Missed a day of D&D but today AND last week in D&D:
The rogue is having a rough time and spends a bunch of gold on some hard drugs to get proper fucked up
Not the really expensive stuff though, they’re saving for a tattoo
The ranger visits the local hunters and find they’ve killed a freakish undead abomination like the ranger dealt with a few weeks ago
The hunter have been studying it, compare notes with the ranger and both groups confirm that it’s weird and gross and dangerous and gross
The cleric climbs right to the very tippity-top of the city
...And get a rude reminder that despite his heavy armour he is, in fact, a soft boy
The city guards deposit his bruised and battered body back in the camp and tell them to tel him when he wakes up not to climb the rocks, it’s dangerous
The gang get the Big Desert Safety Lecture
Big because bot the lecture and the desert are very big
The gang find a holy temple to the sun
The barbarian tries to push open the door
In he case of it being a pull door the rogue sticks to it with their spider boots and the barbarian uses them as a handle
The rogue climbs to the top of the temple and finds a big gem
The cleric, from the ground: “Lick it!”
The range meanwhile has been thoroughly unimpressed by all this nerd shit
The gang theorise about stealing the big gem at the top of the temple
The ranger contemplates the weight and predicts the builders wouldn’t have accounted for the 7ft tiefling who can lift a thousand pounds
The cleric points out that 7ft tall infernal beings may be EXACTLY what the builders of the holy temple accounted for when the built it
The gang head into the DANGER ZONE of villages that have been attacked by undead
The gang are hired by a city to deal with the problem of an ancient and insane king who has recently come back to life
The barbarian, after an extensive and very serious planning session: “So hey...what’s the deal with this juice we’ve been drinking? It’s real good.”
The leader of the city promises SO MUCH juice if they return successful
The cleric: “Finally something worth fighting for”
The rogue: “Should we stock up on potions?”
The ranger: “That would be smart...are we smart?”
The cleric: “YES we are VERY smart and we are stocking up on potions
The rogue, who doesn’t trust anyone, trusts everything in the event of their death to an overly excitable 9 year old
The cleric, while everyone is invisible and sneaking into the mad king’s tomb: “It’s not an investment in holding hands...haha...it’s just that using a rope feels unsafe”
The barbarian: “We have a very specific skillset we have offered to these people for nothing more, so far, that some juice so I feel we’re entitled to loot this tomb a little
The cleric: “Was the ghost hot?”
The barbarian learns he is resistant to soup damage as a giant zombie chef dunks him in the cooking pot
The barbarian dunks the chef into the cooking pot
The gang are caught up in a magical dance
The ranger casts silence and - silently - goes ham on the enchanted instruments
Sad dooting from the skeleton bards
The cleric: “Does the suspicious sand taste like indoor sand or outdoor sand?”
The cleric: “...I mean does it look like...”
The barbarian, half buried and with his legs trapped in the mouth of some horrible beast: “I’ve got it right where I want it”
The gang debate the morality of fireballing a skeleton and his life’s work after he threw acid at the rogue
The gang throw a fireball at the skeleton and his life’s work
The gang encounter a corridor which stifles any light
The cleric “Fuck I had Daylight prepared JUST YESTERDAY”
The ranger, about a pair of ‘I lie, I tell the truth’ skeletal doormen when they cheat: “We know the truth is that they’re MOTHERFUCKERS”
