wormlife
spraypaint and oil an canvas
145x108cm
2018
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not sure if it’s finished yet - might add some color in the top corners...
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this is the only bigger canvas i painted in 2018. i started it right when i first moved into my tiny studio and then had it hanging there for months, not quite knowing what to do with it.
finally finished it before christmas. it felt liberating - a breakthrough : ) breaking the trap i found myself in. and it shall mark a turning point - many more big canvases to come : )
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for the last 5 years i've worked with refugee youth and families as a social worker, teacher, educator and art therapist.
while i loved working with the kids, and i dare say did a pretty good job, working with the families but more so with the flawed structures in the system became more and more frustrating. i’ve been having severe migraines on an average 3-4 days a week for years. recently it’s been getting even worse. those of you who know migraine know. to everybody else it’s hard to describe. feels like being tortured for no obvious reason. it kills your ambition, messes up your social life, sucks all energy out of you - it crushes your soul…
it can basically turn everything into shit and pain. you get up and start again. you get crushed again. and again.
over time all this resulted in a bad burnout. i started to hate everything and everyone around me. inclcuding myself. i was constantly surrounded with people who had suffered beyond the imaginable - but i could not bear listening to other peoples problems anymore. my wife and kids began to suffer from the situation. i simply could not go on.
so with the turning of the year i decided to leave my job (except for teaching a printing class once a week) to take time out for art and healing for a couple months.
this is a big deal to me and it scares the shit out of me; i feel childish, foolish, naked and vulnerable..
this is my truth. it wants out. it needs out. maybe that will ease the pain. no more living for other people. it's time to live for myself and my art. maybe i've done my share for now.
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so, welcome to the the ride! let’s make 2019 an awesome year!!
love everybody! thanks for your support!!
yrs
rave