not at this point.
maybe that’s just how she is with everybody?
you thought, completely ignoring the fact that you’ve literally been asked out by her before. that part still didn’t feel any closer to real, even a month later.
“listen, are you hungry? i’m craving mcdonalds really badly,” megan remarked all of the sudden, “do you wanna go there, like right now?”
“yeah, sure. it’s kinda late though, do you have a car? ‘cause i don’t.”
“oh, yeah, baby, i’m such a good driver, you’ll be so impressed.”
you raised an eyebrow at megan’s confidence, not really being able to differentiate if this was sarcasm or not, “well if you insist.”
the both of you were out the door in record speed, making sure to sneak past megan’s mom, as, quote, “she’s gonna ask you a million questions and is going to insist you stay for dinner,” which seemed so sweet. it made you think that maybe that’s where megan inherited all her good nature from, though the question of why she was so feral, was still open.
you got into the car, dramatically unprepared for what was to come, but it didn’t take long for the engine to start roaring. turning to see megan, she looked a little crazy, giggling to herself and overall just seeming a bit too excited for a regular drive down to get some mcdonalds.
the car took off so suddenly, making very sharp turns getting out of the driveway. you tried to hold onto anything, as to not fly out of the vehicle on one of those turns. it was clear then that megan was being sarcastic about being a good driver. your stupid ass didn’t think to warn her that you get car sick easily and it was too late to turn back now. if you were going to die from nausea right there on the way to mcdonalds, at least it wasn’t that bad of a way to go. at least megan seemed very happy being behind the wheel, breaking the sound barrier with her car was probably just another hobby of hers, for when she got tired of dancing, singing, acting…
you would’ve probably found her confidence really hot, if it weren’t for your gut doing backflips in the meantime. megan didn’t even seem to notice the fear in your eyes right until she has already parked in the mcdonalds parking lot, finally turning her head to face you, immediately terrified:
“omg, are you unwell? omg i’m so so so sorry,” her voice frantic and full of worry.
“it’s okay, don’t worry just let me–,” you flung open the door of the car to get some fresh air and threw up on the ground immediately as your feet had finally touched the surface. you stood there, too embarrassed to face megan, who at this point had already ran out of the car to help you.
“are you okay? do you need water? something else? i’m so sorry i didn’t realize i’m–,” she didn’t get to finish panicking, as you had suddenly cut her off by breaking out into maniacal laughter, likely from being overwhelmed by everything, though even you weren't sure why it started and only knew that you were laughing hard enough to knock all the air right out of your lungs and make your chest hurt. every time you tried to stop, it only got worse, to the point that megan couldn’t help but join you in the hysteria. so the two of you just stood there laughing in an empty mcdonalds parking lot like a couple of crazy people.
upon finally stopping your eyes met, lingering silently for a second before you averted your gaze, coughing off the awkwardness, “sorry, i don’t know what that was.”
“no no, you’re okay. i get it,” she said, while also trying to pull herself together.
“do you? i don’t think i do,” you confessed, earnestly, looking for an answer in the cracks in the pavement, unable to meet megan’s gaze.
“i stressed you out too much i think,” she remarked, surprisingly serious for a second, but changing her demeanor to the more cheerful one you’ve come to expect from her in just a moment, “…with my driving and all.”
“yeah, i’m sorry i didn’t warn you about that,” you sighed guiltily.
“no, sorry for saying i’m a good driver, that's like an inside joke between me and my friends, i kinda forgot that you might actually believe me.”
“well, then i guess we both fucked up.”
“yeah. we did,” you both chuckled.
“well, are we going to get some mcdonalds or what?” megan had broken the silence.
“yeah, let’s go,” you uttered, just as megan had grabbed your hand and started to borderline skip her way towards the mcdonalds.
due to the car sickness, you weren’t actually even hungry anymore, but megan insisted on getting you a large coke and some nuggets to go, so that “you’d eat them once you get better”. she insisted on paying for everything as well, claiming it was her repaying for the emotional damages accrued during the car ride, though you had a sneaking suspicion that she was planning on doing that regardless.
and when you had to leave the building to get some air, still feeling nauseous and all, megan had grabbed her drink and burger and took a seat on the curb right next to you. in fact she sat so close that you could feel your thighs rubbing together. before you could even properly think about it, worn out and incredibly sleepy, you put your heavy head on megan’s shoulder while she was telling you all about the latest drama happening in her dance class.
you’ve never felt this comfortable with a person as you did in that moment, listening to the sound of her voice, the smell of her perfume overcoming your senses. all of the previous nervousness was gone. too tired to overthink, you had finally let your defences down and allowed yourself to just enjoy the warmth of megan’s company.
you could barely move one leg in front of the other by the time the two of you were ready to leave and inevitably, as soon as your head had hit the headrest, you were already dozing off, so megan had to wake you up upon finally reaching your house. she shook you awake gently, her eyes trying to meet your gaze.
“hey, unless you’d like to sleep in my car, it’s time to get up,” you giggled, rubbing your eyes awake.
“yeah, thank you, megan, for the ride and the food and everything else,” you could see her smiling, even though your vision was still cloudy from the nap. you couldn’t imagine a sweeter sight to take in. the street lamp’s light adorning her just right, looking all soft and caring.
“bye, megan,” you had to cut the thoughts off before they went too far.
“bye, y/n,” she uttered as you closed the car door behind you.
megan had driven away into the night, but a tingly feeling in your stomach had stayed behind as a reminder of her presence, lingering on for a little too long, as you were making your way to the comfort of your bed. and even then you could still smell a hint of megan’s perfume on your hoodie, from when it was pressed up against her in that parking lot.
you haven’t fallen asleep as quickly and painlessly as on that day, since you couldn’t even remember when, comforted by the memories of being understood for once. you wanted with all your being to keep that feeling forever but a rational part of you knew that it wouldn’t last, that as soon as you woke up the next day, the anxiety and the fear would take up the reins once again.
•┈••✦ ♡ ✦••┈•
the morning after the hang out, you woke up feeling really giddy, with the memories of last night all the sudden flooding back into your conscience. even the embarrassing moments didn’t overshadow the butterflies you got while thinking of how megan reassured you and how special she made you feel.
nothing about how she was acting felt forced. not her niceness, not her dorkiness, not the way she cared for what you had to say and that scared you the most out of everything.
you had something there. a hope, a promise of something. having absolutely no clue what that something would entail. the pull you felt towards megan was akin to the gravitational force. and the question was only would you be brave enough to allow it to draw you in fully, or forever stay in her orbit, just far enough to never see this relationship through.
the next week in school was the one promised to have all the answers you were hoping to get, be so in a satisfactory manner or not. either way you felt your anxiety sky-rocket far above its normal levels in anticipation.
having texted back and forth with megan over the weekend, only solidified the conclusions you made about her earlier.
the girl was like an angel that had somehow gotten lost on her way to heaven. she started with asking about how you slept the night she dropped you off and whether you were feeling better at that point. then it quickly devolved into continuing the discussion you started the day before, as well as initiating new ones. one could think you’ve completely gone off the rails with how widely you were grinning at the messages, borderline breaking a sweat while writing responses, so as to not let it show just how inexperienced you were in this kind of thing.
you just about died when she sent you a video of the choreo they’ve been learning in dance class. it was embarrassing, really, the way your jaw dropped on the floor upon seeing it, and even more embarrassing were the thoughts rapidly shooting into your head, seemingly trying to end you all together.
once you had taken a breather and calmed down a bit, the only thing you could think of was whether or not megan sent it in hopes of getting such a reaction from you, whether she knew it was a nuke she sent your way or didn’t mean anything by it. because that couldn’t possibly be the case. or could it? your brain was still too fried to tell. it was as if she had broken something within you fundamentally, and maybe, just maybe, it was a part of the defences you’ve worked so hard to build over the years, but then again - brain too fried to tell.
the next time you met was in the school cafeteria, as she made her way to your table, with her tray in hand and everything, making her intentions clear from the start. the confidence oozing off of the girl frightened you in a way, but was surprisingly more exciting than anything. it was in that moment that you started to truly understand why dogs act the way they do, as if you had a tail, it’d be wagging right now.
is that weird?
“hi, y/n! mind if i sit here?”
“hi, megan! yeah, of course you can,” you speedily moved some of your stuff out of her way.
you could feel the cold stares of everybody in the room, confused at why megan sliendiel would even bother talking to a loner, such as yourself, but, weirdly none of it mattered to you much. it was only the girl sitting right in front of you that you cared about.
the two of you had spent the entirety of that lunch break talking, to the point that you didn’t even get to finish some of your food by the time megan’s friends started to drag her out of the cafeteria, so she wouldn’t be late for the class.
“see you later,” she blurted out, scurrying to gather her things.
“yeah, see you later,” you responded, now also in a hurry, but surprisingly unbothered by the possibility of being late.
and just like that the two of you had separated from each other, leaving to go into different directions. though however many times you could try to deny it, something had shifted in the air ever since that encounter. whatever it was you had going on wasn’t going to start and end with that stupid french project, in fact it wasn’t mentioned once during that lunch break. and the rest of the time leading up to it would only confirm this suspicion of yours, as from that point on it seemed like nothing could separate the glue that held you and megan together, to the great shock of everybody at the school, but mostly just yourself.
you texted before and after class, talked during every break. this friendship had been developing like a whirlwind that you’ve never experienced before in your life. to the point that her friends were probably sick of you stealing megan away within just the first couple of days, but for what it was worth, they didn’t seem to be angry with you anymore, which was a relief.
by hanging out with megan for a little bit now, you’ve learned just how surprisingly nerdy she was for being this popular. she was an outlier in every single aspect, within this demographic you’ve come to know as cruel and stupid, though she certainly did possess the charm to be in the position that she was. megan was so charming in fact, that you even agreed to having her teach you how to play fortnite, which wasn’t at all the type of game you’d usually go for, but you didn’t mind, if it meant that megan would have to play co-op stardew valley with you in return (a much more stressful game, clearly).
but regardless of how nice of a time you’ve been having with megan, you could still feel a hint of tension in the air when you were together and the fact that you had butterflies doing cartwheels in your stomach every time you as little as brushed shoulders with the girl, didn’t help the situation at all. and that happened often, as megan was a pretty touchy person and your touch-starved self could hardly handle all this new sensation coming your way. and you tried your best not to assume megan’s intentions but the way she was looking at you for a little too long at times, you could have almost thought that she still liked you in a way that wasn’t platonic.
all the while, the time to defend your project had come and gone, and obviously, it was the best out of all of them and got each of you an easy a+, which megan seemed to be extra thrilled about and subsequently infected you with the same excitement, even though it didn’t seem like anything special to you at first.
“since we did such a good job,” she said, after the class, beaming with pride, “we should get some celebratory mcdonalds!”
“oh, no… megan, i don’t know how to drive, do you want to kill me this time?” you were being sarcastic (not really), though the memories of that drive still haunted your nightmares and made your stomach churn.
“no no no! i’ll be really careful this time. i swear on cassie’s life!”
cassie was the name of her dog, whom megan loved very much, so this must’ve been really serious for her. and even taking that out of the equation, you couldn’t help but fold and agree. it was megan after all and it didn’t take much for her to convince you of anything, especially when she looked so cute doing it.
“okay… but if i die, you’ll be held liable!” you let out an exaggerated sigh.
“oh, c’monnnn, you’re a tough cookie, a drive to mcdonalds isn’t going to kill ya, is it? i drove you back just fine that time,” she said, playfully ruffling up the hair on your head.
“you know what? i think i changed my mind–” you said, while making an attempt at an escape, but megan was simply too strong and you had found yourself unable to flee, as she drew you in closer, interlocking your hands in the process.
“no no no! i was kidding! you can’t back out now, you’ve already agreed! i’ll take such care of you, you don’t even know.”
you walked together to megan’s car, holding hands the whole way there. and even though you’ve become semi accustomed with the girl’s touch by then, holding her hand, especially publicly, felt weirdly intimate to you. which is precisely why at some point on the way to the car your hands started sweating profusely and you could only pray to god that megan wouldn’t notice or just hope that she didn’t think much of it.
upon getting into the passenger seat, you fastened your seatbelt and reclined it slightly, just in case. and even then you must’ve looked terrified, as when megan finally turned to face you, after fastening her own seatbelt, she made sure to try and reassure you again, “it’s going to be fine, y/n. you can even play your own music,” she put the aux cord into your hand, “since you’re my passenger princess and all that.”
“wow, that’s too high of an honor for me, m’lady,” you jokingly made a bowing gesture at megan, “won’t sophia be mad if she found out i took her position?”
“she’ll live,” megan brushed you off, backing out of the parking lot, “yoonchae’s about to get her licence, so she could be her passenger princess. besides, you know, sharing is caring, and she’s had plenty of time in this prime position, hasn’t she?”
“guess so,” you smirked devilishly before delivering the next “zinger”. “speaking of guess..,” the intro of “guess” by charli xcx and billie eilish started to blare out of the speakers on full volume.
megan giggled and the two of you immediately started to sing along, without even a slight care that someone might hear you. all shame was left behind in that parking lot and all of the sudden there was no place for overthinking in your head anymore, there wasn’t much space for anything in fact, other than “guess, guess, guess, guess”.
as promised, megan was a lot gentler with her driving this time: she tried to not take any sharp turns and didn’t accelerate too much at the traffic lights and her efforts were paying off. you did not have the urge to throw your guts out and at the end of the day that was all one could wish for.
having finally reached your destination, you got out of the car unscathed. megan didn’t say anything outright but the look in her eyes could give away the “i told you so” from a thousand miles away. and the sad part was that you couldn’t even argue with that, since it was the truth. you indeed were fine and didn’t feel like dying, unlike last time.
when it came to the food, megan insisted on paying, citing some bullshit about how you did all the heavy-lifting on the project but you didn’t let her get another word out and just put down your card very quickly, not willing to listen to any more excuses.
megan’s mouth fell agape at the bold move you just pulled, “woah, you sneaky little bastard. i owe you now.”
“god, no you don’t,” you tried to protest but it fell on deaf ears.
“no, no, i do. and how would you want me to repay you?” she smiled mischievously, intensely holding eye contact, which alone was stressful enough, but she was also closing the distance between you. the air thickened. your heart skipped a beat, or even several at the sight of megan’s lips being so close to yours. you couldn’t help but stare and megan had seemingly taken notice of that fact, which made you want to crawl up inside your own skin and die right there and then, but you managed to hold it together well enough to respond.
“you can’t repay me, megan. you’ve done enough!” your voice was more akin to a chihuahua’s bark – clearly trying to be threatening but failing miserably at it.
“okay… i’ll figure out how to repay you… it’ll be a surprise, just you wait!” she backed off and you felt like you could finally breathe again. for now.
you proceeded to a table, as if nothing had just happened and started your normal chats back up again, both parties choosing to not acknowledge whatever the fuck that was, and maybe that was for the best, as you had no clue what to even say, if confronted. and you doubtfully would even be able to get a single word out to begin with.
even though by the time you were both done with your meals, the incident seemed long-forgotten, the tightness in your chest still lingered as a reminder. and an effective one at that, as it had lasted you the whole way back, even through all the singing that you and megan did. although it would seem that nothing could overshadow the singing, judging by the sheer volume at which it was happening.
upon finally arriving at your house, megan had jolted out of the car, and before you could even say anything she had already opened your car door, with a blindingly smug grin on her face. you sighed, defeated, “megan, what the hell are you doing? i can open my own damn door, i’m not that helpless.”
“i know! but since you are my very special passenger princess, you deserve to be treated like one!” she reached her hand down, helping you get out of the car, like the proper gentlewoman that she was, which is also why she made sure to walk you right to your door, never having let go of your hand.
the two of you just stood there awkwardly for a minute. you tried the best you could to not stare at megan, but failed instantly, having your eyes unwillingly wander to her lips.
she’s so distracting.
you thought, not even paying attention to the way they seemed to be getting closer and closer to yours. hence, when they finally met you were caught majorly off guard and pulled away immediately, not even giving it a moment to process.
you must’ve looked like you’ve just seen a ghost, not saying anything but with your mouth agape, still in a state of shock.
the second you pulled away megan all but jumped back, putting some distance between you, “i’m-m-m sorry. i shouldn’t hav-v-ve,” she stuttered out.
“it’s okay… bye…” you waved to the girl as she started to walk back to her car.
•┈••✦ ♡ ✦••┈•
the moment you saw her speed away into the sunset, you regretted everything that had just occurred on that front porch.
you liked megan. and you liked her a lot. enough that just a thought of seeing her again made you wanna get up in the morning. enough for you to go through her instagram regularly, just to feel something. enough to drop all your plans and gather all the social energy you could in order to text with her at all hours of the day. but apparently not enough to kiss her back..?
why do i have to be so fucking stupid?
the most perfect girl had fallen right into your life, immediately interested and you rejected her twice for no good reason either. there was absolutely never a good reason.
ughhh…
but the truth of the matter was that no matter how obvious megan’s flirting would have become, you would still never have believed that she meant it, as you were still yet to reconcile the fact that someone like her could like you in that way, that you were even likable at all to begin with. and look where that thinking had gotten you to?
you wholeheartedly thought that megan would for sure never want to speak to you again. why would she? a fucking moron like you didn’t even have much to offer to her to begin with. and now you’ve only made it a thousand times worse.
the weekend following this fiasco was pure unadulterated torture: presumably as soon as megan had gotten home, she texted you, apologizing further and you, of course, accepted, though, being still emotionally overwhelmed by the whole thing, you chose to not continue the conversation, citing your need for space. and even though your reasoning was completely valid, you thought that if megan somehow still didn’t hate you, then now she would for sure think that you want nothing to do with her and hate you then. subsequently, that thought had made you spiral even further down into the gutter, triggering all of your insecurities to assemble together into some fucked up avengers that were only there to ruin your life.
you clung onto your dog for comfort, as, in truth, she was the only one you could seek support from at that moment and just like that the weekend had passed and you were forced to be faced with megan and the consequences of your actions yet again. and now, just like last time, you were in dire need of growing the balls to actually approach the girl and beg and plead for her forgiveness in the way that she truly deserved. but you weren’t sure if you’d be able to utter even a single word in her general direction at this point.
trying so desperately to do what’s right and not chicken out again, like the fucking coward that you were, you, surprisingly took the initiative into your own hands and texted megan the following:
you: hey, megan. meet me after class if you want to talk
she responded almost immediately, the notification sound startling you.
megan<3: ofc, ill be there
your heart was moving a thousand miles per hour, approaching the spot where you were supposed to meet megan. another minute passed as you were waiting patiently for the girl, palms sweating and all. when she had finally arrived you predictably froze up, all of the sudden unable to even start on the apology speech that you prepared. megan saw you hesitating to speak and took it upon herself to be first.
“listen, y/n. i’m very sorry for what happened. i really should have asked you before attempting anything and that’s my bad for misreading the signs. it’s fine if you don’t like me like that, we can still be friends, if you would still want me as your friend that is. and i understand if you don’t–”
“no, no, no,” you cut megan off, baffled at the absurdity of what was going on right then, “you have nothing, and i mean nothing, to apologize for. you didn’t misread any signs and i’m just incredibly stupid and thought that you were the one who didn’t like me anymore, because of how much of a fucking idiot i am. and i wanted to kiss you then, i swear i really did, but i was so confused i–,” it was your turn now to get cut off, as megan had pulled you into a kiss.
not repeating the mistake you made last time, you only pulled the girl closer, until there was no space left between your bodies. the kiss itself was hungry, ravenous, with so much pent up emotion behind it from your side, emotion that kept you going for way too long, even as tears had started to run down your face, even as all the air in your lungs had run out. you pushed through and clung onto megan for dear life up until the moment neither of you could breathe anymore.
“don’t call yourself a fucking idiot ever again, do you hear me?” megan said, her voice still shaky from the kiss. she gently wiped away the tears from your eyes, which only made you want to cry more but you managed to hold it together enough to nod in response.
“i’ll try.”
“i’ll make sure you won’t,” megan said, sounding more like herself now, a smug smile rising up on her face as she saw you cheer up a bit.
you knew she meant it and this time, unlike all the other times, you had the gull to actually believe her.
a/n ♡ ⁀➷ this one is special, so I hope you guys enjoyed it, cuz i probably won't be writing anything this long for a while lol
synopsis! waking up the morning after your sister's new year's eve party you didn't expect to be faced with your crush, let alone for her to help with cleaning..? but there's a first time for everything.
pairing! sophia laforteza/gn! reader
tags! fluff kinda, pining, high school au, cheerleader! Sophia, reader overthinks everything
wc! 3k+
now playing! New Year's Day - Taylor Swift
it was the morning after the new year’s eve party at your house. looking around and seeing a bunch of confetti all over the floor and red solo cups set on every available surface, with a few spills alongside them, you could only imagine it would probably take the better part of the day to make the house look even remotely presentable.
this kind of thing unfortunately went along with having a popular cheerleader for a sister, who seemingly had the whole school on speed dial, ‘cause as soon as your parents left the house, a mob of people would appear out of nowhere on your front porch. and as much as you didn’t appreciate all the intruders, it’s not like you ever had a choice in the matter and it’s not like your parents even cared, as long as the house was clean when they got back.
this time wasn’t particularly different or eventful. it was only 10 am when you woke up the next day, as you didn’t stay up long after midnight hit, unlike your sister and her cheerleader-friends, who likely partied for far longer and decided to stay the night at your place. as was evident by one of them (danielle? daniela? you couldn’t remember for sure what her name was) being soundly asleep on the couch when you came downstairs.
you made a cup of coffee for yourself, breathing in the fumes as you slowly drank it all, savoring the peaceful moment, as you were going to start cleaning the space when the drink ran out. and just as it did, you heard someone making their way downstairs, clearly trying to be sneaky, but failing as the creaking of the stairs gave away their game pretty immediately.
you took a moment to think about who it could have been, all the guesses to have been proven useless, as sophia laforteza had rounded the corner right in that moment.
not even tessa - your sister knew of this, but you have kinda been quietly crushing on this girl for a couple of years now, since first seeing her at a cheer practice you visited to support tessa when she first started cheer a couple of years ago. bearing witness to the way sophia moved and the passion she clearly had for the sport felt religious in a way. and the more you knew about the girl, the more you fell for her.
over the years you’ve found out she is also a member of the creative writing club and that she somehow still makes time to participate in the musical productions at your school. she seemed so kind to everyone, making sure all of their concerns were heard and nobody felt excluded from any activity she took part in. the people’s princess. last year’s prom queen. sophia felt completely unattainable with how perfect she seemed to you. and it’s not even like you had the balls to do anything anyway.
“good morning, y/n. i see you’re up early. i hope we didn’t interfere with your sleep too much last night”, her voice was quiet and gentle, be it from her sweet nature or the fact she had evidently just woken up. the girl smiled softly at you, with her hair all over the place and a sleepy look in her eyes.
“hey, good morning to you too. it’s okay really, i’m used to this by now”, you shrugged at the older girl’s concern, “why are you up so early though? i thought you guys settled down at like 5 am or something.”
“well, you’re not wrong. it’s just i think the smell of coffee woke me up, to be honest,” you sighed guiltily, feeling quite awkward now, “don’t feel bad though!” sophia quickly added “it’s all good, seriously! i don’t feel that tired anyway.”
“oh god, i’m sorry. let me make it up to you, i can make some more if you like,” you said, sheepishly looking at the other girl.
“i’d love that!“ sophia grinned, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “but y/n,” she took a hold of your hand from across the counter, squeezing it lightly as a wave of shivers had come down your wrist, “it really wasn’t your fault, dear. you’re being far too considerate for how loud we were last night and i really appreciate it.”
you had to fight the urge not to freeze up as sophia was continuously caressing your hand, all while holding steady eye-contact for a little too long. you swore you could feel the temperature in the kitchen rise right in that second. if this was the only thing she said to you for the rest of time, you would be happy with that. and especially being called “dear” in that mesmerising voice of hers, would for sure never get out of your head. never in a million years.
the silence had only lasted a brief moment, but it seemed like an hour had already passed in the second it took you to collect yourself and respond.
“oh… thank you… i think…?” you murmured, gently getting up from the chair and slipping your hand away from sophia’s, praying to all the gods that your voice didn’t sound too shaky. “i’m going to start on your coffee now! it won’t be long,” you said and smiled awkwardly, trying very hard to mask the nerves.
“alright then! i’ll go freshen up if you don’t mind.” the older girl pulled away from the table, making her way to the nearest bathroom, finally giving you a chance to be able to take a deep breath in her absence. despite the fact that you’ve technically known each other for years, you two have never had an actual conversation, that being entirely your fault, as you hardly went to the cheer practices anymore and in general just didn’t go outside very often, leaving little opportunity to talk with sophia. crushing on her from a distance felt safe, comfortable. nobody could take this from you and nothing bad would ever happen if you didn’t have to confront your feelings head on.
exactly this kind of thinking left you with no plan of action at that moment. standing frozen in thought, barely able to keep any kind of focus on the coffee. this is what you got for being such a coward for so long. you could only hope the prayers worked, because only divine intervention could save your socially-awkward ass now.
and just like that the coffee was already done. your hands still shook slightly from the interaction with sophia as you poured the treasured liquid into a mug, setting it on the table carefully, alongside a slightly stale croissant you had just found at the back of the fridge. afterward, feeling like you’ve done your part in being a good host to sophia, you decided that it was finally time to start cleaning the damn house. your parents were going to return later that day and you still intended on reading the book you had just started. all to say that the clean could not be responsibly prolonged anymore.
sophia was still occupying the bathroom when you started picking up the cups off the floor, making sure to move quietly, so as not to disturb the still sleeping daniela (is that her name?). there was still a bunch of confetti to vacuum, though that would have to wait for the above-mentioned reason. some burnt sparklers were thrown out in the process, along with many other little things. while picking up trash you unintentionally zoned off into your own thoughts, paying very little attention to the surroundings, which is why you flinched so hard and almost yelped when sophia had put her hand on your shoulder after seemingly appearing out of nowhere.
you looked at the girl still sleeping on the couch and sighed in relief of not having awoken her. you’d feel horrible otherwise, even if you weren’t the one snoozing on someone else’s couch but that’s besides the point. tiny bit panicked but mostly surprised you finally turned to see sophia. she certainly looked more alive from when you saw her last. with a neat ponytail on top of her head and a considerably more confident demeanor.
“hey, sorry for scaring you, i totally didn’t mean it,” you could see how genuine she was in the look that she gave you. “thank you so much for the coffee and the croissant, i’m feeling a lot better now,” sophia smiled warmly at you in gratitude. “mind if i help you out a bit with this? where would you want me to start?”
you were completely taken aback by the offer as you were so used to handling everything yourself. no friend of your sister’s had ever asked to help before and you were pretty sure that as the unwilling host you were not supposed to even let sophia think about such things.
“oh, no, it’s really okay, sophia,” you tried to act as nonchalant as possible while politely brushing the girl off. “i’m managing just fine and you’re a guest afterall.”
“oh, c’mon, y/n. i literally slept over at your house. being just a guest isn’t an excuse i will allow,” she scoffed at you. “you won’t stop me from helping, i only asked to be nice. now where do you want me to start?”
“well, if you insist, then over here will do,” once again taken aback from the older girl’s confidence you hesitantly pointed in the direction of the hallway. “don’t do too much though. we need to leave some mess for tessa,” it was clear at that moment that sophia wouldn’t back down so a joke was made in order to lighten the tension between the two of you.
sophia let out a slight chuckle as she was making her way to the hallway, “good one, y/n.”
and so you continued to clean the living room, making sure to catch a glance at sophia every once in a while, in case she needed any help or for other reasons, who knows. even picking stuff off the floor she looked like a swan princess walking on water. gracious and elegant as ever. you couldn’t believe that she was basically half asleep at the kitchen table not even an hour ago.
the house was quiet as the two made your way around clearing all of the cluttered surfaces. to your surprise cleaning with sophia didn’t feel awkward at all, regardless of not having many interactions prior to this day. after being silent for a while you had finally started talking when sophia had asked where to find something to wipe the shelves with and it all just kinda spiralled from there. you talked in whispers, being careful not to wake anybody up. at first it seemed weird but the conversation flowed at a pace you haven’t experienced with anyone in a good while. talking to sophia just made you warm on the inside, as if she was a campfire of sorts, making you feel very comfortable, despite all of your evident nervousness and uncertainty.
you were just making sure that nothing valuable had gotten under the couch as a small polaroid camera had shown itself, clearly having been lost by someone at the party last night. you picked it up, making sure to inspect it a bit further under proper lighting.
“do you know who’s this is? looks pretty nice, i’d be bummed as hell if i lost something like that,” you gave the camera to sophia to inspect it further. the chances are that she would probably know who it belonged to were pretty high, considering she knew half the school by name, let alone the people at the party.
“oh! it’s actually mine! thank you so much!” she smiled excitedly and tugged on your arm a bit, trying to stifle a giggle. “i think i dropped it like an hour into the party and didn’t get to take any pictures. mind if i take one of you? you know, to commemorate and all.”
you were relieved for sophia and wildly unprepared to be photographed. this was not how your morning was supposed to go and it showed in the way you were dressed and most importantly by the look on your face, “sure..? i don’t see why not,” was all you could squeeze out in response, not trying to argue with sophia, who really seemed to have her head set on this.
“great! can you move over a bit? the lighting here is a bit bad.”
“yeah, of course,” you uttered, stumbling your way closer to the window and feeling awkward as ever.
“okay, here is good! say cheese,” she said while almost giggling to herself and all of the sudden you felt as though it was picture day in your middle school all over again, only a thousand times worse as your literal biggest crush was taking the picture. it didn’t help that posing for photos wasn’t a strong suit of yours back in the middle school days and it certainly wasn’t now.
though regardless of the nerves you tried your very best to smile, as the camera’s flash had lit up in your face, followed by the sound of the finished product popping out immediately after.
“sweet! do you want to take a look?”
“thanks but i think i’ll pass. i’m not very photogenetic if you haven’t noticed,” you said shrugging off.
“no, that’s not true and i’m not just trying to be nice,” she shook her head in disagreement, “you’re cute and so is the picture. could you take one of me?”
“yeah, of course,” you blushed hard at sophia’s remark, almost melting right in front of her like a candle by a flame. “and thanks, you’re not too bad yourself,” was all you could muster before she thrust the camera in your hands and stood back to pose for the picture, smiling wide.
it would be kind of embarrassing to admit how hard you tried to take a good photo, especially since you’ve never operated a polaroid before.
“here you go.”
“thanks, y/n,” you couldn’t for the life of you read sophia’s face, when she saw the picture but she didn’t look pissed if that was even possible, so a win is a win.
“oh my god! i should take one of dani,” her face lit up at the idea, “she’s never gonna live this down if i can help it.”
you couldn’t help but giggle together with sophia, while still trying to stay quiet as daniela was still snoozing peacefully, knowing nothing of what you and the older girl were up to. and even though you were actively participating in the creation of potential blackmail material, it was really sweet, seeing the tenderness sophia brought into her friendships: awing at the sight of her friend slumped on someone else’s couch, clearly having fallen asleep by accident. the older girl had had her fun and tucked in daniela a bit, in the spots where the blanket had fallen.
“we should probably leave now”
“yeah, we should.”
the two of you left the room, having cleaned all you could in there anyway. just as, conveniently, the sound of sophia’s phone buzzing had permeated the hallway.
“one second, dear, my brother’s calling.”
“yeah, of course, i’ll leave you to it,” you tried to swiftly give sophia some space, trying hard not to accidentally eavesdrop on the conversation.
looking around you at the state of your home in the meantime, it seemed like most of the mess had been combated. only a bunch of glitter remained unvaccumed on the floor and even then the situation wasn’t too dire. thanks to sophia being incredibly helpful, the cleaning took half the time it normally would. it all still felt like a weird fever dream to you: sophia helping with the clean up, calling you cute. it couldn’t be real. that’d make no sense. and yet… here you were: brain kinda foggy from the shock, cheeks still faintly burning. you’d need a minimum of 2 business weeks and then some to process all of it, let alone recover.
a thought had creeped into your head. a ridiculous, impossible thought. what if sophia kinda liked you? it couldn’t be, you hardly knew each other and it’s not like you were even close to the kind of social butterfly the older girl was. in truth, she seemed like exactly the type of person who would give around compliments and who’d be nice to their teammate’s sister. there was no chance she actually liked you in that way, even a little. none.
sophia came out of the living room, while you were still pondering.
“hey, so my brother’s going to be here in a couple of minutes. i fear i’ve got to leave you now,” she sounded genuinely apologetic, even though she arguably had a negative amount of things to apologize for.
“it’s alright. thank you for helping, you totally didn’t have to.”
“oh, don’t start on that again!” she waved you off, “though, can you, please give me a pen? just for a moment.”
“of course. i'll be back in a second.”
sophia grinned strangely, making the request, which made you suspicious and left wondering what she possibly could have needed a pen for. though you were certainly not about to question her, instead, scurrying your way upstairs in order to retrieve one.
when you came back sophia was already dressed and ready to leave. holding one of the polaroids in her hand..?
“here it is! sorry if i took too long.”
“no, no you really didn’t. and thanks,” she grabbed the pen eagerly and started to write something on the back of one of the polaroids, soon handing it off to you, together with the pen. “thank you for putting up with us all. see you soon!” sophia smiled mischievously before leaving your home, abruptly and without taking a moment for you to say bye.
but in the haze of it all you finally saw that she gave you a polaroid of herself that you took and on the back of the photo it said:
“+x-xxx-xxx-xxxx maybe you should come to the next practice”
your mouth fell agape at the text.
maybe eating grapes alone under your desk last night wasn’t that embarrassing afterall, since it worked.
synopsis! you and daniela had broken things off right as katseye was starting to make waves in the public eye. and now, a year later, you've agreed to meet with her again. finally giving both of you an opportunity to get some closure.
tags/warnings! angst, exes! dany/n, dream academy contestant! r, mental health struggles (r), mentions of a panic attacks (r), right person wrong circumstances, j*nah mentioned (not by name), no happy ending
wc! 2.5k+
a/n! r is assumed afab as they were a contestant on dream academy, however no pronouns or other indicators of gender are used throughout the fic, which is why i tagged it as gn! r.
it was a saturday. the 15th of november.
the sun was shining brighter than ever, with its rays making their way onto your face through the windows of the coffee shop.
you were slowly nursing on the cup of the drink for about ten minutes now. tirelessly tapping your foot on the floor under the table, using the repetitive movement as a sort of self-soothing tactic.
jitters from the coffee and anticipation coursed all throughout your body in waves – washing over you every once in a while.
the thoughts of what’s coming were eating away at your brain as if they were parasites. multiplying rapidly as the agreed-upon time for your meeting kept getting closer and closer.
next thing you knew, as soon as the clock struck 11, the bell above the entrance into the coffee shop had rung, and she came through the door.
daniela.
your ex.
she had her hair tied up in a bun. minimal make up on, but she glowed, as though the sun itself had bathed her in its shine before coming here. the light reflected off the lenses of the latina’s glasses but you could still see her eyes from behind them. those familiar ambers had been scanning the room, up until they had finally landed on you.
it was like a scene from a cheesy romance movie: your eyes met and it was as though the world had stopped spinning for a second. your already worn out heart had skipped a beat, as daniela was making her way towards you.
though this was no romance movie afterall. regardless of what could have happened that day, you’ll never get back together.
this was a mistake.
“hey, y/n!” you got up from the table, and daniela pulled you in for a hug. her arms wrapped tightly around your shoulders, falling into place effortlessly, like a couple of puzzle pieces that have long been lost somewhere under the couch, found again, and put into place.
“hi, dani…ela,” you stumbled, realizing you were just about to call her by a nickname. it didn’t register just how deep that habit ran up until this very moment. but how could it not? you haven’t talked with each other in person ever since the break up and the muscle memory around that stuff was yet to be altered. though it's not like it ever would be.
you sat back down, taking another sip of the coffee, as if to delay the inevitable, even just for another second.
“so, how’ve you been? you guys must be so busy,” you said, finally putting down the cup on the table, resorting to instead just holding it in your hand for some weird sense of comfort.
the question you asked you already knew the answer to. they’ve never been busier, which was precisely the reason behind this catch up to begin with, as the girls were kicking off their very first tour on that day. and in your hometown of all places.
regardless of how you and daniela felt about each other now, the trauma bond from being in dream academy together was simply too strong for you not to support the group during such a pivotal moment in their career. not to support her.
over this last year you’ve lost count on how many times you had wanted to call her. to tell her how proud you were of their success. to make sure she was well and not overexhausting herself. to be there for her.
and in a way you were there. supporting her through all of the meaningless twitter controversies from the sidelines. cheering the girls on from the comfort of your home, checking in on the other members occasionally, though it was hard. so hard to even attempt to move on with your life, while your heart and soul were still so closely teasered to it all.
the day the grammy nominations were announced you almost broke no-contact, resorting to texting sophia congratulations instead.
and for all that struggle, you weren’t even the one who reached out first, daniela herself had texted you out of the blue with an offer to meet and a ticket for the show. she wouldn’t accept no for an answer and you were never the one to argue anyway.
which brought you here. in this coffee shop. at an early hour, as there was no other time-slot that daniela’s busy schedule could accommodate.
“oh, you know i’m good. busy but good, i’m sooo excited for the tour to finally start. you know how much i love performing,” her eyes lit up and it was as though you were in dream academy all over again, still getting to know each other, innocent and unaware of where it would lead you.
all the sudden a memory of seeing daniela dance for the first time had popped into your mind. and in it she was so young, so naive, yet the passion in her eyes was like no other you’ve ever seen, akin to an unstoppable forest fire, engulfing everything in its path.
you never understood why everyone was so critical of her facial expressions, as all you could see was the latina’s burning desire for greatness. the vigour that made your heart drop. though the others must not have shared that same vision, as with each passing day in the program, it seemed more and more like you were the only one so hopelessly enamored by daniela. irrevocably falling for her in every perceivable way.
“yeah, i do…”, the reply you mustered out was simple. inoffensive. there was no use in digging into old wounds anyway.
none of it matters now.
you told yourself to no avail. because it did matter. and you hoped that dani didn’t feel that same burden on her shoulders. knowing that things may have gone way differently.
the next while with her you just spent asking questions about all the things her and the girls were doing, which wasn’t at all difficult, knowing just how busy they’ve been for months now. and the reasons you had for doing this were noble in large, but also selfish in many ways, as you were trying to divert daniela’s attention as far away from your own life as humanly possible, even though it was inevitable that she’d ask.
‘cause what was the point of meeting with you otherwise? why else would she want to see her ex one-on-one?
alas when the elephant in the room was finally addressed you didn’t feel any more ready to deal with it than when daniela first broke no-contact. still deciding what it was, that the latina would be satisfied with learning.
“how are you doing, though? how’s college?” she asked innocently but you knew there was a lot more packed into this question than what laid on the surface.
“i’m good. college’s college, you know how it is. nothing exciting.”
“yeah, i guess…” she hesitated before continuing, “but are you better?”
averting your gaze from hers, you looked down at the table.
of all the things you could have said to her, not one of them could be a lie. you’d never lie. not to her. but the weight of some things was not meant to be shared with others. especially not with an ex, who no longer had an active presence in your life. the one person who wasn’t meant to be burdened by the knowledge of your struggles.
the truth of the matter was in fact that you weren’t well. you weren’t much better. college served as a distraction and the sole reason you got up in the morning, but it didn’t fix anything. nothing besides time really could.
though you wouldn’t trade this life for the world if it meant that daniela would never have to be subjected to this version of you. this dull and lifeless shadow of a person that you’ve become.
which is why you broke up with the latina in the first place. not because you didn’t love her. not because she did something wrong. but instead because of being completely unable to handle existing in the public eye.
when you entered into dream academy you had sincerely thought it wasn’t the case. you fought for your spot fiercely just like all the other girls. you clawed your way up the rankings and rehearsed tirelessly in order to get better.
but the second it turned out to be a survival show something in the air shifted. the competition aspect of it all really ramped up after that point and nothing was really the same anymore. the way you all were pitted against each other, left to the mercy of the public, forced to seem as appealing as possible in order to stay in the program. in order to get your spot. it wasn’t about just the hard work anymore and it turned out that you were completely and utterly unprepared for this turn of events.
this made you realize that what you really wanted all this time was not to be an idol, but to be recognized as somebody talented and worthwhile by your peers. and sure, a lot of that recognition could have come from being an idol, but it was never the option you should have gone with. the passion you had for the craft went only so far when it came to being perceived by millions of people online, criticising your every move and every word you said, as if it all had to mean the worst possible thing and it all could be used against you in one way or another.
and even daniela. your love. your guiding light. even she couldn’t help with making you feel much better. there was only so much she could do afterall, when you just simply weren’t built for this kind of life.
that whole experience had taken a huge toll on your mental health. it drained the life out of your body like no disease could. which is why after experiencing your first panic attack during the program you promptly left. “gave up” as the people online loved to put it, but you tried to not think of it in that way. not since getting a therapist that is.
the one good thing you got out of that was your relationship with daniela. through every hurdle she was always there to support you and you were always there for her. and you really thought you could make this work. hoped with all your heart that your love for each other would make you strong enough to handle the weight that global fame would inevitably add to your relationship.
but it didn’t.
everything only got worse with the release of the documentary and at some point you just couldn’t take it anymore. in your head, daniela deserved somebody who would be able to take this challenge on with stride. somebody who’s stomach wouldn’t drop in fear each time she was recognized in public. somebody who could be of more help than they were a bother, as all you could offer was your love and sometimes love is just not enough.
and it wasn’t enough then.
dani let out a quiet sigh and grabbed your hands from across the table, squeezing them tightly, as though you were about to run away.
“please tell me, y/n,” she pleaded, “please…”
last you talked, panic attacks were becoming more and more of a common occurrence. the issues you’ve long buried had come back up to the surface, ten times stronger and more persistent this time. and even though a year out you were not on the edge of your sanity anymore, you still weren’t sure if the newly-found level of anxiety you experienced at all times would ever lower. although you have gotten much better at managing it.
“i… am better, i promise. therapy’s helping but it's a long process,” you finally looked up to face dani, “you don’t have to worry about me.”
her eyes glistened slightly in the light, but she didn’t break, instead electing to turn her head away for a moment, staring off into the distance for a solid second before coming back to the conversation
“okay,” the latina muttered quietly, “you know you can always reach out to me, right?”
“yeah, i do,” you answered more so to comfort dani, than anything else. but you both knew that it wasn’t going to happen. neither of you was really evolved enough to just be friends again, and besides, the last thing you wanted to do was to disrespect the relationship she had with her new boyfriend. or to hinder her happiness in any way for that matter.
“can i ask you a question?” she said suddenly.
“of course,” you didn’t think twice before responding.
“ughh… this is stupid and you don’t have to answer, but…,” daniela hesitated, biting her lip, clearly nervous, “if you could go back, would you still do all of this? like dream academy and… us…”
the latina looked to you for an answer. so vulnerable. so frightened. as if waiting for you to admit that it was her fault somehow.
“no,” your voice rang firm, “i wouldn’t trade it for the world. i met so many great people there and learned so much,” you tightened the grip you had on dani’s hands, “and i met you. it doesn’t matter to me that it didn’t turn out perfect. i would do it all over again if it meant you’d still be there. there was nothing either of us could have done differently and i’m at peace with that,” you said, finally taking a breath, “truly.”
you could only hope that your response had satisfied daniela’s apparent craving for closure, as you would never want her to suffer.
all she could do was nod in response and soon enough it was time for her to go.
you split ways once again. but only for a little while this time, as you were still planning on going to the show.
thinking about what just occurred you had a surprising wave of relief wash over you.
she’s going to be okay.
and that’s what mattered to you the most. knowing daniela was happy and surrounded by the people that loved her. knowing that she now was aware that you never blamed her for anything that happened.
you could only hope she would let go of you fully. wipe your existence completely from her memory, as your romance was a thing of the past now. the past that would never again come back to haunt her, considering you weren’t planning on meeting again any time soon or ever. because the truth of it lied in the fact that you still loved her with everything that you had.
like an old dog still waiting on their dead owner, your heart still longed for her, unable to comprehend the gravity of the situation, unable to let go. as what you said to daniela was true. you’d go through hell and back, through all of your worst moments and memories all over again if it meant you’d get to have her even just for a second.
and she would be worth it. worth everything. but now she was worthy of a better life. a life without you in it.
a/n!!! if this fic had struck a nerve for any of you, please note that you deserve to be loved no matter the struggles you face. the actions described in the fic are not in any way advisable and were written purely for entertainment purposes. take care <3
synopsis: Life has been fucking Cate over relentlessly and catching feelings for one of her only friends must've been a cruel jest on God's part.
pairing: Cate Dunlap/Marie Moreau
tags: post-canon, pining, character exploration, angst, comphet lesbian!Cate if you squint, Cipher isn't possesing Marie
wc: 2.1k+
Title from You're the Only Good Thing in My Life by Cigarettes After Sex
Life on the run has proved to be as unglamorous as Starlight warned them it would be pretty damn quickly. So far, their work in the so-called resistance consisted of sitting on their asses all day and waiting for further instructions, while moving from one dingy motel to another all the fucking time. And Cate has never felt this dazed before.
Prior to becoming a wanted individual, she has spent only a brief period of time in a physically uncomfortable environment, that being while trapped in Elmira. Though, due to the guilt and later, adrenaline, that kept her up, the reality of the situation and the discomfort had yet to set in at that point. But, oh boy, has she had enough time now.
All of the shitty motels they've been staying in reeked of puke. The uncomfortable beds took a considerable toll on her back and the food fucking sucked. But regardless of how disgusting her surroundings were, the emotional torture she's been enduring has proved to be far worse and more debilitating.
From at least the moment Cate has found out who's idea it was to rescue her from Elmira or for the entirety of them knowing each other, she's been experiencing some very strange feelings towards Marie. And it's not even that Cate was a stranger to having romantic inclinations towards people. This time was just so jarringly different, so all-consuming. If being around Marie felt like a breath of fresh air, then the thought of losing her was akin to being deprived of oxygen. Terrified wouldn't even begin to describe Cate's state, as she processed these feelings. Everything she thought she knew was getting challenged. She had even taken to blocking herself from reading Marie's mind, as it had become too much of a temptation for her. Not knowing made her feel human and like a person who could actually deserve reciprocation. This was the most alive Cate has ever felt, yet just as vulnerable.
Her and Marie have gotten especially close, ever since joining the resistance. They shared a room and talked for hours on end, bonded over random things, like Cate telling Marie all of the deep internet lore, from the time when it was her only window into the outside world and playing cards until the sun came up. With more and more time passing, Cate has been feeling increasingly disingenuous, not acknowledging the elephant in the room. It felt unfair towards Marie to continue at this pace, she desperately didn't want her to feel deceived but the intent of being honest has so far been greatly outweighed by Cate's fear of losing their friendship.
This was wrong. So incredibly wrong. For all she knew, Marie and Jordan both still loved each other. She was sure they'd get back together as soon as this bullshit came to an end, if there even was an end in sight. But nothing could've stopped Cate from feeling the way she did, from wanting this more than she has ever wanted anything in her life. At this point, the fantasy of being Marie's rebound, if only temporary, seemed like a dream come true, though it would never be enough.
Pathetic pathetic pathetic… desperate
These shameful thoughts made Cate want to collapse into herself and die. She hated not having control over herself, like a puppet to her own feelings. This wasn't sustainable.
A reckless part of her thought it would be a good idea to pick someone up from a local bar to move on, but Rational Cate™ was in the driver's seat and she knew it was far too risky to even try. Cause what if someone recognized her? Those annoying pieces of shit hometeamers definitely seemed like the types to hang out in small town bars and to know what Cate looked like from all the Truthbomb clips floating around. In addition, she doubted that they'd form a nice little line to get pushed to forget it all when it inevitably would've gone to shit.
And besides, she could easily read Marie's mind and see her lack of interest. It would take no effort to move on then.
Right?
But Cate couldn't bring herself to do it. The steady rotation of excuses in her head was working so well.
This is fucked
Nothing made sense. Nothing would work. And nothing could stop the eventual crescendo of it all from happening.
“Helloooo, Earth to Cate, are you even listening?” Emma waived her hand right in front of Cate's face.
In truth, she wasn't listening. She's gotten too buzzed to retain awareness at this point, but not enough to forget her turmoil. Which is precisely why she kept going.
Her and Emma both had their reasons to get shit faced. But at least it was somewhat fun to do together, instead of wallowing in sadness by themselves.
“Huh?” Cate turned to face Emma. “Sorry, I zoned out.”
“Ahhhh, whatever…,” she sighed in annoyance and paused the TV, “What are you zoning out about then? You know my shit and this thing we have going on seems a little unequal right now.”
She did indeed know Emma's shit, not that it wasn't obvious though. She still had feelings for Sam, shocker.
“God, no.” Cate said, taking another sip from their shared bottle, “That's exactly what I didn't call you here for, besides, you know my life is fucked. What's it matter why I'm drinking? Could be because of my parents, my brother, Shetty, Luke, Andr…” Emma stopped her before she could continue.
“Okay, okay, geez, point taken. You're sad and pathetic and it's none of my business” she said, taking the bottle from Cate's hands.
“Yep”
“Well, figure me this then, why isn't Marie here? She must be plenty sad for our little pity party.”
There it was, goddammit.
Cate scrambled to think of an excuse but being caught off guard was already written all over her face which Emma saw. In truth Marie was off, getting some alone time from them all or so she said. She was supposed to return a bit later. And the telepath had strategically chosen this time to get wasted, so that Marie wouldn't have to be involved.
“Is it about her then? Did you guys fight or something, cause she hasn't told me anything.” Cate really wanted to push her way out of this problem just now, but she was better than that.
“No, we didn't fight. This isn't about Marie, I don't know where you would've gotten that idea. She just wanted to spend some time with Annabeth is all.” Cate tried her best to seem convincing.
“Oh my fucking God,” Emma put the bottle down and threw her hands into the air, “You are so secretive even when drunk. I just thought to give you a chance to be honest for once but you fucked it. I know everything about Marie and her whereabouts. She is my best friend and the only reason we don't room together is cause Annabeth feels safer with someone, who didn't mind-fuck us for months!” There was a brief moment of silence before Cate responded. Emma had arguably gone a step too far. This was supposed to make them forget about shit, not have to be reminded of it again. For a millionth time. As if it didn't haunt Cate enough already.
“Jesus Christ, Emma! No one forced you to hang out with me!” Cate's last nerves might have snapped right then. “How many fucking times do I have to prove myself for you to see me as human? Get the fuck out!” She swiftly stood up from the bed and pointed to the exit.
“I fucking will then!” The girl shot up to the door, with their bottle in hand. “And I'm taking this!”
“Go right ahead!” Emma shut the door as loud as she could, making sure Cate would feel it in her chest.
Ughhh
There went another person she could talk to.
Even drunk, Emma was right about Annabeth not feeling safe around her but that was only a small (and arguably least important) part of a larger problem.
Despite assisting with Cate's rescue from Elmira, Jordan didn't have it in them to be friends again. Hell, they would have left her there, if not for Marie.
Emma was still hesitant about letting Cate too close, but it seemed like they were on the right track. Until now.
Sigh
That left Cate with only Sam and Marie, not just tolerating her existence in this group. And even then, Sam's relationship with her was mostly transactional, as Cate helped him with symptoms, and he didn't hate her in return.
And now she was inevitably going to ruin her relationship with Marie. Falling for her seemed like a cruel joke on God's part if there even was one.
She deserved it. She was a monster, a psycho, a tool. And monsters weren't worthy of sympathy or friends or love. The only thing Cate was deserving of was a hole she dug for herself, where she could be left to rot, until somebody found a use for her. Maybe her parents had the right idea after all…
Cate flopped back down on her bed, softly sobbing into her hands. Alcohol seemed to only intensify her emotions, as opposed to numbing them. It felt like a bubble had finally burst open, and the image of composure Cate had tried to keep up was torn to shreds.
The thought of keeping track of the time soon became so distant that she didn't even notice as the time for Marie to come back had rolled around. She came in precisely on time, wearing a torn old zip-up, confused from the way she found Cate.
“Hey, are you okay? What happened?” Marie asked, sounding worried.
Cate was a pitiful mess to look at: eyes red from crying, mascara smudged, hair all over the place. She tried her best to get her shit together quickly and failed at it miserably.
“Hey, yeah, I-I am okay. J-J-Just had a fight with Emma. It's not that serious, bullshit really-,” Cate stuttered and quickly got cut off as Marie pulled her into a tight hug.
“You're okay. You don't have to tell me.” Marie said, softly caressing Cate's head.
They sat like this for a couple of minutes, though it seemed like forever had passed in the meantime.
“I need to tell you something. Thank you for forgiving me, truly. None of the others have. None of them trust me. I'm just so tired…” Cate said, rising to meet Marie's gaze, her voice still shaking. “Thank you for being here for me. This means more to me than you'll ever know.”
“It wasn't difficult to forgive you, once I realized how hypocritical I was: leaving you for dead, using my powers against friends…, “ Marie took Cate's gloved hands into hers, staring at them while she talked, "it just didn't seem right to be angry with you anymore…”
“But you're not like me, “Cate shook her head, “Innocent people died because of me, I did Homelander's bidding. You're good, you're the best person I know, you'r-,” Cate didn't get a chance to finish talking, as Marie had suddenly pulled her into a kiss. Months of frustration were packed down into it. Feelings all over the place, fireworks were going off in Cate's head. The sheer desperation with which she clung to Marie's lips was ridiculous. Diabolical even. Rapidly losing oxygen, she couldn't care about anything but the two of them at this moment…
“Cate, I…” Marie tried to say something as they had finally pulled away from each other.
“Shhh, enough talking for today,” Cate said, putting her finger to Marie's mouth. Though putting on a confident tone didn't make the telepath any less of a wreck on the inside. Fearing that Marie might say, the kiss they shared was a mistake. Avoiding talking all together seemed like a reasonable solution.
A coward's way out.
Marie didn't fight Cate on the issue, even letting out a slight sigh of relief at the suggestion.
They were making out for what felt like hours. Pulling each other in deeper and deeper with every kiss, like the world was going to end tomorrow, and this was their last chance to feel something, to be happy. Caught up in her feelings, Cate finally let herself have a peek into Marie's mind and quickly sought to tighten the grip she had on the back of Marie's neck, letting out a subtle moan as all she heard was:
“Cate Cate Cate…”
Repeated over and over again like some sort of prayer.
