Fourever 🍀 Get the Hell Out
Genre: Friends to Lovers!AU, Slice of Life, Angsty with a happy ending
Pairing: Wonpil x You
Warnings: Mentions of abuse and trauma
Words: 4,153
Welcome to the Show 🍀 Happy 🍀 The Power of Love 🍀 Get the Hell Out 🍀 Sad Ending 🍀 Let Me Love You 🍀 Didn't Know
Thinking of you Is a stabbing pain What I can't forget is Something like a curse to me One day, one second If I can erase it My world would be more beautiful
Objectively, you knew this was probably (hopefully) the lowest point of your entire life. You'd very recently left a relationship with an emotionally and physically abusive partner; your body and spirit were, to put it bluntly, battered and bruised. You'd been fired from your job for missing yet another shift, something else for which you could thank your now ex-boyfriend since he'd been too busy gaslighting you and kept you from going to work. And since you'd (stupidly) moved into your ex's apartment a few months ago, you also now had nowhere to live.
But your survival instinct had taken over, and it wasn't allowing you to feel hopeless. It had held your head up and walked you right down to the Community Center.
How many times had you walked by this place and seen the advertisements for free counseling? You'd never thought the ads were meant for you, but that's how life is sometimes, right?
You couldn't deny that you needed it right now. After what you'd been through? You might need counseling for the rest of your life, honestly. But, right now, you just wanted to calm down the thoughts racing through your mind. You wanted to get back to who you were before you'd met him. You wanted to forget everything; erase him completely from your past.
Before you could chicken out or let your pride take over, you reached out to grab the door handle and opened the door, stepping into what you hoped would be a better future for yourself.
Being with you Is a bittersweet pleasure What I keep remembering is A state of lingering attachment One day, one second If the afterimage fades away Might finally be able to see clearly How nice This world could be for me My brain excludes you How much would it be worth Get the hell out Get the hell out
After a couple of hours, you were more emotionally drained than you'd ever been (which was saying something), but you had a job interview and a place to stay lined up. So, that was something! You had also set up another appointment with the counselor tomorrow to start working through your trauma; you weren't particularly looking forward to it, but you also couldn't wait to just get this horrific person the hell out of your mind.
You gathered up all of the paperwork and pamphlets the counselor had provided, saying the name of the apartment building in your head over and over so you wouldn't forget. Apparently, it was fairly close to the Community Center since they had a partnership with the building owner to allow people in situations like yours a place to get back on their feet, so even if you did forget the name, it should be easy to find.
But still. You didn't want to forget. Today felt like your first day as a real adult, totally on your own. Independent. You didn't want to screw it up! So, you murmured the name to yourself, clutching all of your documents to your chest as you left your counselor's office and headed back to the front doors.
You had barely stepped into the hallway before you collided with someone passing by.
Oof!
"Oh, I'm so sorry," you heard a voice say, though it barely registered because all the papers in your hands had slipped out and fallen to the floor.
You immediately crouched down to try and pick them up, frantically saying the name of the apartment building so you wouldn't forget it amidst all of this hubbub.
Another pair of hands came into view, helping you pick up the papers, and you glanced up to place a face to them -- and the voice you'd heard, presumably.
Your head jerked back slightly in surprise.
"Wonpil?" you asked.
Wonpil jumped a little, his gaze immediately darting to meet yours. As soon as he saw you, that signature wide smile appeared on his lips.
"Y/N," he greeted, his voice soft and warm.
It had been... how many years since you'd seen him? You'd lost track of how long it had been since graduating high school. And it's not like you and Wonpil had been close friends, but his smile and his voice and his kindhearted aura hadn't changed a bit.
"What a small world," you chuckled. "What are you doing here?"
Wonpil continued to gather up all of your papers as he answered. "I work here. What about you? Did you just get hired?"
Ah, so he obviously assumed all this paperwork was New Employee Paperwork. Well, at least you knew he wasn't being nosy and looking at it!
"No..." you replied slowly.
Wonpil didn't reply at first, and when the two of you had picked up everything, you both stood, and he handed you a stack of papers.
"I'm sorry," he said, his forehead wrinkled. "Do you need anything?"
Like almost any other person would, you almost said 'No, thank you.' It was one thing to share your innermost thoughts and feelings to a total stranger, but it was another thing altogether to share them with someone you actually knew.
But, for some reason you couldn't explain, you answered him with a nod. Your throat began to tighten with emotion, and tears welled up in your eyes when you said, "Actually, yeah. I need a lot."
Something about Wonpil just exuded safety, and even though you weren't even sure you could classify him as an acquaintance after all these years, a quiet voice in your head urged you to be honest with him.
"Okay," Wonpil replied, his voice still soft but more strong and sure. "Do you want to go get a coffee or something?"
"I -- I need to go to this apartment building," you stammered.
"I know the one, I can take you there if you'd like," he offered.
You answered with a strained "Sure" before following him out of the Community Center and onto the street.
The next half hour was a bit of a blur, and you ended up being extremely thankful that you'd run into Wonpil. He obviously had a lot of experience with this, because he greeted the employee behind the front desk of the apartment's leasing office by name. And when you weren't sure which of the many papers in your hands you needed to hand over, Wonpil delicately took the stack from you and rifled through it to find the right one.
You also noticed something that seemed insignificant on the surface but, in reality, was extremely important: Wonpil was extremely aware of you without being overbearing. He didn't touch you or even reach out toward you. He stood just close enough to signal he was with you but not too close to make you nervous. And when the employee offered to lead you to your apartment, Wonpil wordlessly raised his eyebrows at you to ask if you wanted him to come with you.
(You nodded, of course. Wonpil was probably the only person you felt safe around at the moment.)
You weren't exactly sure what Wonpil's role was at the Community Center, but whatever it was, you could tell he was perfect for the job.
After you received the key, Wonpil (who was still out in the hallway even after you opened the door and stepped inside) said, "I'm actually on the floor above, so if you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask."
"Wait," you said as you dumped your papers on the kitchen counter. "You live here?"
Wonpil's cheeks turned a bit pink. "I moved here after I started working at the Center. I'm... actually the one who started the partnership with the building owner."
That almost made you want to cry.
Obviously, you had put up a huge wall and didn't know if you would be able to trust anyone ever again. But if anyone could do it, you had a feeling deep down it would be Wonpil.
Time, hurry up and run fast Until you become a speckle far away You're still so clear in my mind Ruining my day every day How nice This world could be for me My brain excludes you How much would it be worth Will you get out of Inside my mind I don't want to live Like something's holding me back
6 Months Later
A wave of sadness and frustration washed over you as you stared at the ceiling, just barely stopping yourself from checking the time on your phone.
The last time you'd looked, it had been just after 2am; honestly, you weren't sure you even wanted to know what time it was now.
Unfortunately, this wasn't the first night you hadn't been able to sleep this week.
While your counselor at the Community Center had helped you get a job and an apartment incredibly quickly, they hadn't yet been able to get rid of your negative thoughts. Your abusive ex was still floating around in your brain, throwing the usual emotionally manipulative and critical words at you.
Tears pricked your eyes as those words got louder and louder inside your head. They were mostly tears of anger because it had been six months! How long was it going to take to erase him from your life?!
As soon as the sun came up a few hours later, you changed into the first clean pair of sweats you could find and headed to the coffee shop across the street. After getting maybe one hour of sleep all night, you needed to consume some caffeine before you could do anything else.
By now, the morning shift employees at the coffee shop knew you, and the incredibly kind person behind the counter began making your order as soon as you walked in.
"Iced vanilla latte with oat milk," they said after you paid at the register, handing you the cup. "And an Americano."
"Thank you, Alex," you grinned as you took both drinks.
As you walked back to your apartment building, you started listing out everything good and beautiful about your life, a tactic your counselor had suggested a few months ago when you'd been feeling particularly anxious.
"I have a job," you began, muttering to yourself. "I have a place to live. I have food in my fridge. I have an iced vanilla latte in my hand."
You took a sip of said latte, feeling a grin curving your lips.
"The sky is a beautiful shade of blue and orange. If there were trees around, I would hear birds chirping. I guess I could pretend the honking traffic and sirens are birds."
You continued your list as you arrived back home and headed for the staircase, reminding yourself that you were physically healthy enough to walk up three flights of stairs, financially stable enough to afford daily visits to the coffee shop, and maybe most importantly, you had the day off today.
Honestly, why hadn't you thought of that earlier? Knowing that you didn't have to go to work today instantly calmed your nerves about barely getting any sleep -- it didn't matter because you had nothing to do today! So, by the time you arrived on the third floor, you were grinning from ear to ear and feeling light and fluffy inside.
Speaking of light and fluffy, there was one more thing you were grateful for that you needed to add to your list.
Before you could, though, the apartment door you were heading toward opened.
You held out the Americano, your smile brightening as Wonpil looked up and realized you were there.
"Good morning," you greeted cheerfully.
"Morning," Wonpil replied, his voice a bit shy, as he took the drink from you. "Thanks for the coffee, and I really mean that, but what's up?"
"What do you mean what's up?" you chuckled. The two of you started walking back to the staircase; you knew Wonpil was on his way to work, and since it was just around the corner and you had nothing else to do, you figured you would walk with him.
"Isn't it your day off?" he asked in between sips of his Americano. "Why are you up so early, and why did you bring me coffee?"
You'd been friends with Wonpil for 6 months now and had known him much longer than that -- you knew he wasn't asking in a suspicious way. He just wasn't that kind of person. He was, without a doubt, the kindest, sweetest soul you'd ever known.
"It is, indeed, my day off," you answered. "But I couldn't sleep."
Wonpil simply hummed and nodded. He knew exactly what that meant by now.
"Are you... okay?" he asked quietly.
It took you a few seconds to swallow down the lump of emotion in your throat, and then you answered, "No."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
During the first month or two of your friendship with Wonpil, it had been a bit difficult to navigate the difference between Counselor Wonpil and Friend Wonpil. Honestly, you'd felt awkward talking to him about your past because you hadn't wanted him to think you were taking of advantage of him and just trying to get a free therapy session.
Thankfully, Wonpil had caught on to your hesitancy pretty quickly. He'd invited you out for coffee one morning and had assured you all he wanted was to be your friend and to help you, not in a professional sense. He'd become a counselor in the first place because he loved helping people, and that extended to people in his personal life, too. He had also told you it was absolutely fine if you still didn't feel comfortable confiding in him, and that had been the deciding factor for you. The minute he gave you the power to decide was when you knew you could trust him -- at least with this. (You weren't sure you would ever be able to fully, completely, implicitly trust anyone ever again...).
"I just feel like I'm making no progress," you admitted as you fiddled with your straw and watched your shoes. "It's been half a year since I left, but I still think about him all the time. Some of the things he said to me, I can still hear them in my head, clear as day. All I want is to forget about him, and I thought that would've happened by now."
Wonpil walked just a little bit closer to you. He didn't touch you because he never touched you unless you initiated it. He'd also never said anything out loud about why he did that, but you figured he simply understood how your previous relationship had affected you. And you appreciated it more than you could ever put into words.
"Six months is not that long when you really think about it," he assured you. "It's okay that you still think about him. It's completely normal, honestly, and you also have to be prepared that you'll always think about him in some capacity. I know you want to erase him from your memory, but.... I don't know if that's possible."
You let out a whiny groan, feeling tears stinging the backs of your eyes. "But I don't want to always think about him!" you lamented. "I want to live my own life and just be... be free!"
You could see the Community Center up ahead, and Wonpil began to slow his steps, eventually stopping at the corner of the building.
"You already are free," he told you as he turned to face you. "And I'm pretty sure that if you saw him again, you wouldn't go back to him."
"Of course not," you replied immediately.
"See? He doesn't have that kind of hold on you, at least. And that's something! You have made progress, you just can't see it because it's happening so gradually. But I promise you that you have."
Thankfully, a loud ambulance passed by then, giving you time to gather your thoughts and rein in your tears. (You had certainly cried in front of Wonpil before, but you still weren't fully comfortable being that vulnerable around someone yet.)
As soon as the quiet settled over you, you lifted your head to meet his gaze. "Thank you," you said simply, your voice just barely above a whisper.
You still weren't sure if you believed him, but you knew him pretty well at this point; he wouldn't lie to you about something like this.
Wonpil replied with a wide, sunny grin, one that made your heart ache in a good way. And because you knew he wouldn't, you stepped up and wrapped your arms around him.
He wasted no time in hugging you back, his arms firm and comforting, the sweet and fresh scent of his cologne invading your senses and instantly calming you down.
"Call me if you need me, okay?" he murmured into your ear.
You nodded, and he squeezed you before letting go and stepping away.
"Have a good day," you told him with a watery grin.
As he turned to walk into the Community Center, you felt a very strong urge to reach out and take his hand, to stop him from leaving.
And it was then you realized... you didn't ever want him to leave.
How nice This world could be for me My brain excludes you How much would it be worth Get the hell out Get the hell out
You'd been sitting on your feelings for almost a whole month now, and the only explanation you had for that was because you were scared.
In your head, you knew that Wonpil was different. He was not your ex by any stretch of the imagination. They were probably as different as two people could be. Wonpil would never, ever, ever in a million years say and do the things that your ex had said and done to you. He was a perfect and amazing friend, so if he miraculously returned your feelings, you knew he would be a perfect and amazing boyfriend.
But your heart was still at war with your head, and it wouldn't let you believe anything it said.
You'd lost track of how many times you'd decided to tell him and then changed your mind just minutes later.
But then one day he showed up at your door, holding up a blue shirt.
"I need your help," he frowned as soon as you swung the door open.
"Okay, I'm all ears," you replied, actually feeling your heart swell. For once, he needed your help!
"Which shirt looks better?" He gestured to the light pink button-down he was currently wearing before moving his other arm and displaying the blue crewneck sweater.
"Definitely the pink," you answered without hesitation. "Why? What's the occasion?"
Wonpil's cheeks flushed, and he didn't quite meet your eye when he said, "I'm going on a date."
You couldn't stop your eyebrows quickly darting up or your eyes widening with surprise.
"...A date?"
"Yeah," Wonpil replied, pressing his lips together nervously. "Dowoon set me up with his neighbor, so we're going over to the food trucks for dinner."
Oh.
A date.
Wonpil was going on a date.
With someone who was not you.
Of course, you couldn't blame him. He had no idea how you felt, and even if he did, he may not feel the same way. Or he may not want to date someone with as much trauma as you.
"Ah... cool," you managed to get out, hoping there was a smile on your lips. "Sounds fun."
Wonpil tilted his head, his brow wrinkling. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah!" you chirped, but even you could hear that your voice was too high and too squeaky, and you had absolutely answered too quickly.
"...Are you sure?"
You didn't want to risk replying with a blatantly false answer, so you simply nodded.
"If there's something on your mind, you know you can tell me," Wonpil assured you gently. "Are you... scared you'll never go on a date again? I promise you will, if that's what you want. It may take some time -- longer than you think, but I know --"
The words which had been festering in your mind for a month suddenly came to life, hurling themselves out of your mouth before you could stop them. "I like you."
Wonpil immediately froze.
"I'm sorry, this is terrible timing," you admitted, barely able to meet his gaze. "But I like you, and I'm just... I don't want you to go on a date with someone else, but I also fully understand if you don't feel the same way."
"I do."
Your eyes darted to his face, and you wondered if maybe you'd just imagined him saying that.
"You what?" you asked dumbly.
"I do," he repeated. "I do feel the same way. But I know how difficult things have been for you, and I had no idea if you would be ready for something. I was going to wait for you, but Dowoon said..."
He trailed off, and the sound of your pounding heart filled the silence for a few seconds.
"I should have learned by now to stop listening to Dowoon," Wonpil finally said with a soft chuckle.
You wanted to laugh with him, but you knew this wasn't just going to be a 'And they lived happily ever after' moment.
"But the thing is, I don't know if I'm ready. I realized, like, a month ago that I liked you as more than a friend, but I haven't said anything because... I'm too scared."
Wonpil took a tiny step closer, and it was then you realized you were still standing in your open doorway.
You ushered him inside, closing the door behind him and taking his blue sweater, folding it delicately over a chair at your kitchen table.
When you turned around, Wonpil was standing as he always was -- close but not too close.
"It's okay to be scared," he assured you. "And I understand why you feel that way. You don't have to, but... could you tell me what exactly you're scared of?"
You took a deep, shaky breath, letting it out slowly through your mouth the way you'd learned in your therapy sessions. This was going to be difficult, but you wanted to do it. Wonpil was worth it.
"I'm scared of being vulnerable like that again. I'm scared of trusting someone so fully only to get that trust handed back to me in shreds. I'm scared that I'll never fully heal from what happened to me. I'm scared that he will always take up a part of my mind and that you'll eventually come to resent me for it. I'm scared that if I do ever let myself be with you... I'll just lose you."
Of course, tears began streaming down your cheeks as you said all of that, and you saw Wonpil's fingers twitching, as if he wanted nothing more than to reach out and cradle your face, wipe your tears away.
One part of you didn't want to be touched right now, but another part needed to feel his warmth so badly, you thought you might collapse if you didn't.
So, you reached out and took his wrist, bringing his hand up to your face and placing his palm on your cheek.
He instantly curved his hand, his fingers gently grasping your jaw and neck while his thumb swiped just underneath your eye.
"We don't have to do anything you don't want to do," he whispered. "I know how long it can take to heal. We can take things slowly."
"But what if it takes --"
"I'll wait."
Your vision blurred as you gazed at him, your cheek hot where he cradled it.
"I'll wait," he repeated. "However long you need. I'll wait for you. I promise."
"What if I never heal?" you croaked, your voice so tiny that you were surprised he even heard you.
"I like you just as you are. I know that you can heal -- that you will get through this -- but even if you don't, then all that means is you'll stay the person you are right now. And that's the person I fell for."
"What if --"
"My feelings won't change," he interrupted, obviously guessing that you'd been about to ask 'What if I get better and change too much and you don't like the person I become?' "I know it's hard for you to trust, but if you can let yourself trust just one thing, let it be that. My feelings for you won't change."
You took another few deep breaths before stepping up to him and winding your arms around his neck.
After he circled your waist, his hands gripping you tightly, he said, "We'll take it one day at a time, okay?"
At first, you simply nodded. But then, you remembered something kind of important.
So, you pulled away from him just enough to be able to see his face, and you asked, "Starting today?"
Wonpil's brow furrowed at your question. "Starting today? What do you mean?"
"You said we'll take it one day at a time. Is that starting today? Or do we have to start tomorrow so you can go on your date?"
It was taking every ounce of strength not to laugh, but then Wonpil's expression very swiftly turned to one of slight horror and major embarrassment. He looked so cute that you couldn't hold back any longer. You pulled him back into a hug and chuckled, feeling your heart starting to glow inside your chest.
One day at a time. That was the best you could do right now, and you would tell yourself over and over until you believed it: That was enough.
