#worm speaking

[sureworm]

Deactivated my insta recently due to some stuff that I Won't Get Into but one of my favorite moots from insta has been popping up in my notes here and that's been so exciting!!

Like hey babes I'm so glad you found my shithole hiding spot <3 I'm so much worse here <3<3<3

[sureworm]

No I said you're like a siren not a siren. Stop warning of an incoming threat.

[sureworm]

I really thought at one point I made an off putting post about Oliver Kirkland (yeah 2p england) and how I feel about him (carnally) but I can't find it so lmk if you see it

[sureworm]

When people say progress and recovery is nonlinear, I feel like they rarely elaborate other than the occasional "grief hits you on a random Tuesday".

This is not to negate that sentiment. Grief really will hit you out of nowhere at any time, any place. But so will progress, and hope; so will relapse and out of hand emotions. Grief is not the only thing that will come out of nowhere to take you down. Sometimes you have the opportunity to look at where you were last week, last month, four months ago, two and a half years ago, and you gain that perspective.

No, progress and recovery are undoubtably nonlinear. It is a confusing and winding road. But sometimes you're at the top of the hill, or around the curve at the right angle, and you can see where you came from, at least. You won't always be able to see the train cars behind you. But every once in a while, you get to see where you came from.

That's worth continuing to grow, to me.

[sureworm]

Gun violence trauma rant :(

It was a gun fired, in the next neighborhood over. It's winter, it wouldn't be fireworks. It echoed like gunshots. It was in rapid succession. They were undoubtedly gunshots.

I will be awake for a while. I just had my first nightmare about the shooting in a while. I don't know how that connects to now, but it feels relevant.

I keep hearing yelling, commotion. I keep remembering leaving that house. It wasn't this dark when we had to run. I can't tell if it's actually commotion, or if it's just my brain or some cars on the main road.

Now we have to go to work tomorrow. I'm already always terrified that it's going to happen. Since El Paso, there is no way of talking myself out of that one. I haven't heard sirens come over here, and it happened a while ago. I'm not going to be convinced that someone isn't roaming around.

I have so much to protect now. Before I was acting on pure instinct, with no thought behind what I was doing. I didn't know up from down; I only could think to survive. I'm scared those instincts won't be enough if something happens. I've already thought the scenario through a million times, a million different ways. If I wake up to it, if I'm already awake, which direction it's coming from, etc etc etc. that doesn't make me feel any better.

I know I heard gunshots in the neighborhood next to us. There still aren't any sirens. I won't sleep well tonight.

[sureworm]

When you think of me I want you to remember that first and foremost, always, I am a Vox hater.

[sureworm]

I am continually appalled at how incredibly awful some people's takes are. Just genuinely cold ass takes. What is wrong with you type shit.

[sureworm]

if there is one thing i can recommend from my partial program that sounds so cliche but literally is changing my life as we speak, it would be proper communication skills, especially when it comes to conflict and confronting someone you love. "I feel..." statements are such a therapy cliche but holy fuck guys,,, they work. and scary enough, you typically have to follow them up with a fact. the worst part is that sometimes you don't have a fact to follow them up with, which makes you confront your own feelings and issues.

this is awful.