#word vomite

[myfeetrcolddd]

uh oh

Bile rises in my throat as I look between the both of them, struggling to process the cold hard truth.

What was going on?

This isn't happening.

It's a dream.

It's all fake.

But no matter how many things I told myself, I knew I was lying. Because there they were, my sister and the love of my life, standing too close for comfort and staring at me as if they'd been caught doing something they shouldn't.

I whispered his name, my voice breaking and wavering under my emotions. To my distress he too looks heart broken, his lips parted and his eyes wide with sorrow.

He utters my name and scrambles to find some excuse to make up for what was happening. An excuse to explain why, after minutes of me standing here, neither of them made a move to back away from the other, and if I wasn't mistaken, which I rarely am. I swear I saw my sister inch closer to him.

Of course, I thought, of course it was her, after all, when is it not? It seems that it will always be my older sister before me. Even when it comes to my own love life.

To the man I considered marring, the one I wanted to marry.

My elder sister has no remorse on her face, no sign of regret or anything of the sort. I doubt she knows of those feelings, the feeling of second place.

The feelings I have felt all my life thanks to her.

I swallow harshly, the barriers he had torn down rising up, ten times stronger.

It really was foolish of me to think that I would find my happily ever after, how could I when I had my sister, who was better that me in everything, and everything anyone would want.

Why settle for the spare when you could have the heir?

[nightsrepose]

*May we all flourish in color and yawn our minds.*

[kallibmatic]

for the past couple of nights Ive binged watched overly sexualized anime that had way too many subliminal messages considering how shallow it seemed and that's where my writing inspiration came from, gn

[bleedingheartbaby-blog]

Really though being the youngest child is so...stormy. I know no one has it all easy-peasy, but I've cried and questioned my entire character because my older sister was disappointed in me for some reason or she was too busy for me or whatever. My big brother was the typical doting type, he really babied me. But my sister and I were and are so close we constantly strive to make each other happy and it's stressful because we're two entirely different people.

I know older siblings can sometimes resent the youngest for "getting it easy" when really it's nothing we can help. As the youngest I spent less time around my parents and more around my sister and brother. I wanted (and still do) so badly for Rose to admire me the way I admire her, but we are both stupid sensitive and prone to jealousy. I feel as though she will always treat me like a bratty little kid, scolding me for things that I meant no offense by, leaving me completely clueless to  her anger and sadness. And she doesn't understand why I look up to her so much and yet she always feels responsible for me.

At any rate, we can't live without each other, we've both said this. Even though we bicker and fight and yes even isolate ourselves from the rest of the family (my sister is having a hard time dealing with mom right now) but we ARE sisters and we love each other so much and I feel blessed to have an older sister. I feel sorry for girls who don't.