We used to love each other... now it's only me.
Imagine you and the love of your life are together. From the starts its always been the both of you, you've always loved each other and neither of you thought you could love anyone else, you were sure that even if you had the choice you would both choose each other.
Life was good, you were planning to propose, maybe you were already engaged. Their the love of your life and you theirs.
But then tragedy strikes. They get into a terrible accident, sending them to the emergency room and into a week long comma.
You spend every waking moment with them, you barely even sleep, not wanting them to be alone when they wake up. When they do wake up you're over joyed. You rush to them, hug them and start talking about how happy you are that they're finally awake, how you love them and asking them if they need anything, are they okay?
When you finally pull away, giving them space to breathe you see the look on their face. Your smile falters at their confused frown, you call their name but they don't respond and there's no recognition, not to their name and not to you.
"W-who are you?" Is the first thing they say, sounding unsure about their voice and you're struck with horror. Your heart plummets.
No, you think, no this can't be happening. "Baby, it's me..." You say slowly, on the verge of tears, because this wasn't happening, this kind of thing wasn't something that happened to them, this only happened in movies and tv shows and books. Not real life.
"I-I don't know you." Their voice trembles and tears gather in their eyes, you heart cracks at the sight, "I-I, I'm sorry, but, I d-don't know you." Your heart cracks even more because even without their memories they were doing something they would constantly do.
Not knowing what else you can do and panicking you call for the doctor, or a nurse, anyone.
Then it all happened so quickly, they all rushed in, rushed to your lover, helping them out and they stared at the nurses and doctors in wide eyes panic, a panic you had been accustomed to over the years, one that you had learned how to calm and it took everything in you not to go over there, barge back into the room the doctors and nurses had forced you out of, and help them.
It went against everything you knew. It felt wrong, illegal that you had to be out here while they were in there, not knowing what was going on, that you wanted to help but you knew there was no way you could. Not without freaking out your lover more than they probably are.
Over the course of weeks they were integrated back into society, they got basic memories back, after about a month and a half they were able to go back into the real world, back to their job, they just couldn't seem to remember anyone. They knew things about their life, going to school, experiences they had, but everyone in those memories were muted.
The people in their memories had no faces, no voices, no names, only a silhouette, they could remember their family though, only a few of them, their mother, a cousin, a grandmother.
You tried to get them to remember, you refused to give up because you loved them, they were the love of your life and all you wanted to do was to help them remember they loved you too.
But then, over time, you realized they weren't going to remember you, it hurt like hell but you wanted them happy and they only seemed to be uncomfortable whenever you tried to get them to remember you, and guilty, and you hated making them feel that way.
When you didn't bring up the past that only you and others seemed to remember the both of you got along well, and if you let yourself forget it felt like the old times.
You two would banter and tease and joke, you would laugh and just talk about anything and everything. Because before you two started dating you were friends first, and even when you did start dating, it was like you two only got closer, a new layer of intimacy added to your friendship.
This realization only made the reality of things much worse, because it made you hope, that maybe with time things would go the same way it did in the past, but then you force yourself to come to terms with the fact that that kind of thing only happens in fiction.
But was there any harm in hoping?
While you had been pining and hoping for something that wouldn't happen they were out meeting new people, making new friends and meeting someone.
They were hesitant to tell you, to introduce you to them, but they did. And it was horrible, you felt horrible, it was like someone took out your heart, stomped on it, put it through an incinerator, mixed it into some water, froze it shattered it and tried shoving the sharp pieces of ice back into you.
But you tried, you pretended to be happy for the both of them, and you were, not for the fact that they were dating someone else, you were to selfish to do that, but you were at least happy that they were happy.
Slowly you drew away from them. Watching from afar as the person you were sure would be the only person you would ever love fell in love with someone else. As someone else fell in love with them for the same things you did.
In the end, they were still the same person you fell in love with, they still acted the same, those quirky little things that only they did were still there, they were still the person you loved and would always love, and you were someone they would only ever know as a friend.
You tried to keep the friendship, and so did they, but it was too painful, for them to be so inherently them, and for you to not be able to pull them into your arms, to not hold them the way you used, to be held by them, for you two to talk about the future, but not the future where the two of you were married with three children and a dog, in a quiet town with a big yard. Instead separate futures instead they were with their new lover and you were talking about a future with someone who you could only imagine as them.
It hurt even more to know that they still seemed to want the same thing, that they would get those things with someone else, someone who wasn't you and you wouldn't get them at all.
Because you didn't want anyone if it wasn't them.
You knew it was over, but it felt wrong.
Your family and theirs had tried to set you up with someone else but even the thought felt like you were cheating.
Even though they didn't love you, even though they loved someone else and were in a relationship with someone else, in your mind, in your dreams, in your heart, you were still together.
Sometimes you'd get dreams about the life you two could've had, though you didn't know if they were dreams or nightmares, because when you woke up, you were in tears and it felt as though there was a weight on your chest and there was a longing for something that was never real, and never could be real.
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