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Musings of An Otaku #6- Worldly Potato Chips

This won’t be a typical musing from a form of entertainment. Not a video game, not an anime, not a manga, etc. Nope. Deals with food! My favorite type of snack food! Potato chips or crisps. Doesn’t matter what you call them- they can be delicious.

Now here in the States (especially the midwest and the actual mitten-shaped state) we seem to have the same consensus on what a potato chip is. Thin, deep fried potato usually seasoned with salt or some sort of other flavoring. BBQ flavors- sure! Ranch flavor- why not! Salt and vinegar- yum! Cheddar and sour cream- oh yeah! Sour Cream and Onion- Yuppers! Even bizarre flavors have popped up- dill pickle, chicken and waffles, biscuits and gravy. Not my cup of tea for chip flavors but to each his own. Some are wavy, others are not. Some have ruffles….which is just a fancy way of saying wavy. All of which are typically pretty darn grease-laden and leave your hands with the slippy feeling, glossy sheen of whatever oil they fried them in, topped with a layer of powdered flavoring.

This is the one thing that I absolutely hate about American potato chips. Why so greasy? I shouldn’t set down a single chip on a napkin or paper towel- walk away for less than a minute, come back and see said napkin or towel with a large greasy spot forming under the chip. Shit, I’m pretty sure if I set up a time lapse video- one could prolly watch it slowly extend its way outward. This would be like watching paint dry or grass grow. Pointless and a time-waster.

Sure, we have the different cooked styles like the baked chips and the kettle cooked chips that do not leave your hands feeling this disgusting after consuming and come in some of the same said flavors as regular chips. But a damn baked chip tastes more like a baked corn chip then a potato chip. Yeah, they are healthier but it sometimes feels like I’m biting into a small piece of cardboard enhanced with flavoring. I don’t think the kettle chips are healthier by any means but what do I know. I’m no potato chip scientist. Just an enthusiast. They are on the more crunchier side and tend to have a shit ton more “fold-over” chips in the midst. IMHO, those are the best chips! Still a little on the oily side but definitely NOT as grease-laden as regular potato chips.

It all depends on the brand as well. Big name brands like Lay’s are notorious for being greasy as all get out. Store brands like Kroger, Meijer, etc. are just as bad. Better Made and other local Michigan chip makers (as there are quite a few of them now) vary in between being mildly oil covered to not even having a single drop on them. How do they make that even possible and why can't big name chip makers go that route?

For the past 6 months, I have been receiving the snack-food subscription box from Universal Yums. OMFG! Both the best and worst decision ever! Monthly subscription box sent to your door filled with snack goodies from different countries from around the world. Now you damn well know the Cultural Anthropologist in me is jumping up and down like a giddy child on Christmas morning. It’s like playing “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?”, only instead of following Carmen around the world to catch her, you're following a trail of snack foods to the country they are from. “Where in the World is Universal Yum?” Hmm…...I’ve got connections to Rockapella….maybe they can give a new jingle! LOL!

Also, during these same said months I have also been part of another snack-food subscription box. Japan Crate. This one- only hailing from Japan…...obviously. This one is typically filled with Japanese snack goodies ranging from salty to sweet. Usually more of the sweeter items then salty. Which disappoints me to no end because I absolutely love salty snacks more than I do sweet. And being an otaku since the late-90’s, I have already tasted and tried a good majority of these sweets. Thank you, local Asain markets and the long gone Anime store here in Michigan- Wizzywigs. Shit now you can walk into brick and mortar stores and pick up a box of Pocky and bottle of ramune. Now….do not even get me started on this American ramune that you can purchase from Meijer or even GameStop. It’s obviously bottled and manufactured here and not imported. It sure as hell does not taste the same and have that same satisfying fizz and flavor as ones I have drank years upon years ago. BUT! This is about potato chips and not Japanese sweets and drinks. These boxes will sometimes feature a bag of flavored chips. One said box contained a bag of sour cream and onion chips.

In all seriousness- well about as serious as a musing on a snack food can get; almost every single month I have gotten said potato crisps/chips from said different countries. England, Scotland, Egypt, Russia, Columbia, Italy, Taiwan. And each one, no matter what country or what flavor- all have the same consistency. They sure as hell are not thin ass pieces of paper like what you get here. It’s got some bulk to it! It’s crunchy. It’s crispy. IT”S NOT FULL OF GREASE!! It gives you that satisfying crunch when you bite into it. Like how a chip is supposed to taste and feel as you bite into it.

Your lips lightly graze the surface of the chip and do not become painted in oily dissatisfaction. Your lips thank you as you start to taste the seasoning mixed with an actual hint of potato. Your fingers are surprisingly dry after you eat the rest of the chip. Yes, you still notice flavoring powder left over on said fingertips but you sure as hell don’t feel guilty licking that off. As you reach your hand into the bag to grab another handful, you can actually grasp chips and hold onto them. You're not fishing your hand around inside the bag trying to pick up a handful of what feels like wet moving chips. Another thing that is worth mentioning, is that you do not feel an oily, greasy feeling on the tops of your fingers or hand after it scrapes across the sides of the bag when entering and exiting.

How are all these chip/crisp manufacturing places around the world able to accomplish this task? And yet, here in the good ol’ United States- we are still stuck on selling this crap. This super greasy, super oil laden thin ass fake tasting snack food. Why do we have to pay more for said snack food to not be this way? Why the hell do we have to import them from other countries to have them taste better (in most cases) then what is purchased here? Yes, I have tried some not too flavorful crisps. Haggis and Black Pepper?! Black Truffle Flavor? Not my cup of tea at all. But you know what it did have regardless. That thick ass crisp with a satisfying crunch.

I honestly think after trying crisps from all over the world, I have become a bonafide chip snob. The more chips that I encounter from different regions of the world, the more and more I am disliking the chips here in America. But this is AMERICA!! They have to be good! Whatever- as someone who was born and raised here and grew up eating the chips sold here I can honestly say that America- your chips suck ass! Sorry, not sorry at all!